Peace The Forks Out

to

Jonathan Demme

&

Don Rickles

&

Joanie Cunningham

+

LAST PERSON BORN IN THE 1800s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zen and then

Cuba Gooding Sr

Charlie Murphy

THAT GUY!!!

she Cherie Amoured

Boston stick man

Dan Rooney

Bulls architect 

manager Sandy

Quiz Show izler

James Rosenquist

does compute

she put the WE and I in REI

he cooked anarchy

he sported life

Chucky Gong

Inspector Morse creator

he made March madder

1st Philly WS winning manager

Bonnie Grape

he took the rainbow away from straight people

David Letterman’s mom

she laughed, in and out

Roland with the home boys

his angel was a centerfold

indie producer

hung, over

Groundlingser

some British actor

baseball lady

a Rockefeller

soup heiress

John Lennon’s BFF

and

Girls, which means no more naked Lena Dunham

(for now, but PLEASE, go away forever)

Hitchcock
Nobody Toby Does It Better
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 98 min

Ever wonder how Psycho got made?  Read wikipedia.  But if you don’t know how to read, we guess you can settle on Sacha Gervasi‘s sorta making of tale, that has more to do with Hitchcock eating & drinking & cigar smoking & spurning his behind the scenes wife & collaborator Alma Reville (Helen Mirren) than it does about mastering suspense.  This movie has zero suspense and about zero mastery of anything, and Anthony Hopkins seems to be imitating Batman’s Penguin more than he’s trying to emulate Sir Alfred.  But it’s watchable.  You can watch Scarlett Johansson have Janet Leigh’s hair or Jessica Biel‘s teef stick out like Bugs Bunny as she tries to be Vera Miles.  The only truly interesting thing (besides the employment of Ralph Macchio!) was the devil on Hitch’s shoulder being none other than the film/book’s true psycho inspiration - Ed Gein (played by the one and only Michael Wincott!), leading we to believe that an Ed Gein biopic (a real one, not this BS) woulda been a better movie to make than a snoozy look at Ant Hopkins in 3893939 lbs of flabby make-up

BUT you can do better – you can watch HBO/BBC’s The Girl, which is more about Hitchcock tormenting Tippi Hedren than it is about Hitchcock & the making of The Birds, but it’s actually a movie movie, instead of a nothing nothing trying to be something + Toby Jones FCUKING KILLS IT as Sir Alfred, and it’s dirty and sexy + Sienna Miller gets dirty and sexy and she’s the breast.  Good for Toby!  He was the better Capote in the better Capote movie, but his Capote came wayyy after Capote 1 came out, so he got a raw deal, like not getting the Oscar that went to Phil Sey Hoffs (he was good, just not AS good as Tobes).  Well, this time, Toby’s Hitchcock joint got out the gate first, but since it’s an HBO movie and not a movie in a theater, he once again won’t get his due for doing right.  In all honestly, Hopkins’ Hitch flick belongs on TV and Toby’s belongs at a theater near jews.  GO TEAM TOBY!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Hitchcock hitchshlocks inin limited release Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Thor
Thunder Claps
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 114 min

Kenneth Branagh‘s Thor was some pretty darn decent superhero fun.  T’was also unexpectedly mighty funnier than The Mini Page‘s Mighty Funny Mini Jokes (…who doesn’t love fish outta water situations)!!!  And even though 1/2 of the flick takes place in a CGI eyesore in the sky (glad we didn’t see it in 3-D), everything we liked about Thor took place there (no thanks on the earthbound Natalie Portman, Stellan SkarsgÃ¥rd and Kat Dennings pointlessnessness).  It’s also the paramount reason why this one feels different from all the other recent caped crusader pics – it has real mythology behind it, not juss mortal madness.  And when yer playing with Gods (and monsters), you get to unleash the hammiest ham acting this side of an an Orson Welles’ performance.  Anthony Hopkins (as papa Odin), Chris Hemsworth (our titular please do hurt them hammerer) and Tom Hiddleston (the mischievous Loki) all overdo it, but in a good good good way.  The Clash of The Titans aimed for the same ham heights, but the ham they produced was more un-Kosher than… ham

Choosy Men Choose Sif: Jaimie Alexander plays Thor’s gal pal Sif, and we’re choosy, but we choose Sif!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Thor is currently hammering it home at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

btw, Thor is NOT a homo

The Rite
Diet Rite
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Father Gary Thomas is a real exorcist [read this interview!].  Matt Baglio wrote a book about him being a modern exorcist called The Rite. All this has been turned into a movie by Mikael HÃ¥fström (1408), but Father Thomas’ name has been changed to Michael Kovak (boring Colin O’Donoghue, who can barely open his eyes), probably to protect him being associated with this mostly blah movie.  If you run out and see this, you may need to be exorcised of boredom!!!

At first, Father Kovak’s struggle with faith and family (mortician father Rutger Hauer) holds our interest, all the way from his reluctance to enrolling in a seminary, to being coerced by Toby Jones into exorcism school at the Vatican in Rome.  When in Rome… teacher Ciarán Hinds (our mos flavroite actor going, besides Javier Bardem) sees something in the doubting Father K, he sends him off to learn from the master, Anthony Hopkins.  Hopkins takes him under his wing, and immediately has him assist in some de-demonizing.  So far, not so bad

Then things get convoluted, dumbfounded and juss plain dumb (and boring!) when they meet a boy who has a mysterious horseshoe imprint on his chest, and then Father K starts seeing and hearing things, and then doesn’t have sex with journalist Alice Braga, and then Hopkins starts acting strange (he smacks a child!!!!) and unleashes his own special style of hammy acting (like a more polished Nic Cage type dealio), which has diluted his performances as of late.  By the time Father K finds his faith (and Hopkins calms down), you’ll have long lost yours!!!

All Rite: Marta Gastini is one of the possessed peoples in this movie, and it’s no wonder, cause we’d love to possess her too!!!!

+ her ‘aunt’ is played by the bountiful Maria Grazia Cucinotta (of The Fap Is Not Enuff fame)

Verdictgo: the wrong outweighs the rite, so gotta go with Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Rite goes off today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger
Lucy Punch Drunk Love
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Woody Allen has made his fair share of winners, duds, mehs and yeah-yeah-yeahs.  You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger falls under the yeah-yeah-yeah category.  It’s nothing special, like Corky from Life Goes On, nor flat out retarded, like Lindsay Lohan’s lifestyle choices, it’s juss a delightful lil London love trifle wrapped inside no enigmas wrapped inside a comfy blanket that eventually becomes an uncomfortable one, cause some of our characters make poorer decisions than Todd Margaret, but we’ll never know the full outcome of em as the movie finishes open-ended! Bastardo cheerio!  Moist importantly, it’s not Whatever Works 2, cause #1 was dreadful!!!  And thankfully, there isn’t even a character playing the nebbish Woody Allen role in Stranger!  Basically it’s lecherous men (Anthony Hopkins, Josh Brolin, Antonio Banderas) versus their insecure, neurotic women (Gemma Jones, Naomi Watts, Freida Pinto, Lucy Punch), with some fortune telling, failed artistic careers and marriages strewn about.  Whatevs.  It’s a Woody Allen movie, and at this point, you’re either a person who sees and mostly enjoys his movies or one who doesn’t.  What kind of person are you?

What’s Next?: Midnight In Paris – 2011.  but when will Allen make a movie in Norway so we can read the headline ‘Norwegian Wood’????????

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Stranger is currently light, not dark, in limited release!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…