Bleed For This
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 117 min

Do you know the story of boxer Vinny Pazienza?  If not, stop reading and go see Bleed For This!

If you do, continue to read AND then go see Bleed For This!!

Everyone loves an movie about an underdog, hispecially a sports one, where our hero is fighting against all the odds, and coming out on top in the end!  Angelo Pizzo is THE guy to tell those stories.  Ever hear of Hoosiers or Rudy??  He’s that guy!  And he co-wrote this incredible true story for the big screen, for the guy who directed Boiler Room (Ben Younger), and for that dude who directed Raging Bull, who co-produced this movie.  What does that tell you about this movie?

What if they threw in Miles Teller as Vinny Paz?  Remember how many Miles of blood Teller bleed for that redonky donk drumming movie???  HE DOES IT HERE EVEN MORE!!!  THE WORD ‘BLEED‘ IS IN THE TITLE!!!  WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU???  THAT HE WILL BLEED A LOT AND IT’S GOING TO BE PAINFULLY AWESOME!!!  I can also tell you that Miles Teller is incredible, here and for always!

And what if I told you that Aaron Eckhart was both unrecognizable AND fantastic in this movie?  He plays Vinny’s trainer Kevin Rooney (who also trained Mike Tyson!), and he’s both unrecognizable AND fantastic.  I TOLD YOU!  And he even shaved most of his forehead hair for the part!  Like some straight up Ruffalo Foxcatcher forehead shave job greatness!

And what if I told you that the greatest living actor - Ciarán Hinds – was in it too?

And the Buffalo Bob killer from Silence of The Lambs?

And Katey Sagal too!?

And what if I told you that I love you?  Would you go see this movie??  OK, I love you!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Welcome Back Hotter - Christine Evangelista, who we last/lust caught up with/on six years ago, is still super fine, and in Bleed For This, she boobs for us!!!  BOOBS!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Bleed for it, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Twin Peaks is coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY??? FCUK YEAH!!!!!!!

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here’s what the new series needs…

bring Coop back to the good side

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Killer Bob (the actor) is dead. find someone SCARIER than him to be the new spiritual menace

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somehow keep the look and feel EXACTLY the same. SOMEHOW!!!

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it’s Showtime, so there will be nudity, but don’t over do it. only use the boobies when it suits the story

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10,000% more Bobby Briggs and Shelly Johnson

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bring back Lara Flynn Boyle and explain how she once was Moira Kelly but no longer is Moira Kelly

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include everyone and anyone who was in Twin Peaks, but limit the sh!tty characters’ involvement

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more of Ben Horne obsessing over things/anything

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minutes will be precious – so limit the onscreen singing

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give the deceased actors some sort of honorable salute/send off (so long/goodbye – Killer Bob, Pete Martell, Major Briggs, Mayor Milford, Andrew Packard, Ernie Niles, the waiter, Norma’s mom, Mrs Tremond, Judge Clinton Sternwood, Rev Brocklehurst, Coach Wingate, Tom Brockman, Biker Scotty, Theodora Ridgely, the real Mrs Tremond, Jimmy Scott, Dell Mibbler, Janice Hogan)

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this has nothing to do with the show – but recreate this cover

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resurrect the whorehouse / casino locale, but this time make it twice as whorey and casinoy – TWO Eyed Jacks!!

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give Dr Jacoby a daughter, and her daughter a wacky husband, who also happens to be Dr J’s psychiatrist partner

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add the following actors to the cast – Ciarán Hinds, Mads Mikkelsen, Paul Dano, Saoirse Ronan, Laura Harring, Olivia de Havilland, Chadwick Boseman, ‎Bae Doona, Edie McClurg, Peter Mullan, Yaphet Kotto, M Emmet Walsh, Daniel Brühl, Hal Holbrook, Tippi Hedren, Alden Ehrenreich, Val Kilmer’s son, Adam West, and/or Keith David/David Keith

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let Andy be Andy

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somehow incorporate a Curly W, since Mark Frost’s nephew / Doctor Hayward’s real life grandson is Nationals prospect Lucas Giolito

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Tremayne’s – a department store owned by Dick Tremayne

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juss don’t fcuk it up

Closed Circuit
Boy Eh 
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 96 min

John Crowley directed Boy A, one of my most favorite movies about a boy and the first letter of the alphabet.  Two of my moist flavorite actors are Eric Bana and Ciarán Hinds, who co-starred in Munich, one of my moist favorite Jewish movies starring non-Jews.  Them three gots together, with Rebecca Hall, Jim Broadbent, Riz Ahmed, a dash of Julia Stiles and a bob of Anne-Marie Duff to make Closed Circuit – a desperately wanting to be riveting courtroom drama that isn’t nearly riveting enuff, doesn’t have much courtroom to roam, or any real drama from its start to its whatever finish.  WHAT A MOVIE!!!  Wish it was something more than juss not much of anything, but heck, we’d watch Bana and Hinds in ANYTHING – even if they were in a movie about the invention of microwaved tunafish sangwhiches!!

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Circuit is open for bidness at a theater near jews 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

 TV was watched in 2012, and here’s how we rank what we watched!!!!!!

1. Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionable (ESPN 2)

Two years of existence and it’s still the funniest show on TV (NO JOKE), and it’s on DAILY!  More Papi rants please!  Less Papi raps please!

[we’ll take this off the list next year, and just make it a permanent bestness like CBS Sunday Morning & PTI]

2. Louie (FX)

the best David Lynch TV show since Twin Peaks + there was GF Parker Posey + that episode where Louie got so scared of his dad that he had to escape the madness on a boat

2a. The Untold History of the United States (Showtime)

IT HAS BEEN TOLD!!!!! As told by Oliver Stone!!!

3. American Horror Story: Asylum (FX)

Dominique -inique -inique s’en allait tout simplement,

Routier, pauvre et chantant.

En tous chemins, en tous lieux,

Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu,

Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu.

4. The (American) Inbetweeners (MTV)

MTV tried to make an American Skins, and it didn’t exactly work.  They tried again with the UK’s BEYOND INCREDIBLE The Inbetweeners and it BEYOND WORKED (like how the US version of The Office beyond worked)!!!  Making this work is Nobel Peace Prize worthy.  Too bad MTV cancelled the series, cause it was smarterer & clevererer than anything else on its channel.  Personally, I think the show failed cause they didn’t get crazy hot adorable girls, like the British one did

5. Modern Family (ABC)

If you hate Modern Family that means you hate Phil Dunphy which means you hate life.  I feel sorry for you

6. Episodes (Showtime)

Everything about this show = A+.  Daisy Haggard as Myra = A++++++++++++++++++++++++++

7. Dexter (Showtime)

Finally, Dexter boned someone we’d actually bone too – Yvonne Strahovski.  Oh, and the show returned to form, after its first and only not so great season, which starred Tom Hanks’ son

8. Newsroom (HBO)

I’d literally watch Emily Mortimer watch TV screens, which is why I watch the overly annoying YET thighly addictive Newsroom

9. 30 Rock (NBC)

Going out with a bang, of laughter!

10. Rock Center with Brian Williams (NBC)

It’s ALMOST better than 60 Minutes.  Well, it’s definitely more fun.  And Bri Wills’ week in review bit at the end of each show 30 ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

11. The Client List (Lifetime)

and what’s your reason for NOT watching this show about hand jobs & boob jiggles??????????????

12. Political Animals (USA)

this mini-series was more engaging and sirprizing than the 2012 election, and Ciarán Hinds (my favorite living actor) as faux Bill Clinton was pretty much the knee’s bees to end all knee’s bees in 2012 + Carla Gugino was in it, so that means she was probably half nekkid and banging someone.  in fact she was!

13. Dallas (TNT)

Desperate Housewives was the würst, and yet we barely missed an episode.  It ended in 2012, so we needed a trashy prime-time soap to replace it.  Well, how about a show that features two of the hunky guys from DH, who happen to be two of the würst actors around?  SOLD!!!  Plus, there’s JR, one of TV’s greatest villians EVER.  Glad we joined in.  And we’ll stick with it, until TNT doesn’t

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other solid forms of entertainments: Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel (so real!), Eastbound & Down (that Russian pitcher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Pretty Little Liars (JOtastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Breaking Bad (it’s been kinda downhill after the dis-Gus), Misfits (love it, but there’s been too many cast changes), Mad Men (think we take it for granite, and yet it’s still overrated), Sherlock (CUMBERBATCH!), Elementary (it’s no Cumberbatch, but Jonny Lee Miller is awesome!!!), Arrow (super, heroes), Homeland (losing patience with this one), The Office (righting the wrongs of last season), Boardwalk Empire (less Bored-ing this year), The Ricky Gervais Show (anything Gervais is behind is worth your time), Veep (THAT CAST!!!!!), Life’s Too Short (we loved it… in 2011), The Mindy Project (who knew Mindy could carry her own show?), Don’t Trust The B—- in Apt 23 (Dawson-awesome), Childrens Hospital (11 minutes of heaven), Gossip Girl (we’re actually gonna miss this show), Parks & Rec (it’s still not as funny as you all make it out to be),  Shameless (annoying, but can’t stop watching), Nurse Jackie (annoying, but can’t stop sorta watching), House of Lies (awful, but can’t stop watching), Californication (awful, but see below), SNL (obvs) & Game of Thrones (well made, but we couldn’t tell you a thing about this show) 

+ bone-yes moments

Californication, you’re never amazing, and yet, you are the BREAST!!!!!!!

- Phil-isms

- Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel’ Gymnast Sisters story :(  :)

– ‘where are gay men’s vaginas?’

- Lisa Loeb + Rufus 9ever!!!!!!!

– Gervais’ Derek pilot is melancholy madness

- Weeds ended, thank gawd

– found out who Gabbo is, almost 20 years after the fact

– MLB.tv is the greatest web tv thing ever

– 12.12.12 got us to watch one thing on TV for 6 straight hours

– more Drunk Uncle please!!!!!!!!!

– wait, Joe E Tata was on TV’s BATMAN?!??!?!!

– the guys of Girls, cause the girls from Girls suck

– when it comes to Hitchcock, we’re on team Toby Jones (and Sienna Miller too!)

– Pat Sajak’s interview on DLHQ | Liam Neeson calling Dan ‘David’ on DLHQ

– Mister Rogers and the Make Believe Olympic Games robot!!

– the Luck theme song

& fair thee well Dick and…

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perv-iously

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The Woman In Black
Children of The Yawn
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 95 min

Daniel Radcliffe is a lawyer or something, and definitely not Harry Potter, cause he has a 3 o’clock shadow beard.  His wife is dead or something, and his son draws pictures of him with a frowny face cause he’s always going away to do work, but he has to work cause he has bills, and bills need to get paid.  His latest work brings him to some scared stiff English countryside spot that has only like one car and one phone and like lots of unhelpful British people.  That one car and one phone are owned by the greatest living actor, in our humboldt opinion, and the very reason why we had to see this movie.  That person is Ciarán Hinds, who’s like the Duncan Hinds of acting, but even more delicious.  Anywho, Hinds is the only person helpful to Harry Potter and he helps him get to some creepy house on an island or something, but there’s a marshy road that goes to the island, but sometimes the tide makes the marshy road disappear or something.  Anywho, at the house, Harry Potter has to go through papers to figure out something, or else he’ll be fired from his job, but he can’t get fired cause he has to support his son and pay bills and things.  Anyways, turns out the island house with the papers is haunted by a woman in black (guess they couldn’t call the movie A Black Woman), and if you see her, yer children somehow die or something.  So we learn children have died in the past and we see kids dying in the present, and we assume more children will die in the future.  And the thing of this movie thing is that Harry Potter’s kid is coming to visit in a few days, so stuff better get like fixed or something before the kid gets there or else he will probably die or something.  GRYFFINDOR!!!

moral of the story – there are a few good BOO moments, but the rest is juss boo, which seems kinda wrong considering we don’t have to hear Harry Potter talk all that much, and Ciarán Hinds is in it, and so is Janet McTeer, for whatever that’s worth, but it’s no worse than that Katie Holmes-Guillermo del Bore-o flick

Tim McMullan:’s face is awesome

Verdictgo: Not So Meritiis AND No Stinkin Badges

Black is currently lacking in color at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…