been seeing less new movies and more old movies, cause old movies rule, but new movies are still good, cause there are so many bad ones that the good ones rise to the top of the toilet.  out of what I saw, I giveth to you, for 2012, the bestest of the bestestesttest…

The Nifteen Fifteen

1) Zero Dark Thirty

This century has just been awful awful awful, and Kathryn Bigelow & Mark Boal’s second stab at being social studies teachers feels like the perfect closing chapter to all the awfulness.  Awfulness, go away or else I’ll throw a seal team at you and you will be all minus one even darker thirty billion!!!

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2) Searching For Sugar Man

THEY FOUND HIM!!!!  If this story doesn’t warm your heart, then it’s time to donate it.  Seriously, my life AND ears were changed for the better after seeing this doc, cause now I have the music of Rodriguez in ’em.  PLEASE let it do the same for you.  PLEASE,  I BEG OF YOU

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3) Silver Linings Playbook

Never thought much of Bradley Cooper or Katniss Everdeen as actors before, or even the Philadelphia Eagles as anything other than a team that sucks.  It’s OK to be wrong.  WAY WRONG!!!

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4) Beasts of The Southern Wild

MOVIE MAGIC LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HUSHPUPPY FOR BEST ACTRESS/PRESIDENT/SUPER BOWL CHAMPION!!!!

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5) the Sonmi~451 storyline of Cloud Atlas

If only Tykwer & the Wachowski Brothers/Sisters cut out the rest of the Cloud Atlas storylines and made a singular movie out of the ‘Orison of Sonmi~451’ tale, cause it might MIGHT MIGHHHT juss have been the best movie that any of thems had ever made.  I have seen the future and it is smoking hot bobbed Korean clone slaves!!!!!

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6) Prometheus

My only complaint with this movie was having to listen to everyone else’s complaints about this movie.  So what if the guy put in his hand in the goo?  That guy sucked and got what was coming to him.  That should happen to all the haters of this movie.  As for the lovers?  They get to love the movie, and that’s more than enuff, cause this movie is RAD!!!

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7) Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry

China is fcuked up. Ai Weiwei is fcuking awesome

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8) Beware of Mr Baker

More like – be aware of Ginger Baker.  DO IT!!!  Sunshine of his Love AND Hate!!

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9) The Impossible

you see Naomi Watts’ breasts AND it’s not hot AT all.  NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL CINEMA!!!

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10) Robot & Frank

Finally, someone made a movie about Frank Langella becoming friends with an Omnibot 2000!!!!

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11) The Perks of Being a Wallflower

John Hughes is smiling/crying beyond the grave

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12) 21 Jump Street

TV to big screen done right.  Please make 21 more of these peas

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13) Chronicle

The best super hero flick of the year had ZERO to do with Lord Messiah Joss Whedon

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14) Frankenweenie

sometimes Tim Burton is capable of making things that don’t suck

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15) Project X

a different kind of monkeying around movie.  PARTY ON COSTA!!

 

 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

(in the reverse order that I saw them…)

This Is 40 (Apatow’s first REALLY funny movie!) / West of Memphis (north of incredible) / Amour (there was no better French old lady slowly decaying movie in 2012!!!) / Wreck-It Ralph (Pixar who?) / The Sessions (sexy unsexy sex!) / Wuthering Heights (haunting, cause we’re still haunted by still not knowing what ‘Wuthering’ means) / Looper (LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER!) / Compliance (dude, Dreama Walker in an apron, and nothing else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) / Step Up Revolution (Peter Gallagher is watching you) / The Queen of Versailles (stinky rich) / Chernobyl Diaries (it was so refarted, and yet here we is, still thinking about it half a year later) / Men In Black 3 (seriously, this movie is so much fun, and sweet, and kinda funny!) / The Dictator (SBC proves he can work with a script) / Trishna (d’Urbervillicous!) / Marley (& me AND you AND everyone we and he knows) / The Three Stooges (OMG, this didn’t suck!!!!!!!!) / Bully (that poor kid with the fish lips) / Michael (hide your kids)

 

our anal-ual movie awards, THE THIGHSMANS, will hit the air-wavvvves right around Oscar time.  so stay pooned!

 until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Frankenweenie
James Whale of a Good Time
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 87 min

Tim Burton, creatively, hasn’t had much luck adapting other people’s claims to fame.  Alice was far from a Wonderland.  That Chocolate Factory desperately needed to be condemned.  Planet of the Apes?  More like Planet of the WÃœRST!!  Sure, Dark Shadows wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t as awesome as it could have been neithers!  So what if he adapted his own claim to fame?????  Taking his 1984 live-action short film [WATCH!!!] and turn it into a full-length stop-motion animation feature (basically an adaption of his adaption of Frankenstein)? On paper, it sounds like a sure thing, but so did all those other projects listed above, before they became sure thing disasters!!!!

But movies aren’t made on paper, they are made on film digital files!!!  And sometimes Tim Burton is capable of making things that don’t suck in the 21st century (BIG FISH!!!), and his long-form Frankenweenie far from sucks.  It’s actually his best work since Big Fish (although that doesn’t really say much) and more importantly, reminds us of a time when Burton wasn’t a studio hack, but a unique mastermind of weirdness and wonderment.  Could you ask for anything more?  Yeah, like 20 more real Tim Burton movies instead of 20 more bullsh!t Tim Burton movies

So how does the longer Weenie compare story-wise to the shorter one?  Basically the same (boy loves dog, dog dies, boy brings dog back to life, weirdness AND loveliness ensues), but everything this time around is more gothic-y/Burton-y/stop-motiony AND funner!!!  PLUS the boy, Victor Frankenstein (now voiced by Charlie Tahan), also gets more fleshed out classmates to play with, and THEY ARE ALL AWESOMEESSS!!!!!!  esp Edgar ‘E’ Gore voiced by Atticus Shaffer + one of them has the voice of Winona Ryder!!!!!!!  YES, WINONA AND TIM BACK TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!!  YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE THIS PLEASE!!!! And Catherine O’Hara is back too!!!!  IT’S LIKE A BEETLEJUICEY SEMI NOT REALLY REUNION!!!!!  + Martin Short AND Martin Landau have voices!!!!!

This movie is a FrankenWINNER!  It’s true cause it’s true

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Frankenweenie IS ALIVE, today at a theater near jews!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…