Thighs Wide Shut

deceased Belgian Hollywood journalist Maria Snoeys-Lagler’s photo album popped up in a thrift store…

endless mo pics

Sympathy for Delicious
Healing Wounds All Time
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
NR | 96 min

We don’t go into directorial debuts by actors with a roll of the eyes, we go in with eyes wide open (we actually do that with every movie now), cause who knows, maybe they’ve got talent… or maybe they should juss stick to their day job.  Clint Eastwood remains the pacesetter.  Even actors we can’t stand like George Clooney have proven more than capable.  Even someone like Madonna, who isn’t much of an actress, gave it a shot, and while most loathed her Filth & Wisdom, we found it lithe & not so dumb! So why shouldn’t Mark Ruffalo give it a go?  He knows acting, and always seems to pick good movies to be in (uh, Zodiac?), so why not????

Ruffalo’s Sympathy for Delicious may have an awful name, but it is not awful.  It’s not exactly delicious either, but it certainly has a taste!  It’s a good ole first try, and a promising sign of Ruff’s skill in the director’s chair, but ultimately its a mess of holy ideals, backed up by a band no one would want to rock out to.  The script, about a overly bitter homeless wheelchair-bound man named ‘Delicious’ Dean O’Dwyer (oh, it’s HIS sympathy, eh?) who one day realizes he has the ability to heal others, is inspired, especially since it was written and lead performed by wheelchaired Christopher Thornton, but it aims a lil too high for a film that can’t fully back up its sermon.  A priest (Ruffalo) and rock group (headed by a too-over the top Orlando Bloom, backed-up by a too Juliette Lewisish Juliette Lewis, and managed by a too greasy Laura Linney) both take advantage of his unwanted gift for their own ends, and if you’ve ever seen Tommy, you know this won’t exactly end heavenly. So Ruffles couldn’t make a delicious modern Tommy, but he tried and he didn’t fail, and for that, we can sorta take it

Noah Emmerich co-stars as a fellow ironsider, and besides Thorton and Ruffalo, he totally hits his marks.  He’s so good at playing a sad sack in an ugly sweater, which should not be confused with ugly nutsacks in a sad sweater

The Wheel Deal: Larry David has never had luck when dealing with the handicap on Curb, and especially those in wheelchairs. here’s a memorable altercation with Mr Thorton over the Cobb salad

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Delicious isn’t eggggzactly so in NY & LA theaters AND on VOD this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed, but Morgan aint…

Due Date
No Planes, No Trains, Juss Automobiles
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Calling Due Date a newish Planes, Trains & Automobiles is no original notion, and no, there isn’t a ‘those aren’t two pillows’ moment, but if you’ve seen P, T & A then you’ve seen Due Date, but that aint necessarily a bad thing.  Decent comedies are tuff to come by in this post-ironic age and another P, T & A is eggzactly the thing we need.  Go Todd Phillips!  Did we hactually juss write that about this no frills director (who gives himself a lame cameo here)?  We did, and we’re sticking to that, for now.  How much you’ll like Due Date squarely falls on how much of a Zach Galifianakis being Zach Galifianakis fan you are.  If yer a mild to HUGE fan, then let the fun begin.  If you aint, then you should probably make a date elsewhere, cause this is a Zach attack!!!!!

Robert Downey Jr has the thankless straightman role of being an a$$hole to Galifianakis, but someone has to do it, so why not have it be done by one of the single greatestestestsst actors alive????  The two get into a world of trouble and a lot of fun on the road, for no better reason other than the script demands that they do.  Sure, some of the journey includes a bunch of dumbness and unrealistic side tracking, but it matters so little when the Bearded one/wonder nets more laughter here than he did in The Hangover. Ed Helms was an equal victor in Phillips’ last joint, but Zach shows he can shine when the spotlight is cast solely upon him.  His schtick seems like it will never grow old.  And if it does, then someone else of Greek decent with a beard will juss have to step up and take his place.  Hopefully that will never happen

The moist sirprizing aspect of Due Date is that it’s got plenty of heart to counterbalance the pot jokes and masturbating dog.  It also has Michelle Monaghan, Jamie Foxx, Juliette Lewis, Danny McBride and RZA as helping hands, and yet, no help is necessary when this is one giant sloppy wet Galifianakiss!!!  He was long overdue for a showcase, and so was we.  Win-win!

Shaven For Nobody’s Pleasure:  what ZG looks like w/o a beard

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Date is Due today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…