we pricked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2013
and now, for the only awards that matter…
Judi Den10th Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards
aka
THE THIGHSMANS!!!
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The Death To Smoochy Würstest Picture AND The Gus van Sant Most Pretentious Pig Sh!t Film of the Year!!!!!

dishonrable mentions for these movies for also sucking a$$ and making me really angry that they eggist
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Batsh!ttiest Un-Sh!tty Crazy/Beautiful Performances of The Year

Leo & Cate
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The 4th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award

we get it, you’re scrawny, Canadian and have a dumb voice. Â now go away and take Seth Rogen with you
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Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children

and the würst
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The Samuel L Jackson Never Met A Script He Didn’t Like Guy of The Year
 
who had 8+ flix released in 2013!!
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Â
Gifs of the Gawds






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Â
Hairing Is Caring

tied for 2nd – everyone’s Hustle hair
tied for 3rd – the MUST-staches of Dallas Buyers Club
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Würstest Date Movie of 2013


alternatively…
würstest Dates IN a movie
any of the ones involving humans in Her
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Bob’s Big Girls – The Bobbies!

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Â
The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

&Â
and the leastest…
her and his in the dark orgasms in Her
+
the sexification of Amy Adams in Hustle

juss stop it. Â she’s too nice to be sexy
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Mish-Mash-Up of The Year
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Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever
aka Bestest Eyes

runner-up - Blanca Suárez
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Most Ablixaiest Ablixa
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Face Timeless

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Josh Baskin’ In These Sunny Miscellaneous Missile Missives That Are Da Bomb Shiz!

Matt Zoller Seitz became like the new Jesus and we still have zero idea who he is
+

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Songs That Execute Butter Than Norman Mailer’s Bong & Chong

‘Ordinary Love’ from the Mandela movie
&
the abso abso abso lute würstest be…
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Trailers Worth Tractoring
(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)
 
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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!
Â
+Â
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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

A Good Day to Die Hard /Â The Purge /Â My Little Pony: Equestria Girls /Â The To Do List /Â The Canyons /Â Jobs /Â Inside Llewyn Davis /Â Out of the Furnace
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Movies To Look For In The ‘014

World War ZZ Topps
The Haunting in Connecticut 3: Ghosts of Miami of Ohio
The Even Greater Gatsby
Othello (based off of the board game)
Korben Dallas Buyers Club
13 Years A Slave
13 Fast, 13 Furious
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In Memoriam

+
&

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don’t forget to peep out our ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!Â
if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls
until next thyme the balcony is clothed…