I’m off for a week.  wipe yer tears on this most beautiful hand towel mt EVERest until I returnith

perviously - We Love He (I)

our NFL pee view gets smaller and smaller each year.  is it cause the Breadskins endlessly suck?  or that the NFL is kinda predictable, as the same teams always win?  or is it that marriage has taken a toll on my free time?  Actually, I think it’s that the NFL isn’t as fun as it used to be.  too many off the field distractions, and not too much awesomeness on the field.  anywho, here’s a qwik pee view of what’s what for 2015…

NFC

The East is the Eagles for the taking, IF Sam Bradford can stay healthy, and IF Chip Kelly does the wise thing and dress up like a Patriot like his predecessor did

The Packers should run away with the North, and the NFC.  Sure, losing Jordy Nelson doesn’t help, but maybe he’ll be healthy enough to join the Nelson Brothers (Matthew and Gunnar) when they play in Spencer, Wisconsin on December 13th

It pains me to pick the Panthers as the mouths of the South, but the other three teams don’t seem to be going in the right direction, unless that direction is the same name as this division.  I guess you could say that they’ are all heading south for the winter

People are dogging the NFC West, but I say West will be best.  Sure, Marshawn Lynch reunited with Fred Jackson will have the Seahawks running all over their divisionmates, but I see both the Cardinals (Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald’s combined age is 67!!!) AND the Rams (somehow giving Jeff Fisher his 1st winning seasom there) snagging the two Wild Card spots

Seeds

#1 Packers

#2 Seahawks

#3 Eagles

#4 Panthers

#5 Cardinals

#6 Rams

NFC Championship – somehow the Eagles do the impossible, go into Lambeau in January and freeze the hearts of all Packer fans – 31 – 28

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AFC

Nothing will deflate the Patriots.  Brady will be more pissed and driven than ever, and kill everything in sight.  Always doesn’t hurt that they play 6 games against dogsh!t teams (within their division) – make that 7, since they play Deadskins too!

So will it be the Browns or the Bengals… who finish in last place?  Actually, the question is, and always is – who wins the North – the Ravens or the Steelers?  Sure, the suspensions and what not will have the Steelers shorthanded at the start, but don’t count these guys out in the long run

The Jags may surprise this year, but they’re still a bunch of Jag-offs, leaving the Colts needing no luck to walk off with the division crown.  Andre Johnson and Frank Gore will find the fountain of youth in Indianapolis, which would be the first thing anyone would find in Indianapolis, one of America’s lamest big citities

I guess I’m all about the West, cause I’m penciling in the Chiefs as head Chefs, with the Broncos (although Manning’s arm will fall off in week 16) and Chargers taking the wild card slotz

Seeds

#1 Patriots

#2 Colts

#3 Chiefs

#4 Steelers

#5 Broncos

#6 Chargers

AFC Championship – nice try Colts, but you run out of luck vs the Patriots, again.  total snoozefest – 45 – 20

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Super Bowl – is there anything more boring than another Patriots win?  no, and that’s why the boredom ends, with Chip Kelly and Sam Bradford and the Iggles topping the Patriots by deflating their hearts and their stupid helmet logo 

Eagles 25, Patriots 24

zero super bowl wins no mo!

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wait, stop the presses – the Buffalo Jills are no longer????

oh well, we’ll throw our weight behind and on Eagle cheerleader Megan this season!!!!!!!

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perv-iously…

Deep Spaced Nine Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

H8-Ashbury Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Bert BlySeven Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Nikki Sixxxxx Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Peace The Forks Out

to

A Million Ways To Die
In The Wes

&

Mr Giant MNF Kathie Lee

&

Chocolate Thunder

&

Batgirl

&

+

he was about What’s Happening With Sanford & Son, Divorce American Style

Bond, Julian Bond

Bob Dylan’s producer

Awakenings no mo

Wrangler Jane

mister Mr Coffee

Marines’ First Black Aviator and General

Dust Lady

first lady of the Khmer Rouge

made a Killing with Kubrick

first African-American Jean Valjean

he trained horses

The Islander

activist beaten on Selma bridge

he rode for freedom

Mrs Marlon Brando the I

Disney historian

some actor

some other actor

Uggie

Chris Evert’s dad

some British actor

some other British actor

he told Chicago the weather

Maryland Batman

and

Robert ‘Bob’ Farrell

father of Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlour

AKA MY FAVORITE ICE CREAM PARLOUR EVER!!!!

there was no butter place to go for fun and magical and giant birthday desserts, loud noises, giant jawbreakers and other goody godly sugar excellentness!!  

sadly they closed up shop on the East Coast eons ago, but still live on today in a few West Coast and Hawaiian locations.  It’s one of the only reasons I want to return to Los Angeles

thank you Bob!

Peace The Forks Out

to

Rowdy Roddy

&

Ken Stabler

&

She Never Promised You Jack Sh!t

&

+

he said yes to SMS

he fiddled on roofs

A-Tisket, A-Tasketer

respirator rests

EL Fudge’s brother

hey Jude, thanks for the CPR stuff

he steeled guitars

Kirk’s wife, Michaels’ mom

thank you for Karate Kid, and other stuff

the astronaut’s buzzy wife

he’s no longer playing with Nintendo power

THAT guy!!!!!

THAT (other) guy!!!

Roger Rees :(

first woman to anchor an evening network newscast

Disney magic sculptor

Beard-ed actor with no beard

gave light to Ray

his sox were white

he’s now with JFK

lil Brown

Moe Greene

Coe-median

she helped to save Carnegie Hall

young and innocent and knew too much

she got Sesame Street animated

Ann no longer rules

he cheered

Britain’s Schindler

Cilla Black

funny guy

she was in one movie

Sugar Hill Records spinner

he gone, baby gone

he had breakfast, lunch and dinner at Tiffany’s

&

none all of his beeswax

this is awesome

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Chairmen of the Cardboard: Recreating memorable trading cards