the 88th Oscars waz a doozy, and a floozy.  here’s what truly won and lost…

Winners

Tracy Morgan IS The Danish Girl (who isn’t)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z-D2AMKYmo

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Tom Hardy’s wife - Charlotte Riley’s chest

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the calm and coolness that is Mark Ruffalo and his wink

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the return of Ali G  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YerpSOSt9kw

and how wife Isla Fisher snuck in the costume

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how they let the ‘Sound Editing’ and ‘Sound Mixing’ categories explain themselves with… sound!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlPX5Zkiw4Q

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Jacob Tremblay has arrived!! (with his parents)

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Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs‘ sexy-smart glasses

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Girl Scout cookies!

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Ashley Graham – is BREAST dressed of the night!

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Losers

any chance of Clueless being celebrated at future Academy Awards.  poor Stacey Dash

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Mad Max‘s costume designer and Oscar winner, Jenny Beavan, can’t dress herself, and no one claps for her

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Sofía Vergara renaming Son of Saul - Son of Saauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul

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white people, Asian people, Hispanic people, Indian people, Native American people.  they all matter, cause every person matters!

this can all be solved by letting Kumail Nanjiani (and white person Kate McKinnon) host next year!

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Zodiac - it was also about journalism too (better than Spotlight), and it’s the best movie of the 21st century, and it still has zero Oscar wins or even nominations

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Mark Rylance‘s hair AND his dumb hat

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all the people who died and got zero love for dying – Abe Vigoda / Dick Van Patten / Anne Meara / Patrick Macnee / Jason Voorhees’ mom / Stand By Me‘s Milo Pressman / Ron Moody (was nominated for an Oscar for fcuks sake) / the guy who played Leaterface / Louis Jourdan / Taylor Negron / Amanda Peterson / Mary Ellen Trainor / Uggie / Mr Deltoid 

(see our ‘In Memoriam’ area for love) 

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better suck next year

The Danish Girl
Puffy Pastry
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 120 min

The Danish Girl is a tragic and inspiring true story (think The Crying Game meets Boys Don’t Cry meets me crying at how hot Alicia Vikander‘s hot nekkid body is), but the biggest tragedy is that it’s NOT about a woman obsessed with danishes.  DAMN YOU HOLLYWOOD!!!  It’s about some dude who loved women’s clothes and then realized that he was more woman than he was a man.  Don’t be suprised if Eddie Redmayne and his strange lips nab Oscar gold, for the 2nd time in as many years.  What’s his next Oscar baited trick – playing a man with no head, orbiting Uranus?  

Anywho, you should see The Danish Girl, cause it’s really really good, and really really well done, but you should see it and think about what could have been… 

The Danish Girl – The Story of A Girl Who Loved and Lived for Danishes 

  

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

The Danish Girl is scrumptious, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…