Thighs Wide Shut

for the longest while, we used to start our day with CNN or ESPN playing in the background as we made ourselves look pretty for the day, but lately we’ve turned our dial to TBS to watch Saved By The Bell (in SD, since we don’t like to watch SD content stretched on a HD TV, and you should feel that way too, you heathens).  do we really need to explain why, hispecially since children of the 80s and teens of the early 90s will remain friends forever with Zack, Screech, AC, Kelly, Lisa & Jessie????  duhvs bar of dope!!!!

but what about those who didn’t become our friends forever? them kids who didn’t move from Indianapolis to Bayside, and were held back with Ms Bliss when the show was retooled and landed on NBC????

like Nikki Coleman/Heather Hopper!  she’s been so out of the loop that she doesn’t even have her own Wikipoopia page!  we dug up these photos of her, when she co-starred in some booby Elvira crapsterpiece that probably went straight to the trashcan

these days, we bet she sniffs glue or dirty butts, in and around her new adopted country of Iceland.  her favorite food is probably canned peaches and she enjoys a good game of Hungry Hungry Hippo… maybe?

or what about Mikey Gonzalez/Max Battimo? losing the role was heartbreak hotelness for him, but he channeled that anger into hockey, and instead of playing hockey, cause obviously he’s no Cindy Crosby, he’s refereeing it!!! [a really good read] go MIKEYYYY!!!!!!!!

bet when he gets pissed at people who make fun of him, he says, ‘PUCK YOU, FARGIN ICEHOLES!!!!!‘

or what about The Max owner/master magician Ed Alonzo?  he still kickin the pullin rabbits out of his a$$ bidness.  was even a consultant on Michael Jackson’s This Is It tour!!!

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!!

anyone with les internets and a penchant for Saved By The Bell wiki info probably already knows that there was ANOTHER set of kids in Ms Bliss’ classroom, who were also left behind (like Kirk Cameron???)!!!!  David Silver (Brian Austin Crotch Grab Green), Urkel (Jaleel White) and the dearly departed Jonathan Brandis were all in the original Ms Bliss pilot???? WTF?!?!?!?! how come no one told us this b5?? see fo youself!

+ Part 2 & 3 of the pilot

perv-iously on the Bell: Faped By The Bell

still looking for this dead site: Steve Urkel Ate My Balls

London unveiled their Lon-dumb logo for the 2012 Summer Olympics [watch this vid that is of Apple/1984 eyeball abortion proportions]

and as Dizzy Gillespie epilepsy rages, the people have spoken petitioned and struck photoshopped back! Think the Lufthansa heist was the biggest con job of all thyme? Spinks again folks, cause nothing pete bests blowing £400,000 on a logo that was created in 7.58 minutes, and inspired by the fashions at Bayside High…