Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish

05. Sep, 2007 2 Comments

woMan, am I good. Almos as good AND as Megan as Megan Good. Last year we not only picked the Super Bowl winner, but also correctly predicted that 3 NFC East teams would make the playoffs… although I think we got a bit outta hand when we earmarked our beloved Skins to be one of those three. And despite forecasting a postseason spot for the Dolphins and not the Chargers, our mom still thinks of us as a fooball and internets genius, so that’s why we is back to pee view all over our pants and this site what the deli-yo gonna happens in the NFL, still the single greatest league in all the world, well, besides of The League of Justice, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and George Teague, if his last name was spelledt with a ‘l’ instead of a ‘t’. Without further Freddy Adu about nothing, roll the ugliness…

NFC East

Juss like we said 8 seconds ago, three outta the four teams in this division made it to the playoffs last season, but this year, none of them deserve to make it. All four optimize what’s wrong with the NFC. They can beat each other, but they barely can beat anyone else of importance on any given sundae from Dairy Queen. The Eagles have never won a Super Bowl, the Cowboys new coach looks like eats too many bread bowls and the Skins would be juss slap happy if they broke even or if Lord Joe Gibbs converted everyone to Christianity, and thus, in a make-it or break-it year, Eli Dakota Manning will lead his G-men back to the playoffs… where another first round exit awaits! Can’t wait to see what Tiki Barber has to say about it! Maybe he’ll have some good head-shaving tips!

Boo-nus link: bread bowl nosher Wade Phillips has got one smokin’ arsed daughter

NFC North

We start this division’s preview juss like last year’s: more like NFC Zzzzzzzzzz. Could there be a bigger set of push-overs for the Bears to face twice a year other than the Vikes, the Pack and the effin Lions? Long gone are the days of the Minn-e dynamic duo of Moss & Carter The Turtle, the post-prom babysitter fondlings of Mark Chmura, and the cowardly Lions, whose den was a dumphole that Barry Sanders somehow blessed with his presence until he couldn’t take it nos mos. And what are those three towns stuck with now? An unsexy sex boat captain, Bubba Franks being about as useful as a 12 pack of tofurkey franks, and Matt Millen, who really can’t stop drafting WRs. Methinks that hethinks that if he drafts 5 of them, the 6th one is on the house!

Boo-nus link: we found four children who actually look up to Rex Grossman. They look up at him not cause they admire him, but cause they’re not as tall as him… yet!

NFC South

The Bucs have more QBs than WRs and the Panthers have more question marks than the combined wardrobes of The Riddler and Matthew Lesko! While dogfighting and the Falcons were so ’06-’07, it’s all gonna be cat juggling and the Saints this season. Life’s mos certainly a Brees in Naw Orleans now dat Drew’s the mos rajuniest cajun since Bobby Hebert. Who dat, tru dat, Tom Wopat! So that doesn’t leave much Piggly Wiggly room for the rest of the Southern gentiles

Boo-nus link: Jeff Gaycia isn’t really gay. Or maybe he is and juss a giant beard for his 2004 Playboy Playmate of the Year honey/wife, Carmella DeCesare. Who? Who cares! NSFW NSFW NSFW!!

NFC West

The 49ers edward james almos made the playoffs last year, and by jove and bon jovi, mark my worms, they’re gonna get there this year, for the first time since the ’02 season! And they’ll also be joined by the hexplosive offenses and diarrheas of the Rams and the Seahawks, which I really do hope happens, cause I totally wanna be JOing to the SeaGals well into the winterly months of early 2008. As for the Cards, their time will come, but as for now, it’s not in the cards

Boo-nus link: does anyone have a better smile than SeaGal Tessa?

Seeds:
#1 New Orleans
#2 Bears
#3 Rams
#4 Giants
#5 Seahawks
#6 49ers

NFC Champs: New Orleans

Fantasy Outlook NFC Shazz

Me loves: Alex Smith, Bernard Berrian, Isaac Bruce, a Jason Campbell to Chris Cooley TD fest, and the New Orleans D

Me hates: anyone on the Lions, Bucs, Vikings and Falcons

Don’t sleep on these sleepers from Sleepy’s: any white WR (like Bennett/Furrey/Curtis), D.J. Hackett, James Jones, Antwaan Randle El, Greg Olsen, Eli, Delhomme, Neil Rackers (who’s gonna make up for last season’s shiz storm), and Gondry’s The Science of Sleep

stay pooned for our AFC dazzle razzle shazzale crazzle flizzle madizzle!