Thighs Wide Shut

Back to your regularly scheduled diarrhea…

• Lohan pumping up the volume?

• I’m not much of an actor, but I did have a brief part in the short How To Make It In New York on $15 a Day (and no, Rachael Ray was not involved). Anywho, that short has been selected for the Cloud 9 Film Festival (what?) which is part of the in-flight entertainment on Frontier Airlines (who?)!! And you can not only vote for it DAILY, but peep it too (look for me round 11 minutes or so in)! Watch out Jude Law, your ass is mine grass!

• There’s only once choice for next year’s Oscar emcee, and his name is snot Ellen DeGeneres.

• Penelope Cruz loves camels and their toes?

• Why Canada’s version of Time Magazine is hipper than thous…

• I heard Al Gore invented boring TV aimed at 18-34 year-olds.

• Madonna gets the axe from Guy’s next film. I wonder why…

• Jury’s still out on Mischa Barfon’s new do.

• What would a Eminem/Elijah Wood crossbreed look like? This (beware of audio that may make u want to cut off yer ear, Gogh of van style). [via Spin Doctors Fan #1]

• Amanda Bynes is jarig.. en nog mooier! Sure Daan, whatever you say.

• World’s greatest Tom Selleck playing volleyball poster? I dare you to find another. And well, if you do, can you mail it to me? Please?

• Bill Murray rules

• Wrap up of April Fools 2005

• Breastfeeding GAMES? [SFW WTFness via Monkey Men]

• Red Rider Leg Lamps [via Synappy Blur]

• Every time you masturbate… [SFW via Richie Richard The Asianhearted]

• And not even a stoopid elephant costume can uglify Natalie Portman.

– Guess who’s not seeing Be Cool this tweakend? ME! First of all, I don’t really remember being so wowed by Get Shorty. Secondbasely, Vince Vaughn is in it, so you know it has a 76% chance of sucking dingleberry cereal. Thirddiddly, I have better things to do like take a dump on Central Park’s remaining Gates and braid my uni-brow hair.

– Man Smokes 800 Cigarettes In Less Than Six Minutes?!?!?!

– The Planet of the Apes is almost upon us. If you don’t bee leave me, then feel free to ask this guy what happened to his testicles. [via Time Werespanko]

– I juss loves it when Grambo takes a mini-hiatus to actually do his day job, leaving the faithful high and dry, and then comes straight back like he never took one second off with such klassics like, ‘Is it just me or does Tori Spelling kind of look like one of them there Nazis from “Raiders”, post Ark Of The Covenant revelation?’

– Watch this guy literally take a dump on the MGM Grand in Vega$. [NSFW via Zach de la Roach Motel]

– Memo to Hollyweird: Stop making the same Ashton Krutchcher movie over and over. Eggzibit Q: A Lot Like Love, co-starring Amanda ‘My Horse Teeth and Wide Eyes Are Friggin Scary’ Peet.

– Take a look see to this picture of Lohan performing the most un-sexy female car washing scene in film history. [via ONTD]

– Give some peepage to Basement Jaxx’ video to their latest, ‘Oh My Gosh‘

– Dave Rowntree joins Damon in the world of animation.

– I’ve seen the future of hotels and they be called YOtel. I mean, who cares about space when yer bed rotates AND you get internet access. [via Curious George’s Mum]

– I’ve also seen the future ice cream and it’s NOT Dippin’ Dots.

– Oldie, but goodie: New Changes to Old Star Wars Saga [via DataWhat?]

– Spider-Man’s Greatest Bible Stories [via Lackey Daze A Cool]

– Innit so umazing that day is 03/04/05? And if you’re in Europe reading this, it innit so cool, cause the date would be 04/03/05.

– Jowlers.com [via Forrests 4 All]