Thighs Wide Shut

District 9
Things Fall Apartheid
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

The Peter Jackson produced Halo flick didn’t happen, but that loss turned out to be every movie lover’s gain. The studios didn’t have much faith in Jackson’s pick for Halo‘s director, so instead of walking away with nothing ventured, he and said pick, Neill Blomkamp,+ a meager 30 mil budget, turned one of his short films (see ‘Short Shorts’ below) into a full blown, wholly original (with evening shades of E.T., Enemy Mine, V, Contact, Tsotsi and anything futuristic by the genius Paul Verhoeven) and wholly kick a$$ feature that purty much blows away most of the other so-called blockbuster entertainment that hit theaters this summer. With no big names on the marquee, the money was poured into the yumcrdible effects work, and it’s amazing how far that money went considering Transformers 2 cost 170 mil more to make and their effects work was, to put it slain and pimple, shit

District 9 takes place in South Africa and it’s no secret that the film is one giant parable for apartheid and the rampant racism in that country. Instead of a million blacks sectioned off into one gigantic slum, separated from the rest of ‘proper’ society, D-9 is filled with a million space aliens, referred to as ‘prawns’ due to their crustaceany appearance and bottom-feeding ways. Our story begins, in a jarring documentary type style, filling us in on how these unwanted visitors one day appeared on Earth, got stuck here with no answers as to why or how, and eventually became such public pariahs that they had to be quarantined off from everyone else. Then the story shifts to the now, when a large corporation that specializes in weaponry wants to shut down the slum, move the beasts further away from the big city and into another area for better control. That’s where we meet our reluctant hero Wikus Van De Merwe (acting novice Sharlto Copley), with the cheery disposition and blind optimism of both Michael Scott and Murray Hewitt, who is tasked with serving the eviction notices. His job purty much sucks, and the ruff and tumble evictees don’t make it any easier

At first, we as an audience are disgusted and scared by the aliens’ look and garbled speech, but then midway thru the movie the magic is slowly unveiled, and as the tables are suddenly turned on our man Wikus (we wouldn’t dare tell you any mo as to not spoil any of the fun fun fun!), we start to look at the aliens in an entirely new light and are forced to reexamine our own prejudices. Woooah! Nobody asked for such brainy goodness to be wedged into a wicked action flick, but what does one expect when it was made outside of the (mostly) brainless Hollywood system? It’s purty brainless if you ask us that they were unable (to trust Jackson and) recognize that Blomkamp was totally capable of delivering a big budget summer movie, hispecially since he delivered one of the bestest we’ve seen in ages, with no big budget in which to speak of

We Wear Short Shorts: here lies Blomkamp’s short film Alive In Joburg, which is free of any D-9 spoilers and totally worthy of yer eyes & thighs

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

D-9 grinds at a theater near jews this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Rudo y Cursi
Can They Kick It? Yes They Can
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Gael García Bernal & Diego Luna reunite on the big screen (spanks gawd, but what took so long?), directed once again by a Cuarón (this time it’s Alfonso‘s brother Carlos calling the shots), but don’t be eggspecting no Y Tu Mamá También II, so keep yer pants on ladies (and sum of you guys too!). Our moist be-amored Mexican amigos embark on yet another misadventure of maturation, but instead of picturesque beachy road trips involving sexploration of older women, as well as each other, they’re looking to score big in a whole different way – on the pitch (that’s a soccer field for you golfers out there) of the urban landscape nightmare that is Mexico City. Luna is the hot-tempered Rudo (Spanish for ‘rude’), the older, more grounded brother to Bernal’s wild Cursi (sorta Spanish for ‘corny’). They’re mother loving (not in that way you sick f%ck) country bumpkins who pick bananas all week, and play fútbol at the week’s end. One day a crafty talent scout (Guillermo Francella, with ojos of the devil) happens upon one of their games. He’s impressed by their skills, Rudo’s goalkeeping and Cursi’s goalmaking, but only has room to offer one of them a chance at the big time. Eventually the scout, and now their manager, gets them both placed with different teams and we’re off to the races. Along the way, we see them both falling into traps of temptation, no thanks to their new found fame and fortune, Cursi falls for a flighty muy bonita TV star (see below) and attempts to launch an ill-advised side career as a country singer, while Rudo’s gambling addiction gets way outta hand, and it all comes to a head(er) with an obvious match-up between the two brothers’ squads. Rudo y Cursi may feel like a bit of a letdown when compared to the other Berna-Luna Y flick, but standing on its own two feet, it’s a muy divertido eggscuse to watch the genial leads do there thing together again. Hell, we’d watch the two of them do anything for 100 minutes, although we, like mos people probably would, prefer that they were doing each. ¡Olé! ¡Cause we are so gay for them!

No Yes Mas: as in Jessica Mas

mas Mas

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Adoration
Where The Lies Truth
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Oh the tangled webs writer/director Atom Egoyan weaves, where past tragedies are dug up, so that the truth can finally be told, and maybe all parties involved can sorta mostly live happily sweet hereafter! Egoyan has taken us down this bumpy flashback path before, and with Adoration, the path is even more askew than everrrr. The unresolved issue we’re trying to resolve here revolves around the car accidental deaths of young Simon(somber Devon Bostick)’s parents (blank Rachel Blanchard, of FOTC/Sally fame & Mr Hyde and seeker Noam Jenkins). His grandfather (the always creepy Kenneth Welsh) paints a poor portrait of Simon’s father (and his son-in-law) and holds him responsible for the death of his beloved daughter, while his uncle and now guardian (gruffle puff Scott Speedman, shining much brighter than the rest of the cast), sheds different light on the event, leaving Simon not knowing what to believe. Simon’s thoughts are further complicated when his French teacher (prodding Arsinée Khanjian) stirs up other emotions, and much trouble, when a hot button writing assignment goes viral over the interwebs. The teacher presented the class with a story torn from the headlines about a terrorist sending his pregnant wife on a plane with a bomb. Simon imagines himself as the unborn baby, and the husband/wife as his own parents. His piece is taken as truth and the world wide web reacts with mixed (media) emotions (including Maury Chaykin yelling… is he ever not yelling?). As the discussion heats up online, Simon goes offline to to bring this baby to some sorta resolution, and gain some sorta peace in the process. It’s all one giant dr mindbender, but if you stick with it, you’ll be rewarded with another wondrous trip into Egoyan’s twisted, in many senses if the word, world

Pails In Comparison: Atom is the bomb, and so is the mos flamous Garbage Pail Kid mt EVERest. mo GPK shiz here

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Rudo y Adoration open today in NY/LA only

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Pinder to star in Wolverine spin-off called Xs & Hos

official news that took our breath away:
both of Top Gun’s lead actors are gay!

Bonnie Wright’s 18th Bday pics make it legal for us to love her, or so our lawyers tell us

Disney, the forefathers of recycling [Dr Falada]

New York City : 1961 vs. 2009

Conchords the video game. still waiting for the flamethrower

fake Malin Akerman by the poolside [NSFW]

Mel Kiper, Todd McShay trade hair in draft day shocker

Mike Tyson vs Little Mac, round 2

pharoahe monch + ben lyons, nyc, 2002

Playboy brunettes, thru the yearsz [NSFW]

Kill The Old Man From The Legend of Zelda

an oldie but still a moldie goodie: The Shining trailer recut

and then

ZARDOZZZZZZZZZZ!

and

these NHL playas/entertainers switched @ birth thingies are off the meat hook and rack, especially this Andrei Markov/Rowan Atkinson one

all dough this one featuring a picture of Sean Bean looking like a lion is purty notch top!

Oh the places you will go if you follow this dude’s Flight of The Conchords Reality Tour, including Google Map links and sausages!

Flight of the Conchords
+ Kristen Schaal
Radio City Music Hall
April 14th

After all is done and said, season 2 of Flight of the Conchords has to be seen as a major let down, his&herspecially since season 1 was the knee’s bees and francis scott keys to tulsa. The comedy bits we’re moist certainly notch top, but a majority of the songs were more forgettable than this guy’s cover of ‘Unforgettable’. But cha know what, maybe we gunned the jump too soon on them songs. Our eggspectations on season 2 were more high than Cypress Hill smoking banana peels on the Troodos Mountains of Cyprus, and of course it waz gonna be mission impossible for America’s mos flavorite Kiwis to deliver on them eggspectations. Season 1 covered a decade’s worth of beyond solid and thunderdome song craftsmanship, and come to think of it, Bret & Jemaine hactually did an admirable job piecing together another batch of tunes in less than a year and a half for season 2

Why this sudden change of heart? Wellsz, if you heard theirs newish songs live that you probably didn’t really care for that much when ya heard them the first time on the TVs ( ‘Demon Woman‘, ‘We’re Both In Love With a Sexy Lady‘ and ‘Hurt Feelings‘) and then found yoselfves rocking out hard and larffing out even harder to em at a concert juss as much as yous did to their olden songs then you’d probably change yer tune about thems tunes too! Time will ultimately be kind to these new songs (it already has to such insta classics as ‘Carol Brown‘, ‘Sugalumps‘ and ‘Too Many Dicks On The Dance Floor‘), but in the meantime, we’re going to be kind and rewind and rewatch season 2 all over again, w/o the preconceived notions and potions, and break out the lotion for pure enjoyment!

And oh yeah, Kristen ‘Mel’ Schaal opened the show (thankfully w/o her usual partner Kurt Braunohler) and she shined on more than the crazy diamond that is Dustin Diamond. Translation = she’s thighlarious to the bone, and that’s quite an honor coming from us since we don’t find many ladies all that humorous besides our mother, Carol Kane, Anna Faris and Georgia O’Keeffe (those vagina paintings are too fun-E Georgia!)

previously: Flight Night of A Thousand Laffs