Thighs Wide Shut

we’re totally gay for

Torrance Coombs and his baby blues
as seen on Season 4 of The Tudors

and if you want to keep it straight, feast yer eyes on Coombs getting down and NSFW dirty with some royal biznatches

Chloe
Home Not So Sweet Home Wrecker
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Lettuce cut right to the chase with Atom Egoyan‘s Chloe: Amanda Seyfried + Julianne Moore = hot girl on lady action, even if there aint much of it.  We kinda juss ruined whatever build up comes before that, but do you really care about anything else in this movie now that we’ve mentioned that?  Maybe you do, so this is how it got there: Moore thinks her hubby Liam Neeson is cheating on her, and after she randomly meets prostitute Seyfried in a bathroom, she hires her to sorta go after Qui-Gon Jinn, without going too far, but after she goes too far everything goes too farther and Moore starts getting hot and heavy for Seyfried, just like Seyfried wanted all along, but when Moore starts to back off, Seyfried goes batty and we’re handed a ham-handed finale straight outta the Fatal Attraction playbook, but it doesn’t play well, and all the hotness and interest in the film almost instantly is forgotten, but how can hotness like that be forgotten?

We’re Totally Gay For: Moore & Neeson’s screen son Max Thieriot.  Thieriot was the star of Moore’s real-life hubby Bart Freundlich‘s pic Catch That Kid, which co-starred that one-note actress making the rounds these days

Verdictgo: it’s truly a Sum Meriter, but Amanda on Julianne alone = Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Chloe opens today in select theaters

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Rudo y Cursi
Can They Kick It? Yes They Can
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Gael García Bernal & Diego Luna reunite on the big screen (spanks gawd, but what took so long?), directed once again by a Cuarón (this time it’s Alfonso‘s brother Carlos calling the shots), but don’t be eggspecting no Y Tu Mamá También II, so keep yer pants on ladies (and sum of you guys too!). Our moist be-amored Mexican amigos embark on yet another misadventure of maturation, but instead of picturesque beachy road trips involving sexploration of older women, as well as each other, they’re looking to score big in a whole different way – on the pitch (that’s a soccer field for you golfers out there) of the urban landscape nightmare that is Mexico City. Luna is the hot-tempered Rudo (Spanish for ‘rude’), the older, more grounded brother to Bernal’s wild Cursi (sorta Spanish for ‘corny’). They’re mother loving (not in that way you sick f%ck) country bumpkins who pick bananas all week, and play fútbol at the week’s end. One day a crafty talent scout (Guillermo Francella, with ojos of the devil) happens upon one of their games. He’s impressed by their skills, Rudo’s goalkeeping and Cursi’s goalmaking, but only has room to offer one of them a chance at the big time. Eventually the scout, and now their manager, gets them both placed with different teams and we’re off to the races. Along the way, we see them both falling into traps of temptation, no thanks to their new found fame and fortune, Cursi falls for a flighty muy bonita TV star (see below) and attempts to launch an ill-advised side career as a country singer, while Rudo’s gambling addiction gets way outta hand, and it all comes to a head(er) with an obvious match-up between the two brothers’ squads. Rudo y Cursi may feel like a bit of a letdown when compared to the other Berna-Luna Y flick, but standing on its own two feet, it’s a muy divertido eggscuse to watch the genial leads do there thing together again. Hell, we’d watch the two of them do anything for 100 minutes, although we, like mos people probably would, prefer that they were doing each. ¡Olé! ¡Cause we are so gay for them!

No Yes Mas: as in Jessica Mas

mas Mas

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Adoration
Where The Lies Truth
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Oh the tangled webs writer/director Atom Egoyan weaves, where past tragedies are dug up, so that the truth can finally be told, and maybe all parties involved can sorta mostly live happily sweet hereafter! Egoyan has taken us down this bumpy flashback path before, and with Adoration, the path is even more askew than everrrr. The unresolved issue we’re trying to resolve here revolves around the car accidental deaths of young Simon(somber Devon Bostick)’s parents (blank Rachel Blanchard, of FOTC/Sally fame & Mr Hyde and seeker Noam Jenkins). His grandfather (the always creepy Kenneth Welsh) paints a poor portrait of Simon’s father (and his son-in-law) and holds him responsible for the death of his beloved daughter, while his uncle and now guardian (gruffle puff Scott Speedman, shining much brighter than the rest of the cast), sheds different light on the event, leaving Simon not knowing what to believe. Simon’s thoughts are further complicated when his French teacher (prodding Arsinée Khanjian) stirs up other emotions, and much trouble, when a hot button writing assignment goes viral over the interwebs. The teacher presented the class with a story torn from the headlines about a terrorist sending his pregnant wife on a plane with a bomb. Simon imagines himself as the unborn baby, and the husband/wife as his own parents. His piece is taken as truth and the world wide web reacts with mixed (media) emotions (including Maury Chaykin yelling… is he ever not yelling?). As the discussion heats up online, Simon goes offline to to bring this baby to some sorta resolution, and gain some sorta peace in the process. It’s all one giant dr mindbender, but if you stick with it, you’ll be rewarded with another wondrous trip into Egoyan’s twisted, in many senses if the word, world

Pails In Comparison: Atom is the bomb, and so is the mos flamous Garbage Pail Kid mt EVERest. mo GPK shiz here

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Rudo y Adoration open today in NY/LA only

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

the only thing that was missing for us to go completely gay for Jude Law was breaststetetess

[WTF OMGZ, NSFW]

oh what, Dustin Hoffman with breastetetszzz is more your speed?

Cuthbest returns to TV as a New York literacy teacher/record store clerk who embarks on a cross-continental romance with a London stock broker. You had us at ‘literacy teacher/record store clerk’

the cave hotel [Funtasticus]

FAPtastic

wethinks this is what the Princess Bride booer looked like when she was younger

[dem legs always be so tasty, which sometimes be a lil NSFW]

Thrice again, inspired by the the world’s greatestist newspaper’s THE LIST and sorta by the Bruno skit where one has to choose between giving Liza Minelli a benign or malignant tumor, I ice man giveth to you, what will be hottier and nottier than my shits in the ‘008