Thighs Wide Shut

Before The Devil Knows Your Dead
All In The Family Plot
Trailers & Mo

12 Angry Men, Fail Safe, Serpico, Dog Day Afternoon and Network. That is da short list of udderly franztastic Sidney Lumet films. Some feel that the 83 year old filmmaker’s latest, Before The Devil Knows Your Dead, deserves a spot right next to em. While I believe it’s too early to make such claims as that, I will say that this is easily one of the year’s best films. I mean, where else are you going to find Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke and the great great great great great great great Albert Finney giving it their all with a fabulous story to tie it together? And that story, YEAH BABY!!!! Hoffman and Hawke play two brothers strapped for cash who decide to knock off a mom & pop jewelry store… that happens to be their mom and pop’s jewelry store! Of course nothing goes right and the rest is pure cinematic magic. Along for the ride are some solid supporters, like Aunt May Parker, that awesome Irish dude, that awesome dude who aint Irish, scary German Guy and Marisa Tomei, who finally gives us some non-body double NSFW love that I’m sure will be A-B repeated JO matz for decades to come (pun intended). What more could one ask for? How about 21381283 mo flicks with Marisa Tomei non-body double NSFW love that I’m sure will be A-B repeated JO matz for decades to come (pun not intended)

IMHO: Sindey’s breastest work of dem all? His daughter Jenny and her redonkeydonk bazingies!!!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

Bella
Don’t LeGoSee This
Trailers & Mo

The Italian word ‘bella‘ means ‘beautiful‘, and the Mexican film of the same name attempts the same translation with audiences, but it ends up quite snoozeiful. Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy to the Jenna von Oy^th degree! I dunno what rock of crack the people were smoking at the ‘006 TIFF when they gave it their Choice Award, but it mussa been some purty darn good shiz cause this schmaltz fest aint even worthy of a 4am showing on the Hallmark Movie Channel. The MPAA should change the rating from PG-13 to NC-117 so no one will have to watch this. The only eggception should be for insomniacs lookin for some Rip Van Winkle type zzzzzzzzzs

Dirty Landry: the only thang bella goings on here is hottie Ali Landry, who happens to be the wife of director Alejandro Gomez Monteverde. Can’t figure out if that’s an upgrade or not from her former hubby, Mario Lopez

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Yer Thighs & Eyes Out Repoopulouzzzz

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

NFC East

Boo-nus link: bread bowl nosher Wade Phillips has got one smokin’ arsed daughter

NFC North

Boo-nus link: we found four children who actually look up to Rex Grossman. They look up at him not cause they admire him, but cause they’re not as tall as him… yet!

NFC South

Boo-nus link: Jeff Gaycia isn’t really gay. Or maybe he is and juss a giant beard for his 2004 Playboy Playmate of the Year honey/wife, Carmella DeCesare. Who? Who cares! NSFW NSFW NSFW!!

NFC West

Boo-nus link: does anyone have a better smile than SeaGal Tessa?

Seeds:
#1 New Orleans
#2 Bears
#3 Rams
#4 Giants
#5 Seahawks
#6 49ers

NFC Champs: New Orleans

Fantasy Outlook NFC Shazz

Me loves: Alex Smith, Bernard Berrian, Isaac Bruce, a Jason Campbell to Chris Cooley TD fest, and the New Orleans D

Me hates: anyone on the Lions, Bucs, Vikings and Falcons

Don’t sleep on these sleepers from Sleepy’s: any white WR (like Bennett/Furrey/Curtis), D.J. Hackett, James Jones, Antwaan Randle El, Greg Olsen, Eli, Delhomme, Neil Rackers (who’s gonna make up for last season’s shiz storm), and Gondry’s The Science of Sleep

stay pooned for our AFC dazzle razzle shazzale crazzle flizzle madizzle!

Dude, did you dig Jack’s faux beard as munch as I did?

thought you did, so we assembled, at no extra charge, a salute to shitty, scruffy looking nerf-herdin’ white-man beards that are doppelgängbangers to Jack’s

George Clooney from Snoozyriana

PJ Carlesimo

Steve Carell from Little Miss Snoozeshine

Baba au Rum

aka Fletch F Fletch

John Lennon

Sam Waterston from The Killing Fields

Matisyahu

Fagin

The Lizard King

Harrison Ford

Rick Rubin

anyone who competes

@ the WB&MCs

China Hater Jack Bauer

Hillbilly Jim

or Hacksaw Jim Duggan for you youngins

Richie Tenenbaum

Charles Manson

GI Joe’s Clutch

The Bee Bearded Lady

&
duhvs course

King Leonidjackass

I guess they didn’t take my advice from last year
cause this is what happened on 24 this season…

-nothing

-snoozing

-Jack yelled

-Jack was calm and then he yelled

-Jack yelled and then he was calm

-Jack didn’t yell so much when he had a beard

-Chloe made the Willie McGee ‘Somebody farted’ face

at least 8 times per hour

–Babe’s owner is Jack’s dad and he sucks

–Jack’s brother totally got a great deal on a face & body lift

-Curtis is the latest victim of black man dies syndrome

-Kumar didn’t go to White Castle

-Audrey Raines does her bestest Nell impersonation

–Marisol Nichols = MEOW

–Boris ‘The Blade’ Yurinov > Dmitri Gredenko

-Abu Fayed < Imhotep

-Eric Balfour scores < than Ed Belfour

-D.B. Woodside is probably the wurstest President since our current one and probably the wurstest D.B. since Sweeney

-Rob Lowe’s brother is still a wuss

–Morris the Cat is almost more bangable than Morris O’Brian

-The Logans have more issues than a lifetime subscription to Variety

-Walid Al-Rezani may or may not like dinning Al-Dente

-Peter MacNicol has really turned his life around after Vigo possessed him

–no one can Matchett

-the Chinese hate Jack Bauer almost as much as they hate eating dog

-by the powers vested in me I now pronounce Powers Boothe the new Messiah

–Rick Schroder still can’t breakdance

-no sign of Behroozz or Cuthbest or even Miles Papazian (not to be confused with Marty Papazian), what the ef and gee?

and how come Edgar Stiles didn’t rise from the grave?

-zzzzzzzzzzzzz

-more nothing

booop booop beeep

this season was almost as boring as Radiohead’s new music

gawd bless the talk of reboot

and to all a good day night