Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Dark of The Imgination
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 157 min

T-III starts off with sum revisionist history of the moon landing, and it was like Houston, we have an awesome.  Everything after that was a bigger disaster than The Challenger space shuttle.  It’s so stoopid and beyond boring that it is hactually OK to compare it to such an awful tragedy in American history

This sums up everythings:  When Ken Jeong delivers your most ‘credible’ performance, your movie flat out sucks times 388737237739083478378478923767815281506507416561780570641756178657645164375816347856875643756786578134651873657813658761751656756745187651658745165765761756785617856875389389060547967076091780870934788765876586751678561874568765784365

OK, we do have to award 3 small bonus points for the employment of 80s Russian movie guy Elya Baskin, and funny white guys Andrew Daly and Alan Tudyk, but they and we all deserve better than this… anything but this

Never again Bay, NEVER AGAIN

And even if Bay isn’t doing the next one, there will be no next one for we

Michael Bay – Bad With Eye Diarrhea, Good With Eye Candy:

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Inna Korobkina

Meredith Monroe

Danielle Fornarelli

Elena Kolpachikova

Jesse ‘World’s Greatest Extra’ Heiman

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

III is a giant #2 at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

and the rarest error card of all time is…

a combo of Billy Ripken’s ‘F#$k Face’ card & C-3PO’s ‘Metal Shlong’ card

Beats Rhymes & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest
The High End Theroy
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 95 min

Don’t know what it would be like to watch a documentary about A Tribe Called Quest if you weren’t a fan, but if yer reading this, you probably are, and probably grooved like mad to their slick rhymes and phat beats in the 90s, aka the last golden era of hip-hop. Where would our ears be without the combined talents of Q-Tip (Kamaal Ibn John Fareed, formerly Jonathan Davis), Phife Dawg (Malik Taylor), Ali Shaheed Muhammad and Jarobi White (whoever he is :)?  If those four names mean anything to you, then you owe it to yourself to see Michael Rapaport‘s (yes, that Mike Rap) love poem to this seminal group of playful rappers.  You’ll hear the likes of The Beastie Boys, De La Soul, The Roots, Common, Pharrell Williams, et al, spill endless praise, and rightfully so.  While there may not be any giant insight into the crafting of the music (there is barely even a mention of their classic ‘Scenario’), you won’t mind too much as yer head bobs up and down and all around in this greatest hits affair.  The last last third focuses a little too much of Phife’s struggle with diabetes, and his on & off again beef with Tip, but by that point, you see them out on tour again, and the songs remain the same – AWESOME!

Special Thanks: to our neighbor Scott Cassel, who used to drive us to high school, and introduced us to Tribe on those short rides to Richard Montgomery High.  Rocket Pride, Rocket Power

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

BR&L: TToATCQ has lyrics to go in NY & LA today, and elsewhere elsehwhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

best part of this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eat Contest?  the addition of ‘sideline’ reporter…

Renée Herlocker!!!

wj3j!!!E1#$@@!!!!!#!sahajhh2h!@K@!@!E!MDNNnnn!~N@#(#(#JXMMMS$@#$@!!QS@S!~!@###!!!!@#nbbvg1g1g!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there needs to be an Oscar winning movie called The Herlocker!!!

Bad Teacher
There’s Something About Diaz / There’s Nothing About Segel
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 92 min

Bad Teacher defied all the odds it had stacked against it.  Here’s what awfulnessnessnesses we notion preconceived in our minds:

- Cameron Diaz is annoying

- Jake Kasdan shares a name with daddy Lawrence and that’s about it

- Jason Segel is unfunny

- Thomas Lennon is also unfunny

- Justin Timberlake usually tries too hard to be funny

- Lucy Punch is talented and funny, but her face juss scares the living day&nightlights outta us so dangs much that it almos overshadows the talent and the funny

Well, apparently adding actual funny side player peeps like Phyllis Smith, John Michael Higgins and Eric Stonestreet (…and barely doing anything wit em at all) is juss the ticket to make all those above wrongs turn into something dang right and hactually funny.  YES, funny.  Bad Teacher is funny.  We had to be dragged to see this (w/o kicking or screaming) and that’s probably why we liked it, but it can’t be as simple as that, cannnnnnnnit?

Well…

– Cameron Diaz wasn’t annoying

– Jake Kasdan made something that resembled a movie!

– Thomas Lennon remained unfunny.  oh well

– even though every sportswriter in America was JOing to that Lebron vs Jordan argument bit, it was about as funny as Jason Segel is (aka NOT)

– Justin Timberlake was sorta funny! someone juss tell him to keep away from Andy Lamesberg

– Lucy Punch’s face still looks like it was punched one too many times, but her talent and funny TRUMPED HER SCARY FACE!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Bad aint so, currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…