Thighs Wide Shut

The Muppets
Reconnecting The Rainbow
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 98 min

The 2011 Muppet movie accomplishes two very simple goals – it makes us oldie folkies remember the long forgotten Muppets, and introduces them wacky puppets to a whole new generation of moppets.  Other than that?  It’s got a lot of good positive energy and a lot of crappy cameos (it’s like The Hangover meets the cast of CBS’ comedy line-up.  WOW!!!  NOT!!!!!!).  OK, so David Grohl as fake-ish Animal was solid like rock candy, but James Carville????  More like lame-e-o!!!  Other than that? It rightfully employs Flight of The Conchordser Bret McKenzie to pen some very muppetish songs, and the show’s director James Bobin, to ringmaster the madness.  The Muppets hactually feels like an extended episode of Conchords, cept without the actual Conchords.  Kinda would have rather seen Bret & Jemaine debate being a man or a muppet than Jason Segel and that kid on that geek show no one watches.  Still, The Muppets is fun, despite taking any real chances or leaps.  Well, they did take a chance by introducing a new muppet named Walter, but Walter is so whatevs.snoreszzz that you’ll hope like we do that he gets cut from the next flick.  EAT IT WALTER!!!!

moral of the story: new Muppet movie is be good, but if you want to (re)introduce Kermit & Co to today’s world, why not juss re-release the most sensational inspirational celebrational Muppetational original Muppet Movie from 1979??? we recently saw it before seeing the new one, and we muss say, it has more danger and excitement in 5 measly minutes than the new one has over 90.  and the cameos?  don’t even get us started on the radness of the cameos!!!!

Glad Mag: spanks to Golden Dispencer, we’ve un-forgotten the Muppet Magazine!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Muppets move right along, currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Bad Teacher
There’s Something About Diaz / There’s Nothing About Segel
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 92 min

Bad Teacher defied all the odds it had stacked against it.  Here’s what awfulnessnessnesses we notion preconceived in our minds:

- Cameron Diaz is annoying

- Jake Kasdan shares a name with daddy Lawrence and that’s about it

- Jason Segel is unfunny

- Thomas Lennon is also unfunny

- Justin Timberlake usually tries too hard to be funny

- Lucy Punch is talented and funny, but her face juss scares the living day&nightlights outta us so dangs much that it almos overshadows the talent and the funny

Well, apparently adding actual funny side player peeps like Phyllis Smith, John Michael Higgins and Eric Stonestreet (…and barely doing anything wit em at all) is juss the ticket to make all those above wrongs turn into something dang right and hactually funny.  YES, funny.  Bad Teacher is funny.  We had to be dragged to see this (w/o kicking or screaming) and that’s probably why we liked it, but it can’t be as simple as that, cannnnnnnnit?

Well…

– Cameron Diaz wasn’t annoying

– Jake Kasdan made something that resembled a movie!

– Thomas Lennon remained unfunny.  oh well

– even though every sportswriter in America was JOing to that Lebron vs Jordan argument bit, it was about as funny as Jason Segel is (aka NOT)

– Justin Timberlake was sorta funny! someone juss tell him to keep away from Andy Lamesberg

– Lucy Punch’s face still looks like it was punched one too many times, but her talent and funny TRUMPED HER SCARY FACE!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Bad aint so, currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…