Thighs Wide Shut

Scott Pilgrim vs The World
8-Bit More Than It Can Chew
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Remember this lil maddening Nintendo send-up/mash-up/cracks-we-up?  What a wonderful, colorful and inventive way to spend 8.5 minutes!!!!!  Same could be said of the similar pixelated terrain of Edgar Wright‘s screen version of the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels.  But what of the remaining 1 hour and 45 minutes? Tedious, repetitive, uninteresting.   Waiting for our titular hero (Michael Cera) to fight and (of course) beat level boss/evil ex-boyfriend after level boss/evil ex-boyfriend (Chris Evans, Brandon Routh, Jason Schwartzman, etc + one ex-girlfriend, Mae Whitman) had us screaming internally for ‘game over’ to flash on the screen as soon as Atarily possible.  No matter how many 1-ups Pilgrim gets on his quest, the film never 1-ups itself into new territory, even if that singular territory is inspired, fun and a place we’d like to play in… for 8.5 minutes!!!!!

Urgggggh!!!!!!!!!!!!  Maybe there needed to be more real-worldedness ala The Wizard!  Maybe there should have been more things for the supporting cast (Kieran Culkin, Mark Webber, Alison Pill, Anna Kendrick, et al) to do besides make ironic smirks and be all malaise-y (esp Aubrey Plaza, who’s a pro at malaise-y.  so much so that she may end up with a career more one-noted than Cera’s).  Maybe Scottie P spent too much time slayin’ dragons, chasin’ waterfalls and tiltin’ at windmills, and not nearly enuff time building up the actual relationship he so desires with his beloved Ramona Flowers (our once and future wife Mary Elizabeth Winstead, with anime eyes that won’t and we hope, will never quit!!!).  There’s more time devoted to destroying his relationship with Knives Chau (Ellen Wong) AND forgetting his one with Envy Adams (Brie Larson) than anything resembling quality time with Flowers (smiles and heart kisses don’t suffice!).  Their love grows with artificial sweetness, but sometimes substitutes aren’t better than the real thing!!!  Pilgrim, leave Plymouth and do not collect 200 bonus points!!!!

Out With The Old & Always In With The MEW: Mary Elizabeth Winstead may be new to you, but she’s MEW to us, and with this pic from the flick, MEOOOOOOW for one and all!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Pilgrim is currently may deflowering at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

our moist flavorite brand spakin new website we should have invented 18 months ago: Kathryn Prescott’s Hair

Step Up 3D
Best Side Story
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

We were dragged to Step Up 1 kicking and screaming, and came out of the theater kicking our heels!  We were more of a willing participant when Step Up 2 The Streets hit the streets, and we came out of the theater with precipitating pants!!  Words cannot describe our anticipation leading up to the release of the 3-D third edish, which was 2 years in the making/baking!!!  And?  And??  And?????????????????? STEP UP 3-D TOTES STEPPED IT UP LIKE TIMES 18 ZILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Check your plot and cares at the door, cause Step Up 3-D is 111% fun and probably the only other modern 3-D movie worth seeing besides Avatar.  This is a 3-D movie that points and throws things at us, the audience, and that, to us, is what 3-D is and should be all about.  CHEW ON THAT!!!  Bless you director Jon Chu!!!  We’d mention the screenwriters too, but there was more attention (spankfully) paid to the choreography than there was to the stenography!!!  And Moose (Adam G. Sevani, who’s like a cross between Harpo Marx, Jack White and Mike Damone from Fast Times) returns, even MOOSEYER than ever!!!!!!!! And now he’s stepped up to college at NYU, and after being in Washington Square Park for all of 8 seconds he’s instantly dragged into the underground dancing scene and things get all Breakin’ 2 Electric Awesome Glue!!! And Rick Malambri has a slick body and and even slicker 4 o’clock shadow and Alyson Stoner doesn’t get stoned, but the auidence will be trippin out!!!  And Joe Slaughter is a class A screen a$$hole, like Bradley Cooper, but with even less charm and even lessssser acting skill$$$, and then… ZARDOZ, but before that, there’s this vision Vinson of beauty…

Over Under On How Many Times You JO To This Girl From Down Under?: please do squeeze the Sharni… Vinson!

Verdictgo: 9 star cinema!!!!!! aka Breast In Show

Step Up steps it UP!!!!!! currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

we loves it when things return after not being around for awhiles, like herspecially when it be-ith the returneth of NEKKID PICS OF KATIE DOWNES cause we have Downes Syndrome!!

Page 3 – Katie Gets Fruity [NSFW]

sadly, we haven’t seen much of Jennifer Ellison‘s bo’licious body and covered-up boobies lately, being a new mother and all, but the visual silence hath been broken!!!!!

Jen Ellsyeah shows off her talents in the stage play Calendar Girls!!!! [SFW]

never forget the goode ole lays…