Thighs Wide Shut

jonesing for Rosie, India & friends [NSFW]

+ The Tudors Return  – Along With Tamzin Merchant’s Breasts [NSFW]

+ for you mumblecore fans out there (all 4 of you): Bitty’s Celebrity Titties – ‘actress’ Greta Gerwig [NSFW]

Who Do You Love
Unbroken Record On Repeat
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Poor Jerry Zaks and his letting the good times roll Leonard Chess piece (chess piece!) biopic Who Do You Love.  Apparently his take on the Chess Records saga couldn’t beat Cadillac Records to theaters, and so it sat shelved for two years before finally, and rightfully getting a release.  While it’s certainly not on the same level of C Records, mostly in terms of star wattage and rawkin like Dokken songs, don’t discount WDYL for one second, or even two!  It’s juss as fun, juss as in love with its subject, and pays juss as much attention to the period detail, even if it doesn’t exactly pay strict attention to fact

This Chess game (chess game!) delves a little bit more into the family matters, with Leonard (chameleon Alessandro Nivola), his wife (Lisa Goldstein), partner brother (Jon Abrahams), who was barely touched upon in Cadillac, getting about as much TLC as Muddy Waters (David Oyelowo), Bo Diddley (Robert Randolph) and Little Walter (Miko DeFoor) do.  Also getting extra due diligence is multi-tasker and Chess right-hand man Willie Dixon (the always wise-cracking Chi McBride).  One thing we didn’t really get, and kinda turned into a big distraction, was the character Ivy Mills (Megalyn Echikunwoke, see below).  We say character, cause she isn’t a real person, and serves as a stand-in composite for Etta James.  But why?  WHY???  The only thing we won’t question is her hot naked body getting a few moments of glorious screen-time

Repeat movies released around the same time aren’t uncommon, but the world rarely needs two volcano movies.  We see no issue with non-fictional subjects getting a double-dip, especially if each has its own identity.  Such is the case here and was with the dueling Truman Capote pics, Capote and Infamous.  Sadly, no one cared about Toby Jones’ leaps and bounds munch better work as the nasaly author, since Phil C Hoffs & Co. got to the finish line first, and the same will probably be true with WDYL.  It’s all a game of who do you love, but why not embrace both?

aWoke The Sleeping Beauty: that name again is Megalyn Echikunwoke.  this is what she looks like.  YUM

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Love knows no bounds in NY only today, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Date Night
30 Crock
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

In Date Night, Steve Carell and Tina Fey try their bestest to make magic happen on an evening out on the town, away from the suburbs and the kiddies, but trouble lurks in every corner (including the world famous non-existent alleyways of New York City), and that trouble is a middling script and plot that handcuffs this NBC thynamic comedy duo from start to finish

Fear not, as laughter does live within, but the good kind we wants and deserve is rarer here than an Inverted Jenny and the pedestrian kind we gets served more of is mo common than Common appearing as a tough guy in a movie… which is egggzactly what he’s doing here.  Poor Common.  If only he was a little more un-Common!!

There shouldn’t be any sticker shock, especially if you examined the sticker before entering.  It’s directed by the guy who called the shots on the new Pink Panther, Cheaper By The Dozen and Night At The Museum (he loves nights AND crap!), with writing work from a Farrelly brother production alumnus, who could done us all one better had he infused some of their slapstick humor instead of juss gently slapping our knees

Have you seen Adventures In Babysitting?  If so, then you’ve already seen a rich man’s version of Date Night.  Seriously.  The only thing DN‘s got over AIB is a killer casting director, who seemed to have their pick from all walks of Hollywood life for the supporting roles (Mark Wahlberg, Taraji P. Henson, J.B. Smoove, Ray Liotta, the one, the only William Fichtner + maybe will one day be the one, the only Jimmi Simpson) and even for the nothing, appears for only 2 second roles (Leighton Meester, Kristen Wiig, Mark Ruffalo, James Franco and Mila Kunis)

So do yerself a flavor, save the babysitter monies and make this potential date night out with yer loved one a rental night at home.  But if you muss see it ASAP, than you muss, and all we can say then is that it’s better than Get Smart, even if it needs some smart getting of its own

Jewish Non-American Princess: remember Gal Gadot?  we never forgots after seeing her light up the barely lit 4 Fast 4 Furious, and we wills never will forgets her, herspecially if she continues to stay so dangszzz HOTTTT on-screen and off.  someone make her a Bond girl, or at least the Queen of our castle, and by castle we mean the large thing between our thighs

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Date goes blind at a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

in the late 80s and early 90s, when wees was kids discovering our bodies ourselves, there weren’t no interwebs and e-z access to boobs [NSFW]. JOing was hard bidness (pun intended), and outside of playing Leisure Suit Larry once and looking under our older brother’s bed for any possible naughty matz, all we had at our disposal were Victoria Secret catalogs and swimsuit issues.  Sports Illustrated continues this now pointless tradition to this day, but lettuce not forget the faded pretenders who also helped us to get over the (dry) hump

Inside Sport

&

Sport Magazine

sure, they were helpful
but they were still mad ghetto
and never had us screaming ELLEs YEAH!!!!

Dwight is totally hot for Isabel

and why wouldn’t he be?

with them solid birthing hips! and slap happy hands!

think we’re also falling for her too, and her real life self: Kelen Coleman

how could she ever fail at sex?