Thighs Wide Shut

This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!

but will the Lebowski Fest be outdone by the inaugural Office Convention being held later this month in Scranton, PA? [PradaShopNYC]

Oasis/Blur feud officially ends

Keds/Mischa Barton lovefest officially continues

Mel Gibson’s tenure as chief jerkass officially to never end!

Moby’s cooler than you

hate you some touchdown Jesus loving shizzle in the NFL? Blame Herb Lusk

a Pablo Escobar film without the talents of Billy Walsh or Vincent Chase

Tori Spelling is a Pussy-dog faced yuck bag

Jason Takes Aresnio

Harvard Scientists Build a Device to Smoke Weed During Brain Scan [Ceffie]

The Top Ten Strange and Unusual Japanese Chewing Gums

39 Flight of the Conchords icons

the oilyistest butt you’ll see all day [NSFW]

Bacon Apple Pie

Mario loves laying pipe, and you love smoking from one. Finally, the two have merged [PakulaShaker]

помогите разобраться люди, methinks that’s Russian for slutty old hag who has trouble hiding her areola

death from dragons fucking cars

and while we missed out on birthday kugs and hisses for the bestest set of spicy Italian NSFW tatties nick goings, we would never forget about extending 20th b-day wishes and extending our penis to Her Former Royal Thighness, Camilla Belle

Trade
All’s Not So Wells Cargo
Trailer & Mo

Being stuck in car traffic sucks balls, but being stuck in the world of human sex trafficking is purty much the worstest situation one could end up being in. Such a horrific fate falls upon many young girls and boys from around the globe each and everyday, and it’s a problem that’s not going away anytime soon, especially with the billions of dollars being generating from it. Trade is an effective fictional story (written by Motorcycle Diaries scribe Jose Rivera) about one of these girls, a 13-year-old from Mexico City, whose kidnapping sets the film’s plot in dizzying motion. When her older brother (newcomer Cesar Ramos) finds out, he’s off to the rescue, but how effective can one Mexican punk teenager be against an organization who’ll stop at nothing to sell their ‘product’? Luckily he crosses paths with a Texas cop (played by the always outstanding Kevin Kline), who’s on a mission of his own to bring down these sleazeoids. The two strike up an unlikely bond as they criss-cross America searching for truth and justice in these most un-American ways. Trade may not win a BAFTA, but it’s a heckuva lot mo interesting than anything that became of NAFTA

Sign from The Times: Trade was inspired by the NY Times Magazine cover story, The Girls Next Door, which shouldn’t be confused with those three NSFW naughties or these four hotties!

Bartertown: bestest fantasy trade mt EVERst? Last year, in my keeper league, I shipped Ronnie Brown and Laveranues Coles and gots me Rudi Johnson and Randy Moss in return. Moss sat on the bench all of last year, but the dividends are mos certainly paying off this year! SNOZZLES!!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Trade opens in theaters tomorrow

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

what’s all this Meg White sex tape talk about when there’s
Betty White NSFWness to gawk about!!!

the reason the Wii was invented finally to become a reality in Spring 2008

‘No amount of money would get us out of our houses‘

‘For some reason, people in France don’t understand music. They have weird taste. They like horrible things‘

Неожиданный источник вдохновения indeed!

Jewish Jordan lives! [Brawny Man]

7-year-old Keira Knightley’s TV debut revealed

[mo where dat came from]

jizza to these bitties in Ibiza [NSFW]

Brett Farve Touchdown Database [Shumster]

To Mary Elizabeth Winstead…

I like looking at Katie Marie’s boobies [NSFW]

Buy genuine Dublin Dr Pepper product [Navi]

WHERE ITH ICHIGO?! [NSFW]

‘thighs wide shut.’ my a$$!!!

and

[gagager]

Eastern Promises
Russian Dressing For Success
Trailers & Mo

David Cronenberg looks to have found his muse in the shape and form of Viggo Mortensen. The two first ‘wowed’ audiences together with ’05’s A History of Violence (we found it a bit too overrated), and they’re going to do it again here with Eastern Promises (this time around, I’m on the ‘wowed’ side of thangs). The story, by Dirty Pretty Things scribe Steven Knight, is purty straightforward (nice girl nurse Naomi Watts gets sucked into a Russian mafia underground world and has trouble getting out), but I was able to immerse myself a heck of a lot more here than with Violence. Spankfully, there’s no over the top Pacinoesque performance weighing the film down, like what William Hurt added (actually ‘subtracted’ would be a better word) from Violence‘s final act. Instead, what we are treated to are 3 very diverse actors (American Mortensen, Frenchie Vincent Cassel and the always scary German Armin Mueller-Stahl) making us easily believe that they’re all crooked Russian mobsters takin care of bidness in the side of London you don’t see on a postcard. While I won’t bother peppering this film with redonkeylous ‘masterpiece’ blather, I will say that you’ll find little wrong with this gem of a picture. And that’s a western promise!

IMDb Sweeney: Sinéad Cusack, who plays Watts’ mum, in real life is Jeremy Irons’ bizatch. The two have appeared together in the films Stealing Beauty and Waterland, as well as 2 TV movies and a mini-series

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

Silk
Not So Smooth Sailing
Trailer

It has taken director François Girard 9 long years to follow-up on his mos delightful film Red Violin. How fitting a time frame, cause that’s about how long in felt to watch his latest, Silk. Mord oh lighty, there isn’t a cocoon big enuff in this world to save you, me and everyone we know from this gigantor snoozefest. I’d rather watch a 24 part documentary on silk production than sit thru this tale about a French silkworm smuggler, who travels to the untouched by white man lands of Japan, falls in love with a native, returns home, pines for the girl, returns to Japan, returns home, zzzzzzzzzzzz, etc, more zzzzzzzzz, and some more etc. The grade-A(cting) chops of Alfred Molina, a few nude scenes with Keira Knightley and the majestic scenic beauty of Eurasia, all deserve a better movie than this. And can someone please explain to me how Michael Pitt continues to get cast in film after film, and by such grape directors as Bertolucci, van Sant, Shyamalan, Abel Ferrara and Larry Clark? Outside of aping Kurt Cobain and raping Hedwig and his/her music, he has shown about as much talent as the mayor of Talent, Oregon. I think he should be forced to compete on NBC’s America’s Got Talent before he lands another role

I Still JO To You Knightley: for someone with boobs the size mosquito bites, tits still nice to see Keria Knightley show em so often [NSFW]!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit My Snoozing Eyes Out Repoopulous

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…