never remember / always forget

Me and Earl and The Dying Girl
Me Hurl and The Dying For This Movie To End
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 104 min

I don’t even know exactly how to sum up how much I didn’t like (and basically HATTTTTTTTTTTTTED) this movie, and I really don’t have to bother since David Edelstein somehow captured my thoughts exactly, but…

if you are looking for a crappier version of…

The Fault in Our Stars

but less romantic

that focuses on one of THE most annoying and non-interesting teenage protagonists I’ve encountered in a while (this is not actually him)

who is forced by his mom to hang out with that super adorable girl from Bates Motel, who has nothing to do in the movie cept have big eyes, and eventually shave her head cause she has cancer

and our annoying teen boy gets by in his dweeby high school life with his quirky black friend (think Urkel, but not really.  I juss wanted to post a gif of Urkel)

and together they re-make movies in a way that’s somehow dumber then the ultra-dumb Be Kind Rewind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7C8nHAAs70

and the whole movie feels like the 193482382th Wes Anderson Rushmore rip-off you’ve ever seen

and the movie feels like one giant cancer guilt trip, that isn’t worth taking

and for some reason Nick Offerman is in it, and he’s basically as exciting as the grumpy looking cats he looks like

and if I don’t have anything nice to say, too bad, cause I already said it, but don’t see this movie cause it sucks, besides MAYBE the last last 5 minutes, but getting to that last five minutes is pointless torture, but I will say something nice – the Pittsburgh-regional locations for the movie were AWESOME!  Especially the high school they used!

Verdictgo: f this movie, so Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Him, Earl and Toe Jam zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzes you in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Ex Machina
Ro-bust!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 108 min

Ever wanted to see a less big A.I.?  You can in Alex Garland‘s Ex Machina, which is quiet and creepy and sexy and scary, and welll designed, and stuff!

It’s got dweeby Domhnall Gleeson trying to disguise his Irish accent with a horrible American accent, and Alicia Vikander trying not to be super hot cause she’s a robot who is super hot, and Oscar Isaac trying not to be a nice guy, and trying to be an amazing dancer (with Sonoya Mizuno) AND SUCCEEDING!!!

What’s the movie about?  Robots, humans, robots interacting with humans, humans interacting with robots.  What is real?  What is robotz?  What are emotions?  How amazing a dancer is Oscar Isaac?  How badly do you want to stay at this place in Norway (where the film was filmed)?

Question is, do you like robots and da future and questions?  If you answer ‘yes’ or ‘ellllls yeah’ to all three, then see this film

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Machina ruins smoothy at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Peace The Forks Out

to

David Letterman On Nighttime Television

https://vine.co/v/eA91ixaHem5

Top 10 Least Popular Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavors – October 18, 1989

10. Oprah Mocha
9. Raspberry Rash
8. Norieggnog
7. Cholesterol Chip
6. Zsa Zsa Gaboreo
5. Tiny Filaments O’Tungsten
4. Uninhibited by Cher
3. Stuff-Found-in-Ben-&-Jerry’s-Pockets
2. Bus Depot Fudge
1. Hitler Ripple

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJRswwsKbqg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzMEPl7KKtE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX-MzoEGNHc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrVjOUIoo6Q

#ThanksDave

Mireille Darc and her a$$ crack as Christine

in 1972’s The Tall Blond Man with One Black Shoe 

&

Lori Singer and her a$$ crack as Maddy

in the remake, 1985’s The Man with One Red Shoe

& their men react…

Pierre Richard is speechless

and so is Tom Hanks

crack is NOT wack!!!

COME ON BABY LIGHT MY FIRE!!!!!!