Thighs Wide Shut

Undeniably Awesome Unpublished Posters

& Unused poster compositions from legendary artist Drew Struzan!

& Drew Struzan.com

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Fake Criterions [via Levittown]

India Reynolds nekkid is far from scary [NSFW]

show me yer war face

The King’s Speech
Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Oh-Oh, Here Comes The Stammer
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

You know how the pre-WWII England royalty saga went down, right?  Qwik refresher course: King George V (Michael Gambon, who’s been dying on screen a bunch lately, no?) wasn’t getting any younger or healthier, but luckily he had two dashing heirs to succeed him.  The eldest was King Edward VIII (we keep 5getting how awesomes Guy Pearce is), but he was a reluctant sovereign, cause he was head over heels in love with a twice divorced American woman that went by the name of Wallis Simpson (Eve Best > Jahvid Best).  Ultimately, Edward had to choose between the well worn throne and the well worn her, and amazingly she won out!  GAWD SAVE THE KING!!!!!!!!!  So brother King George VI (Colin Firth, with an Oscar race that’s his to lose?) ascended to where his brother abdicated.  Good fodder for a flick, no?  Yes indeedy-do, but wait, there’s more!!!!!  George the VI (not Warshawski, but Bertie, as he was known to those close to him) had a terrible stutter!!!!!!!!!!  OH NO!!!!!!  Here’s a guy who’s suppose to be the voice of an Empire, and yet he has no voice!!!!  It’s a battle that’s almos bigger than the one about to engulf all of Europe, and then the world!!!

Poor George the VI/Bertie.  He’s the right man for the job, but for the life of him, public and even private speaking is juss not his Matt Forte.  He and his ultra patient wife,  The Queen Mum (Helena Bonham Carter) have tried everything, and yet they haven’t.  Enter Aussie vocal coach Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush, also with an Oscar race that’s his to lose?) and his unorthodox methods!!!  At first, Bertie aint a fan, and actually, at second, third, fourth and fifth he also aints a fan, but eventually, and again and again, is won over by the results that Lionel is able to coax out of him.  Awwww, our heart is pidder-paddering all over again and again at the thought of these two people and actors working in such great harmony to conquer a speech impediment!!!!!

Directer Tom Hooper (The Damned United) and writer David Seidler (a former stutterer himself!) have pieced together something quite marvelously winning with The King’s Speech (despite it’s bland poster).  The film is so darn delightful and delovely that by the end we wanted to give it a giant hug.  But how can one hug a movie????  It’s impossible, but we certainly tried!!!!  Triple bonus points for casting Jennifer Ehle as Lionel’s wife, and giving her a brief reunion scene with her Pride & Prejudice co-star Colin Firthypants!!!! But wait, she’s juss as capable as Bonham Cater, so why didn’t they give her the Queen Mum role?  And aint anything co-starring Timothy Spall (as Winston Churchill) probably worth watching, no???  YES! YES! YES!!!!!!!  Bestest stuttering movie since A Fish Called Wanda!!!

Beard Science: what happened to our leaders??? they used to all have awesome great big bushy beards, and everyone knows that beards rule!!! especially those of look-a-like first cousins King George V & Tsar Nicholas II!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Speech talks the talk this Friday in limited release

Rental Round-Up Dawg:

Harlan – In the Shadow of Jew Suss

[website | Netflix | Amazon]

Imagine for a second that yer father or perhaps grandfather was the greatest film director that thrived under Nazi Germany.  And no, we’re not talking about Leni Riefenstahl, cause she’s not a man.  The man in question is Veit Harlan, and the man for butter or worse, was the Nazi’s Steven Spielberg.  He made a not so lil antisemitic film called Jud Süß (Jew Süss) that both made and ruined him.  When the war ended, and he was absolved of any wrongdoing, life goes back to normal, right?  Nope, it doesn’t, and the Nazi stain and the shadow of Jew Suss that was cast are two thangs that are quite hard to remove.  Juss ask his kin and their kin.  That’s what this Harlan doc is all about.  And ya wanna know who one of thems kins is?  A not so lil lady by the name of Christiane Kubrick.  Interesting!  Wife of the self-loathing Jew Stanley marries a relative of a Nazi propagandist!!!!  Well, the whole doc is verrrry interesting, and we’re sorta secretly in love with one of his granddaughters that looks like a German Björk (the one in the middle).  Maybe she should marry this self-loathing Jew????  Only THE SHADOW KNOWS!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

remember this hottie mcgee supreme that tried to tag-team a non-interested/totally gay Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut that we boasted about back in the ’06 [see bottom of post for butter pics]

we dug up a few thangs M. Night Thorndike has worked on that you won’t find on IMDbsweeney…

‘John’s Polka’, a Converse shoe spot she shot
Tess and Nana, her graduate thesis film
People Are Children, co-director
Turning, co-director
4am, Friday, she starred in the short film
Team Queen, grip/gaffer
Shock Art, boom operator

we wish u much success in the future, cause that’ll mean more new pics of you (with or without giants checks)!! as always, we’ll be keeping our Eyes and Thighs wide open for you Thorny!

we now return to the usual poop…

NBC greenlights an an Office spin-off. Hopefully it won’t involve the very unfunny BJ Novak

Trainspotting jail bait NSFW babe gives birth to a son… sadly, it’s not ours

a Wyld Stallions reunion? [Defamer]

Bjork lives where the wild things are

we wanna take a bite outta Lena Fujii’s apple

new Bond girl Olga Kurylenko Maxim UK

Stephen Colbert giving Jon Stewart the reach around [NSFW]

STOP HAUNT ME EVERY DAY COLLECTION

floppy disk man bag

Djoef op u bakkes

[bugaka_ru]

In our ear en revue of Moovies ’05, I neglected to add the trailer for 2046 to the Trailers That Got Me Mo Jazzed Than Jazzercise list! Zhang, bang, thang you mang!

I had no websites up and going in 1999, had if I did, I woulda had ALL THREE spots for Eyes Wide Shut [one, two, three] on the Trailers That Got Me Mo Jazzed Than Jazzercise list of 1999, but the list woulda been called something else, and I didn’t have a list or internets site cause I was scared of the Y2K bug, although it shoulda been a Y2K and 1 bug, cause 2001 was the actual start of the new willennium, not 2000 you stoopid idjiots who probably didn’t think about things like that and were too busy trying to party like it was 1999, although 1998 was by far my mos flavorite year of balls time. I mean, Air dropped Moon Safari in late January of that year and change my French hating life for ever. Wee wee moinsir au bu pain in the neck!! And speaking of EWS and 1999 and not having a site of webs… had I had fore-sight and had a site-four then Stewart Thorndike probably would have been not only the 1st Her Royal Tryness, but also the first Non Us Hottie, which some claims with clams that it is a more bigger honor and gentle! Who is shes? She and some other girl in EWS were trying to bone Tom Cruise ‘where the rainbow ends‘ (watch clip 2 to hear her speak!), but he’s gay and a Dianetics couch stress tester so he couldn’t be bothered. Well, he missles out cause Thorbest is more cuterified/shag munch a carpet riffic than Coyle, Portman, Knightley, Moss, and Mulligan turbo-combine D! Too badski she’s been in nothing next to nothing and the google alert I set up in her good name ‘ears ago has netted more zero than NETZERO!! Anyone know anythimg about Stewart Thorndike, who isn’t a man, but may not even eggsist, besides being super hot? This is morest importanter than finding the whereabouts of Dole Fruit Pop, Dirty Ho, Fly Girl, and Deborah Foreman. Please contact us at 1-900-THI-GHS-Z and leave me your SSN, ISBN, and TURK182s. In the meantime, here’s the singlest largest photo image pictures collection of Stewart Thorndike on the webs. (and don’t even bother hovering yer cursor over each pic, I’m too sleepy to right slutty comments.)