Precious: Based On The New Orleans Saints Super Bowl Push by Drew Brees & Co.
08. Feb, 2010 
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Tag Archives: NFL
Muss suck to be the New England Patriots (11-5). They were a velcro helmet play away from being the first unbeaten team in the NFL since those annoying champagne popping ’72 Dolphins, but it’s wasn’t a total loss, since everyone in Nicaragua thinks they went 19-0 thanks to a boat load of free tees! The fluky Giants win was devastating, but with Thighgate and regular season perfection in the rear view mirror, they shouldn’t have any problem taking this rather weak division again. Of course this is predicated on Brady staying healthy, cause if he’s out, every opponent will be storming back-up Matt Cassel, but we thinks Brady will be fine so its a moat point. Farve will put some zing into Magenius Mangina’s New York Jets (7-9), so hopefully it will be enuff to keep Broadway Joe from molesting Suzy Kolber. The Miami Dolphins (6-10) will improve upon their one win total from last year thanks to new Execuitve VP Bill Parcells, and be slightly better than the Buffalo Bills (5-11), who now have to compete with the Argonauts for the hearts of all Torontonians. In a sign of unity, maybe they should get rid of all the fugly Buffalo Jills (what an hamazin’ name) and draft a few of the loveliest ‘nautsie’ Blue Thunder cheerleaders (we’ll take chubby cute-ster Cathy with the 5th pick overall), although they should be weary of their fans with extra long shirts
Don’t know how this could possibly happen, but after going thru all the games we predict that the Cincinnati Bengals (7-9) will win the division with a losing record, holding the tiebreaker over the overly prime-timed Cleveland Browns (7-9). We hope it doesn’t happen, since we’re closet Browns fans (probably has something to do with the NWAish Pro Line hat we love, lost, and then found love again with), but we juss don’t trust Derek Anderson after the INT party he threw at the end of last season, and who’s gonna top a team that has a guy who legally changed his name to Ocho Cinco (or as coach Marvin Lewis calls him, ‘Ocho Psycho’). If only Rod Smart had the smarts to legally change his name to He Hate Me, maybe he’d still be playing in the league. The Pittsburgh Steelers (6-10) will be too busy wondering why they don’t have a logo on both sides of their helmets to win and the Baltimore Ravens (5-11) will still be the Baltimore Ravens, even if they are finally free of Kyle Boller’s awfulness
The AFC South is mos def the second toughest division in the league, behind the NFC Beast flubvs course, and they will send three teams to the playoffs this year. The first two are obvious choices, as the Indianapolis Colts (12-4) and Jacksonville Jaguars (11-5) are the creme de le creme and menthe and meth vs chef vs the Swedish Chef vs Chef Boyardee vs Rick Dees nuts vs Chewbacca ate our balls, whatever all that means. The not so obvious third team is the Houston Texans (10-6), who we also picked last year to succeed. Guess we’re suckers for teams with Jewish back-up QBs. Long live Sage Rosenthalbergsteinbergfels!!! That leaves the Tennessee Titans (6-10) as the low man on the scrotem pole. They’ll never be any good with Vince Young, no matter how franztastic Jeff Fisher’s mustache is or how many heads Albert Haynesworth stomps on
Wees still are in shock that Norv Turner and his Noriega skin didn’t turn the San Diego Chargers (12-4) powerhouse into an instant sh$tstorm in his first season on the job. Granite, he has LT, Gates and a lotta other weapons at his disposal, but this is olde Norvie wees talkin about, a man who couldn’t coach his way outta a wet Papier-mâché factory! Well, they came awfully close to making it to the Super Bowl and this year we see no reason why they shouldn’t be able to punch that ticket. An armed and diabetic Jay Cutler will resurrect the Denver Broncos (10-6), regardless of which no-name RB Mike Shanahan digs up at his tanning salon, but with so many other fab AFC teams, they won’t be able t
o sneak into the payoffs. The Kansas City Chiefs (7-9) have nothing to work with, but Herm Edwards, who claims he hasn’t watched one Super Bowl since he played in one, has the magic touch and we eggspect him to polish these terds into something. As for the Oakland Raiders (4-12), they have a commitment to the opposite of excellence and should consider moving back to LA
yous thoughts wrongs AGAINS!
You’d think that whomever wears the NFC Beast’s (aka the NFL’s toughest division) crown would be tested enuff to have a clear path to the Super Bowl, but don’t tell that to puppet coach Wade Phillips and the crazy talent loaded Dallas Cowboys (13-3), who haven’t won a playoff game since 1996. Last year’s second in command, the New York Giants (8-8), won more road games last year than Cormac McCarthy facing off against Jack Kerouac on a cross-country Parker Bros tournament to make it to, and beyond sirprizingly win the Super Bowl. Well, the Giants are still a good team, even w/o Gap Tooth McGee, but we expect Eli to return to Earth and his errant passes to stop landing on the velcro attached to his receivers helmets, and juss miss the cut for the playoffs. Everyone’s been hyping up the Super Bowl winless Philadelphia Iggles (6-10), but you juss know that either McSnobb or Westbroke or both will incur some kinda injury and prevent something kinda wonderful from happening. Maybe they should juss forget about chasing Lea Thompson’s skirt [NSFW] and juss bang the drums of Mary Stuart Masterson. As for our beloved Washington Redskins (10-6), we never expect much from them any mo, but they have a wild card in their brand spankin new coach Jim Zorn(!!!!!!!). It could be a complete disaster or it could be the miracle that Chief Zee and the rest of the Redskins faithful have been waiting for since 1992. And if the worst happens, we wouldn’t mind seeing the way too slowly developing Jason Campbell get benched in favor of Billy Dee William’s favorite malt quarterback Colt Brennan. Remember kiddies, the last two times the Giants won the Super Bowl, the Skins won the following year
Does anyone outside of the Great Lakes area care about this division? Didn’t stinks so. They may have the bestest color combos in the league (well, besides the AFC North), but this isn’t Project Runway and none of them are as bangable as Kenley Collins (bi the gay, we totally wantz to remake The Notorious Bettie Page with her, and have to keep shooting multiple takes of all the nekkid scenes [NSFW]). Farve is gone, so this division is up for grabs. Any takers? The Green Bay Packers (7-9) won’t fall apart, but they won’t be as good without the Wrangler Jeans man, and soon they’ll be sorry that they didn’t let him throw the rest of his career’s interceptions at Lambeau (bi the gay part 38238128, dearly departed Sean Taylor intercepted the pass that put Farve alone atop of the all-time list). You don’t hear Jon Kitna making any bold predictions this year about the Detroit Lions (5-11), so it will come down to the Minnesota Vikings (9-7) and Kyle Orton’s neckbeard, aka the Chicago Bears (9-7). They both have sh&tty QBs, but the rest of their squadrons will make up for their shortcomings. The Vikes will edge out the Monsters of Midgay with a slightly better divisional record, and ruin it all by having a sex boat party, with Coach Childress offering mustache rides all night
For some reason, our mouths water like Ricky ever thyme we think of the NFC South. Probably has something to do with the fact that Popeyes comes from New Orleans (11-5) and Bojangles from Charlotte, where the Carolina Panthers (9-7) call home (take that people from South Carolina who root for em!). The Atlanta Falcons (6-10) are surrounded by fine soul food as well, but the teams with the fried chicken and biscuit sangwiche
s will rule our hearts, and this division. Plus they are still reeling from the Michael Vick dog days of summer and the straight up awful quitting of former coach Bobby Petrino. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-10) got Warrick Dunn back and we’ll take that as a sign of them going backwards… right to the cellar of the NFC South. There’s no way Drew Brees will start the season again with 4 straight losses, 1 TD and NINE INTs! They’ll make up for it big time with Deuce back in the hole and Visigoth Jeremy Shockey doing those silly antics that he anticizes so well. Man, are we hungry, but not as hungry as Charles Mann eating a Swanson’s Hungry Man dinner!
In the shockers of all shockers, not involving Jeremy Shockey (and Tara Reid), Hank Shocklee, the shocker or the cast of the refarted Wes Craven movie Shocker, the Arizona Cardinals (10-6), on the grocery baggin back of Kurt Warner, will knock the Seattle Seahawks (9-7) off the NFC West throne that they’ve occupied for 4 straight years. The Seahawks are hurtin at WR and have to lean heavily on the RBBC o’ Julius Jones and Maurice Morris. Having one RB with the same letter to begin both his first and last name is one thing, but when you have two, the world may juss explode. Don’t blame me if this happens, cause Nostradamus’ quatrains containing quadrangles said their right quads will rupture and that George W Bush will win a 3rd term and that John Kerry will never look cool throwing or catching a football. And we all know he called that last one right on da money so be careful peoples!!!! Both the San Francisco 49ers (7-9) and the St Louis Rams (6-10) won’t be as shitastic as they were before, but they’ll have to deal with more growing pains than Carol Seaver
yous thoughts wrongs!
ok, so we know they probs won’t be facin demselves in the XLII
although Toddball will finally get to add something
under ‘Career Highlights and Awards’ on his wiki page
but wethinks it will turn out a lil sumtang like dis…
yeah really
did yous all forget that the Colts were good?
yous probably did
and who wouldn’t want to see a Farve/Peyto finale?
well, maybe us
but only cause we want to see more
of SeaGal Tessa
How do you top an NFC preview with Megan Good in a Hooters outfit? You don’t, hispecially when we’ve already Addaied Another Day and Ted Koppled a Feel, so that’s why we went with another Megan Good in Hooters outfit image. Enjoy!
While the Bills, Fins and Jets will look for scapegoats when their seasons end after week 17, the New Englanders will be pleased as punch with their posse of Patsies, namely the overload of weapons they have at wide out. If Randy Moss gets his shiz together, Reche Caldwell & Jennifer Willbanks won’t be the only ones with their eyes a buggin’. And since the Pats have long erased the pain of their ye olde losing days and ways, is there any reason for them NOT to bring back the pimpin Pat Patriot logo and bright red jerseys? Some might say, best helmets and jersey combo mt EVERest!! Rumor has it that the change to the the ‘Flying Elvis’ logo made company buyer Victor Kiam buy the farm
Seriously, I’m gonna look into marrying this division. It’s the coolest of the cool, and even cooler than The Cooler icing his balls in a Coleman cooler whilst drinking box after box of Hi-C’s klassic Ecto-Cooler with Kool Moe Dee. Now that the Ravens and the Steelers have both kissed the Vince Lombardi Trophy in the aughties, I think it’s time for the Paul Brown boys from Ohio to get a shot. The Bengals have been to the big dance semi sorta not so recently, but they got bungled by the 49ers both times. They have a shot to get there this year, but yer tellin me that you would rather see them there then dem Browns? The Dawgs Pounders, the Lions, Saints and the Cards (yes, we’re purposely leaving Jacksonville and the Texans off that list) are still the only teams to never bask in that Super glory. If the Browns really want to winn, think Quinn, early and often… which shouldn’t be confused with Quinn Early
This division could easily be nicknamed ‘The New Kids on the Blecch’. Besides the well oiled machine that is the Colts (not to be confused with the WLAF team the Montreal Machine), the other three teams are a bigger crapshoot than filming a music video for Triumph the Comic Insult Dog (get it? didn’t think so u bumskulls). I mean, do the names Vince Young, David Garrard and Matt Schaub make anyone’s timbers shivered? Eye for one hactually think that Schaub has a darn good chance to turn the stalled David Carred franchise into a winner, but if the losing tradition continues for the Texans, he may being working at Charles Schwab faster than you can say ‘A Squabble for a Squab‘
The wisenheimer, and possibly ex-Kuppenheimer suit wearer, Marty Schottenheimer is gone from the Chargers sideline, and in his place is a proven loser, Norv Turner, who probably has the wurstest skin this side of Noriega burning his face on a waffle iron. But does it really matter who’s running that ship when LT opens the TD flood gates and Antonio Gates eats BLTs and farts home the bacons?!?! I don’t really understand what I just wrote, but I think it roughly translates into dem easily winning the division over such tom and chuck foolery/woolery that be the dull Cutlery of the Broncos, the not so hard knockin Chiefs and the cracked Magic Art Shell that be da Raiders. This west is about is wild as attending an Escape Club concert
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish
04. Sep, 2008 4 Comments
we already gave the NFC its due, so now it’s time to give the AFC (a conference with actual teams that don’t suck) the bidness. and w/o further Bob McAdoo…
AFC East
Muss suck to be the New England Patriots (11-5). They were a velcro helmet play away from being the first unbeaten team in the NFL since those annoying champagne popping ’72 Dolphins, but it’s wasn’t a total loss, since everyone in Nicaragua thinks they went 19-0 thanks to a boat load of free tees! The fluky Giants win was devastating, but with Thighgate and regular season perfection in the rear view mirror, they shouldn’t have any problem taking this rather weak division again. Of course this is predicated on Brady staying healthy, cause if he’s out, every opponent will be storming back-up Matt Cassel, but we thinks Brady will be fine so its a moat point. Farve will put some zing into Magenius Mangina’s New York Jets (7-9), so hopefully it will be enuff to keep Broadway Joe from molesting Suzy Kolber. The Miami Dolphins (6-10) will improve upon their one win total from last year thanks to new Execuitve VP Bill Parcells, and be slightly better than the Buffalo Bills (5-11), who now have to compete with the Argonauts for the hearts of all Torontonians. In a sign of unity, maybe they should get rid of all the fugly Buffalo Jills (what an hamazin’ name) and draft a few of the loveliest ‘nautsie’ Blue Thunder cheerleaders (we’ll take chubby cute-ster Cathy with the 5th pick overall), although they should be weary of their fans with extra long shirts
Boo-nus link: one of the dumbestest things we’ve seen this past year was SportsCenter’s Tony Sparano/Soprano bit. those guys should whack themselves, or at lest whack off to that Cowboy cheerleader
AFC North
Don’t know how this could possibly happen, but after going thru all the games we predict that the Cincinnati Bengals (7-9) will win the division with a losing record, holding the tiebreaker over the overly prime-timed Cleveland Browns (7-9). We hope it doesn’t happen, since we’re closet Browns fans (probably has something to do with the NWAish Pro Line hat we love, lost, and then found love again with), but we juss don’t trust Derek Anderson after the INT party he threw at the end of last season, and who’s gonna top a team that has a guy who legally changed his name to Ocho Cinco (or as coach Marvin Lewis calls him, ‘Ocho Psycho’). If only Rod Smart had the smarts to legally change his name to He Hate Me, maybe he’d still be playing in the league. The Pittsburgh Steelers (6-10) will be too busy wondering why they don’t have a logo on both sides of their helmets to win and the Baltimore Ravens (5-11) will still be the Baltimore Ravens, even if they are finally free of Kyle Boller’s awfulness
Boo-nus link: Brady Quinn is Facebook’s face of gay love, cause he loves to hand out hummers
AFC South
The AFC South is mos def the second toughest division in the league, behind the NFC Beast flubvs course, and they will send three teams to the playoffs this year. The first two are obvious choices, as the Indianapolis Colts (12-4) and Jacksonville Jaguars (11-5) are the creme de le creme and menthe and meth vs chef vs the Swedish Chef vs Chef Boyardee vs Rick Dees nuts vs Chewbacca ate our balls, whatever all that means. The not so obvious third team is the Houston Texans (10-6), who we also picked last year to succeed. Guess we’re suckers for teams with Jewish back-up QBs. Long live Sage Rosenthalbergsteinbergfels!!! That leaves the Tennessee Titans (6-10) as the low man on the scrotem pole. They’ll never be any good with Vince Young, no matter how franztastic Jeff Fisher’s mustache is or how many heads Albert Haynesworth stomps on
Boo-nus link: not to tootie our own horns, but the only things funnier than Peyton Manning on SNL is our photoshop Joseph Addai Another Day
AFC West
Wees still are in shock that Norv Turner and his Noriega skin didn’t turn the San Diego Chargers (12-4) powerhouse into an instant sh$tstorm in his first season on the job. Granite, he has LT, Gates and a lotta other weapons at his disposal, but this is olde Norvie wees talkin about, a man who couldn’t coach his way outta a wet Papier-mâché factory! Well, they came awfully close to making it to the Super Bowl and this year we see no reason why they shouldn’t be able to punch that ticket. An armed and diabetic Jay Cutler will resurrect the Denver Broncos (10-6), regardless of which no-name RB Mike Shanahan digs up at his tanning salon, but with so many other fab AFC teams, they won’t be able t
o sneak into the payoffs. The Kansas City Chiefs (7-9) have nothing to work with, but Herm Edwards, who claims he hasn’t watched one Super Bowl since he played in one, has the magic touch and we eggspect him to polish these terds into something. As for the Oakland Raiders (4-12), they have a commitment to the opposite of excellence and should consider moving back to LA
Boo-nus link: Brandon Marshall may not have slipped on a McDonalds bag, but that shouldn’t stop you from ogling this beautiful one from the 80s
Sesame Seeds:
#1 Indy
#2 San Diego
#3 New England
#4 Cincy
#5 Jacksonville
#6 Houston
AFC Champs: Del Chargers over the Jaguars in battle of kickers that will end in scandal with the indictment of the Nate Kaeding Five
Fantasy Outlook NFC Shazz
Wees Loves: Jay Cutler to Brandon Marshall all day long, Chris Chambers, Chris Johnson, Shayne Graham, Owen Daniels, Ricky Williams and his bong
Wees Hates: Ben Rothelsepenis, Jamal Lewis, any New England RB, the Cincy WRs, Tony Scheffler and Josh Scobee
Don’t Sleep On These Sleepers From Sleepy’s: James Hardy, Ray Rice, Javon Walker, the Bills D and Andy Bernard‘s rendition of ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonite’
wait, you thoughts we weren’t going to include ANOTHER hott pic of Meagaggggan Good in a Hooter Uni?
yous thoughts wrongs AGAINS!
peeweeviously:
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
03. Sep, 2008 6 Comments
we don’t really know anything about football, cept we love it slightly more than our parents and beating off. yet that won’t stop us from predicating the upcoming season, like we have for the past 2 seasons. this year we hactually looked at the entire schedule and figured out who would win and lose each game. you’ll see each team’s record forecast next to their name in parentheses. and w/o further Freddy Adu…
NFC East
You’d think that whomever wears the NFC Beast’s (aka the NFL’s toughest division) crown would be tested enuff to have a clear path to the Super Bowl, but don’t tell that to puppet coach Wade Phillips and the crazy talent loaded Dallas Cowboys (13-3), who haven’t won a playoff game since 1996. Last year’s second in command, the New York Giants (8-8), won more road games last year than Cormac McCarthy facing off against Jack Kerouac on a cross-country Parker Bros tournament to make it to, and beyond sirprizingly win the Super Bowl. Well, the Giants are still a good team, even w/o Gap Tooth McGee, but we expect Eli to return to Earth and his errant passes to stop landing on the velcro attached to his receivers helmets, and juss miss the cut for the playoffs. Everyone’s been hyping up the Super Bowl winless Philadelphia Iggles (6-10), but you juss know that either McSnobb or Westbroke or both will incur some kinda injury and prevent something kinda wonderful from happening. Maybe they should juss forget about chasing Lea Thompson’s skirt [NSFW] and juss bang the drums of Mary Stuart Masterson. As for our beloved Washington Redskins (10-6), we never expect much from them any mo, but they have a wild card in their brand spankin new coach Jim Zorn(!!!!!!!). It could be a complete disaster or it could be the miracle that Chief Zee and the rest of the Redskins faithful have been waiting for since 1992. And if the worst happens, we wouldn’t mind seeing the way too slowly developing Jason Campbell get benched in favor of Billy Dee William’s favorite malt quarterback Colt Brennan. Remember kiddies, the last two times the Giants won the Super Bowl, the Skins won the following year
Boo-nus link: we’re looking fwd to more YouTube madness this season from BradyFan83. his bestest work to date is his Daniel Snyder coaching search laff riot titled Who The Hell Should I Hire
NFC North
Does anyone outside of the Great Lakes area care about this division? Didn’t stinks so. They may have the bestest color combos in the league (well, besides the AFC North), but this isn’t Project Runway and none of them are as bangable as Kenley Collins (bi the gay, we totally wantz to remake The Notorious Bettie Page with her, and have to keep shooting multiple takes of all the nekkid scenes [NSFW]). Farve is gone, so this division is up for grabs. Any takers? The Green Bay Packers (7-9) won’t fall apart, but they won’t be as good without the Wrangler Jeans man, and soon they’ll be sorry that they didn’t let him throw the rest of his career’s interceptions at Lambeau (bi the gay part 38238128, dearly departed Sean Taylor intercepted the pass that put Farve alone atop of the all-time list). You don’t hear Jon Kitna making any bold predictions this year about the Detroit Lions (5-11), so it will come down to the Minnesota Vikings (9-7) and Kyle Orton’s neckbeard, aka the Chicago Bears (9-7). They both have sh&tty QBs, but the rest of their squadrons will make up for their shortcomings. The Vikes will edge out the Monsters of Midgay with a slightly better divisional record, and ruin it all by having a sex boat party, with Coach Childress offering mustache rides all night
Boo-nus link: last year for Halloween Kitna dressed up as Lions’ naked Wendy’s midnight running coach Joe Cullen. it’s gonna be hard to top that this year, but might we suggest that he go as former coach Wayne Fontes dressed up like Cobra Commander
NFC South
For some reason, our mouths water like Ricky ever thyme we think of the NFC South. Probably has something to do with the fact that Popeyes comes from New Orleans (11-5) and Bojangles from Charlotte, where the Carolina Panthers (9-7) call home (take that people from South Carolina who root for em!). The Atlanta Falcons (6-10) are surrounded by fine soul food as well, but the teams with the fried chicken and biscuit sangwiche
s will rule our hearts, and this division. Plus they are still reeling from the Michael Vick dog days of summer and the straight up awful quitting of former coach Bobby Petrino. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-10) got Warrick Dunn back and we’ll take that as a sign of them going backwards… right to the cellar of the NFC South. There’s no way Drew Brees will start the season again with 4 straight losses, 1 TD and NINE INTs! They’ll make up for it big time with Deuce back in the hole and Visigoth Jeremy Shockey doing those silly antics that he anticizes so well. Man, are we hungry, but not as hungry as Charles Mann eating a Swanson’s Hungry Man dinner!
Boo-nus link: skip the beer this fall and sip on Bobby Hebert’s Cajun Cannon Cabernet, in the name of charity, of course
NFC West
In the shockers of all shockers, not involving Jeremy Shockey (and Tara Reid), Hank Shocklee, the shocker or the cast of the refarted Wes Craven movie Shocker, the Arizona Cardinals (10-6), on the grocery baggin back of Kurt Warner, will knock the Seattle Seahawks (9-7) off the NFC West throne that they’ve occupied for 4 straight years. The Seahawks are hurtin at WR and have to lean heavily on the RBBC o’ Julius Jones and Maurice Morris. Having one RB with the same letter to begin both his first and last name is one thing, but when you have two, the world may juss explode. Don’t blame me if this happens, cause Nostradamus’ quatrains containing quadrangles said their right quads will rupture and that George W Bush will win a 3rd term and that John Kerry will never look cool throwing or catching a football. And we all know he called that last one right on da money so be careful peoples!!!! Both the San Francisco 49ers (7-9) and the St Louis Rams (6-10) won’t be as shitastic as they were before, but they’ll have to deal with more growing pains than Carol Seaver
Boo-nus link: apparently our main SeaGal Tessa was the last one picked to make this year’s squad. don’t fret Tess, cause yer #1 in our heart(throbbing)
Seeds:
#1 Dallas
#2 Nawlins
#3 Arizona
#4 Minnesota
#5 Redskins
#6 Carolina
NFC Champs: Nawlins over the Cowboys in a high scoring affair
Fantasy Outlook NFC Shazz
Wees Loves: Marion the Barberion, Plax, Michael Turner, Kevin Smith, Nate Burleson, Witten, Chris Cooley and his wife
Wees Hates: McBlabb, anyone on Tampa, Viking & Redskins WRs
Don’t Sleep On These Sleepers From Sleepy’s: DeSean Jackson, Devin Hester, Josh Morgan, Kevin Boss and The Big Sleep
wait, you thoughts we weren’t going to include that hott pic of Meagaggggan Good in a Hooter Uni?
yous thoughts wrongs!
stay pooned for our AFC puddin poptacular!
peeweeviously:
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish
The Road To SB XLII Mora or Lessa
04. Jan, 2008 0 Comments
when it came to predicting this year’s NFL playoff teams we were about as hot and sloppy as some of the toilet dwellers on RateMyPoo.com (2 correct in the NFC and 4 in the more predictable AFC), but that won’t stop us from picking the winners now that the real show is about to begin. we last gave it a shot/really cared back in the early ‘006, as our beloved Skins were riding a 5 game winning streak on the weak arm of Mark Boo-nell. well, it’s 2 years later and thanks to some Todd Collins wet dreams, our belovededs have won 4 straight and are about to do the impossible…
ok, so we know they probs won’t be facin demselves in the XLII
although Toddball will finally get to add something
under ‘Career Highlights and Awards’ on his wiki page
but wethinks it will turn out a lil sumtang like dis…
yeah really
did yous all forget that the Colts were good?
yous probably did
and who wouldn’t want to see a Farve/Peyto finale?
well, maybe us
but only cause we want to see more
of SeaGal Tessa
YUM
who you gots?
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish
06. Sep, 2007 4 Comments
How do you top an NFC preview with Megan Good in a Hooters outfit? You don’t, hispecially when we’ve already Addaied Another Day and Ted Koppled a Feel, so that’s why we went with another Megan Good in Hooters outfit image. Enjoy!
AFC East
While the Bills, Fins and Jets will look for scapegoats when their seasons end after week 17, the New Englanders will be pleased as punch with their posse of Patsies, namely the overload of weapons they have at wide out. If Randy Moss gets his shiz together, Reche Caldwell & Jennifer Willbanks won’t be the only ones with their eyes a buggin’. And since the Pats have long erased the pain of their ye olde losing days and ways, is there any reason for them NOT to bring back the pimpin Pat Patriot logo and bright red jerseys? Some might say, best helmets and jersey combo mt EVERest!! Rumor has it that the change to the the ‘Flying Elvis’ logo made company buyer Victor Kiam buy the farm
Boo-nus link: Brady bunch mother Bridget Moynahan making out with Heather Graham
AFC North
Seriously, I’m gonna look into marrying this division. It’s the coolest of the cool, and even cooler than The Cooler icing his balls in a Coleman cooler whilst drinking box after box of Hi-C’s klassic Ecto-Cooler with Kool Moe Dee. Now that the Ravens and the Steelers have both kissed the Vince Lombardi Trophy in the aughties, I think it’s time for the Paul Brown boys from Ohio to get a shot. The Bengals have been to the big dance semi sorta not so recently, but they got bungled by the 49ers both times. They have a shot to get there this year, but yer tellin me that you would rather see them there then dem Browns? The Dawgs Pounders, the Lions, Saints and the Cards (yes, we’re purposely leaving Jacksonville and the Texans off that list) are still the only teams to never bask in that Super glory. If the Browns really want to winn, think Quinn, early and often… which shouldn’t be confused with Quinn Early
Boo-nus link: only the master da baters in the know, know that slapping off to Mustard Man is best done wit Clevtown’s Stadium Mustard
AFC South
This division could easily be nicknamed ‘The New Kids on the Blecch’. Besides the well oiled machine that is the Colts (not to be confused with the WLAF team the Montreal Machine), the other three teams are a bigger crapshoot than filming a music video for Triumph the Comic Insult Dog (get it? didn’t think so u bumskulls). I mean, do the names Vince Young, David Garrard and Matt Schaub make anyone’s timbers shivered? Eye for one hactually think that Schaub has a darn good chance to turn the stalled David Carred franchise into a winner, but if the losing tradition continues for the Texans, he may being working at Charles Schwab faster than you can say ‘A Squabble for a Squab‘
Boo-nus link: we all knew that Peyto was hilarious, but married? Meet Mrs Manning, courtesy of the world’s mos popular magazine, Indianapolis Woman Magazine
AFC West
The wisenheimer, and possibly ex-Kuppenheimer suit wearer, Marty Schottenheimer is gone from the Chargers sideline, and in his place is a proven loser, Norv Turner, who probably has the wurstest skin this side of Noriega burning his face on a waffle iron. But does it really matter who’s running that ship when LT opens the TD flood gates and Antonio Gates eats BLTs and farts home the bacons?!?! I don’t really understand what I just wrote, but I think it roughly translates into dem easily winning the division over such tom and chuck foolery/woolery that be the dull Cutlery of the Broncos, the not so hard knockin Chiefs and the cracked Magic Art Shell that be da Raiders. This west is about is wild as attending an Escape Club concert
Boo-nus link: shiz was mad wild in my middle school days at Julius West, hispecially when everyone had a crush on the girl who was more adorablerer than early 90s Winona Ryder, which resulted years later in a harold minor world internets sensation
Seeds:
#1 Pats
#2 Colts
#3 Chargers
#4 Bengals
#5 Steelers
#6 Texans
AFC Champs: Chargers
Super Bowl Winner: Chargers over the Saints
Fantasy Outlook AFC Shazz
Me loves: Philip Rivers, Rudi Johnson, Lee Evans, Owen Daniels, Matt Stover and the Colts D
Me hates: Vince Young, Thomas Jones, Hines Ward (although I love him as a man), Dallas Clark and any D that gets picked before the 2nd to last round
Don’t sleep on these sleepers from Sleepy’s: any Texan, LenDale White, Brandon Marshall, Heath Miller, the Bills D and the Bogie/Bacall joint, The Big Sleep
Thighs Wide Shirts!!
007
1970s
1980s
Andy Rooney
Animated Gifs
Back To The Future
beard
Bitched At Swirth
Blur
boobs
Borat
Breast In Show
Camilla Belle
Clockwork Orange
Coney Island
Cuthbert
Dakota Fanning
Damon Albarn
Disney
fap
Flight of the Conchords
Gorillaz
Hitchcock
India Reynolds
James Bond
Jeepers Worth A Peepers
Jennifer Ellison
Kubrick
Lindsay Lohan
Lucy Pinder
McDonalds
museum
mustache
Nintendo
Redskins
Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous
Stanley Kubrick
Star Wars
Subway
Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges
Terps
The Shining
The White Stripes
Twin Peaks
YTMND
