Thighs Wide Shut

Stranded: I Have Come From
A Plane That Crashed
On The Mountains
It’s Plane To See
Trailers & Mo

Did you see that 1993 movie Alive, where Ethan Hawke and a bunch of other non-Latin lookin actors pretended their hearts out trying to dramatize the hardships that them Uruguayan rugby players endured back in 1972 when their plane crashed in the Andes mountains, and ultimately forced them to eat their deceased friends and family in order to stay… ALIVE? If your answer is yes, for the love of Gob, forget that Hollywood nonsense and join the rest of us uninitiated by (yeah, we can’t believe we never saw that movie either, but had to after…) seeing Stranded: I Have Come From a Plane That Crashed on the Mountains, a brand new unbelievable (seriously, it’s truly not believable what happened to these peoples) and beyond captivating doc that tells this ultimate tale of survival from the actual survivors themselves. It isn’t the first doc made on the subject, nor probably the last… there’s actually a Martin Sheen narrated one entitled Alive: 20 Years Later on the Alive DVD, but with a runtime of 50ish minutes they barely scratch the emotional and harrowing surface of what went on. Stranded is necessarily longer, clocking in at almost 2 hours, and covers more bases than the Yankees’ infield in an entire season. A lot of these last men standing haven’t spoken publicly about the tragic events in ages, so this rare recounting and reflection is to be watched and marveled at in udder awe. If the doc doesn’t make it to yo town, be sure to add this, along with Touching The Void and Little Dieter Needs to Fly, two other equally HAMazin modern day survival doc tales, to your Netflix queue pronto tonto!

Alive and Wellness : be sure to czech out this official website about the accident, set up by the survivors

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Fear(s) of the Dark
(Peur(s) du noir)
Have No Fear(s)
Trailers & Mo

Six highly touted comic and graphic artists (Blutch, Charles Burns, Marie Caillou, Pierre Di Sciullo, Lorenzo Mattotti, and Richard McGuire) have come together to make a really cool looking collection of scary stories (the bestest being the one about the creepy dude and his attack dogs) that overall turn out to be not very cool or all that scary. The mos frightening thing is having to read English subtitles for the French audio, which constantly averts our eyes away from feasting on the stark, yet beautiful black and white cartoons. It was eggscusable for Persepolis, which was rich in story and dialog, but Fear(s)‘ yarns are such yawns that subtitles or no subtitles, you’re better off staying home and reading Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Ichabod Cranium: in the house of Thighs, there’s only one toon that’s required viewing for Halloween, Disney’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

both films open in NYC today

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

After 86 Episodes
(about 1/3 amazin, 1/3 passable, and 1/3 of them watching TV or movies aka ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZ)
The Sopranos
PEACES THE FORK OUT
for goodsies

January 10, 1999 to June 10, 2007

Metal Skool w/ Tony Romo and Mr. Belding > David Chase

+ these other boo-byes…

Hi-Fiver now a zeroer
Mr Cheez Whiz fizzez out
NASCAR’s France crashes
New Waver waves goodbye
photog Seawell aint well nos mos
world’s oldest pony sleeps with the fishes
& Somalia’s 1st prez pressed his luck and got whammyed

Leon spinks I forgot all about our current and mos luscious jackson of Her Royal Thighnesseses, Camilla Who Rungeth Ma Albert’s Liberty Taco Belle? I didn’t, but you did, you JERKS and JERKETTES! Well, she got into a bit o trouble a few months back and had waz forced to go all underground hiding and shit thru Thighland’s Jehovah Witness Relocation Program. They totally made her ditch her identity and loosen her panties and made her up to look like the Baroness, for her own security, and for my own sick perverted animated porn fantasies with the first lady of Cobra

But she’s back-tion like Action Jackson (if they ever went all sequel on us and stuff), and been busier and bustier than ever, with my doctor ordered 18 daily HJs, tossing out all the bananas from our bags of Runts, and the mos daunting task of dem all, taking Sio Jr and Edgar Jr to Hebrew school. You can’t imagine how much of my DNA dem kids gots. I never wanted to go either, and I complained so much to my rents that they took me out.

Two things that should be important, but really isnaren’t: Bonds on Babe and Marissa Coop flying the coop

Two things no one ever wanted to see together: Cuthbert AND rape

60 minutes well spent that you probsbbsbsly spent elsewhere, like watching crap on CrapTV: 60 Minutes‘s 60 minutes of nuttin but Mike Wallace. I doubt it’ll be this grand when Morley Safer calls it quits

Paris Hilton has delayed the release of her debut album because she wants to include a cover of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy [Menyinc] If we count our lucky starz, maybe she’ll delay it even more than more and cover ‘Ebony and Ivory’ with Perez! Can you say Apocalypse 91 now?

¿¿¿Tommy Hilfiger pummeled Axl Rose??? What? Did Hilf throw Buckethead’s bucket over W Rose’s head, at Rosario’s b-day shabang?

EW operation dumbo dropped The 25 Best Music Websites in their shlumble opinion. I think they’re a bunch of effin carnivores, cause how else could they explain the omission of the single bestest music site on the interwebs/nets/netwebs, Brooklyn Vegan. Bastages!! I bet if they did a Top 25 Thigh-Related sites thingamajig, we wouldn’t even make the top million billion

Flyest semi-undiscovered singer I last mentioned in Rocktober of ’04 but wanted to bring to yer attention 1nce again cause I came all over across her myspace page and she’s still mad fly and I’m totally headICKted to her knees’ beesish song ‘Here With You’: Marie’ Digby

Sites that juss went live, that aren’t really lively: CWTelly, Casino Royal, and Lily Allen

Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair [Mini Soda Vikings]

The royal tongue

Dirk Loves Hasselhoff

Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting

When THEY were young, which should not be confused with the long lost Great Outdoorer Chris Young

Carnie Wilson, preggers or inhaling bacon again?

Rita Wilson, for those of you with an appreciation…

Duncan aint gots nuttin on this Hinds

Covers will tear us apart

We refuse to link to 10 Things I Hate About Commandments… I’ve had funnier pimples on my a$$. I’ve also had your mother, but only I found that funny

Is it possible to make love to all of des vintage NFL posters? Or would poking a hole for my shlong ruin their value? I dunno, someone call Beckett

The ONLY Chuck Norris animated gif you need to see today [My Man Marv]

The ONLY NSFW animated gif you need to see today

Nipple sucking [NSFW]

Really Bad Tattoos Pts 1, 2, & 3

Ear Wax Candy

ZOOperstars! [Poon]

Waffle House, please take
note

70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse [DataQue?]

Northwestern Women’s Soccer Team Initiation Includes Pictures of Bondage, Lap Dances, and Simulated Sex Acts [You Sonkin My Battleship]

Ronald hunts McFly, YTMD staz

What’s for dinner?

And from the music video annals of my middle schoolish anus:

ABC’s ‘Iesha’
+
Technotronic’s ‘Get Up’
Roxette’s ‘The Look’ + [d]
Young MC’s ‘Bust A Move’ + [d]
Marky Mark And The Funky Bunch’s ‘Good Vibrations’ + [d]
Peter Gabriel’s ‘Steam’
The Proclaimers’ ‘500 Miles’ + [d]
RHCP’s ‘Under The Bridge’ + [d]
Gerardo’s ‘Rico Suave’ + [d]
Tony! Toni! Tone!’s ‘Feels Good’
Black Crowes’ ‘Hard to Handle’ + [d]
Sir Mix A Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back’ + [d]
Edie Brickell And The New Bohemian’s ‘What I Am’ + [d]
Billy Idol’s ‘Cradle of Love’
Beastie Boys’ ‘So What’cha Want’ + [d]
Alannah Myles’ ‘Black Velvet’ [d]
Soul II Soul’s ‘Back to Life’ + [d]
Fine Young Cannibals’ ‘She Drives me Crazy’ + [d]
Stereo MCs’ ‘Connected’
any Guns N’ Roses, but in pardick, ‘Garden Of Eden’ + [d]
Boyz II Men’s ‘Motownphilly’
The Belle Stars’ ‘Iko Iko’ + [d]
Cathy Dennis’ ‘Touch Me (All Night Long)’
Lucas’ ‘Lucas With The Lid Off’
U2’s ‘Mysterious Ways’ + [d]
Divinyls’ ‘I Touch Myself’ + [d]
(her boobs single handedly got me thru all of 1992,
pun and no pun intended)
Londonbeat’s ‘I’ve Been Thinking About You’
Ice T’s ‘New Jack Hustler’
Go West’s ‘King of Wishful Thinking’
Martika’s ‘Toy Soldiers’ + [d]
MC Hammer’s ‘Too Legit To Quit’
REM’s ‘Losing My Religion’ + [d]
Michael Penn’s ‘No Myth’ + [d]
Kris Kross’s ‘Jump’ + [d]
Utah Saints feat Kate Bush ‘Something Good’ + [d]
House of Pain’s ‘Jump Around’ + [d]
PM Dawn’s ‘Set Adrift On Memory Bliss’
Dee-Lite’s ‘Groove is in the Heart’ + [d]
Biz Markie’s ‘Just a Friend’ + [d]
The Traveling Wilburys’ ‘End of the Line’
Ice Cube’s ‘Wicked’
C&C Music Factory + F’dom Williams’ ‘Gonna Make You Sweat’ + [d]
Anthrax & Public Enemy ‘Bring the Noise’
TMBG’s ‘Birdhouse In Your Soul’ + [d]
Cypress Hill’s ‘Hand On The Pump’ + [d]
Nelson’s ‘(Can’t Live Without Your) Love And Affection’
Big Audio Dynamite’s ‘Rush’
Wilson Philips’s ‘Hold On’
Partners In Kryme’s ‘Turtle Power’ + [d]
Catherine Wheel’s ‘Black Metallic’ +[d]
Suzanne Vega’s ‘Tom’s Diner’ + [d]
The KLF’s ‘3am Eternal’ + [d]
Bel Biv DeVoe’s ‘Do Me’ & ‘Poison’ [d]
Pearl Jam’s ‘Porch (Unplugged)’ + [d]
and cause I can never get enuff of it
Snap!’s ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’ [d, again]

I’m sure I’ve missed some, but I’m only human and I have to sleep at some point, hispecially with some French Open and crab eating in my near future. What bout you’alls? What was up yer anus during yer middle schoolish daze, when we didn’t have good taste in music, we hung on Adam Curry‘s every word and cassingles were the Bar Mitzvah DJ’s giveaway of choice?

Recently, I had a lil convo with my adopted daughter, Van Dame Dakota Fanbelt the I, about how Ellen Burstyn and Denise Richards’ performances in Requiem for a Dream and Starship Troopers, respectively, were the mos hosed over come Oscar time. When I asked her which two bizatches’ performances would top her list, without blinking an eye, she replied, ‘Joan Cusack’s thumcredible work in 16 Cans and Lane’s nightmare calculator date hater from Better Off Dead.‘ At first I didn’t really understand what she meant by that, considering she is the devil, but all of the sudden, everything is illuminated…

[via Dlistina]
• IT happened again. She looked like her old self, but this time, there was less hand holding, and a lot more dry humping. Can anyone tell me what this means?

• Does this mean that when KK read my review, she beatoff with a bottle of HP sauce for 48 hours straight? Honey, if yer cravin the brown sauce, lemme eat some tacos from the truck and I’ll be over quicker than u can say lickity shitz.

• Reason #45512315 thousand thousand why our MTV Awards show blows goats and theirs doesn’t

• Every time I fly JetBlue (all of two times), for some reason I can’t stop watching the Game Show Network. Last time I viddied The Family Feud and this last go around it was all about the Tom Bergeron hosted version of Hollywood Squares. While I was in the process of slitting my eyes out, I kept wondering to myself, razor blade in hand, whatever happened to John Davidson and that killer hair? Luckily I’m an avid reader YCMIU, who’s always 4 steps ahead me.

• HRT the IV plans on penning a a sex guide book (I may write the foreword… or the index). And if you find that thought repulsive, try imagining Sarah Jessica Parker’s clown/horse face while having sex with Brian Peppers… who may actually be more attractive.

• Pay the man, Shirley

• Attack of the killer zzzzzzzs

• Apparently no one is safe from growing up awkward in the world of Harry Pothead. Not even everyone’s favorite twins, no, not those Aryan Nazi kids, but Fred and George Weasley!

If these films were made in the mid 80s, Jeremy Miller would’ve been the Marlon Brando of the group. [more Potter pics]

• Wait til Fred hears about this! Yabba dabbo BOOOOOOO!!!

• I’m thinking about seeing the Ladytron DJs (Reuben Wu and Mira Aroyo) at Rothko in early November. Can anyone tell me if its a thing mary worth thingining?

• The 100 Oldest Currently Registered .com Domains [via Hairy Cubes]

• I’m all for a future where boobs store mp3s

• San Francisco in Jell-O

• Is Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffwelchevoralternwarengewissenschaftschafe rswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifeudurch ihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvorandieerscheinenersch einenvanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraft gestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternaitigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelche gehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevonverstandigmens chlichkeitkonntefortpflanzenundsicherfeuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitn icheinfurchtvorangreifenvonandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischenternart Zeus igraum Senior the new John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, or is it the other way around?

• Wax On, Wax Hoff [via Pakulashaker]

• And lastly, but not leastly, we bid much adieu (a ‘peace the spork’ is kinda rude here) to the great, great, great, great, great, great, Rosa Parks. She hated standing (right Cedric?), she hated Outkast, she probably loved Olney, MD (home of Hofpenis and Guns n Rosenthal), and apparently, she appeared in an episode of Touched by an Angel. I mean, what else is there to say, cept thanks for making a stand… by sitting, which is what our country does best.

1913-2005

• What a rip-roarin rip-torin effin time me and HRT the III had at this year’s ESPYs. Sure, winning the Best Female Tennis Player award wasn’t even a challenge, but I was a lil perturbed when Annika Sorenstam edged out the Mrs to ‘win’ Best Female Athlete honors. I guess the swimsuit part of the competition didn’t sway the judges one bit. But whatta we care, those stinkin awards are the sports equivalent of Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards, aka something as meaningless as a PT Anderson film. And what was really odd about the whole thang, no not our visit to the Playboy Mansion, was when she presented the award for Best Baseball Player ashlongside Lohag the Wurstest The I’s former flame-broiled hamburgler, Wilmer Valderrama!! Talk about awkwardness from Auckland!!! When I asked Pova to reflect on the whole evening, she said something about vodka, pouring, on her, naked, those lap pillows, and Tetris. I was a lil confused by that, but maybe it’ll make a bit more sense when we travel to the Kremlin Cup this Rocktober.

• Caught Röyksopp‘s thumbcredible show at Irving Platz last nite. Played two encores and two songs twice. Odd, but fantabulous!!! Continues theory that ‘electronic’ groups put on more funner shows than ‘normal’ bands do. See also Air, Basement Jaxx, and Chemical Brothers, who’s latest album I first lo-hated on, but have now grown to lo-ve. Push the Button and buy the damn thing already!!

• Save the date: July 4th, 2007

• It would take 36 straight weeks under the knife to make Kelly Osbourne look attractive. Too bad a knife can’t solve personality issues…

• I’m sirprized she didn’t slip out of the lap bar

• The only way to look at Lennon and Harrison’s deaths as a good thing

• Please, don’t be boring like that last album

• I wanna lick Charlotte Church’s green eyes and then mate with her so my children can have even greener eyes and chunky thighs!

• The Worst Rock Dads of All Time

• The Top 12 Hottest Female Guitarists Ever? I dunno, but my two most flavorite hottiest female bass players are Jill Cunniff, of Luscious Jackson fame, and Kim Coletta, of Jawbox game. [via Emmanem]

• Grovers Mill, New Jersey probably wished it was actually attacked by Martians

• Graceland is to Elvis as Iceland is to Elves

• Man Used Electric Underpants ‘To Fake Heart Attack’ [via NOTW]

• And while you martin mull over thats take a look at Pinder’s tats

[taz always via Double Viking]