Thighs Wide Shut

*hispecially if yer in NYC dat is

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1) Sell A Kidney & Go See The Gorillaz at The Apollo Theater – We caught last night’s show, and we muss say, worth every penny… that my sperm donations coughed up. I mean, when else are you going to go to the Apollo Theater? Sure, the animation screen center-peace was esta roto (that’s ‘broken’ for you non-Nine Inch Nails fans), but I hactually believe that that was a happy accident. Why? Well, I caught the awkward multi-media-a-thon that was the Feb 2002 show at Hammerstein, where the music was pitch-perfect, but the performance was too impersonal. Watching people play in silhouettes, while cartoons play on a giant screen doesn’t make for a most user-friendly evening.

So tonight, when the cartoons were forcibly given the night off, the focus was solely on the musicians, who no longer could hide behind the screen. Sans Dennis Hopper and MF Doom, who’s mask was probably still at the dry cleaners, every guest star from the album showed up to bring Demon Days to life, track by track. AND OH BOY DID THEY!!! Highlights include De La Soul’s Pasemaster Mase’s endless ha-ha-ha laff, Rosie Wilson’s backing vocals outshining Shaun Ryder’s on ‘DARE’ (when I was ass-raping myself), and the kids choir from the Terry Wright Project, who seemed to enjoy themselves more than the subdued crowd (I SAY BOO YOU BLOODY YANKS). Attending this show was indeed an honor, for it is one of only 10 performances of its kind that will ever be staged. Sure, it was only 70 minutes long, but what more could one ask for? Well, since we’re asking, how bout bringing out Del Tha Funkee Homosapien for ‘Clint Eastwood’? Want more? Music Snob goes the distance + pics (like the one knicked above) vis a BV

2) Munch @ MoMA – Dude, 10th best art-ease-it of balls thyme gets a royal treatment in midtown. And if you see this eggzibition, you’ll never have to visit Oslo, Norway, EVER! Unless, of course, you win a Nobel Peace Prize, or something.

3) Biennial @ The Whitney – Not nearly as grand as the three I’ve seen since 2000, but there’s always interestingness abound when the Biennial takes over NY’s third home of art. And although all video art muss be banned, I think everyone has to give Francesco Vezzoli’s trailer for his faux remake of Gore Vidal’s Caligula a peep. I mean, women sucking on strap-ons is never a bad thing, right?

4) Soul Food @ Amy Ruth’s – Smothered fried chicken, mac n cheese, and candied yams… my trifecta of heaveness-ness. It’s up to you whether you want to wash it down with fresh lemonade or the Kool-Aid of the day

5) Re-Watch Last Night’s Sopranos – Cause any episode where Paulie Walnuts is king, is king!!

6) Netflix The Squid & The Whale – duhvs

7) Celebrate College Basketball Tonight – Even dough George Mason is gone, but not forgotten, after tonight, it’s nothing but basebore until NFL preaseason. Wake me up in August, but in the meantime GO NATS!!!

8) Shave Your Grundle – or ELSE!!!

We get it, you aren’t returning to Blur, and yer gonna release 153153 more albums before they release their ‘nasty, dirty, filthy rock music’. So Golden Graham, what makes you so great? ‘You’re So Great’, cover by unknown [d]

+ a blag dedicated to nuttin but Blur B-sides, remixez, and live mp3szz

Jen, no one wants to hear or watch you sing, hispecially since yer boobs aren’t predominantly displayed in 98% of yer leggy video

Give Land Minds The Boot, and in the process, get yerself some pre-owned famous footwear

Only #23 for ‘sasha cohen picture everyone is talking about‘? Tau is that poopable when everyone and their wolfmother are still talkin bout these

Smutskaya‘s the limit

The Official Shotgun Rules & The Shotgun Guide [AskY!]

How to mess with Coke Machines [Minnie Soda Vikings]

Pizza + Penis = You Know You’re Gonna Click It AND It’s NSFW So What The Fork Are You Waiting For?

and

[T&C]

Andy Rooney deconstructs the Girl Scout Cookie

Raconteurs, Glasgow’s ABC 3/21/06, d-lodlicous

Gorillaz to quit by Christmas? Cause who’d dare ruin (C)Hanukkah? Maybe the only splittin’ they doin is like the Bananas

B sure to mark November 3rd down on yer Anne Geddes calendars, cause The Santa Clause 3, Flushed Away, and Borat battle for box office bourne supremacy. Here’s hoping everyone’s flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition

Peace the fork out Buck-O, Lacostly guy, and Richard Fleischer, director of Conan, stuff, and Soylent Green… mmm, soylent green

Nadine Coyle going solo? Who?

Trent Reznor is more gay than Rudy

What planet does Samuel L hail from? I thought it was Haruun Kal, but it lookin mo like the animal planet. First we gets Snakes On a Plane, and next, Farce of the Penguins

Spreaking de deutsche of, guess we can cross Mace Windex off for next Friday [Passout]

Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief

Must Love Jaws

‘Karma In The Life’ Beatles vs Radiohead [d vis PBliss]

The 2006 Tribeca Film Fest’s line-up has been unleashed. Passess are already on sale, with single tix for Amex peeps begin on the 8th. More ticketing details here.

After a qwik look schedule, here be things I’d like to viddy well:
-Michael Winterbottom’s The Road To Guantanamo
-the rise and fall of the NY Cosmos, Once in a Lifetime
–Colour Me Kubrick
-Sydney Pollack’ Sketches of Frank Gehry
–Clarissa directs it all
-Richard E. Grant’s Wah-Wah
-Rosie Perez can‘t jump co-direct?
-Jeff Garlin’s I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With
–Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple
-Bruce McCulloch’s Comeback Season
–Vinny Chase’s short film (no word if Siagon did the score or not)
–something with the hotness that is Catalina Sandino Moreno

How dare someone outbid me on an autographed Jim Larranaga bidness card

every single Jennifer Connelly nude scene known to man + a$$ 2 a$$ [NSFW]

Anyone else miss hot-arsed Chloë, circa 1995?

Not even her NSFW ass of today can make her fappable

Mike Wallace wanted to do Pat Nixon

Muzak to get ya to holla for Lolla:
-‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley [d or Prince mash-up]
-‘Bongo Bong’ by Manu Chao [d]
-‘Oh Yeah’ by The Subways [d]
-‘Mary Ann’ by Manishevitz [d]
-‘Hello Drama’ by What Made Milwaukee Famous [d]

Skeletor ass rapes Britney Spears statue! How PRO-LIFEic [NSFW?]

Who knew that Stephen Stucker was dead. Wait, who’s Stephen Stucker? Did he f@#k Nadine Coyle? Who? And what did Horton hear?

Community Shelter Planning, starring Gene Hackman [PCL Dumps]

A (Not So) Complete History of Band Tattoos

Philippine Basketball Association’s teams [Cheez WizzzNutzzz]

Classic Trailers, hincluding a bunch of ‘cockian ones [VaGinaM]

The Big Labowski

Two More Playboy Cartoonists

Operation McFly

unaired Wonder Showzen pilot

Hate the whole ‘ladies first philosophy? Like everything else, blame the Jews [AskY]

Meat Dishes Men Like

A Bluegrass Tribute to Air

Phat Girlz screeningz

Sacred Destinations, for you, me, and comic book characters, regardless of their religious affiliation. Whaaaaaaaaa, The Thing/Benjamin Jacob Grimm was Jewish?

(sorry about all the Jew stuff today, but maybe I’m juss a lil vexed about ABC ditchin the Heston version of The Ten Commandments for the brand spankin new Dougray Scott one)

Made of Brawn-steen (aka The Brickhouse aka the Thighther in Law) placed 8th at the Corned Beef and Cabbage Competition. Next stop, after the toilet, eating his own hand

ABC News hearts up-to date vagina

We hearts Jenny McCarthy’s nekkid sister Amy [NSFW]

and Diana’s penchant for guinea pigs

and unknown Hilton cousin Farrah Aldjufrie too

Get AYDS [My Man Marvkus]

Mountain Dew Fisting [NSFW vis Ef Everytang]

And we gots ourshelfs yet another candidate for the next The Kid, but will this one be able to pass all three of the challenges: 1st, the breath of Gawd. Only the penitent man will pass. 2nd, the word of Gawd, only in the footsteps of Gawd will he proceed. 3rd, the path of Gawd, only in the leap from the lion’s head, eating corn, will he prove his worth. Good luck, and remember, choose wisely

For giving it to me…

Leisure – 1991
‘There’s No Other Way’ [d]

Modern Life Is Rubbish – 1993
‘Villa Rosie’ [d]

Parklife – 1994
‘This Is A Low’ [d]

The Great Escape – 1995
‘Yuko & Hiro’ [d]

Trainspotting Soundtrack – 1996
‘Closet Romantic’ [d]

Blur – 1997
‘Song 2’ [d]

13 – 1999
‘Tender’ [d]

Ordinary Decent Criminal Soundtrack – 2000
‘Dying Isn’t Easy’ [d]

Gorillaz – 2001
’19-2000 (Soulchild Remix)’ [d]

Mali Music – 2002
‘Spoons’ [d]

Think Tank – 2003
‘Crazy Beat’ [d]

Democrazy – 2003
‘I Need A Gun’ [d]

Demon Days – 2005
‘Feel Good Inc’ [d]

¡BONUS!
Chemical World Single – 1993
cover of Rod Stewart’s
‘Maggie May’ [d]

The future is coming on?

Untitled Gorillaz Project (2007)

Super Crazy Ludacris Hologram World Tour (2007-2008?)

Blur Album (Never?)

Interplanetary Domination (TBD)

Happy 38th to the one dude I’d totally go gay for (b’sides Jude, Diego, Mr. Monopoly, and possibly Eddie), who also juss so happens to have the bestest human singing voice on the 3rd rock from the sun cock from the bun. And Damon, like Andy, please don’t ever die

Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

Thigh Master: Ever seen Rossie Harris/lil Joey as a grown man?

A Leprechaun In Alabama?
[B-day Boy My Man Marvkus]

Sasha Cohen to give up nude camel toe figure skating to pursue an acting career???? LOOK OUT Sacha Baron Cohen and Shahar Cohen, AND every other Jewish and non-Jewish Cohen in the bidness!!

CC, HFRT the IV, the new face of Walkers Crisps? WOWie!! I can now save time by sticking my fingers into juss one bag for two great tastes!

Thinks TO had 6 generic raps ready to go before he signed on with the Cowgirls? CHEDDAR!!!

Belates Peace the Fork out to the dude who had the job that many wanted to have the opposite of: dress Jackie O

The latest trailer to utilize Requiem For A Dream‘s ‘Lux Aeterna’ [d-lode]? The latest trailer for da Da Vinci Code… although anyone who’s anyone’s one any knows it was bestest used in the Two Towers full trailer… the defenses have to hold… THEY WILL HOLD!!!!

Gorillaz stain-glass windows… sure to make many stain their sheets. Snot enuff? Try their ‘El Manana’ video on for slize

Got 135 minutes to kill at work or a mockingbird? Stanley Kubrick A Life In Pictures, in 3 YouTube parts [Pakula Shaker Hts Ohio]

Keane drop details on their new album how many scripts in Hollywood are written: on one piece of paper

Jeopardy! contestant search meets the internets

Errol Morris commercials, sadly, none with Morris the Cat

Questions, and not many answers from the geniussesess behind Wonder Showzen

The 2nd best bit (excluding all Frank Layden madness) from Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers: The Basketball Olympics

Dozen Distinctive Destinations

Take The Snooze AND American Dreamzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz passes

Speaking of zzzzzzz and all thangs Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth: How did the letter ‘Z’ become associated with sleeping?

Colleen Camp’s SFW boobs from Clue, times 48

pontiac fiero mounted on boston whaler with 40 hp motr

[VoubleDiking]

We all love a good BRAD PITT matchup, but I’m hoping for a BRAD vs GEORGE (Mason? Town?) finale, which will determine once and for all, who’s name gets top billing in Ocean’s 18. Note to readers: please kill me if there’s a 14.

Pot Tarts, Puff-A-Mint Patties and a Toka-Cola [RityCag]

Northwest Bench from Twin Peaks [Guns n Rosenthal]

CAMILLA SJOBERG, the new NSFW smorgasbord everyone wants to take a bite of?

Laurence Hutton Collection of Life and Death Masks

Proud to be yer #1 intersluething result for ‘Edgar Stiles wallpaper’

The Wonderful World of ’80s Commercials

the $39 Experiment

Dogbushkas

So when’s they coming out with a Jennifer Ellison Swatch crotch watch?