Thighs Wide Shut

[for you newbies or douche-Bs
click each pic for even mo fun]

Martin Freeman Is Rembrandt, NOT THE TOOTHPASTE

Jennifer Ellison’s boobs are opening a restaurant

Bob Ross Video game developer TALKS (in words)!

The next dames & knights of the realm: Summer, Seth, Julie, and Sandy

5 days lates, but still loves me the Norman Chad NFL Draft recap

Clowns Without Borders

[Guns n Rosenthal]

GO CINCO DE MAYO!!

Pee Es – And I don’t care what our friends from across the pond think or what you think, cause Mischa Barton is probably the mos beautiful girl in the world… hispecially when donin’ a a schoolgirl outfit or when slurping my jimmy jazzum [wish both were NSFW]

PS2 – I bee leave that this is the 1st ever review of a Lily Allen show, from last nite’s shazzle at YOYO

Colour Me Kubrick
John Malkovich Being Someone Else Who Was Being Someone Else
Trailer (contains too many spoilers in my o-pinion)
US Release Date – unknown

Written by one of MASTER director Stanley Kubrick’s assistants and directed with obvious passion by one of his assitant directors, Colour Me is the hilarious loose fictionalization of conman Alan Conway’s amazing mid 90s London exploits as a Kubrick impersonator [read the a UK article about it all here]. And since the internets was in its infancy, not many people knew what SK looked like. That worked heavily in the favor of the beardless, overly gay, and skinny Conway, who duped many, and in the process reaped the benefits of posing as the pseudo-Howard Hawks of our day. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect role for the overly serious, yet doesn’t take himself so serious Malkovich. It’s by far his mos humorous to date, unless you count his work as Teddy KGB in Rounders, which I don’t think was suppose to be funny. What more could you ask for? If you love the Kubrick AND the Malkovich, you’ll thoroughly enjoy this. PROMISE!! And if you don’t, please go back to Swaziland you effin Swazi!!

Recommended for those who like: the gayness of the killer from Silence of the Lambs, classic classical Kubrick scores, and costumes almost as outlandish and garish as the ones in Velvet Goldmine

Possible Porno Name: Hummer My Cute Prick

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix the other Malkovich gay con job, Ripley’s Game [trailer in RM]

Apt MPupil3: ‘Hello’ by Lionel Richie [d] or anything by Color Me Badd [d], I guess

IMDb Sweeney: the only cast member to actually have worked with the Kub was Barry Lyndon‘s lady in hotness, Marisa Berenson. Other random notables in the cast are: Ms Pussy Galore, whose real name is even butter than that, GUPPY(!), Ayesha Dharker, who was in something called Split Wide Open, and the last known screen role of Jek Porkins

TFF Thighspotting: the Malk-man himself for a Q & A, and I aint talkin bout a guy who fronts Jicks

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Although probably mo of a Jeepers Worth A Peepers PLUS, I’m gonna give it my golden seal of approval, Breast In Show, although there are no breasts, juss a lot of gay men, but alas, no cock

Gayest movie mt EVERest to be remade into probably the 2nd Gayest movie mt FUJIest

Paul Oakenfold + Brittany Murphy(?) = ‘Faster Kill Pussycat’ [d vis Rich Wee]

Matt Friedberger, music’s Woody Allen?

What do the Streets’ Mike Skinner and Scott Stereogum have in common? An unyielding love for Lionel Richie’s ‘Hello’ video

Mandy Moore refunds those who bought her first album that ‘sucked’. If HJs are a form of repayment, I think I’m gonna go buy every copy in eggsistance

Lily Allen interview, cause what’s a day w/o a LA link (not to be confused with LA Law)?

How does Tori Amos and my’s HS go from being the 11th breast in the country to the 15th? I mean, our bell schedule is second to none! ROCKET PRIDE ROCKET POWER

Travis b-sides

CheckOutMyBreasts.com [NSFW, but in a good way vis Newbsy]

The Gumfighter‘s drink of choice? Hubba Bubba soda

Do McDonald’s milkshakes contain seaweed?

My Old Mac

Now Start A Beard

50 Animals Driving

Faces of Meth

From the Sorry, I Can’t Help You Dept: used underwear from maria sharapova you can buy

World’s wurstest Willy Wonka homage

Wickerpedia

The Art of Motion

Anne Sellors, uncredited for good reason

And they may not be Nazis, but they is still crazy…

I bringeth to you good news. Previously we reported that ABC was replacing the Heston Ten Commandments with the Mission Impossible bad guy version, but wees was wrong! The real Moses gets his proper, airing this Saturday night on ABC!

And now I give to you the 15 commandments [wav]

And for those of you in the dark (ages), guess what kinda supper Jesus’ last one was? An effin Passover Seder you ignint inquisitioners! That’s why the P-over and the Easter are always so close to each other. Now pray to our media and banks before we kill your first born with C Heston’s hot ass guns!

And now I give to you a random bearded picture of Moses juxtaposed with the always bearded Count Rugen! Why? COUNT RUGEN!!!

Gorillaz to put away the sunshine for good in a bag called Las Vegas? And the news gets more unluckier than the number slevin: that rumored ‘dirty’ Blur album aint droppin any time soon yos, ‘cordin to D Albs

By the gay, did you know that Madonna was virtual for 2 full minutes during her ‘duet’ with the Gorillaz at this past year’s Shammys? D-lode the studio version of their mash-up here [d vis ToxicAvenger]

30 sec clip of Gnarls Barkley’s ‘Crazy’ vid

Jarvis Cocker hearts cunts!

Conan is Chi-town gagged and bound. Get yer tickets you Grabowski jerkasses

Pikey disses’ Pierce’s 007 kisses

And while we’re gold Bonding it up, Connery’s dive may turn Casino Royale into a Royale with cheese-e-ness

Get keen on the new Keane track

Marylanders prove they have the bestest in taste. Everyone already knew they had the finest in flag [Mod Flanders]

Nebbish David Krumholtz enlisted for nebbish Woody Allen’s Nebbishpalooza ’06

t.A.T.u. Offical Store, COMING SOON! SWEEEEET!

And bet you never voted in Russian before!

Darth Maul, employed!

Magnapop, huge in the Benelux countries!

Harry Dean Stanton, dirtball, crooner

Remember the scene in Summer School where they’re taking their final? (not pictured)

Add to the list of crap I should buy with my BlogAds money: The GCE Vectrex

Tell me you’ve seen the inning from the ’86 World Series reenacted in RBI Baseball [spnx Thinker]

‘leia probed in ass by droid‘, #45 and rising!

Catchy Tunes of Sweden

10 Best Internet Spoofs

Bid on Ex AC/DC Tour Bus

Polish Movie Posters

#9

Jay Maynard‘s Finnish equivalent [DataProcessor]

Jammer aint king of SHIT!

the scariest rectum u did ever see [NSFW]

Pinder & friend visit the army, fully clothed. Morale, and boners, hit an all time low

and

THIS JUSS IN: Free NYC Franz Ferdinand Show Tomorrow Afternoon! Details HERE!

Dublin, Ireland
March 17 – 19, 2006

Dublin doesn’t have much to offer (glad I only went for 2 full days), hispecially in the St Patty’s dept, but if you heart woman that’re hard Corr, love to say ‘cheers’, or ever want to drink yer tits off, than this is the place to become Whobitzor Titsoff. Eh?

TITS!

Where is my mind?

and my corn?

Maybe my corn is here

Lovely day every 5 seconds
for a Guinness

What a fitting episode to be playin on the telly

for beer is the cause of and the solution
to all of life’s problems

Dublin, the mos sunny
& mos scenic city
EVER

and by ever,
I mean in Ireland!

Ma & Pa were real sports,
even staying up til 2am one night!

and listening to me puke at 5am the next!

Guess what color this horsey’s poo was?

BROWN!

This is a thing called a thing,

at the ye olde Trinity College

Here’s another thing
that used to house a military hospital

but now houses shitty modern art!

Visiting the G-ness Storehouse
is the only tourist attraction
worth attraction

Alec Guinness = Genuine Class

This is what Irish people look like

The girl had never heard of ‘kiss me I’m Irish’ before
so I introduced her to some of our Irish-American customs!

and here’s some more Irish people

older, sure, but heavy drinkers none the less:
1 bottle champagne
1 bottle white wine
1 bottle red wine
1 bottle dessert wine
3 pints per person

I wanted to eat here on name alone

but I knew it would lead to Abradiarrhea

A pint and a fag

two things u don’t often see together
since pints are homophobic

JUNK!

DAIM STRAIGHT, YO!!

Mum’s the word

on Hallmark’s world domination

Heinz everything

but Hellman’s ketchup?

The 7-Up guy lives on!!!

but what, no love for Geoffrey Holder?

‘kills’ in Gaelic means ‘is cool’

and ‘harms you and others around you’ means
‘gets you laid like mad, yo!’

and since Irish cuisine blows yo momma

we had to hit up Wagamama