Thighs Wide Shut

…post animated gifs of the greatist thing to happen since Howard Dean screamed and Pat O’Brien reemed

…and play the game of all games
fo u wusses who never clicked on the link

Mr Do’s

mourn the peace the fork outting of OG member and namer of Pink Floyd…

Roger Keith ‘Syd’ Barrett

1946 – 2006

‘Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts 6 – 9)’ [d]
‘Lucifer Sam’ [d]

finger out who the fork this is…

become Jarvis Cocker’s pal and give way to his first solo matz, ‘(Cunts Are Still) Running The World’ [Figwise]

for once ogle something else on Stacey Dash‘s self besides her (antonio) piercing eyes, lby way of her her Playboy spread [NSFW]

somehow take all the credit for ‘rapper'(?) Lily Allen hittin #1 on the UK Charts

celebrate The Onion‘s 10th

visit DC’s refurbbed/refabbed Donald W. Reynolds Center for American Art and Portraiture. I spent 2.5 mesmerizing hours in there, and still didn’t even get thru 1/2 o del collection! Muss c outta the bunch: Nam June Paik’s Electronic Superhighway: Continental US

hit up Charleston, SC on July 28 for Nancy O’Dell Bobblehead Night

discover the evolution of GBark’s ‘Crazy’ [Brooks Robinson] + the mash-up with ‘Steady as She Goes’ & ‘Rapper’s Delight’

stay away from summer’s big budget fiascos, and hit up the thumcredible Once In A Lifetime doc

somehow fly back during Lolla to see Body Count at NY’s Knitting Factory

ignore their stoopid drink ticket policy and the fact that the only sold 2 kinds of beer, one of them being Corona, and hit up Billyburg’s wurstest monikered outdoor house of fun, 718 B-Klyn Diner. Hownever, there is no guarantee that you will see Susan Sarandon rock out w/o Robbins as I did

Kube’s 2001, in 2001 seconds

fap to 60 years of Lois Lame

read Dan Steinberg and Desmond Bieler’s Starting Lineup article every Monday

hope Beckett heeds the werd of the Baseball Card Blog and raises the value of Topps’ 1987 set, the series I cut my collectin’ teeth on

get yer Streets re-mix & b-side galore d-lode on

find that NSFW pool party starring Rachel Leigh Cook [Step Aerobics]

watch my homegirl Kruisespanko and her mustachioed friend win dough on Cash Cab [watch]

Page Threeley [NSFW]

bookmark bebopics for all yer Potter kid candids. Juss beware of Angelica Mandy‘s eyes. They have more power than Prince Charles

steal all 5 of the top 5 stolen paintings

admire fotos by Myla I, II, III, without the use of mylar ballons [NSFW]

judge a band by its cover

enjoy really stretched snaps of Eleanor Rigby’s super-cutie gran-da Emma

Dinner In The Sky

learn how to blow perfect underwater bubble rings

Bacon Cereal

anal fist a tailpipe with numerous vegetables and other sundries

and never stop posting Zidane headbutt ani gifs (or games that are more bonk than Bonk’s Adventure)

(bi they gay, we’re are currently eggepting applications and BJs for anyone who wants to make animated gifs of the gawds like those for our thighs only. 501k, dental plan, anal plan, 365^1/4 days of vacation, EEE, ELO, EZ-E. irish need not apply.)

Mr Dont’s

receive HJs from hottie nottie/Carrie cruelster Nancy Allen

listen to a limony snippet of the Killers’ new song snooze ‘When You Were Young’ [d-lode], from their new album that drops in Rocktober. Sounds like the boys have stopped ripping off every New Wave band and started to rip off themselves. Zzzzzzzzzz. Somebody wake me up when they’ve gone they way of the Strokes. The who? Eggzzzactly

watch season 4 of the The OC, cause FOX is so behind it!

wonder why the Oscars always go to the wrong people/movies

be like Florrie, the OG Jerri Blank [Pubesbower]

spend a night in Nicky’s Hilton

use the internets in Kazakhstan

buy a tent and camp out until next year for Tim Blake Nelson’s latest joint to open, starring Kate Hooraysworth & Orlando Boo

watch reruns of Roseanne, despite the fact that ‘Corn’ (the vegetable) is shown or mentioned in every episode [imdb vis Menyinc]

d-lode Gene Rayburn wallpapers

push the ‘push to walk’ button

read AA comic strips

hire Clithero as your moving co

drive drunk & masturbate after a T-Wolves game [SFW watch]

and buy these phallic ice cream cones for yer Asian daughters [WTFOMGZ, DUHVS]

all of the above was not sponsored in part by…

Biggest event in the world or not, no game should be decided on penalty kicks, unless Scott Norwood is somehow involved

[Zenic | Grappy | YTMND/Ajamu Stoner Fan #1]

+ Zidane, The Head Butting GAME!
+ many mo Zidane head butt animated gifs (from the Gawds)
+ World Cup Switched At Birth (the Bruce Arena one is klassic)
+ Rooney or Goonie?

see you in the Orange Free State/Transvaal in 2010

Leon spinks I forgot all about our current and mos luscious jackson of Her Royal Thighnesseses, Camilla Who Rungeth Ma Albert’s Liberty Taco Belle? I didn’t, but you did, you JERKS and JERKETTES! Well, she got into a bit o trouble a few months back and had waz forced to go all underground hiding and shit thru Thighland’s Jehovah Witness Relocation Program. They totally made her ditch her identity and loosen her panties and made her up to look like the Baroness, for her own security, and for my own sick perverted animated porn fantasies with the first lady of Cobra

But she’s back-tion like Action Jackson (if they ever went all sequel on us and stuff), and been busier and bustier than ever, with my doctor ordered 18 daily HJs, tossing out all the bananas from our bags of Runts, and the mos daunting task of dem all, taking Sio Jr and Edgar Jr to Hebrew school. You can’t imagine how much of my DNA dem kids gots. I never wanted to go either, and I complained so much to my rents that they took me out.

Two things that should be important, but really isnaren’t: Bonds on Babe and Marissa Coop flying the coop

Two things no one ever wanted to see together: Cuthbert AND rape

60 minutes well spent that you probsbbsbsly spent elsewhere, like watching crap on CrapTV: 60 Minutes‘s 60 minutes of nuttin but Mike Wallace. I doubt it’ll be this grand when Morley Safer calls it quits

Paris Hilton has delayed the release of her debut album because she wants to include a cover of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy [Menyinc] If we count our lucky starz, maybe she’ll delay it even more than more and cover ‘Ebony and Ivory’ with Perez! Can you say Apocalypse 91 now?

¿¿¿Tommy Hilfiger pummeled Axl Rose??? What? Did Hilf throw Buckethead’s bucket over W Rose’s head, at Rosario’s b-day shabang?

EW operation dumbo dropped The 25 Best Music Websites in their shlumble opinion. I think they’re a bunch of effin carnivores, cause how else could they explain the omission of the single bestest music site on the interwebs/nets/netwebs, Brooklyn Vegan. Bastages!! I bet if they did a Top 25 Thigh-Related sites thingamajig, we wouldn’t even make the top million billion

Flyest semi-undiscovered singer I last mentioned in Rocktober of ’04 but wanted to bring to yer attention 1nce again cause I came all over across her myspace page and she’s still mad fly and I’m totally headICKted to her knees’ beesish song ‘Here With You’: Marie’ Digby

Sites that juss went live, that aren’t really lively: CWTelly, Casino Royal, and Lily Allen

Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair [Mini Soda Vikings]

The royal tongue

Dirk Loves Hasselhoff

Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting

When THEY were young, which should not be confused with the long lost Great Outdoorer Chris Young

Carnie Wilson, preggers or inhaling bacon again?

Rita Wilson, for those of you with an appreciation…

Duncan aint gots nuttin on this Hinds

Covers will tear us apart

We refuse to link to 10 Things I Hate About Commandments… I’ve had funnier pimples on my a$$. I’ve also had your mother, but only I found that funny

Is it possible to make love to all of des vintage NFL posters? Or would poking a hole for my shlong ruin their value? I dunno, someone call Beckett

The ONLY Chuck Norris animated gif you need to see today [My Man Marv]

The ONLY NSFW animated gif you need to see today

Nipple sucking [NSFW]

Really Bad Tattoos Pts 1, 2, & 3

Ear Wax Candy

ZOOperstars! [Poon]

Waffle House, please take
note

70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse [DataQue?]

Northwestern Women’s Soccer Team Initiation Includes Pictures of Bondage, Lap Dances, and Simulated Sex Acts [You Sonkin My Battleship]

Ronald hunts McFly, YTMD staz

What’s for dinner?

And from the music video annals of my middle schoolish anus:

ABC’s ‘Iesha’
+
Technotronic’s ‘Get Up’
Roxette’s ‘The Look’ + [d]
Young MC’s ‘Bust A Move’ + [d]
Marky Mark And The Funky Bunch’s ‘Good Vibrations’ + [d]
Peter Gabriel’s ‘Steam’
The Proclaimers’ ‘500 Miles’ + [d]
RHCP’s ‘Under The Bridge’ + [d]
Gerardo’s ‘Rico Suave’ + [d]
Tony! Toni! Tone!’s ‘Feels Good’
Black Crowes’ ‘Hard to Handle’ + [d]
Sir Mix A Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back’ + [d]
Edie Brickell And The New Bohemian’s ‘What I Am’ + [d]
Billy Idol’s ‘Cradle of Love’
Beastie Boys’ ‘So What’cha Want’ + [d]
Alannah Myles’ ‘Black Velvet’ [d]
Soul II Soul’s ‘Back to Life’ + [d]
Fine Young Cannibals’ ‘She Drives me Crazy’ + [d]
Stereo MCs’ ‘Connected’
any Guns N’ Roses, but in pardick, ‘Garden Of Eden’ + [d]
Boyz II Men’s ‘Motownphilly’
The Belle Stars’ ‘Iko Iko’ + [d]
Cathy Dennis’ ‘Touch Me (All Night Long)’
Lucas’ ‘Lucas With The Lid Off’
U2’s ‘Mysterious Ways’ + [d]
Divinyls’ ‘I Touch Myself’ + [d]
(her boobs single handedly got me thru all of 1992,
pun and no pun intended)
Londonbeat’s ‘I’ve Been Thinking About You’
Ice T’s ‘New Jack Hustler’
Go West’s ‘King of Wishful Thinking’
Martika’s ‘Toy Soldiers’ + [d]
MC Hammer’s ‘Too Legit To Quit’
REM’s ‘Losing My Religion’ + [d]
Michael Penn’s ‘No Myth’ + [d]
Kris Kross’s ‘Jump’ + [d]
Utah Saints feat Kate Bush ‘Something Good’ + [d]
House of Pain’s ‘Jump Around’ + [d]
PM Dawn’s ‘Set Adrift On Memory Bliss’
Dee-Lite’s ‘Groove is in the Heart’ + [d]
Biz Markie’s ‘Just a Friend’ + [d]
The Traveling Wilburys’ ‘End of the Line’
Ice Cube’s ‘Wicked’
C&C Music Factory + F’dom Williams’ ‘Gonna Make You Sweat’ + [d]
Anthrax & Public Enemy ‘Bring the Noise’
TMBG’s ‘Birdhouse In Your Soul’ + [d]
Cypress Hill’s ‘Hand On The Pump’ + [d]
Nelson’s ‘(Can’t Live Without Your) Love And Affection’
Big Audio Dynamite’s ‘Rush’
Wilson Philips’s ‘Hold On’
Partners In Kryme’s ‘Turtle Power’ + [d]
Catherine Wheel’s ‘Black Metallic’ +[d]
Suzanne Vega’s ‘Tom’s Diner’ + [d]
The KLF’s ‘3am Eternal’ + [d]
Bel Biv DeVoe’s ‘Do Me’ & ‘Poison’ [d]
Pearl Jam’s ‘Porch (Unplugged)’ + [d]
and cause I can never get enuff of it
Snap!’s ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’ [d, again]

I’m sure I’ve missed some, but I’m only human and I have to sleep at some point, hispecially with some French Open and crab eating in my near future. What bout you’alls? What was up yer anus during yer middle schoolish daze, when we didn’t have good taste in music, we hung on Adam Curry‘s every word and cassingles were the Bar Mitzvah DJ’s giveaway of choice?

Ever sean Cube²: Hypercube, TV’s Invasion, or A Nero Wolfe Mystery with Timothy Hutton or Maury Chaykin? Didn’t sphinx so. Well, lemme me be the first to introduce you to the flyest blonde Saskatchewanian with a mark super DUPER long nose who gets paid to play William Fichtner’s fish of a wife: Kari Matchett (pronounced CAR-EE MATT-CHET). She kinda oddish exotica lookin, not in a Mary Lynn Rajskub kinda way, but more in the vein of Miranda Hotto. Anywho, I hearts her a lots. I want to INVASION her underpants! And no doubt, Sio Bibble agrees!!

Super Bowl XL, the battle of towns with shitty drinks: Starbucks vs Iron City Beer

Luna-tics [via ONTD]

Which coupling will last les longest: Braff & Moore, Yeoman & Davis, or Rooney & complaining? Tip: never bet against bushy eyebrows

Band interviews jump the shark

Ratu, the new tATu? Or is it Maureen?

Nice try SNL, but Young Chuck Norris is like a lazy Lazy Sunday on Saturday… or any skit involving Horatio Sanz

My mos flavorite spin-off site with only one post pt I:
Skeet On Willa

My mos flavorite spin-off site with only one post pt II:
Riders of Lohan

Helen Slater Supergirl costume = 0 bids [via Honey Rider]

Couple buy the Quicker Picker-Upper Diner, also gots a free DVD copy of Rosie’s directorial film debut, Can’t Stop The Music [via Brawny Man]

Biggest, mos footiest animated gif(t) of balls thyme

If you aint never been to the midwest, then you probably have never saved big money at MeNards, or heard their banjofied theme song [d-lode]

The Curse of the Neckbeard…

YTMNDawg: The Brian Peppers Song

Memories of a Panthers fan, including ‘the game with Travis where everyone was informed that we have herpes together‘

and PenguinMan & His Funny Songs

Donn’ts forget to PHOTOSHOP me in History!! Send entries now, or die like someone in a grave!