Thighs Wide Shut

Thighs Wide fav Daniela Hantuchová is still the hottiest tennis player goings to never win anything major cept being the cause of the most JOs in a span of 24 hours at the Kingdom of Thighland. Sio Bibble set the JOing pace at 12 times per hour. way to go Sio! anywho, we wish her the breast of luck at Wimbledon. and when she’s done having a splendor in the grass, we’d love to have a splendor on her grass

DH in SI

perv-iously on Game, Set, Snatch…

FCC You Later
Analog TV Transmission

1928 – 2009

lettuce take a qwik and incomplete revisionist look back at the moist tube-ular moments in analog jammin (not including when the Six Million Dollar Man battled Sasquatch… who was played by André the Giant!)

July 2nd, 1928

station W3XK in Wheaton, MD
emits the US’s first broadcast:
a 10 second porn

October 22nd, 1939

John Madden becomes the first color analyst
of a black & white football game
as the Brooklyn ‘Football’ Dodgers beat
the Philadelphia Eagles 23-14
but the end of the game is cut off
by the TV movie Heidi

July 1st, 1941

‘America runs on Bulova time’
becomes the 1st (legal) TV ad to air
but if America had a choice
it woulda chosen the Jhoon Rhee one

November 5th, 1955

Caroline In The City falls for Calvin Klein
who’s mad pissed cause
another Honeymooners rerun is on
[big ups to the massive BTTF timeline
all dough that ep actually aired on 12/31]

August 28th, 1963

MLK has a wet dream, or something

November 24th, 1963

The Lee Harvey Oswald Experience debuts
they kill it, but their tour abruptly ends

February 9th, 1964

The Beatles refuse Ed Sullivan’s request
to change the title of their hit
‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’
to ‘I Want You To Hold My Cock’

July 20th, 1969

Man lands on the moon
and Walter Cronkite becomes a lunartic
the film 2001 still doesn’t make any sense

sometime in 1969

Elvis’ installs 3 TVs into his
Taking Care of Business room at Graceland
so he could simultaneously watch
C-SPAN, BET and C-SPAN 2
NBC, ABC and CBS
that’s even mo genius than
a PB, Banana & Bacon sangwich!

January 3rd, 1972

WGBH logo rox its own electric boogaloo
and turns out to be the bestest of balls thyme

April 2nd, 1974

Robert Opel breaks Cal Ripken’s streaking record
at the 46th Academy Awards and prompts
David Niven to make the best use
of the word ‘cummings’ since ee

April 8th, 1974

two white guys chase
a black guy who juss finished chasing a white guy

September 17, 1978

“Bitching About Stuff with Andy Rooney”
becomes a regular segment of 60 Minutes
(we hope CBS freezes him for future generations)

November 17, 1978

George Lucas rapes peoples’ eyes and ears
with his The Star Wars Holiday Special
it turned out to be more of an abortion
than Maude‘s abortion

November 18th, 1978

drinking Kool-Aid is no longer considered kool or aidful

December 28th, 1984

wrestler David Schultz pummels John Stossel
cause his mustache is so sexy
and he wants a ride
(who doesn’t?)

July 1st, 1985

Dire Strait’s creepy animated music video
for ‘Money For Nothing’ first airs
everyone wants their MTV
and now, no one wants their MTV

January 28th, 1986

America’s heart explodes
tasteless jokes ensue
we laff at these tasteless jokes
and then say, ‘that’s not funny‘
was ‘too soon?‘ invented on this day?

June 5th, 1989

Tank Man gets in the wrong line
for the Beijing premiere of Tank Girl
at the Tiananmen Square Megaplex 18

January 18th, 1990

Marion Barry allows a bitch to set him up for the last time
becomes the butt of many jokes cracked
[sorry, couldn’t find the video]

April 8th, 1990

Twin Peaks pilot scares the crap outta everyone
even more so than the WGBH logo
TV has never been this good, and never will be again

October 3th, 1992

Sinbad O’Connor rips ass & attempts to distract the audience
by ripping a photo of The Pope

June 15th, 1995

OJ replaces Dan Marino as
the spokesperson for Isotoner Gloves

September 11th, 2001

awfulnessss
+
100 Most Memorable TV Moments, according to TV Guide/Land
Television History – The First 75 Years
a U. S. Television Chronology, 1875-1970
Popular Mechanics articles about TV from 1928 & 1929
timeline of the introduction of television in countries
Photos: A Fond Farewell to Analog Television
rabbit ears aren’t history
10 technological facts of TV
long live Remote Control!
& who watches the Watchman?

hat tip to markkrugman for the inspiration, sorta

ANDREW
AITKEN
ROONEY
is much older than you

& that old NSFW b%tch you banged

previously on Andy’s day-b:

Bangin Amanda Bynes @ Age 89s
Still Gr8 @ 88
Spank Heaven For Age 87
Still A Prick @ 86

They do that a lot in movies – An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack – Tracy Jordan/Morgan

Look, we’re [Detroit] the first to say we’ve got problems. But there’s something disturbing when American reporters keep deliciously recording our demise but nobody wants to do anything about it. We’re not your pity party. You want to chronicle us? We’ve been chronicled enough… But it’s time to untie Detroit. Because we may be a few steps behind the rest of the country, but we’re a few steps ahead of it too. And what’s happening to us may happen to you. – Mitch Albom

Harry Truman had the first televised inauguration in 1949. I don’t know how many television sets there were in 1949. I know we didn’t have one yet. I think we got ours in 1951. My father used to sit in front of it and watch anything they put on. Some people still do, of course. – Andy Rooney

I’m successful in my field, but I wouldn’t say having big old boobies is a talent. – Lucy Pinder

It’s [Happy Go-Lucky] not a feel-good comedy but rather a comedy that literally makes us feel good. – Ben Mankiewicz

If I tell my 7-year-old cousin when she’s older, ‘Hey, you know Virgin?’ She’ll be like, ‘Yeah, I’m still a virgin.’ – will.i.am.

Pay the maid, Stanley – Colin Cowherd/Norman Chad

‘I have never fooled around with my eyebrows. Susie [Rooney’s secrteary] fools around with my hair sometimes. To get ready to tape this piece for television, I comb my hair. But, if I do anything more, I look like someone else.‘ [Andy Answers His Mail]

that only answers one of our questions about his eyebrows. another question is who would win in an eyebrow fight between him and George Whipple The III? and another: do the caterpillar drapes match the carpet? and one not related to his brows: does Susie make house calls?