Thighs Wide Shut

The Winter LIMPics are dunn like Nora. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Next time, they should eliminate time zones so everyone can watch the not so grassy knolls at the same time and not on tape delame. Go Latvia!!!

Boo-nus: Photochop Monday?

‘I think American TV is the best in the world. I knew ‘The Office’ wouldn’t be ruined by these people, but I know American shows would be ruined by English people. We’re not as good as you. … American TV for me, as Randy Jackson would say, is da bomb. ‘ –Ricky G

Could the future Liam Gallagher/Charlotte Church collab be holier than thou?

Rudy meets Corky = real hoop dreams [via Double Veeski & Burger King & Queen]

Hugo ‘Hurley’ Reyes = Harry ‘Beyonce’ Knowles?

The return of Ice-T? I’m still praying for the day he teams up with Lemonade to form Arnold Palmer

Jesse Metcalfe (Lawn Boy) banging Nadine Coyle (Thighs Mistake Girl)?

Willa Holland > Bloggers In Amsterdam

And how come they didn’t invite the Hay Master to Edam (which is the new Eden)?

Max, the Devil, and proprietor of Max’s Video shop from The Lost Boys loves dat a$$

Sly no longer on the sly?

Zach Moore and Mandy Braff’s (sorry, but I refuse to call em something very bloggish like Broore or Mraff) Tiffany wedding registry [via The Soup]

Muss See Tee Vee: The Ivankatice

Muss Take Her Clothes Off:

And by the lame, Karen O’s full name is Karen Orzolek, and she’s not only an earsore and an eyesore, but multimediasore! Did I mention she’s a hobag and I’d rather suck this [NSFW] than let her touch mine [‘this’ via Skylar]

How un-ghetto is Trick My Truck? I’d say about 1/16th less than Pimp My Slip ‘N Slide, eh?

What could possib-bly make Nicage emote the Karen O face?

Tits amazin what two a-bombs can do to a country [NSFW muss ness that has nothing to do with real bombs but bombs as in boobs and a kitten and aight already, juss click the damn link via Dr Falada]

The Ketchup Effect teaser [via Shabby]

The 50 Best Robots Ever

YTMND: Ownd [via Tom Wellington The Greatest Livng Actor’s Fan Club President]

Newbower’s bestest fan ever

FREE PANCAKES! In honor of Marwanicur’s B-day! [via BVS is the new CVS]

Add ‘sasha cohen cock’ & ‘sasha cohen underarms’ to the list of things we don’t have on this site………. yet! Aldough it’s a purty safe bet you’ll never mt everestist find ‘slutskaya nipples’ anywhere near these thighswideshut

Lou flings Poo

Posting will probably be a lil miller lite in the loafers this week as we richard gear up for March 8th. Grin and bear with us kids!

Anywhozitz, tis never too late to enter our Oscar Pool. $10 to make ya holla. Winner eats balls. Enter here. Group Name: House of Wax Dat Ass Password: neckbeard. You suck if you don’t join the frayed carpet. And if you do, I’ll see if I can get you in to the palace to touch our gal’s brows, and if you pay $5, you can touch mine too!

MUSTARD MAN
FOUND!!!

What’s a Lebowski Fest without Edie McClurg playing the washboard? I dunno, but WE WUZ ROBBED!!

While peeps may be fawning over the choices of a Bond Grrrrl who openly shows her gina [NSFW], I say the major Kudos and Rice Krispies Treats should be reserved for casting Jeffrey Wright as CIA agent Felix Leiter. Here’s hoping he goes under(the)cover(s) with M

May the Gorillaz/Albarn stuff never end… and for those who hate to buy stuff, d-lode like the wind: Gorillaz – Live At Manchester 04/11/2005 (thats 11/4/05 to us idjiots) Recorded for BBC Radio 1

Who wrote the Olympic theme song? JWills, NO DOUBTZZLE [d-lode] Oh, yous like me and don’t care for dat one but the one NBC (and ABC) rocks? It’s called ‘Bugler’s Dream’, and, I guess, is known in wider circles as ‘Olympic Fanfare’ [d-lode]. Morse info herez

Faux lesbians, the bass of Sting, a pointless piano solo, and Batman’s Bat Cave. This can mean only one thing that’s not INVASION: t.A.T.u.’s ‘Friend or Foe’ video. Kinda a let down after the give us us hotness of ‘All About Us’, but hey, friends or fauxs, lezzies or ho’s, don’t make a difference to me, juss as long as the kissing commences!! And while Denmark is taking the heat off of France for being the chief jerkasses of Europe, the frogs are making the breast of the situation by making peace with this spread in their FHM [via tATu Girls]

Mischa Barton’s Sort of Visible Nipples… not odd, considering her brother Falkor doesn’t wear pants

Mohammed Image Archive [via PopTarts]

PILLOW FIGHT!!!

Tom Wolfe’s next book? I Am Hot Jeremy [b-ware the audio via Cielloarmadillo]

Lucky Clovers

Play Monk’s Mind Game, drink at Monk’s in Philly, and send yer kid to Art Monk’s football camp, which I attended in 5th grade

SmokingHotWaitress.com [via Double V and their HOT Radio Waves]

Celebrities as Sports Stars!

100 Best First Lines from Novels

The Rifleman, that aint Chuck Connors/Person

Bleak House icons, but only thru episode 9!! I recommend the smallpoxed #20, cause smallpox is the new munch box!

TMNT Food Stuffs

Jean-Claude Van Damme Made Better

Why drive when you can ride a Fucker

Wienerwhistle

General Carbuncle

The Outhouses of America Tour [via IFOCE King]

The Song Tapper

VPF, his suits, and the things he stands in front of

My hero

and Paiging Mr Erection…

how do that work?

& while yer at it, bring me the head of Col Sanders

USA owns Kazakhstan, and in Kazakhstan there is problem, and that problem is transport

Leonard Nimoy digs fat chicks! [NSFW?]

Kaiser Chiefs, Oh My Gawd [d-lode]

Gorillaz, like Cheney, need a gun… YOU GO KIDS!!

Cliff Engle meets the bee girl from the ‘No Rain’ video

Angela who?

YTMD: The Actual Truth About Brian Peppers :(

and for shaz and gaggles, keyboard mustache man

:{
!

[via various georges]

and

From the First Family of Thighs, to all of Jews, OUR DEAR READERS AND DIRT BAGS LOOKING FOR HOT SNAPS OF HOT BIZATCHES ON THE GOOGLES, we heart you!!!

The SnoozeYork Times have finally caught on to this whole Camilla Belle (aka Her Royal Thighness VII) jizznomenom. Too bad they have standards and aren’t allowed to talk about drawing maps of Hawaii all over themselves in print.

And while James Blunt is busy putting on bigger maneuvers than Lando at the battle of Taanab on Princess Leia, the rest of the galaxy sends their love

[SumTang Awfully good via
Tom Wellington]
Me, Medium-Sized? I’m long overdue to be SUPER THIGHS MEed!!!

Too bad Cliff Engle sweaters don’t come in super size, but sometimes tight will fit juss right, hispecially if you have big tits like me!

Hilton Shortlisted To Play Teresa Role!?!??!E#!!!
WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT???

Katie Danza > Samantha Micelli, unless we’re talkin bout NSFW Samantha Micelli

Cuthbest, Soul Man, fake JFK, the mother from Poltergeist, Leland Palmer, Robocop, and Mike Figgis’ male muse. No this isn’t Surreal Life 2112, juss the breast that’s yet to cum all overourshelves on the 2nd half of this season’s killah hills 24!!! And soapfully President Logan won’t have to make any more big decisions!!

Falkor’s sister still a go for Hexxx, but no word on a soundtrack by Bubba Sparxxx, Basment Jaxx, anything off of Speakerboxxx, or the sounds of Zaxxon!!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is quacking rising the charts as the mos brills actor with a hyphenated name. First was the pillow biting bitterness of Mysterious Skin, and next up is the Lukas Haas-a-dickie-thon-ing of Brick!!! Had his former 10 Things I Hate About You co-star Heath Ledger co-starred with him in this, maybe they woulda called it BrickBack Mountain!! If that ends up on YouTube, I’m suing. And if I don’t get any money from that I’m going to cut off a finger and claim I found it in a bowl of chili from Wendy’s!!

A day after eggzalting the virtues and virgins of Lucas, I find out that it’s writer/director is penning the screenplay to the remake of my mos personal flavorite Hitchcock flick (that isn’t Psycho), Strangers On A Train. My right off the bat guano thoughts are that it won’t be as Vince Vile-able as GvanSant’s Psycho, but den again, it won’t even come close to matching the Anne Ramsey condom ribbed for all our pleasureness of the ’87 versh!! We don’t have a Cousin Paddy.

Props to the Mars Props. My money is totally on Sam Cassell to be the first to make it to the red planet!!!

Something tells me these people eat ham wrapped in bacon wrapped in Slim Jims covered in fur

The tATuers as kids, you sick fuck

and something from their Russian site…

gawd dang, they really hates place!!

Bestest weekly sports article only WashPosters know about, but everyone else should: The Starting Lineup

From Buddy to Sufjan: The Music For Kids Who Can’t Read Good Covers Project

Speegle

Oh, so that is what that is from [beware the audio via Dr Falada]

Is it ok to want both kinds of Pancake Mountain shirts?

Cartoon Skeletal Systems

An Analysis of Netflix’s DVD Allocation System [zzzz via Yachew! via Guns n Rosenthal]

The International Ginger Kids Foundation, where kids have firecrotches and worship Sissy Spacek [via Jim et Jules]

Trailer for the World’s Greatest Piece O’Crap Film Ever

Pencil in penis backfires

Bob’s Animal Fights [via DVD Author 2 On The Rocks]

Anyone else’s lips flaming?

When and Why Did Women Start Shaving Their Legs?
and
What Caused Women To Start Shaving Their Armpits?
and
Who Decided Women Should Shave Their Legs and Underarms?
and
Why question such practices? The more we talk about it the more likely they’ll stop and start being as dirty as men. I mean, they are godessesses who fart vanilla and poop roses, they’re our moms and daughters, our sisters, and our hobags, our sluts, and our gay PE teachers. Womens forever!!! But I think it’s aiiight to raise the question of shaving in the v region, right?

Too bad our German brethren and Lutherans hate woman and think think they’re totally helpless and want Abenteuer to DIE!! Look how they treated Elizabeth Shue in poster form compared to us fun loving Mohammed hating Americunts!!!!

Good thing they decided to write the rongs of their Nazi past, cause if the Shue fits, bang it!! Dutchovenland uber alles!

When A Stranger Calls
Whatever You Do, Don’t Dial *69, Listen To Fatboy Slim’s ‘Star 69’ [d-lode (couldnt find the REM one)], Or Rent 2046Nine, The Porno That Doesn’t Eggsist But Should!
View Trailer

The Review: Simon West (director of such unworthy Thighs Wide Shut mentioning like Lara Croft: Boo Raider, The General’s Boo, and Con-Boo) had the golden opp to remake a movie that was damn ripe for a remake. Too bad RE/MAX coulde’ved produced a better remake. It shirley didn’t help Simon’s cause that they (and whoever ‘THEY’ are should be punished by watching the original Punisher on A-B repeat) ruined the plot’s ‘twist’ in the trailer. So what do we get? Minimal scares, mountainous topography, architectural pornography, and ZIPPO in the nudity dept, although we are teased by the babysitter sweating in a gym, enjoying a popsicle (she’s a biter), and turning OFF a shower (instead of on, and getting in). Howevs, Simon, in his version (certainly not ‘vision’), did do one butter den the the OG one: the elimination of the final two tedious acts in favor of eggspanding the first act, where all the steak and Sizzler lies.

And now for…

The REAL Review: OMForkinGodShammgod, Simon West is a genius!!! Even more so than if all the SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 used Baby Einstein products while noshing on dem broke-arse Einstein Bros Bagels’ bagels!! When A Stranger Calls is a lickreffic 1 hour and 23 minuted commercial/the mos yummy spackledocious beat-off matz of the ’06, featuring the tite ASSests and TITSests of the mos beautiful grrrl on planet Earth, worm, and Jim, who I’m happy to report is no longer a lady in waiting. DAT’S RIGHT, YO!!!! So peas put yer hands together (over yer cock, and or in yer vaginas) and well cum the one who’s reign will be more of a love supreme than the offspring of Rainn Wilson cross-bred with Rain Phoenix AND Rain Pryor, while listening to the G n R’s ‘November Rain’ [d-lode]… everyone needs some time, on their own, like me, everytime I think of

Possible Porno Name: When A Stranger Cups My Balls

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Jailbait Babysitter [sorta NSFW], not cause I’ve seen it, cause I haven’t, but cause John Goodman is it(???)

Further Fun: the le ghetto TRAILER of the le ghetto straight to TV sequel of the original, When A Stranger Calls Back, starring both Carol Kane and Charles Durning, who may or may not be Brian Dennehy, although all THREE co-starred on some TV thing called The Girls In Their Summer Dresses and Other Stories by Irwin Shaw

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): BREAST IN SHOW

Seems our new Ms Thang is already gettin into swing of tings

AWWWW SHUCKS!!!
[via Double Black & Tan & Decker]

1. The ASSassination of HRT the VI Warshawski

by Bowfingerer

2. Big Thigh

by Korean BBQer

3. Corn Corn Me Do

by Molder & Sully

4. Crossing The Corningware

by Mrs Johnny Dollar

5. Deep Corn

by Pakula Shaker

6. The Garden of Eating

by Richie Rich Little

7. I’m All Up In Alba’s A$$

by Jus Snot

8. Mac The Knife Some Butter On Me Corn

by Johnny Dollar

9. Stop Touching My Thigh

by Co-Moo-Town Snackers

10. Viet Corn

by Popin O’Hymanz

And in clothing, Bless our leaders! For they keep our country free from awful Danish cartoons and keep our country open to deli-dishious danishes!