Thighs Wide Shut

Yeah write, the NBA can lick my grundle juice thru a funnel in the Holland Tunnel of Mother Love Skinny Bone Star Davey Jones’ Locker

Hows comes wees never heard of Scontri stellari oltre la terza dimensione aka Star Crash aka the wurstest spicy Italian Star Wars rip-off to star both David Hasselhoff AND Christopher Plummer? Roll the ugliness

And hows comes we have yet to see one Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous movie this year?

Good thing I didn’t ask Mr Owl any of these questions. He woulda bit my cock off as if his name was Whobitzor Cockoff

While we’ve lost all respek for Sacha Baron Cohen, we’d like to re-lose our virginity to his un-kosher, but much kosher wifey Isla Fishy

He hates these cans, but how could he hate he 59th Festival de Cannes wit a lineup like dis?!

When Kermit met the Encyclopedia Britannica kid

The ‘In a world‘ guy stops by our world, the MotMI, tonight [Not Marvcus Garvey]

Bestest Brazilian mp3 site u haven’t been hittin up: Musecology

Bestest Brazilian wax you wish you could be hittin up: not any of these three NSFW hello nasties

He blinded me with blogging

I want to make love to Lily Allen’s myspace background. Ver-dick’s still out on wether or snot I want to make love to Lily Allen. Wait, who fuck is Lily Allen?

Who’s got mo buzz than Buzz Aldrin? Ezra Buzzington

The Streets + Blur = Streetlife [d vis Pure A Ton]

Taco Town comes alive like Frampton [Super Thighs Me]

Frank Kozikcize yer kid

NASCAR meats

Top 15 Strangest Coincidences [Chow Down Moses]

Fore-edge Painting

Pink is the new creepy [vid via Menyinc]

Pimp My Snack

House of Beer Cars [Data Processor]

Farts can cause fires + some facts about fart

Japanese love balls

Wa?

The Spirit of Truth

and happy 4/20, to everyone, cept Hitler, who was born on this day. And in your dishonor, here’s some melon del water you fucking anti-semite prick daddy…

Dude, I think I juss shot a lode on my cpu that looks like an egg yolk!!

And oh yeah…

BOWERY PRESENTS @ WEBSTER HALL:

***CHARLATANS UK***

Webster Hall (125 East 11th St, NYC)
May 16 (Tue) / 8pm doors
$25 advance – $30 day of show / 18+
ON SALE WEDNESDAY @ NOON!!!

‘The Only One I Know’ [d]

The Notorious Bettie Page
Her Greatest Hits Tits
Trailer

When I first saw the preview, I was like, is that former IT girl Gretchen Mol? And after viewing Mary Harron’s beautifully constructed, mostly black & white, flick based on the real life of 50s pin-up queen Bettie Page, I’m still asking myself the same question, although the ‘is’ has been replaced with a ‘was’, and in some circles, the ‘It’ now has a ‘t’ in front of it. Outside of ’03’s brilliant The Shape of Things, Mol doll hasn’t amounted to much since playing someone’s girlfriend in ____ (enter movie title here). And such is the problem many actresses face in the world of man cinema. They’re banished to mother-sister-or-wife land for the rest of their careers (paging Joan Allen). Few meaty roles come about that break that mold, such as a mono-browed master artist, a diarrhea-faced serial killer, or Dirty Harry’s mo cuishle, and luckily Mol mcnabbed one of them at a time when she needed one most. I was so smitten, and you will too, by her Oscar-nomination worthy performance as the sultry perma-smiling halo-tinted sinstress in black, and it had nothing to do with the showing off of her assets from yams (HOORAY!) to toe. OK, maybe a little. We the audience feel sorry for Bettie as she keeps getting more and more in over her head, but at the same time we can’t do anything about it and play the curious horny lil observers, juss like the men in trench coats who bought the magazines she graced back in the day. We get so enraptured by her lustrous lusty oozing of lust-bags that we don’t even realize we’re being conned outta her full life story. The movie feels a bit incomplete, hispecially for whatever became of her post-pin-up daze, but there’s enuff here for any true film lover or curious bystander to thrown down some cash and take in this peepshow.

Recommended for those who like: Dita Von Teese, 1950s stock footage, and the further employment of Vinnie Delpino

Possible Porno Name: The Notorious Bettie Page Loves B.I.G. C.O.C.K.

Unsatisfied with this?: Or lookin for another Killer Film that’s a lil harder hittin, but still retains that gorgeous independent B&W vibe? Netflix Swoon

Apt MPupil3: ‘Photograph’ by Weezer or ‘Picture Book’ by The Kinks [d & d via YANP]

Pumping Irony: In Good Night, And Good Luck David Strathairn takes on a crusading senator. In TNBP, he’s a crusading senator

Yer Dad’s Beatoff Matz: Peep the real snaps of Bettie Page [sorta NSFW, although the NSFW ones are so old that they should be considered art bys now]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Straddles the boundary of Breast In Show, but the lack of the full picture keeps it safely in Jeepers Worth A Peepersville

Scary Movie 4
4’s A Crowd… Pleaser!
Trailer

This movie had ‘slit yer eyes out’ written all over it, but if I spent a dollar on how many times I laughed out loud it woulda paid for my price of admission and maybe 1/2 off some nasty arsed nachos at the concession stand. So at about 13-14 genuine guffaws, SM4 was > than Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, and The 40-Year Old Virgin combined!! OK, so I’m a sucker for cheap jokes (how could u guess?), but those other three movies mentioned weren’t cheap or smart, but some were in the middle. I like to call those kinds ‘crap’, with great casts. Don’t spunk me wrong, #4 is filled with plenty of un-funny, hispecially the constant Asian bashing. I think we as a people should declare a jihad on moments where people get hit in the head and/or crotch in film. I can’t even remember what happened in Scary Movie I thru III, or if there’s a difference between them, and I’m sure in 3 months time I won’t remember what happened in IV, but I will remember that I did enjoy myself, and thus they can count on my butt for V… juss as long as heroine Anna Faris is along for the ride.

Ms Faris is too forkin perfect in these movies that it’s almost scary. Well, at least scarier than anything in any of the Scary Movies. She may not be the mos versatile of actresses, but has anyone ever given her the chance to be anyone but the same ditz over and over? She reached her peak in Lost In Translation, and has sorta been on auto-pilot since then. Note to Hollywurst: get this girl a real script, and my cock size, so she can prepare for the intake. Enuff about AF, and lettuce qwikly babylon bout the others whom helped to make this supposedly unwatchable thing thing watchable. With the cameos missing more than hitting, and the wise move of limiting Simon Rex’ screen time, the remaining cru (Anthony Anderson, Regina Hall, Chris Elliott, etc) keep things moving right along. Straight man Craig Bierko gotta gets some props de leon for admirably stepping into a thankless role that probably was first offered to Cary Elwes. And kudos like Menudo gots to goes out to three men who are way past their prime rib-bing, but would probably still make up 3/4ths of the faces of Mt Spoofmore (’80s on edition): Leslie Nielsen, Charlie Sheen, and Bill Pullman (OK, maybe not BP). So who’d be #4, eh? I sez Val Kilmer, for Top Secret alone.

Recommended for those who like: to have the endings ruined for recent movies, a Kazaam-less Shaq, and this YTMND

Possible Porno Name: Hairy Poonie Whore

Unsatisfied with this? Sign the petition so that one day soon you can Netflix the mos ingenious TV show ever, Police Squad!

Apt MPupil
3: ‘Monster Mash’ by Bobby ‘Boris’ Pickett [d]

Save Faris: from her hubbie Ben Indra, who appeared in what looks like the gayest voodoo-related movie of all thymes

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): I cunt bee leave it, but Jeepers Worth A Peepers

I bringeth to you good news. Previously we reported that ABC was replacing the Heston Ten Commandments with the Mission Impossible bad guy version, but wees was wrong! The real Moses gets his proper, airing this Saturday night on ABC!

And now I give to you the 15 commandments [wav]

And for those of you in the dark (ages), guess what kinda supper Jesus’ last one was? An effin Passover Seder you ignint inquisitioners! That’s why the P-over and the Easter are always so close to each other. Now pray to our media and banks before we kill your first born with C Heston’s hot ass guns!

And now I give to you a random bearded picture of Moses juxtaposed with the always bearded Count Rugen! Why? COUNT RUGEN!!!

Gorillaz to put away the sunshine for good in a bag called Las Vegas? And the news gets more unluckier than the number slevin: that rumored ‘dirty’ Blur album aint droppin any time soon yos, ‘cordin to D Albs

By the gay, did you know that Madonna was virtual for 2 full minutes during her ‘duet’ with the Gorillaz at this past year’s Shammys? D-lode the studio version of their mash-up here [d vis ToxicAvenger]

30 sec clip of Gnarls Barkley’s ‘Crazy’ vid

Jarvis Cocker hearts cunts!

Conan is Chi-town gagged and bound. Get yer tickets you Grabowski jerkasses

Pikey disses’ Pierce’s 007 kisses

And while we’re gold Bonding it up, Connery’s dive may turn Casino Royale into a Royale with cheese-e-ness

Get keen on the new Keane track

Marylanders prove they have the bestest in taste. Everyone already knew they had the finest in flag [Mod Flanders]

Nebbish David Krumholtz enlisted for nebbish Woody Allen’s Nebbishpalooza ’06

t.A.T.u. Offical Store, COMING SOON! SWEEEEET!

And bet you never voted in Russian before!

Darth Maul, employed!

Magnapop, huge in the Benelux countries!

Harry Dean Stanton, dirtball, crooner

Remember the scene in Summer School where they’re taking their final? (not pictured)

Add to the list of crap I should buy with my BlogAds money: The GCE Vectrex

Tell me you’ve seen the inning from the ’86 World Series reenacted in RBI Baseball [spnx Thinker]

‘leia probed in ass by droid‘, #45 and rising!

Catchy Tunes of Sweden

10 Best Internet Spoofs

Bid on Ex AC/DC Tour Bus

Polish Movie Posters

#9

Jay Maynard‘s Finnish equivalent [DataProcessor]

Jammer aint king of SHIT!

the scariest rectum u did ever see [NSFW]

Pinder & friend visit the army, fully clothed. Morale, and boners, hit an all time low

and

THIS JUSS IN: Free NYC Franz Ferdinand Show Tomorrow Afternoon! Details HERE!