Thighs Wide Shut

Borat really loves Cannes
unlike this guy, who hates em

[more (some NSFW) cans action on the Fiddle]
+ more on the Borat movie [Pakula Shaker]

+ more Mora

Poseidon
Can You Say BOOseidon? How Bout Das BOO?
Trailers

My biggest fault with Titanic is that there’s way too much character development (read: too much Billy Zane) and the ship’s sinking occurs weigh too late in the film for my interest to be piqued, unlike when I get interested in a thick booger I pique outta my nose. So when I see a disaster flick deez days, I want the character development sprayed with Windex and thrown out the winda and the action to begin ASAPjackson. Well, I guess I’ll have to retract that statement as Poseidon does juss that, and sucks deeper than a J Edgar Hoover vaac all over Edward’s Penishands [NSFW, shlOBVSng!]. The writing was all over the wall-rus on dis one. And what’s that writing? Co-starring zzzz-inducing Emmy Rossum. Outside of gettin whacked in the highly overrated Mystic River Pizza, she’s starred in more dreck (although Day After Tomorrow is her disaster Citizen Kane) than the future straight-to-video releases of Shrek V – XXVMILX (and oh, don’t you worry, when Mike Myers and whateverhernameis calls it quits, that shit will fly off the shelves like the flies of the boy’s in the girl’s bathroom/the meadow in Miss Lucy’s clap-a-thon that every 4th grade girl you knew knew). Shame on you Wolfgang Petersen!! You direct two eggsalad water-logged-pre-blog flicks, Das Boot and The Perfect Storm, and u eggspect the charm to work a third time? More like TERD time you Wolfgang PUCK SUCKS!! Grow some balls and try something else, eh? Or at least stop molesting Barret Oliver, yer Die Unendliche Geschichte aka The Neverending Story wunderkind!

Recommended for those who like: the world’s wurstest child actor, Lars Schlichting‘s roomie, and White Flint’s elevators

Possible Porno Name: Ho Slides Her Hand In My Calvins

Unsatisfied with this? Although I missed it when it was on, Netflix TV’s The Poseidon Adventure [trailers], cause anything that combines the wit of Mahoney, the gut of Robocop, and reunites the two principle Hitcher actors has got to be mo entertaining that this

Apt MPupil3: ‘Tricky Wipeout’ by Run DMC vs The Surfaris [d]

IMDb Sweeney: Jack Baur was the casting director for the original versh. Word booty has it that after he mcnabbed the (sorta) cast of a lifetime, he kim RAVERed til dawn

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

The Only Thing That Wasn’t An Eyesore: Mía Maestro

Leon spinks I forgot all about our current and mos luscious jackson of Her Royal Thighnesseses, Camilla Who Rungeth Ma Albert’s Liberty Taco Belle? I didn’t, but you did, you JERKS and JERKETTES! Well, she got into a bit o trouble a few months back and had waz forced to go all underground hiding and shit thru Thighland’s Jehovah Witness Relocation Program. They totally made her ditch her identity and loosen her panties and made her up to look like the Baroness, for her own security, and for my own sick perverted animated porn fantasies with the first lady of Cobra

But she’s back-tion like Action Jackson (if they ever went all sequel on us and stuff), and been busier and bustier than ever, with my doctor ordered 18 daily HJs, tossing out all the bananas from our bags of Runts, and the mos daunting task of dem all, taking Sio Jr and Edgar Jr to Hebrew school. You can’t imagine how much of my DNA dem kids gots. I never wanted to go either, and I complained so much to my rents that they took me out.

Two things that should be important, but really isnaren’t: Bonds on Babe and Marissa Coop flying the coop

Two things no one ever wanted to see together: Cuthbert AND rape

60 minutes well spent that you probsbbsbsly spent elsewhere, like watching crap on CrapTV: 60 Minutes‘s 60 minutes of nuttin but Mike Wallace. I doubt it’ll be this grand when Morley Safer calls it quits

Paris Hilton has delayed the release of her debut album because she wants to include a cover of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy [Menyinc] If we count our lucky starz, maybe she’ll delay it even more than more and cover ‘Ebony and Ivory’ with Perez! Can you say Apocalypse 91 now?

¿¿¿Tommy Hilfiger pummeled Axl Rose??? What? Did Hilf throw Buckethead’s bucket over W Rose’s head, at Rosario’s b-day shabang?

EW operation dumbo dropped The 25 Best Music Websites in their shlumble opinion. I think they’re a bunch of effin carnivores, cause how else could they explain the omission of the single bestest music site on the interwebs/nets/netwebs, Brooklyn Vegan. Bastages!! I bet if they did a Top 25 Thigh-Related sites thingamajig, we wouldn’t even make the top million billion

Flyest semi-undiscovered singer I last mentioned in Rocktober of ’04 but wanted to bring to yer attention 1nce again cause I came all over across her myspace page and she’s still mad fly and I’m totally headICKted to her knees’ beesish song ‘Here With You’: Marie’ Digby

Sites that juss went live, that aren’t really lively: CWTelly, Casino Royal, and Lily Allen

Grading the Career of Tom Hanks’s Hair [Mini Soda Vikings]

The royal tongue

Dirk Loves Hasselhoff

Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting

When THEY were young, which should not be confused with the long lost Great Outdoorer Chris Young

Carnie Wilson, preggers or inhaling bacon again?

Rita Wilson, for those of you with an appreciation…

Duncan aint gots nuttin on this Hinds

Covers will tear us apart

We refuse to link to 10 Things I Hate About Commandments… I’ve had funnier pimples on my a$$. I’ve also had your mother, but only I found that funny

Is it possible to make love to all of des vintage NFL posters? Or would poking a hole for my shlong ruin their value? I dunno, someone call Beckett

The ONLY Chuck Norris animated gif you need to see today [My Man Marv]

The ONLY NSFW animated gif you need to see today

Nipple sucking [NSFW]

Really Bad Tattoos Pts 1, 2, & 3

Ear Wax Candy

ZOOperstars! [Poon]

Waffle House, please take
note

70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse [DataQue?]

Northwestern Women’s Soccer Team Initiation Includes Pictures of Bondage, Lap Dances, and Simulated Sex Acts [You Sonkin My Battleship]

Ronald hunts McFly, YTMD staz

What’s for dinner?

And from the music video annals of my middle schoolish anus:

ABC’s ‘Iesha’
+
Technotronic’s ‘Get Up’
Roxette’s ‘The Look’ + [d]
Young MC’s ‘Bust A Move’ + [d]
Marky Mark And The Funky Bunch’s ‘Good Vibrations’ + [d]
Peter Gabriel’s ‘Steam’
The Proclaimers’ ‘500 Miles’ + [d]
RHCP’s ‘Under The Bridge’ + [d]
Gerardo’s ‘Rico Suave’ + [d]
Tony! Toni! Tone!’s ‘Feels Good’
Black Crowes’ ‘Hard to Handle’ + [d]
Sir Mix A Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back’ + [d]
Edie Brickell And The New Bohemian’s ‘What I Am’ + [d]
Billy Idol’s ‘Cradle of Love’
Beastie Boys’ ‘So What’cha Want’ + [d]
Alannah Myles’ ‘Black Velvet’ [d]
Soul II Soul’s ‘Back to Life’ + [d]
Fine Young Cannibals’ ‘She Drives me Crazy’ + [d]
Stereo MCs’ ‘Connected’
any Guns N’ Roses, but in pardick, ‘Garden Of Eden’ + [d]
Boyz II Men’s ‘Motownphilly’
The Belle Stars’ ‘Iko Iko’ + [d]
Cathy Dennis’ ‘Touch Me (All Night Long)’
Lucas’ ‘Lucas With The Lid Off’
U2’s ‘Mysterious Ways’ + [d]
Divinyls’ ‘I Touch Myself’ + [d]
(her boobs single handedly got me thru all of 1992,
pun and no pun intended)
Londonbeat’s ‘I’ve Been Thinking About You’
Ice T’s ‘New Jack Hustler’
Go West’s ‘King of Wishful Thinking’
Martika’s ‘Toy Soldiers’ + [d]
MC Hammer’s ‘Too Legit To Quit’
REM’s ‘Losing My Religion’ + [d]
Michael Penn’s ‘No Myth’ + [d]
Kris Kross’s ‘Jump’ + [d]
Utah Saints feat Kate Bush ‘Something Good’ + [d]
House of Pain’s ‘Jump Around’ + [d]
PM Dawn’s ‘Set Adrift On Memory Bliss’
Dee-Lite’s ‘Groove is in the Heart’ + [d]
Biz Markie’s ‘Just a Friend’ + [d]
The Traveling Wilburys’ ‘End of the Line’
Ice Cube’s ‘Wicked’
C&C Music Factory + F’dom Williams’ ‘Gonna Make You Sweat’ + [d]
Anthrax & Public Enemy ‘Bring the Noise’
TMBG’s ‘Birdhouse In Your Soul’ + [d]
Cypress Hill’s ‘Hand On The Pump’ + [d]
Nelson’s ‘(Can’t Live Without Your) Love And Affection’
Big Audio Dynamite’s ‘Rush’
Wilson Philips’s ‘Hold On’
Partners In Kryme’s ‘Turtle Power’ + [d]
Catherine Wheel’s ‘Black Metallic’ +[d]
Suzanne Vega’s ‘Tom’s Diner’ + [d]
The KLF’s ‘3am Eternal’ + [d]
Bel Biv DeVoe’s ‘Do Me’ & ‘Poison’ [d]
Pearl Jam’s ‘Porch (Unplugged)’ + [d]
and cause I can never get enuff of it
Snap!’s ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’ [d, again]

I’m sure I’ve missed some, but I’m only human and I have to sleep at some point, hispecially with some French Open and crab eating in my near future. What bout you’alls? What was up yer anus during yer middle schoolish daze, when we didn’t have good taste in music, we hung on Adam Curry‘s every word and cassingles were the Bar Mitzvah DJ’s giveaway of choice?

I stephen stills can’t beeleave ABC turned down my offer to cover all the production costs for a second season. I guess they weren’t too keane on my ideas for new characters, like Sio Bibble as the town’s new Supreme Vice Chancellor Assistant to Darth Plagueis

The full line-up has frynally been announced for Central Park’s Summerstage. No big sirprizes, cause I knows you read the BV, but how outta leftfield is the Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians reunion show? I guess Paul Simon put his wife back to work in order to pay off the debts from the Capeman debacle, eh? Anywho, EB and the New Bs are not only reuniting, but dropping a new album on July 25th! Listenage to their new track ‘Wear You Down’ [d]

Reason #1 to hit up Lebowski Fest Austin this weekend: personal appearance of Big Lew Abernathy, one of the inspirations for the Walter Sobchak

50 bucks will get ya into an early screening of the Strangers With Candy movie, and possibly into the pants of some gaylords

Didn’t realize Axl loved Misshapes THAT much

Bestest ep of Amazing Stories? Me spanx not. Dat honor blackman belongs to the Saving Private Ryanesque episode ‘No Day at the Beach’

Breastest post-1983 Star Wars tee of balls thyme

Wonder if these heads of state give great head, or juss headache?

I’d almost rather watch Jiminy Glick in Lalawood 7 times over than see Click fo free

I can’t finger out what’s so humorous about this

Blessed be the person who was intersleuthing ‘Rock Down To Electric Boogaloo’

Dispelling that Mentos/exploding Pepsi rumor that no one’s ever had a reason to spell-dis

NSFWNSFWNSFWNSFW

and

[plenty mo]

ABC AXES
INVASION

THIGHMASTER
VOWS VENGEANCE
and
VOWS TO EAT COWS

BUT WILL THE CW
SAVE THE DAY?

and flubs course, this can only mean one thing…

How dare they do what they do did. One of televenison’s mos bestest and underappreciated shows will go the way of Drexell’s Class, the one year wonder rubbish bin, after the season/series finale airs this Thursday. SHAME SHAME SHAMUS!!! This show was groundbreaking, earthshattering, neptuneshattering, uranusshattering, like a giant dildo in yer anus!! I cannot recall one single program in the history of the we-tube that had a dude with a perma-5 o’lock shadow with a hot-ass brunette wife and an even hottier-arsed blond ex-wife with a girl that looks like a monkey who showed Bill Murray her b-day suit [NSFW] with a dude with a 9-head with a kid who looks like Jack White as a kid with a guy who could totally pass for a Mog in certain circles.

Guns n’ Roses bloom again in the 1st 2 outta 4 NYC showz. I regretfully missed the Metallica/GNR tour back in the ’92, so I’m trying to make up for it by going to the bastardization version 2nite at Hammerstein. I’ll be sure to bring a pillow, since Axl probably won’t show up til 3am…. when KLF usually rocks us [vid]. Bi they gay, I’d never heard of this song b4, but I’m total cereal lovin KLF’s ‘Doctorin’ The Tardis’ [vid | d]

Initial VV Siren Fest line-up announced. Even if Jesus was playing with Hedrix AND Moses and wit Matt Sorum on drums, I’d still spend my entire day smokin doobies on the Wonder-Wheel, hittin up the battling cages, and digesting anything with bacon at indigestion land

Dude, Mandy Moore grows super fly by the minute rice AND she likes Jewish boys with good senses of humors! I know she’s talking about Zack Boo, but I think she’s secretly fingering herself in my image. Or at least that’s what my 4th personality told me.

Anderson Coops goes 420, but not that 420. When will he break out his Nash board and go all 720° on us? And why the spigs do 60 Mins keep adding correspondents? They shoulda kept 60 Mins 2 for all the 2nd rate scrubs they have on board. Speaking of, where the jim fassel has Steve Hartman and his jerkassedness been?

[MFH]
The lean, and now the wink? WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?! Hopefully it involves a lot of bending over and women

Optimus Prime time

I’m sure you didn’t see it in del previous post, cause yer sick of reading movie reviews, but… Corey Haim movie trailers

‘Chanukah’s da Bomb’ [vid] by Alan Dershowitz‘ mos flavorite band that’s appearing on the Kidzapalooza stage at Lollapalooza, Chutzpah

I know this is like 17 years too late, but I forgot how slow Martika’s ‘Toy Soldiers’ [vid|d] waz, after many a repeated thighpod listenings to Eminem’s version [d]. Howevs, I will never forgot the last trioing of powerhouse actors Wil Wheaton, Keith Coogan, and Samwise

Strangers With Candy: The Music

They say heavan is place on earth, but this shiz below is outta this world, as well as control. So much so, that I wish I could borrow dem wheels for 12 minutes and have me a 5some with Falkor/Mischa and Sasha/Childlike P in the back of this baby!!

[mo snaps vis Chaoss]
Save Buddy’s buddies

CelebFavorites.com, cause everyone really needs to know which Thomas Edison Museum Brittany Murphy frequents

The Deal Or Now Deal models

You Say Toby, I Say Tobey

Lily Allen’s mos bored fan, in VIDEO FORM!

One Love, Stay Puft

Moustache May [Precogz]

Super Ma
rio 1, now with 100% more Bullet Bill! [Go! Rilla]

для тех, кто не был в Воронеже, выкладываю шесть фото меня в составе косплей-группы по Samurai Champloo

‘Hail to the Chief’ played on the hands [Dat Nguyen]

Enema Recipes [Denver Bronchitis]

And if it was possible for two fictional men to have a child, I’d select President Logan and Miles Papazian to be the true My Two Dads. Hell, I love Miles and his last name so much, I’ll father the effin anti-Christ child!