Thighs Wide Shut

TV was good to us this past year and in turn we masturbated a lot. Actually we didn’t, but we probably logged the mos amt of hours in front of the tube of boob since the weigh days when Saved By The Bell played after school 4 times in a row. As for the writer’s strike, we actually believed it helped to make better TV. Why may you flask? Cause mos shows run out of steam half way thru a 20+ ep run and the abbreviated seasons forced tighter storylines and mo juicy entertainments. Less is always more, unless wees talkin about our crush… er, um, CRUSH!

So besides the year-round bestness that be PTI, Ebert & Roeper and CBS Sunday Morning here are our top 13 picks that didn’t suck our vaginas (peas note we didn’t watch Mad Men and to this day, haven’t seen one episode of The Wire… but we plan on changing that)

2. The Office – ‘Gift baskets are… the essence of class and fanciness‘

3. Flight of the Conchords – if you haven’t rapped along to ‘Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenocerous‘ you truly haven’t lived

4. Lost – we once were bored, but now we’re beard!

5. Kid Nation – kids say the darndest things, and do em as well, and even better than the boring adults that oversaturate the reality genre. don’t know if a second dose of this will be good, but kids doing stuff is second best to monkeys doing stuff

6. Californication – all glorious NSFW breastesiesezes aside, this show was udderly refreshing and NOT Tell Me You Put Me To Sleep

7. Gossip Girl – in 12 short episodes, GG has already replaced The OC as the only true heir to 90210. Chuck Bass kicks glass, as so do these weekly Intel reviews. + who wouldn’t want to toss Blair Waldorf’s salad?

9. Journeyman – we’re still waiting for the ep where Lucius Vorenus travels back to 40ish BC

10. Aliens In America – we picked it to finish last in its class, but this comedy is first class

11. The Tudors – nothing is more gay than Jonathan Rhys Meyers, yet nothing is hotter than watching him bang chicks

12. Dance Revolution – the aim of this Saturday morning show was to get kids off the couch. it didn’t work, for them (it was canceled), but it did for us

13. The (White) Rapper Show – two words: hallelujah hollaback

want a second opinion?
well Thigh Sister and hubby Brickhouse
watch much more crappy TV than thous
and here’s their round-up for the square-down

Favorite Adrenaline Rush
Amazing Race
Dexter
Ultimate Fighter

Favorite Reality Dating Shows
Beauty and the Geek
I Love New York
Pick-Up Artist
Rock of Love with Brett Michaels
Shot of Love with Tila Tequila

Favorite Competitive Reality Shows
America’s Most Smartest Model
America’s Psychic Challenge
Big Brother
Design Star
Project Runway
Top Chef
The (White) Rapper Show

Favorite T&A Shows
The Hills
Keeping up with the Kardashians
Real Housewives of Orange County
Sunset Tan

Favorite Control Freaks
Flipping Out
Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency
Work Out

look out for our anal and annual
breastestestnessness in movies
in the weeks to come!
xo xo

we don’t heart Huckabee
but we do totally want to ram our leg of lamb down
Mike supporter Chuck Norris’ wife Gena‘s yam

boo-nus: Senator Dodd dropped out of the Democratic race because he was too embarrassed that his name was used for one of the lamest Star Wars characters mt EVERest

we’re about to take off for a few days
of ham munchin
and Redskins playoff dreaming
but in the meantime
we want to leave you with this NSFW gift:

sum mo Downes comforters (all NSFW snatchurally)…

Nuts‘ B(r)e(a)st of Katie Downes

Maxim UK has playing by herself and with friends

snaps from her calendar shoot

the breast to you and yours!
until next weak kiddies!!

There Will Be Blood
Double, Double, Oil and Trouble
Trailers & Mo

When the topic of who the greatest living actor is arises, the name Daniel Day-Lewis doesn’t always seem to get a mention. Maybe if he acted a bit more often than he did (this being only his 3rd movie in a decade), there wouldn’t even be a discussion on the matter. So when DD-L sinks himself into a meaty role, whatever the film, it is indeed worth watching. Take Gangs of New York for example. We’ve been quite lucky to erase most of that overbloated mess from our memory banks, but we’d never want to forget Day-Lewis’ cunning performance as Bill The Butcher, a character which still haunts us to this day. There Will Be Blood finds Day-Lewis in a similar place, a 2 1/2 hour plus period piece where there will be mustaches, but this black gold tale fares a heckuva lot better than Scorsese’s old New York story. While we were a bit befuddled by what the movie was eggzactly trying to say, we still couldn’t help but being mesmerized from the first frame to the last (even during the slow boring parts!). Props de leon galore go out to director Paul Thomas Anderson, who for once makes a pretentious movie that justifies its pretentiousness. Also lending a helpful hand are DD-L’s Ballad of Jack and Rose co-star Paul Dano (your probably know him better as the quiet kid in Little Miss Poopshoot) as a manic man of the cloth, and Radioheader Johnny Greenwood, whose score was one of the mos bone-chllin we’ve heard since Wendy Carlos‘ work on The Shining. Blood comes awfully close to being a masterpiece, and could of been had roller skates [NSFW] been invented back then. Why? Cause then and only then, there would have been boobs!

Marfa My Dear: Blood joins No Country For Old Men and the other oil epic Giant on the small list of movies filmed in Marfa, Texas

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): for D D-Lewis’s work alone, this thang is Breast In Show

Blood opens in limited theaters on 12/26

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

2) baseball was a much more fun sport when controversy centered around stoopid shiz like Billy Ripken’s bat. Good thing then that Jesus invented American football and the NFC, where awful lives on and so do my Skins payoff hopes. Sorry Andy, but yer Giants stink!

3) for your consideration, a movie no one is considering: Zodiac

4) we’re having a hard time fingering out which of these Marcia Cross pics are more vom inducing: this fubared Melrose hair one or these NSFW uglies of her showering in her backyard

5) nuttin makes us more glad than the long overdue return of American Gladiators. Although there won’t be any Malibus or co-stars from The Lost Boys, it appears that the producers did do a fine job of finding the new Gladiators. Meet em here and here. And we’d love for our meat to meet with Helgggga, aka Robin Coleman

7) Gossip Girl’s Chace Crawford is impossibly beautiful, and a gay man’s wet dream cum true

8) the only NSFW animated gif you need to see this week

9) this peanut looks like a duck [b3ta]

10) Lucy Pinder turns 24 this Thursday, and instead of us giving her gifts, she put hers on display in UK’s Maxim. bubble YUM!

[the NSFW rest]