Thighs Wide Shut

What a long and strange binge it’s been, but yer humble mumbler is back stateside and happy to return to the land of quality hamburgers and infotainment. I’ll have a full up-wrap of my Eurotrip… juss as soon as I can remember what happened. But as ‘they’ say, the blog muss go on!!! Sorry if you’ve seen any of the below info before, but hey, it’s Newzzz To Me.

– Where can you see Her Royal Thighness the II run in a sweaty white tee? Nope, not this season of 24, but what is sure to be this summer’s hummer, The House of Wax. More like House of YES!! Too bad there’s already a movie called that. Peep the BRAN new trailer here!

– Sideways is boosting sales of pinot noir. I wonder what tis doing to Merlot sales? Whatta ya say Miles?

– That fat kid dancing to the Romanian techno song isn’t from Holland after all, but from dirty Jersey? [via Double D]

– My girl, Anna Chlumsky, apparently NOT smoking cak for nickels!! [via Dog of Landers]

– The Saturday Night Fever disco dancefloor is going up for auction. If Gene Siskel were still breathing, you think he would have snatched it up to go along with his prized possession: Tony Manero’s in-famous white suit?

– Twats slightly more funnierisitic than Ghost Dad? The National Women’s Football Association. Big ups to ex-Skin Brian Mitchell for being named as the Assistant GM of my new mos flavorite team, the DC Divas! [via Juwanamaker]

– How many segments do you think eggisist of Andy Rooney complaing about adverts? Dunno, but lettuce juss say it’s more than one.

– Belated Peace The Forkage outtage to Twin Peaks‘ man who pretended to be forked the peace out, Andrew Packard, and the crash-test dummy inventor (and no, not of the ‘Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm’ variety)

– 70s & 80s Hand Held Arcade Games

– Ukulele Books

– In news that I’m sure would even make Michael Jackson sick to his stomach: A 2 year-old girl has been selected to marry a 40 year-old man! [via Guns n Rosenthal]

– Who can turn a proper noun into a verb like it was nobody’s Better Business Bureau? Why, Peabs of course who ‘has been one to spasm-jasm my spyro-gyra into Elmira’s coffee (she takes it black; muhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) and shat toffee into David Klingler’s Debra Winger.’

And although it’s closer to this Friday than last…

[much love to Pinky]

– Thighspotted with me own eyes: James Gandolfini having a qwik drink at the dumphole 7B, before riding off on a motorcycle, and the ever sexy Anderson Cooper going to work this morning at the AOL-Time-Warner building. Btw, when did hosting The Mole qualify you for a top desk job at CNN?

– Even Duke’s student newspaper agrees, today’s Cameron Crazies suck and are unoriginal. I blame the free iPods that incoming Frosh get. [via Truth About Duke]

– George Lucas to cameo in Ep III as Baron Papanoida. [via AICN]

– Gorillaz’ new jounks finally has a name: Demon Days.

– Spanks the good Lord that the Swingers sequel was scrapped. Too bad what we got instead was the poopa-a-thon known as Made. Remember that movie? Neither do I.

– New York City Walk

– Apparently Uncle G-Funk doesn’t love me anymore.

– This guy gives great head… lines.

– NSFW [SFWness via Tony’s CPU]

– Yummy [via Newbsy]

– If there was ever a movie about a super-giraffe, would you go and see it? It wouldn’t be awfulistic like that talking racing zebra garbage. In fact, the super-giraffe’s neck would be so long that he’d help NASA look for planets and such in the thing above the sky called space. He’d also pen a screenplay and when his producer asks for a ‘first draft’ our animal friend gets confused cause he thinks he’s saying ‘first giraffe’. If that doesn’t whet yer kazzo, what about an Aquaman movie?

pee es- giraffes RULE!

I would have liked to start off today’s thingieamabob with a pic of Marissa smooching Alex from last noche’s The O.C., but A) after all this build up (read: dick teaseapalooza), the kiss was just a kiss and B) the losers who normally post screencaps of the show are being lazy. Anywho, next week’s show looks hottier than Catherine-Zeta-Jones-McDonald-Douglas eating herself out on Mercury. If I were as flylicious as Kirsten Cohen, I’d also call the Feds on my husband’s ex-lover. YOU GO GIRL!!!

– Debbie Gibson has gotten such a bum rap over the years. And after looking at this NSFW pic, I’d love to rap her bum for the years to cum. [via Trent Lotts]

– Q: What’s the greatestest news investigation series by a local TV station of the 2000s? A: This one set up by KCTV to lure pedophiles to a house where they think they’re meeting up with 14-year-old fresh meat, but instead are greeted by the news crew. Now that’s what we call Perverted Justice! [major big ups to Mr Blagg for that]

– Her Former Royal Thighness made a return trip to the hospital complaining of chest pains. Poor girl, I guess she didn’t know that getting tittybanging by a different 28+-year-old each night is not good for the mammies.

– I guess Jacko won’t be dreaming a little dream or standing by Corey Feldman for much longer. Does that make CF one of the lost boys?

– I’ve always wanted to attend Church. And by ‘attend’ I mean see what her vocal chords are jason capel-able of handling. And by that, I mean, ‘Shove My Cock Down Your Thrizz‘.

– What’s booer than boo-urns? The bastardages who moved the intimate April Fiery Furnaces show from the Bowery B-rules to Webster Hall. I guess that means I’ll probably fall asleep, again. Man, I wish I was single again.

– Hitler still receives fan mail… even 60 years after dying. Speaking of Der Jerka$$, what ever happened to the rest of his familia?

– Who coined the phrase, “to coin a phrase”?

– Why does TMNT Porn eggsist? I mean this is almost as risgusting as the stuff I work with! [NSFWness via The DW Griffins]

– Were you sick of my pal Navi/The I-Train’s links and love of Duke basketball? Well, dude finally gots himself his own blog to post his haste. Beware, he’s a newbie and there are no pictures up as of yet. You’ve been warned. G-luck Potomac’s flavorite son.

– The internerd moves fast. Case in point: there’s already a pseudo-half-arsed-sequel to that fat Dutch kid rocking out to Romanian techno. [via Zach de la Roachclip]

– Can yous bee leave that the top prize in this weekend’s Grilled-Cheese eating contest is only $3.5 K? That won’t even begin to cover the champs’ Pebto and therapy sessions. [via The Brawny One]

– France sucks, and their people are hella lame.

– You’ll never be alone again with IntelliBuddy

– Felt Donuts

– The Cursor Thief

– Yer Thighness, this yer last warning (mos certainly not yer last spanking), but if you go out in public again looking like a Kabuki theater player, I may have to dump you for good (although I will still take dumps on you cause I know you likes it!).

– FIELD DAY 2005 is the new FAILED DAY 2003!!! AKA, that shiz aint happening this summer, but maybe next. So what have we learned? Andrew ‘Durstkin’ Dreskin is filled with more lies than Donald Rumsfeld’s dingleberries. Shame on you Andy!! I mean, how much longer should we stay tuned?

– Anyone want to make a gentleman’s wager that Die Hard 4 won’t hold a grenade launcher to Ben Stiller’s Die Hard 12: Die Hungry [vid]?

– Dakota Fanning to vomit pea soup? They could make a film of her napping and I’d still see it opening weekend!

– BRIT bits.

– The Hives clean up at the Swedish Grammys. I also hear that the Swedish Meatball won the Best Ball of Meat Award earlier this week.

– More Superman casting?

– Hilary Muff to park the car at Harvard yard.

– What do ‘a double-sided dildo made out of smoked Gouda’, ‘a dentureless Jessica Tandy’, and the beloved children’s book Sweet Pickles all have in common? They’re just some of the many topics covered in our President’s weekly web address.

– Speaking of Sweet Pickles, this is the greatest title of all time:

– Whats gots more buzz than an Arcade Fire pajama party? The long-awaited DVD release of what has been called one of the greatestist space western musicals of our time: The American Astronaut. [via Brad Foreskin]

– Congforkulations to The Gay Master for becoming this week’s guest blizogger over at F.U.B.A.R..

– Melissa Gilbert lets her nip sag at SAG awards. Who’s next, Sara Gilbert? Or how about Mr Grape and whatever’s eating him? [via Socialismlite]

– Japanese Happy Meal Toys



– If you have a kid (then please stop reading this site) and want him to be the coolest kid in the world, bid on this pair of Freezy Freakies or take em to BK for some hot Activision action (not to be confused with Elevator Action). [Bitties in the BK hottieness via Tony’s CPU]

– Semi-NSFW Animated Gif of a Transformer Molesting A Boy [via Newbsy]

– After peeping the quaint movie Rory O’Shea Was Here, I muss declare that Romola Garai is my newestest, mos flavoritest NonUsHottie of the moment. I want her to touch my lucky charms and rub it all nice til it becomes an Irish Spring. I heart her so much that I may actually watch Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.

– In the has been trashbin dept, GNR may release a new album and tour the UK, Costner wants to wear tights again, Madge wants to kick arse, and Ralph Macchio waxes on (and off) about the brand spankin new KK DVD box set. [last via Fleaski]

– Guess who Bandwagon Boy was rooting for in the Super Bowl? I’ll give you a hint: it’s his ‘faverite team’ and they’re coached by someone named ‘Bellycheck‘.

– Although I didn’t need to read TNDN to tell you this, but the book on Cuthy’s nightstand, juss in case yer interested, is The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom.

– Did you hear about the new reality movie starring Drew Barrymore? It’s called 50 First Almost Husbands. How FAB! [via Pinky Le Rox]

– This stinks.

– Gots to give props to lil David Witthoft who has worn his Farve jersey for over 4-hundo straight days in order to break a record that doesn’t even eggsist!!

– Wanna play Find The Thigh Master this weekend? Look for me at The Met or in that giant park with all that orange crap going on.

– GoDaddy.com’s hottie was the most TiVo replayed ad of the Sorta-Super Bowl. Feel free to watch said ad again and again. [via Witzy]

[via JBill$]

– The Warshington Post has somehow gotten hold of a top secret internal email from CTU’s Bizatch In Charge With Bad Bangs, Erin Driscoll.

– So forking what if I came from such a smart county? How does that help me pay for my Playmobil addiction?

– A 4-year kid drove his mother’s car late at night to a video store only to find it closed. On the way back, he hit three cars, including one occupied by the po-po. No charges will be brought up against the kid and it’s not clear which video he wanted. My guess is the chilling sequel to An American Tail, Fievel Goes West.

– This has gots to be the largest set of NSFW jugs me has ever seen! [via Mr Zach De La Roachclip]

– Tits never too late to join my Oscar Pool! Enter yer info, make yer picks, join my group ‘Thighs R Us’ with password being ‘cuthbert’, send me $10 bones and away we gogh!

– And lest we forget…