agreed

American Reunion
Help End American Pie Unemployment
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 113 min

You either want to see a movie reunion of the American Pie cast or you don’t.  If you do, you’ll be rewarded with pretty much exactly what you expected + with probably more laffs than you expected to laffs (more funnier than Hangover II).  If you don’t want to see it, then you are un-American Pie.  We pity these actors, because they are good actors and they don’t work all that often.  We also pity Tara Reid.  Poor girl [NSFW]. These people need money, and we should give them our money because we love these people.  Plus Stifler is genuinely a great movie character, 9999 zillions times more so than Mr Chow or any role Ken Jeong plays could ever is be.  9reals.  Seriously, 11reals

Cobrin Bursome & Then Some: we wants us a piece of …

Ali Cobrin

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

American Reunsion is what it is SO DEAL WITH IT, at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Moth Diaries
Tame Sex Education
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 82 min

You’d think movies that revolve around all-girls schools should be the greatest thing ever, but the results have sadly always proven otherwise.  Off the top of our cloudy heads, we can only think of three recentish entries (Cracks, St Trinian’s and Lost & Delirious) and they all failed to live up to any possible awesomeness caused by putting nothing but girls in one place to learn… HOW TO BE HOT AND KISS OTHER GIRLS!!!!!!!  Crap, how do we save this genre!??!?!

Enter Mary Harron, of I Shot Andy Warhol, American Psycho and The Notorious Bettie Page technical awesomeness, but not exactly the mos awesomiestest of movies (if you think the American Psycho movie is awesome, you’ve obviously never read the book.  Yep, we did.  it’s one of 2 we’ve ever read besides Dianetics).  Surely Harron could take Rachel Klein‘s Moth Diaries novel and make something novel out of it, no???  She tried, but ultimately no

Moth Diaries is about girls at an all-girls school, who girl it up, and then things get crazy, sorta, not really.  There’s good girl Sarah Bolger (probably one of our moist flavorite young actresses going) and her bestie Sarah Gadon, and their other gal pals, starting a new year of wearing hot schoolgirl uniforms and messing about, BUT, this new school year’s a lot different since Scott Speedman Lily Cole arrived on campus.  Soon, friendships will be tested, girls will leave school and some people will die!!  Why?  Well, you see, Lily Cole’s not like the other girls.  She’s cold and creepy and mysterious, and scary as f%&k.  No, really, she is.  It’s humanly possible that we’ve never been more scared by an actress playing a character than we have by Cole playing Ernessa.  First off, Cole is very awkward looking in general.  She’s ungodly tall, has nightmarish eyes, and may be from the planet Uranus.  Second off, in this movie, they dyed her hair and eyebrows + darkened her eye color, so on top of what she looks like normally, which is abnormal, she’s like 999348283 times morerer abbynormal looking.  Third off, her character may or may not be a vampire, dead, a lesbian, a moth and/or a diary.  That’s a lot for her to take on, and a lot for our eyes to take in

moral of the story – haven’t really explained why this movie is juss OK and not so great, but it’s juss OK, and isn’t all that great.  It feels like a Canadian made movie, which is not so shocking cause it is a Canadian made movie.  If you don’t know what the means, it means that the movie is kinda Americanish, but there’s something not so right about it, like it was made in Canada or something.  There’s something not right about The Moth Diaries, and it’s not juss cause Lily Cole makes us not want to have eyes.  Not, not, not

Poster Haste: Moth Diaries breaks Harron’s streak of having some of the bestestest movie posters goings.  here are the previous ones

and of course, one of the GREATESTESTESTEST posters EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Moth flutters and stutters in select cinemas this Friday, and is available on demand NOW!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Intruders
No Face Face Off
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 100 min

Things with no faces go bump in the night in Juan Carlos Fresnadillo‘s uneven, but very watchable Intruders.  They bump into Clive Owen‘s daughter Ella Purnell and to Pilar López de Ayala‘s son Izán Corchero.  And there’s nothing that they or (Black Book‘s often nekkid)  Carice van Houten, priest (our favorite German actor ever) Daniel Brühl, or unfoxy, but always roxing Kerry Fox can do about it, cause the bumpings may all be in these kids’ minds, or maybe not, or maybe so?!?!?!  And how are these two bumping cases, from two different countries (and languages) related?  They must be cause their stories are told separately, but of course this is a movie, so the two will come together at the end in some sorta nifty package, right?  They do, and when they do, it’s kinda sorta nifty, kinda sorta not, but mostly confusing, and makes this frightening looking, but not all that frightening movie kinda sorta fall apart, maybe?

moral of the story – Intruders had the right ingredients to bake a tasty scary movie cake (this aint no torture porn junk), but it feels kinda 3/4ed baked.  Juss cause something’s edible doesn’t mean you have to eat it, but you can

Verdictgo: a nice-ish try, so a high end Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Intruders invades theaters in limited release today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

can’t tell if this poster is cool or not

Crazy Loco Spanish Poster for DC Cab!!!!

the film co-starred 80s lady Jill Schoelen, who was once engaged to Brad Pitt for 3 months.  she was the one who broke off the engagemen(!!!).  the two starred in 1989’s Cutting Class