Thighs Wide Shut

You knows when yous dying to find somethings on the internets and all yous gots to go on are details more sketchy than an Etch-A-Sketch found in a Gaza Strip public toilet? It happens more often then we’d like it to, but remember remember the 49th of November, Google can’t help you think, it can only get you one step closer to things like ‘sasha cohen eats poop’.

Anywho, for ages I’ve been intersleuthing for the name of an early 80s film series we uses to watch back in elementary school. The only specific thing that I remembered from the series was the cartoon intro with a medieval minstrel who kept morphing into other nationalities whilst singing something to the effect of, ‘in Russia, I’m Ivan, and in America, I’m John‘. Well today I decided to give it one last van gogh, and with said sketchy skecthedness I EFFIN FOUND IT!!!! It was called Storybook International, and Lohan and behold, it’s effin being released on DVD next week!! What are the odds, todds, and rods, of that shaz-dazzle?@?!?

Has anyone else ever seen this? Each tale took place in a different country, and they all looked like something right out of The Princess Bride. You can peep a preview of the entire series, or even watch a full episode (shitty ass quality though)!!!

Click image below to play the intro that has haunted me all these years, queers, and Stephen Frears…

[d-lode the ‘I’m The Storyteller’ song]

For giving it to me…

Leisure – 1991
‘There’s No Other Way’ [d]

Modern Life Is Rubbish – 1993
‘Villa Rosie’ [d]

Parklife – 1994
‘This Is A Low’ [d]

The Great Escape – 1995
‘Yuko & Hiro’ [d]

Trainspotting Soundtrack – 1996
‘Closet Romantic’ [d]

Blur – 1997
‘Song 2’ [d]

13 – 1999
‘Tender’ [d]

Ordinary Decent Criminal Soundtrack – 2000
‘Dying Isn’t Easy’ [d]

Gorillaz – 2001
’19-2000 (Soulchild Remix)’ [d]

Mali Music – 2002
‘Spoons’ [d]

Think Tank – 2003
‘Crazy Beat’ [d]

Democrazy – 2003
‘I Need A Gun’ [d]

Demon Days – 2005
‘Feel Good Inc’ [d]

¡BONUS!
Chemical World Single – 1993
cover of Rod Stewart’s
‘Maggie May’ [d]

The future is coming on?

Untitled Gorillaz Project (2007)

Super Crazy Ludacris Hologram World Tour (2007-2008?)

Blur Album (Never?)

Interplanetary Domination (TBD)

Happy 38th to the one dude I’d totally go gay for (b’sides Jude, Diego, Mr. Monopoly, and possibly Eddie), who also juss so happens to have the bestest human singing voice on the 3rd rock from the sun cock from the bun. And Damon, like Andy, please don’t ever die

V For Vendetta
Not Much To Remember Remember
View Trailer

Nice try film peoples, but the only anarchy on display here is the bloated screenplay with all its half-cocked ideas that labors on and on for what seems like 47238432 November 5ths. High on style, and what seems like itself, there aint nuttin much to behold but a house of potential, built solely with balsa wood. It’s not a total wash out, I mean, dude, Natalie Portman taking a nap on a pile of poo larger than this woman’s [NSFW] for 7 hours would still be worth watching beating off to, but then again, anytime a review of ours turns into a bunch of picture pages (like Van Hell Suck/Hellboo), it aint bound for glory, or bound like Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly either. So without much further Freddy Adu about nothing, wait for the DVD/Blu-Ray/PSP/HD-DVD/VD, and in the meantime (no, not the Helmet album), do the math, cause we’re not Asianified enuff to come up with something that equals $10 well spent, but wees’will stills give it a try…

V 4 Vending =

every third idea from 1984
and even the creative flip-flop casting
of John Hurt
as Big Brother
or is
it

the dude who’s waiting for the worms?

+

Jack White’s
whorerific van Dyck
experimentalpatient

+

the fury of the filth
and the filth of the fury
not including filthy
Colin Firth’s Furby collection

+

more unsuccessful masked adaptations

+

Stephen Rea
doing that Stephen Rea
I’m a cop, you idiot thing
but not in the Schwarzenegger way [d-lode]

+

those Matrix subway platforms
that made me wanna take the first train
to I’m leaving the theaterville

+

bangable bald chicks
that Bald Bull
hasn’t already banged

+

the art collection from DH‘s opening credits

+

the real man in black
not sum guy Joaquin Phoenix
sorta played in a movie
that everyone thinks weigh too highly of

+

Portman in the jail bait form we all know
and claim not to make love to

+

the opposite coolness of shooting
in an empty London
like they did in 28 Days Later

+

the mise en scene of
all things visual Franz Ferdinand

+

the real Anakin Skywalker
Sebastian Shaw
not
zebastard Hayden Chritisiaianianson

+

flubvs course

the real V

Recommended for those who like: Fry’s nose, Portman’s mole, and those who don’t care for Florence Henderson’s b-day suit [NSFW]

Possible Porno Name: V For Vaginal Beast Inspection (which I’m sure will one day become a hentai [NSFW])

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix any of the above mentioned moviezz, or the only goo Alan Moore book to movie conversion, From Hell… btw, where the fork is the berry talented Hughes’ bros next jazzle?

Apt MPupil3: ‘1984’ by David Bowie [d-lode]

€16.30 Well Spent: Guy Fawkes hat, black felt

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges. Aight, so it’s kinda sorta entertainin’, but tsk-tsk, and a tsk-it, a triscuit, a steve trachsel, for this shoulda been Breast In Show no diggty doubt using a be-dazzler. I’m still perplexed and mad vexed with all this over ripe tomatoing. Guess they were juss happy it wasn’t Matrix IV: Convolutions

Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

Thigh Master: Ever seen Rossie Harris/lil Joey as a grown man?

A Leprechaun In Alabama?
[B-day Boy My Man Marvkus]

Sasha Cohen to give up nude camel toe figure skating to pursue an acting career???? LOOK OUT Sacha Baron Cohen and Shahar Cohen, AND every other Jewish and non-Jewish Cohen in the bidness!!

CC, HFRT the IV, the new face of Walkers Crisps? WOWie!! I can now save time by sticking my fingers into juss one bag for two great tastes!

Thinks TO had 6 generic raps ready to go before he signed on with the Cowgirls? CHEDDAR!!!

Belates Peace the Fork out to the dude who had the job that many wanted to have the opposite of: dress Jackie O

The latest trailer to utilize Requiem For A Dream‘s ‘Lux Aeterna’ [d-lode]? The latest trailer for da Da Vinci Code… although anyone who’s anyone’s one any knows it was bestest used in the Two Towers full trailer… the defenses have to hold… THEY WILL HOLD!!!!

Gorillaz stain-glass windows… sure to make many stain their sheets. Snot enuff? Try their ‘El Manana’ video on for slize

Got 135 minutes to kill at work or a mockingbird? Stanley Kubrick A Life In Pictures, in 3 YouTube parts [Pakula Shaker Hts Ohio]

Keane drop details on their new album how many scripts in Hollywood are written: on one piece of paper

Jeopardy! contestant search meets the internets

Errol Morris commercials, sadly, none with Morris the Cat

Questions, and not many answers from the geniussesess behind Wonder Showzen

The 2nd best bit (excluding all Frank Layden madness) from Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers: The Basketball Olympics

Dozen Distinctive Destinations

Take The Snooze AND American Dreamzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz passes

Speaking of zzzzzzz and all thangs Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth: How did the letter ‘Z’ become associated with sleeping?

Colleen Camp’s SFW boobs from Clue, times 48

pontiac fiero mounted on boston whaler with 40 hp motr

[VoubleDiking]

We all love a good BRAD PITT matchup, but I’m hoping for a BRAD vs GEORGE (Mason? Town?) finale, which will determine once and for all, who’s name gets top billing in Ocean’s 18. Note to readers: please kill me if there’s a 14.

Pot Tarts, Puff-A-Mint Patties and a Toka-Cola [RityCag]

Northwest Bench from Twin Peaks [Guns n Rosenthal]

CAMILLA SJOBERG, the new NSFW smorgasbord everyone wants to take a bite of?

Laurence Hutton Collection of Life and Death Masks

Proud to be yer #1 intersluething result for ‘Edgar Stiles wallpaper’

The Wonderful World of ’80s Commercials

the $39 Experiment

Dogbushkas

So when’s they coming out with a Jennifer Ellison Swatch crotch watch?