Thighs Wide Shut

Scoop
Cup or Cone, A Tasti D-Lite!
Trailer

Scoop re-teams WoAl with his muse of the moment, ScarJo, and for this go around, the two appear together on-screen. And despite what you may think of her acting chops, the two make a purty darn good team. Wo as Splendini, aka Sid Waterman, an 8th rate Borscht Belt magician, and Scar as Sondra Pransky, the wet behind the ears (and between the thighs) budding journalism student studying abroad for the summer (man, I love studying broads!). Well, after Sondra has a run in with the spirit of recently deceased Fleet Street ace reporter Joe Strombel (Deadwood‘s Ian McShane), who literally jumps ship on the road to Hades just to let her in on the scoop of the century, odd couple WoJo/ScarAl pick up the case of Tarot Card Killer that’s currently taking London by storm. Strombel strongly bee leaves that aristocrat Peter Lyman (the sideburnless/bladeless Hugh Jackman) may actually be the killer, and the dumb-namic duo set out to prove it the only way they know how, which is by not having a clue at all. ScarJo investigates by working her way into Lyman’s pants, but of course gets more than she bargained for. As the story unfolds, we get plenty of typical Allen yuks, and an added bonus of a mystery that would even get Miss Marple‘s panties in a bunch.

You know dem ancient Greek comedy and tragedy theater masks? Well, if Woody Allen’s return to form Match Point [review] purrfectly wore the tragedy one, then Woody Allen’s return to fun Scoop mos deservedly gets to don the comedy one. Dat’s right, these two British ventures from the Woodman demonstrate back-to-back consistency goodness for the first time in over ten years, since Mighty Aphrodite followed Bullets Over Broadway. Not to say that Scoop is an all time high in his comedy cannon, but solid enuff to prove that Match Point was no fluke… and Hollywurst is hoping the same as they promote this new joint as being from the director of Match Point. What, Annie Hall holds no weight anymore?

Recommended for those who like: undercover names made up on the spot like John Cock… tos… ton, Evening Standard headlines, and General Veers/Walter Donavan/Aristotle Kristatos

Possible Porno Name: Scoop Nanny

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix His Girl Friday [Trailer]

Apt MPupil3: ‘Don’t Fear The Reaper’ by Blue Öyster Cult [d or peep SNL ‘More Cowbell’ skit]

IMDb Sweeney: (correct me if I’m wrong but me thinks) Toby Jones, bestest known as the voice of Dobby the House Elf in the Potter series, and the poor fellow who has to follow Phil S Hoffman‘s incarnation of Truman Capote in Infamous, appeared in a blink and you’ll miss em cameo

Threepeat?: look for the Woodman’s across the pond success to continue with his UWASP, a tale about two brothers with serious financial woes, who turn to crime, and then turn against each other. Del joint will co-star Colin Farrell, Ewan McGregor, and Tom Wilkinson. At this rate, he’ll employ all the brightest and bestest of UK cinema. Good thing his casting peeps already had the right mind to enlist the likes of hottie Romola Garai, nottie Fenella Woolgar (‘Bestest Names Award’ namesake for our year end movie thang), and ’06 Screen Asshole Guild – Hall of Fame UK inductee, Charles ‘Lets’ Dance. One suggestion for down the road: Carey Mulligan

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Scoop opens this Friday, the 28th

until next time the balcony is clothed…

Borat drops in on San Diego’s ComicCon

[AirB | FruitG | GSpark]

Frieden Die Gabel Heraus
aka
Peace The Fork Out
John H. Lebzelter
aka
Jack Warden

1920 – 2006

+ won an Emmy for playing Bears’ coach George Halas in TV’s Brian Song. And some randomness of randomness: the interior used for Gale Sayers’ house in the movie was actually the set for Darrin and Samantha’s house from Bewitched, which, on the 3rf episode ever, Jack had a bit part on
+ starred in 3 movies with Warren Beatty, Shampoo, Bulworth, & Heaven Can Wait, and mcnabbed Oscar noms for 2 of em
+ his (uncredited) film debut, You’re in the Navy Now [trailer], was also the first cinema trip out for Lee Marvin AND Charles Bronson
+ was the hat-ed Juror #7 in ’57 Lumet directed 12 Angry Men, which was played by Carlos M at the Hamilton Theater
+ along with the great Gilbert Gottfried, they were the only actors to star in all three Problem Child movies. No word if Junior hooked either of them up with Samples concert tix
+ his (former) wife Vanda Dupre was the title character in the Three Stooges‘ Fifi Blows Her Top
+ OG last name ‘Lebzelter‘ is German for ‘honey-cake baker‘
+ I heart Jack Warden cause he’s always that guy in those movies

photo by Peter Tangen
most phacts stolen from DB Sweeney’s brother

Lady in the Water
A Cleveland Steaming Heep of Sh%t
Trailers

Who the fork is Cleveland Heep? Uriah‘s brother? I wish, but Mr Heep is our stuttering handyman everyman superman protagonist in M Night Shamalammadingdong’s latest attempt at what we the people call a ‘movie’. Oh my lord!! This fish out of water modern day ‘fairy tale’ will be lucky if it lives to see a second week. Yep, it’s that repoopulous folks. It all becomes so clear now as to why Disney, the home of his first 4 films (5 if you include his stint with Miramax), famously raised eyebrows when M Night handed in the script for this trifle that makes the Neverending Story look non-fiction, which in turn sent his a$$ and career away from the House of Mouse for good. How would any moviegoer in their right mind buy into this overly preposterous story about a narf named Story who has to like come from some other world to our world to save the human race or something with the help of a healer, a guild, a whatever, an eagle, some Tartutics, three french hens, and two turtle doves, all while keeping far from some demonic green dog with hair made of grass, and sticking to a set of rules that seems more excessive than the casts of The Rules of Attraction, Rules of Engagement, Breakin’ All the Rules, and The Cider House Rules all competing on Road Rules, if it was hosted by Mercedes Ruehl. Did I lose you? Hopefully, cause this is a giant waste of talent and a giant waste of time. I’m not saying I’m devoid of imagination, but the ham-handed way that it was told leaves little to the imagination. When I first saw the The Village [review] I called for M Night’s head, but then I saw it again, and my opinion did a complete 180 [see bottom of this post]. I don’t think this will be the case with Lady since I plan on never seeing it again. It wasn’t a total wash out, I mean we get to see what Bryce Dallas Howard looks like without make-up, and come to terms with the fact that M Night really isn’t that bad of an actor, handing in the longest cameo of his career… the 3rd lead in the movie!! The same can’t be said of his ‘sister’ in the movie, Sarita Choudhury, who has easily taken the spot on my shitlist that was once occupied by Kate Yeahsworth.

Recommended for those who like: Federico Diaz with a Hulkesque masturbating arm, twenty questions (shower edition), and the Suc Mi Pagoda menu

Possible Porno Name: Shady In The Twater

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix any of Bryce Dallas’ daddy’s mo ‘imaginary’ water fests, like Cocoon [Trailer] or Splash [couldn’t find the trailer, so make due with a promo for Splash Too]

Apt MPupil3: ‘Burn Hollywood Burn (for letting M Night make this)’ by Public Enemy [d]

IMDb Sweeney: Wide Awake is the only one of M Night’s movies that he did not appear in. Sadly Rosie O’Donnell did

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

until next time the balcony is clothed…