The Departed
Martin Scores Easy
Trailer

The Departed departs from Marty’s recent slate of overbloated spectacles (The Aviator [TWS.org review] & Gangs of Boo York) and returns the master to the part of him where he always excels: the mean streets. One part Mystic River (underbelly of Boston) and one part Heat (two big stars, Damon & DiCaprio, finally facing off in a movie, but only for one scene), The Departed is all parts thumbcredible, while those other two films aforementioned are not partly, but fully overrated. Part of The Departed‘s success has to do with its scrumptious cast (even with hometown boy Matt Damon’s somehow awful Boston accent), the other part is its solid story (can’t go wrong with a remake of the already popular Hong Kong flick Mou Gaan Dou, which I refused to see ahead of time so I could give Marty my un-len-biased opinion). Marty, I love yer ambition, but tis time to let go of the epics and keep on keepin on with these shoot em up pictures dat everyone loves. Of course yer allowed to do whatever you want to do, until death do us part.

Not So New Kid On The Block: yes, that FBI agent was indeedy-do Marky Mark and Donnie’s bro Robert

Lord of The Thighs: Besides Balthazar Getty and The Departed‘s James Badge Dale (aka, that jerk off that got to pretend he waz bangin Cuthbest), no other young cast member from the 1990 version of The Lord of the Flies really went on to do anything. Howevs, Danuel Pipoly (1/3 of the way down the page), who portly played the portly Piggy, has kept busy by remaining single and counting down the days until his 10 year high school reunion

Apt MPupil3: Marty’s go to jingle ‘Gimmie Shelter’ by The Rolling Stones [duh] which was also featured in both Goodfellas AND Casino

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

The Queen
Have No Frears, Cause Mum’s The Word, Yo!
Trailer

Helen Mirren juss seems like the kinda Dame that’s already won an Oscar, but alas, she hasn’t, and jeremy shockingly has only been nominated twice (Gosford Snoozepark & The Madness of George Bush) in her illustrious career. Well, the hype is all tru about her stunning and career best performance as Queen Elizabeth in the aftermath of Princess Di’s death in director Stephen Frears’ own career bestest work, and if balls go well, she’ll frynally be walking away with a lil golden guy, alongside Forrest Whitaker. And while Dame HM is mos def the show, her spotlight is practically stolen by Michael Sheen’s nuanced and beyond brilliant take on the newly minted at the time Prime Minister Tony Blair. The two play such a fine game of royal and commoner chess that to you I muss say check (this out) mate!

IMDb Sweeney: loves you some more of where this came from? Then watch Frears and Sheen’s first Blair outing, UK TV stizz, The Deal, which also came from the pen of Peter Morgan, who also dizzle dazzled The Last King of Scotland and the upcoming movie known in no circles as Scartalie Porthansson: The Movie

Queen For A Lay: I think it’s safe to say that Dame Mirren is the only actress to have portrayed 5 queens and appeared in her NSFW suit in 6+ flicks (why lord or lord is there no Age of Consent NSFW DVD avails on planet mirth?)

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

The Science of Sleep
He’s So Dreamy
Trailer

Many directors will throw things in a movie cause theythinks it will look ‘cool’, but only one can truly get away with it in this day in rage: Michel Gondry. With his fabtastic work in music video and few gene wilderly imaginative and playful features, Gondry has earned a license to be eccentric. And for that reason, anything he outputs is kevin duckWORTH a gander, even if they’re a giant incomprehensible mess like The Science of Sleep. Somewhere between a full length version of the Dali infused dream sequence from Hithcock’s Spellbound and his own video for Bjork’s ‘Human Behaviour‘, Gondry takes us on a dizzying journey that I still can’t figure out whether I want first class tickets for or to be the first to jump off the plane. So if you plan on embarking on this one, best to bring a parachute, Justin Case

Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix Fellini’s mindbender 8 1/2, which should not be confused with 8 1/2 Mile [trailer]

Possible Porno Name: The Tight Pants of Sleaze

Takin It In The Cannes: yer days and lays are #ed Virginie Ledoyen
& Queen of French NSFW dressing, Ludivine Sagnier, cause there’s only one femme that I want to wee oui all over, Emma de Caunes [peep her NSFW perkies]

until next thyme, the balcony is clothed…

many a belated piece the forkins like Jek Porkins to SmellyGBs, the battler of Algiers, the Buckster, the Lord, the dude who got to bang Jayne Mansfield, and Mr Tequila! [d & the Pee Wee dance]

Roger Ebert answers the not so age olde question: what the fcuk is the deal wit Roger Ebert? [The Vegan]

The V Mini Series sequel needs $19 million dollars. If we find 19 million V fans with a dollar a piece, THE BEASTMASTER WILL BE ABLE TO FEED HIS FAMILY!!

Eric Stoltz is was Marty McFly: THE PICTURES [Navi The Terrible Bowler]

the video for David ‘The Hoff’ Hasselhoff’s ‘Jump In My Car’ co-starring KITT

the world’s largest collection of SFW Annie Potts Harry Crumb JO matz

EW makes my wet dreams cum tru by throwin Borat on their cover and droppin a pointless article about Pam Beasley, which include these two fine snappages [LJ-TO]

Iggy Pop’s concert rider, plastic seahorses need not apply

George Steinbrenner Fires Tigers

Why is coffee commonly referred to as a ‘cup of joe’?

Top 10 Weird Al Videos [Hisconsin]

free passes to Stoopid Cartoon: The Movie and Will Ferrell’s Adaptation

CoolPl8z, thatmakeme6

Font Designers

‘I Learned It By Watching You!‘ and yer Jim Crocheesed arsed mustache!!

watermelon special fruitcarving site

Dagen då larverna kom till Flogsta

Clark Sorensen’s Urinal Sculptures

and n’awlins saints be praised, cause the internets has come thru again! The Most/Best – Ghetto/Ass – crazy/beautiful – Local Commercial Ever, featuring two two children who cannot be bothered, that I’ve searched high and low and Hi & Lois‘ pants for has FRYNALLY been unearthed, ironically enuff by the very institute who created the commercial: Jhoon Rhee‘s school of Tae Kwon Do. This may not mass appeal to those not from the DC area, but I think you’ll enjoy it nonethebreast

Supposedly my granpa and namesake feared Friday the 13th, so instead of 13 photochops, I did 10 less in his honor

1. ‘Chaje Shukarije’ – Esma Redzepova
2. ‘Born To Be Wild’ – Fanfare Ciocarlia
3. Dialoguing excerpt from moviefilm 1
4. ‘Siki, Siki Baba’ – Kocani Orkestar
5. ‘Gypsy’s Kolo’ – Jony Iliev & Band
6. Dialoguing excerpt from moviefilm 2
7. ‘Eu Vin Acasa Cu Drag’ – Stefan de la Barbulesti
8. ‘In My Country There Is Problem (Throw the Jew Down the Well)’ – Borat & Anthony Hines
9. ‘Grooming Pubis’ – Erran Baron Cohen
10. ‘Magic Mamaliga’ – O.M.F.O.
11. Dialoguing excerpt from moviefilm 3
12. ‘Money Boney’ – O.M.F.O.
13. ‘You Be My Wife’ – Borat (featurings Belinda Bedekovi?)
14. ‘Ederlezi’ – Goran Bregovic
15. Dialoguing excerpt from moviefilm 4
16. ‘Mahalageasca (Bucovina Dub)’ – Mahala Rai Banda vs. Shantel
17. Dialoguing excerpt from moviefilm 5
18. ‘O Kazakhstan’ – Erran Baron Cohen

Enhanced CD Content:
1. Cheese – (Deleted Scene)
2. ‘Humor Coach’ – (Entire Scene From Film)
3. ‘O Kazakhstan (sing-a-long clip with lyrics)’ – (Entire Clip From Film)

ALL HAIL KAZAKHSTAN’S PYRAMID!!

Infamous
The Truman Show: Episode I.5
Trailer

While the world rightly went gaga over Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Oscar winning performance in Capote, everyone wrongly thought that that also meant the movie itself was gagalicious. Personally, I found it to be unfulfilling [sez the TWS.org review] from top to bottom. My two main issues with the Hoffman film, since I was a big In Cold Blood book fan, was that not enough detail was payed to both the killings and killers, and the other, being the lack of emotional display of Captoe’s downward spiral after the book was released. I’m happy to report that triple threat-er Douglas McGrath‘s take on the same eggzact events not only answers my prayers, but surpasses the Hoffman versh bottom to top. It’s more playful, more intense, and mos importantly, less snooze inducing. Tis an effin crying shame then that this one was released second cause no one is really going to give it the unbiased chance it deserves. And the real shame is reserved for Toby Jones (aka Dobby the House Elf) who nails the spirit of Captoe EVEN BUTTER than PSHoffs did!!! In a perfect world, Jones would walk away with the Best Actor Oscar next year, but I doubt Hollywurst would allow such a thang to happen (plus Forrest Whitaker is the man to beat). And unlike Capote, the supporting playas (sans Peter Bogdanovich, who reeks of updog) here are just as strong as the central figure. Kudos to Menudo go out to Sandra Bullock, who as Harper Lee hands in her least annoyingistest work of her career (that’s a huge compliment), and the biggest of big ups goes out to 007 Daniel Craig, who as killer Perry Smith shines on like a crazy Dustin Diamond after his dirty sanchezed threesome

Unsatisfied with this?: again, read Tru’s book and then Netflix the ’67 movie, all dough the trailer for the ’96 versh starring Eric Roberts, Anthony Edwards AND Sam Neill looks shitastic!!

Possible Porno Name: In Famous Amos’ Anus

WAV To The Crowd: ‘The In-famous El Guapo‘ bit from The Three Amigos [d]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

until next thyme, the balcony is clothed…

pee es – the no stinkin badgedness of Driving Lessons opens this Friday in NY/LA

Princess Leia Organa Solo

Enslaved Dancer Oola

Handmaiden Dormé

Commander Mon Mothma

Duke Teta’s Bizatch Koyi Mateil

Bounty Hunter Zam Wesell

Queen Padmé Amadala Skywalker

Waitress Hermione Bagwa

Officer Toryn Farr

Aunt Beru Lars née Whitesun

Handmaiden Moteé

Senator Bana Breemu

Mother Love Bone Shmi Skywalker-Lars

Jedi Aayla Secura

Handmaiden Sabé

Six-Breasted Dancer Yarna D’al Gargan

Food Peddler Jira

Senator Ister Paddie

&

[more NSFW Star Whores]