Out With The New & In With The Old

Get Smart
Field Failed Agent
Trailers & Mo

If yer looking for a decent homage to the beyond classic Don Adams starring-Mel Brooks/Buck Henry created Get Smart TV series (one of our dad’s most flavorite shows) you’d be better off skipping this big screen ‘adaptation’ and instead putting a bid on one of Sports Illustrated‘s famed sneaker shoes. Dats right folks, whoever pieced together this film missed it by a lot more than ‘that much‘. Not to say that Get Smart isn’t watchable, cause it kinda is with its spot-on chemistry through casting (new Agent 99 Anne NSFW Hathaway is juss as 69able as old Agent 99 Barbara Feldon) and well put together action sequences that shouldn’t be act-shunned, but the main issue here is that this is supposed to be a comedy, and you won’t find any comedy within, even if you threw a Good Humor truck at the screen (it’s the same sh$t/ship that basically sunk the French spy spoof OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies). We pity Steve Carell. He’s too darn hamazing as Michael Scott on The Office, where he’s supported by some of entertainment’s sharpest writing, that anything else we see him in is an automatic step down (although Dan In Real Life is worth a peepage). Hopefully he’ll keep rocking the small stuff while he attempts to stay dry, sweating in the big stuff

In An Alternate Uni-Reverse: remember the opening scene of The Office‘s fourth episode this past season where, after watching bits and pieces of The Devil Wears Prada, Michael apes Miranda Priestly by tormenting Pam [watch it @ hulu]? we’d love to see the same scene done again, but with Hathaway sitting at Dunder Mifflin’s reception desk… or at least sitting under our desk. what, that doesn’t float yer boat? then maybe you wanna see the straight-to-betamax spin-off flick Get Smart’s Bruce and Lloyd Out of Control, which features the non-comic stylings of Masi Oka and this d-bag

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

The Incredible Hulk
The Incredulous Bulk
Trailers & Mo

Why does everyone hate on Ang Lee’s Hulk? Juss cause smashing things took a back seat to (oh gasp!) actual character development, does that a bad movie make? We certainly think snot, hispecially since Bruce Banner/The Hulk is one giant character study worth studying, as we proclaimed (and still do) that Lee’s take on the not so-jolly green giant was ‘the best comic book movie since the OG Batman… as long as u erase the last 10 minutes of it from your memory where Nick Nolte becomes like super lightning man or something for no reason‘. So whatta we get with this reboot (one of the wurstest words thrown around in the media today) by the dude who directed Transporter 2 and waz written by the fella who penned the Inspector Gadget flick and the crappy Brett Ratnerfied X-Men? Not one single thing that could be considered better than what was scene and herd in the first try. On top of that, it’s boring. Look, we love Ed Norton like we love our moms (his matzoh soup is probably juss as good), but he’s not as well suited as Eric Bana was (he’s also a bit too gaunt, not matter how much he worked out for the film). And Liv Tyler and William Hurt (who’s slowly becoming one of the mos annoying overactors nick goings) versus Jennifer Connelly and Sam Elliot and his bona fide mustache? Pa-sleaze. Even the action jackson in version 1.0 is dinty moore enjoyable than what went on in 2.0. Remember Hulk leaping over mountains and later tearing up the hills of San Fran? That was a lot more rah-rah sis boom ba-tastic than the crappy crap they flung at us in 2.0, which all seemed to be filmed on sum sh%tty Hollywood back lot. URGH! OK, we’ll admit, the new Hulk did have something that was on par with the old one: the CGI Hulk was juss as awful looking. If this thing gets rebooted (URGH!) for a 3.0 version, they should throw away the computer and give ole Lou Ferrigno (who makes a cameo, again) a green paint job

Want Sumtang Incredible?: THAT’S INCREDIBLE!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Roman Polanski:
Wanted and Desired
A Not So Noble Roman
Trailer & Mo

Finally, a film that isn’t a remake or a reboot or even close to being repoopulous! Well it is, but not the eye slitting kind. It’s a documentary about the repoopulous trials (both literally and figuratively) and tribulations (more figuratively than literal) that befell Roman Polanski in 1977 (then age 44) after he raped a 13 year-old girl duri
ng a French Vogue photoshoot filled with champagne and quaaludes at Jack Nicholson’s house. Although Polasnki’s a jacka$$ for doing what he did, the judge who dilly dallyed over the case and ensuing media 18-ring circus is an even bigger one, so much so that it almos turns Roman into the victim. As we all know (or you should know), Polanski fled the US before his final sentencing and has yet to return. This shiz is all too repoopulous and redonkeylous to put in words, so peas seek it out and come up with yer own verdictgo

Sleazy Reading: The Smoking Gun‘s gotz the court transcript of the 13 year-old’s testimony

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Smart and Hulk are playing at a theater new Jew, while Polanski is currently airing on HBO before it hits limited theaters on July 11th

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…