LoHansel & ReGretel
24. Aug, 2005 
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Wanta Lohan that’s 89% less Lohaggish, 72.7% more insecure, and 111% now all up on my radar screen? Try Red Eyer and Diaz nanny for a day Jayma Mays on for size.
• Wanta Fanta? [beware o sound]
• While our relationship has been colder than a Siberian Kwanzaa, things have been surely heatin up in the realm of Her Royal Thighness the IIIrd. After she finally bagged that #1 ranking, she decided to grow, but unfortch, not in the mounds category, then she held a t-shirt, told someone the time, touched her shoulder, and andy capped it all off with a graffiti tagging spree. Girl, when you gotta minute, we need to talk. I promise, this time I’ll use my mouth to lash out at you and not with my borscht belt. And will someone tell her that a mic is no replacement for His Royal Shlong. [last via Spencer For Mire]
• The mockingbird has been killed died. Boooooooooooooooooo… radley/urns.
• But Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah radley to the beginning of school libraries’ slow peace the fork outtingsages
• A leather-clad Borat invades Pammy Ander’s dogs’ wedding on a giant inflatable turtle. Where the cork are the pappanazis when we need them most?!! SEE SNAPS HERE!!!
• Zzzzz zzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!
• The Daily Mirror‘s 3am is my mos flavorite destination for all dat hot jazz filled gossip from across the pond (hispecially in the key of C Church getting mad drunk and people ‘slamming’ her), but who the fork sticks are those three chicks (or birds, but not bitches) that write up this shizz and whose go fug yerself mugs adorn the letterhead? They look like an 8teenth rate group of Sugarbabes wannabees. Well apparently these girls have about as much credentials as Chuck E Cheese’s animatronic band. After a lil intersleuthing, I found out that Ms Callan is the only journalist granted entrance to Elton John’s annual Oscar party, Ms Hedley has about as much character as a character named Caroline Hedley in this book, and Ms Simpsons has less to say than Maggie Simpson. And although they are a greesome threesome, they’re at least 1/3 less duchebagish lookin than NYDN‘s Lllloyd Grove.
• Slipknot are not big fans of BK’s new Chicken Fries. I know how they feel, cause White Castle’s Chicken Rings scare the living daylights outta me.
• Cuthbest’s fiancé finally has something to do beside bang the hottiest things Canadaadda ever gave us
• Fluxie’s got a new tune off of the real FF’s new album
• The Entourage lost scenes, about as clever as… Entourage. Alldough, I will give them credit for employing Superfly Snuka
• Free passes to see That Dude From The State in major cities, and Phil Hoffman Goes Really Gay, Music Blah Blah Black Sheep, Spitting Pea Soup XII, and This Year’s Rushmore for us Jew Yorkers.
• Edward Scissorhands: The Dance Theatre Piece [via P-Bill]
• Take a tour of the Bates Motel
• Man Admits Lying About ‘Wonka’ Role On Résumé [via MoH]
• And spanks (or no thamks) to Pre-Raphaelite Shaolin, cause now I’m gonna have to scrap my artwork idea that I was going to use for my debut album that consists of nothing but Strawberry Alarm Clock covers. Originality may be dead, but corn is forever.
[via Weirdomusic]
