MISS TESCHMACHER!!!

• Whateverski happened to super-sexslutsky Valerie Perrine??? Did gawd punish her by starring in one of the greatest wurstest movies mt everest, where she’s surrounded by lots of gay men, Steve Guttenberg, AND Bruce Jenner? I guess snot, but she’s purty much warrick dunn nothing of note since then, cept look as scary as finding Margot Kidder sleeping in a cardboard box with no front teeth. So lettuce forget the now and remember WENN. When she used to wear tight clothing in most movies and took it off it the others. WHAT AN ACTRESS!!! So, for your viewing pleasure, I give to you, Val’s Playboy‘s pics, her in a bathtub, in a pool and making one lucky bald guy berry berry happy. Somewhere Gene Hackman is screaming her name while Ned Beatty dreams of Otisburg. [plenty of NSFW above]

• First, how could Nancy O’Dell plan to get married to someone with a last name that isn’t ‘Master’? Second, how come she had a bridal shower and Leeeeza Gibbons was invited, but I wasn’t? Thirdly, how cause Dell computers haven’t come out with a special Nancy O’Dell computer? It would be perfectly tan, mad hot and lean, and would have plenty of buttons that everyone would love to push!

• Brian De Palma is taking a break from being a Hitchcock hack to become a… Brian De Palma hack. C’mon dawg, is an Untouchables prequel really NESS-a-sairy?

• Pink Is The New Scientologist

• What’s the point of a clothed Brande Roderick? I don’t mean to gripe, but I prefer her with grapes. [2nd NSFW]

• Nike apologizes to Minor Threat for their bastardization. What’s next? Keds ripping off Fugazi’s third album cover? I can see it now…

• How come this disc doesn’t contain 12 versions of ‘Bohemian Like You’?

• Can you smell the (stone) roses (reunion)?

• Apparent-lee Dunaway wants young lays before she faye-ds to black.

• I now own two of these. I’m hoping this one’s less itchy than the other one mees gots.

• TWS.org, yer #1 result for ‘jim mora rants‘

• Garfield garfood. Is this what Gar Heard heard?

• HorseHater.blogspot.com [via Anon ‘Famous’ Amos]

• Did Little Mikey of LIFE cereal fame die from the explosive effects of mixing Pop Rocks candy with soda pop?

• Click and drag her [via Dr Falada]

• Lil’ Markie [via My Man Marvelous]

• What Is Cosby?!, a YTMND production that would sure please even the great Peabs Von Peabsenhiemer. [pic from Uncle G-love]

• And will these be the last pics you ever did see of Cuthsplert as the reigning Royal Thighness the II? Maybe a lil too soon to make a call like that, cause girl knows that the jigga’s up, and she’s been on her berry breastest behavior round yers drooly. And by that, I mean she’s been serving me breakfast in bed every morn by covering her bazzingies in veggie cream de la cream cheese and then placing everything bagels (MY FLAV!) on top of dem shmears, which leaves nuttin but her sweet nepals to stick thru the bagel holes. Some say thumcredible. I say greatestist morning ritual since trimming my grundle hair. And come this Thursday morn, flizz will be even better than the real thing as I enjoy my Cuthbert, whilst watching Sharapova take on Venus to see who wins in the battle of the bling.

I’m sorry, what was I babylon5ing about? I’ve been so distracted as of late by this girl, Miwa Oshiro, who’s been coming over for lunch, while Cuthelles goes out shoe shopping, and doing that body sushi shiz on my behalf. Oh boy, oh soy, my lil toy, oh joy!! Lemme chopstickitinya!!! [link via ASF]