Thighs Wide Shut

move over Zapruder, cause we’re dying to see the JFK dying film that no one on this Earth may have even seen, shot by the unknown Babushka Lady. so much history!!! so much mystery!!!!!

Detroit gets a purty bad rap. How do we know this? Every time we mentioned that we were heading there for the weekend, the listener responded, why? Well, 36 hours of non-stop Michigan runings around proved that the answer is why not? Three key reasons why not: A) it’s the home of Peabs, although he was outta town B) we weren’t shot at and/or killed, and C) we weren’t there long enuff to hate it, so in the end, we loved it!

we were Dearborn to be wild

and hit up Miller’s Bar
and had one of their tasty burgers
where you pay on the honor system
so we ordered 15 burgers and claimed we had only one

although to be honest, it aint got nuttin on Wendy’s
but then again, most burgers aint gotz nuttin on Wendy’s

we visited The Henry Ford
which is like a place of stuff
that the Smithsonian didn’t want or have room for

nothing sez history awful/awesomeness
like the car JFK was whacked in
and the chair Abe Lincoln got plugged in

sadly John Wilkes’ Photobooth wasn’t there

lotsa neon!

but no Deion or the Belmonts

this is what ye olde stewardessesses had to do to get ready

they forgot to ask them to shave their bushes

this is where Rosa Parks sat and changed stuffs for good

we feel like such an Outkast

Jewanicure was hungry like a wolf

and danced with some bizatch named Rio, on the sand

the nuclear family

with some d-bag with 18 necks

who you gonna call?

hopefully the police so they can arrest
the people making Ghostbusters III

holy grail! we choose wisely!!

but in Latin, ‘your mother’s a ho-bag‘ is spelled with a ‘i’?

someone give Luke a hand…

…job!!

wow, an actual replica of our big johnson

ride at your own risk

no trip to the D is complete w/out hitting up
The Motown Musuem

tis almos morer importanted than visiting Sun Records in Memphis
and jussta reminder to you alls…
visit Graceland before they die

fake Diana Ross was da bomb shiz

and so is her company, Ho Town Records

who doesn’t love a giant fist?

maybe this fist is to honor their boy RoboCop

Pizzapapalis was poppin-alis!

but really rocked cause you could play
Keno while scarfing down a pie

Don’t forget it Jake, cause it’s Greektown

which hactually wasn’t a ghetto casino
even though you think it would be

apparently
hot dogs in Rock City
are called Coney Island
although they juss pale imitations of Nathan’s
and wees only talkin about the Nathan’s in the real Coney
not some garbage Nathan’s you eat on the Jersey Turnpike

and apparently its good for bidness to have
two rival spots right next to each other

American‘s dogs weren’t that bad



and the interior was mad cool

but also mad empty

cause everyone was next door at the slightly better
Lafayette, munchin on their formica countertops

are you sh%tting in yer pants juss lookin at these pics?

anywho, the real reason for visiting was the Skins-Lions tilt

and we muss say, Ford Field is one amazin place to see a game

and an amazin place to see Randel El and James Thrash stretch!

and the Danny was on hand
lookin like Big Boy

but we’ve always loved him
and have stood by him
cause no one tries harder than the Danny
and bless him and his odd coaching search
which begat

ZORNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

the game was too close for comfort
in a non-Jim J Bullock kinda way
but the good guys won

leaving the Lions winless
and their fans with bags on their head
which was more entertaining than the movie Baghead

Welcome to our fourth year of Thighbeca Film Festival coverage (recaps from 2007, 2006 and 2005, sorta). Ideally, we’d see a lot more than we did, but if that happened, we’d probably would be blind. Same could be said about masturbating too much, but that’s an over-activity worth going blind for

Breast In Fest

Man On Wire [trailer not available]

Philippe Petit’s name may not ring a bell, but his high wire antics probably will. In 1974 he did the impossible: (illegally) walk between the World Trade Center’s twin towers. How he planned and executed it is the focus of this deeply fascinating doc. It’s hard to mention the towers anymore without thinking of 9/11, so it was an absolute pleasure to watch this doc that reminded us when they symbolized a thing of beauty and not horror

release date: August 15th in limited release

Mister Lonely [trailer]

You already know we loves it [TWS review], so the only question is, when are you going to see it? If Diego Luna’s career ever goes down el baño, he totally could earn some extra cash rocking those MJ moves

release date: already playing in limited release

Old Man Bebo [trailer]

Bebo Valdés was one of the kings of Cuban music (and apparently fathering children). That is until Castro and the revolution came in and, because of his neutral stance, pushed him from his homeland. Living in European oblivion, and being reduced to playing pianos at hotels and private parties, Bebo seemed destined to be a footnote in the annals of music. That is until his career was revived in the 90s, thankfully by those who never forgot him. The doc itself is pretty basic, but Bebo’s story is so darn engaging that it elevates the whole thing to muss see (if it’s ever released)

release date: unknown

Somers Town [trailer not available so peep this slideshow]

When we last left crossed paths with director Shane Meadows, he had juss rocked our socks and coccyx off with his jarring This Is England [TWS GLOWING review], and introduced us to the bright young talent that is Thomas ‘Tommo’ Turgoose. Well, the two have reunited on his quiet (read: not much plot), yet effective, follow-up that follows Tommo as a runaway looking for a new life on the streets of London. He finds friendship in another lonely soul, a Polish kid (Piotr Jagiello, another great discovery by Meadows), and the two get into their fair share or mis and mradventure. Think of it is a not so cheesy Son of Rambow

release date: unknown

Jeepers Worth A Releasers

A President to Remember: In the Company of John F. Kennedy [trailer not available]

Robert Drew and his assocaites have long been pioneers in the field of political documentaries. They got their start as flies on the wall following JFK on the 1960 presidential campaign trail with the film Primary, and went on to follow his every move when he occupied the White House with 4 more docs on the most charismatic president to date. Well RD and assocs have taken the best bits of those works and created this new one that captures all the major events he faced (although no mistresses here, juss the hotness that was Jackie), with Alec Baldwin’s smooth voice leading the way. This may be better suited for PBS than a theater, but regardless of where you see it, the mission of remembering JFK will certainly be accomplished

release date: unknown

The Universe of Keith Haring [trailer]

80s Pop Artist Keith Haring deserves a better reflection on his life and times than this. Since none are in the works that we know of, we guess we’ll stick with this adequate one that seems to focus more on passing time than reflecting on the times. Little introspection is made from the interviewees (and Madonna is noticeably absent… so is Warhol, but he’s dead), and it’s a crying shame, but Haring’s such a great subject that this doc is still worth czeching out

release date: fourth quarter of 2008

Sum Merit B
ut
No Stinkin Festival Badges

A Portrait of Diego: The Revolutionary Gaze [trailer]

Diego Rivera was larger than life, and probably quite often, larger than his pants. This doc doesn’t really chronicle that life. It’s more about some half-a-century old silent color film of Diego at work, which was dug up from some Mexican attic, and what his grandson, and the offspring of two of the people involved in said film think about it. The title is thus very misleading and probably woulda been better if it was called Three Famous Peoples’ Kin and How They Have Nothing Better To Do Than To Talk About Diego Rivera Around A Table And Talk About How Their Famous Forefathers Are More Talented Than They Are

release date: unknown

Redbelt [trailer]

On second thought’s it isn’t as bad as we originally said it was [TWS review], but that stoopid fight at the end has still left the wurstest taste in our mouth since we licked crepe paper

release date: already playing in limited release

Doesn’t Even Belong
In A Poop Festical

War, Inc. [trailer]

This movie is so beyond awful that we had no regrets leaving the theater for 30 minutes to watch the Kentucky Derby at a nearby bar. When we returned, we didn’t miss a thing. It was almos more enjoyable to watch Eight Belles get euthanized than sit through this hunk of Cusack junk (with Hillary Duff along for the ride). War, Inc? More like War, STINKS!

release date: May 23 in limited release

until next year’s fest, the balcony is clothed

In the Shadow of the Moon
The Apollo Creed
Trailer & Mo

There really are no muss see movies in life, but this doc comes purty darn close to required viewing, and that goes for every living person on this earth… including you Saudis, even though you don’t have a single movie theater in your country. In The Shadow of The Moon brings together, for the first and maybe last time, the remaining crew members of the 9 Apollo missions (although media-shy Neil Armstrong declined to appear in it, his presence is still mos certainly felt), to tell their incredible tales of how they helped to fulfill JFK’s challenge to our nation ‘of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth‘ before the end of the 60s

Obviously we did make it happen, but you’ll still marvel at how they could possibly do so, in a much more archaic age, where people under 18 actually had a hard time obtaining pornographic material to JO to. I’m sure many of you, like myself, will walk out of this and wish you were born in an earlier time, so that you could have experienced this remarkable journey first hand. Since that’s an impossibility, this doc, complete with pristine NASA archival footage (some never seen before), comes purty darn close to making up for it. While the missions were wholly American, the accomplishments were for the world to share. If only we had a remarkable event today to bring us all together (besides Coca-Cola). While we wait for such a thing, please go see In The Shadow of The Moon. Making the leap to the theater is juss one small step for you, but one giant leap for mankindness

Buzzy Bee: one of the more colorful astronauts who appear in the doc is Buzz Aldrin, who, thankfully this time around, was not interviewed by Ali G

Us & Them: here lies the video/music mash-up of The Dark Side of Oz/Dark Side of the Rainbow (thanks to de la Roachclip, I sorta saw it work back in my college daze). Too impatient to watch it all? Rolling Snooze went thru the trouble of pickin out the better bits

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

3:10 to Yuma
Homeboys On The Range
Trailer & Mo

I aint no fan of westerns, but if I had to choose a genre to make a comeback, I’d pick it 8 outta 10 times over musicals. While 3:10 To Yuma may not usher in a new era of unshaven dirty gunslingers, it’s still way more entertaining than John Travolta dancing in a fat suit. Director James Mangold follows up his Walk The Line with a different sorta man in black tale, a solid remake of the classic ’57 film of the same name, but like most of his films, it’s the casting that wins us over, and not the storytelling. Yuma pits poor rancher Christian Bale against bad bad man Russell Crowe, who has a date with the titular train. In the beginning, the two are as distant as me from a veggieburger, but as they make the trek to train station, the two strike up an unlikely kinship. This is the film’s main thrust and folly. While I can see why Crowe’s character could identity with Bale’s need for redemption, I juss don’t buy that he’d help him out, especially when it will still end up in his own imprisonment. Not only that, but in the process Crowe has to turn against his trusted outlaw buddies who are trying to rescue him. Even though Bale and Crowe chew up the scenery, it’s actually Six Feet Under‘s Ben Foster who makes the biggest bite. The guy totally pwns the angry man screen persona… which leads me to wonder how he could be so miscast as X-Maner Angel

Show-Times: there are plenty o ‘films with a time in the title, but there’s only one that stars Casey Siemaszko, Lisa Simpson and that’s directed by the Rattle & Hum dude, the ’87 mastercheese that be Three O’Clock High [trailer]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Mos Def Worth Yer Peepers

Fierce People
A Tribe Quest Called
Trailer
(which is a much watch so u can hear the faux versions of
‘Under Pressure’, ‘The Passanger’ and ‘Bittersweet Symphony’ )

Fierce People wants to be a lotta thangs, but one thing it probably didn’t want to be was a film that’s released in theaters 2 years after it first hit up the festival circuit. I can see how that’s possible, cause it’s a mess, but then again, it’s one of the more earnest messes I’ve enjoyed this year (Spidey 3 was another mess we approved of, but that didn’t quit
e understand the importance of being earnest goes to camp). What starts off as a nice lil coming of age piece (on top of the drug recovery and eccentric tycoon story threads that run along side it), eventually takes an unexpected dark turn, which for some viewers, may quickly erase any positive feelings you may have had leading up to it. Director Griffin Dunne (Johnny Dangerously‘s lil brother Tommy) and writer Dirk Wittenborn certainly have something on their hands here, but I actually think the crazy world that they created would be better suited for an HBO/Showtime type series. There’s too many interesting characters inhabiting that world, and frankly, we don’t get to spend enough time with any of them. But why not spend some of your time with them instead of none of it? I’ll leave that up to you

Eat At Perkins: I for one am very glad that Elizabeth Perkins’ career is turning itself around. I for one also love the fact that she showed us her perkies at least once [NSFW]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): on the lower end, but still Jeepers Worth A Peepers

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

No Mo Motion or Pictures
of
d bag extraodnaire
Jack Joseph Valenti
who gave US(A)
letters to live and hate by
G GP PG PG-13 M R NC-17 X

1921 – 2007

Bobby ‘Boris’ Pickett kicks it, for good & in his honor, we do the mash, the MOOONNSSTER MASH! [d]
+/-
Mr Avis gets hert(z)
Shot Put Innovator to be put underground
& not the creator of Six Feet Under goes six feet under