Thighs Wide Shut

[dinty more]
+ Falkor’s sister slips nip on the TV
+ Gorillaz live at the EMAs [via Monk]
+ Be like me and bid to own yer own set of Hazzardous material
+ Deltron 3030’s ‘Positive Contact’ [d-lode]
+ This picture made me think of Janora
+ Marble Madness
+ Blue Ball Madness [SFW + audio]

and…

Weezer’s recent output has been more run of the mill than this girl I went to elementary school with named Karla Mill, but their videos will always be worth more sweetness than a bottle of Mrs Butterworth’s. Point in case, enlisting Cuthbest (the NHL’s mos flavorite blogger [via UB]) in their latest ‘Perfect Situation’ [stream | d-lode]

btw, my album mock-up was far superior than Lake Superior
And now for yer regularly scheduled crapness…

• If only Mischa’s publicist knew how famous and influential I was

• And why bother casting Willa Holland as Mischa’s O.C. sis when her real-life microwaved face sib would suffice

• Lohag at NYU could be a bigger bomb than the Manhattan Project, or the John Lithgow HBO staple of the 80s of the same name

• I found another reason to see King Kong, besides being addicted to this Jungle Huntesque game involving Pringles canisters

• David Cronenberg’s twin gynecologists fun fest, Dead Ringers, is set to become the 2nd flick of his to be brought to the small screen (in addition to Dead Zone starring Anthony Michael Hall & Oates). Hopefully he’ll cast the Brothers Polish as the leads, and hopefully eXistenZ won’t be the third flick turned into a TV show.

• Gorillaz: We want Elmer Fudd

• A MUSS do before Dec 23rd: Netflix the BRILLS and Academy Award winning One Day In September… yul spank me for it later

• Bee gone Akeelah

• Orb.com, cause you should never be without the Howard Dean remixes and the porn stashed on yer home computer [via Kelly Green]

• Clinton Portis hearts the Zep

Yet he can’t name one of their albums

• How the Death Star Works [via UMC]

• Watching all six Star Wars movies simultaneously [via the Double Sex Boaters]

• Never too late to own a piece of history

• Is Geronimo’s skull residing at Yale’s Skull and Bones? Was it stolen from the grave by Prescott Bush?

• More or less Morley Safer, or less safe

• Don’t quit yer day job girl

• And cause you loaf to loathe her, and I’m juss plain sick of her and her sorta cow-like features, this will be the very last pic of CC the IV as HRT that u ever did see.

Let the speculation on HRT numero cinco commence. I’ll set the odds on Kate BOOOsworth, Sandra Bullocks, and the former Pepsi Girl at 1 zillion zillion to 1

Spank the lord
and Barry Diller
cause
JEEVES
of AskJeeves.lame fame
is more done than the Green Bay Packers

1997 – 2005
Sadly, this won’t put an end to the poop searches that Ask.com gives us peoples. Tits been ages since I’ve used their search engine, but there’s a good reason for that. For ever time I would ASK Jeevies anything, all he’d came back with was a giant list of things to buy. One time I asked him ‘how to cure cancer’ and he literally wanted to sell me cancer. What a jerk. Yer more stuffy and overrated than Gosford Park. Good riddance! Interesting in the history of AskJ? Click me

• Note to HBO: I love nipples, but PLEASE stop showing Niobe‘s EVERY week during in the ‘Previously on Rome‘ bit. And the nips in question aren’t even actress Indira Varma’s. Peep the NSFWness and decide for yoself

• Spike Lee + Ali G = one reason to watch anything NBA-related

• Someone was married to Kathy Griffin?

• I thought only Disney did direct-to-DVD crappy sequels? Although I am intrigued at the prospect of 16 Seconds, the sequel to Luke Perry’s 8 Seconds

• Best of luck to Phil Olsen, the self-appointed captain of Team USA, who’ll be gettin very hairy this weekend at The World Beard and Moustache Championships

Related: Whiskers of Note Conceal Man of Note

• Hopefully Boondock II: All Saints Day will beget Overnight II: Even More of a Jackass

• Alexa Vega, not so little and big anymore

• Tickets for the Gorillaz’ 5 night Manchester shabang a lang go on sale Monday thru UK’s Ticketbastard [via XFM]

• Free screenings galore for Domino AND The Fog

• Sri Lanka’s election chief has voted since 1963

• Top Ten Female Streakers [NSFWness via Double Vikes]

• Christian Mime Ministry [via MoH]

• And I don’t care if they are married or not, cause this is STILL one of the most uncomfortable pictures ever…

Simon Wiesenthal
&
his will to survive
hunting down of Nazi bastards
and his endless crusade to end Anti-Semitism

1908 – 2005
• And in not as importante passing news, we still pause (ok, we’re done being rebels with a pause) and bid adieu to Lenny’s bizatch Honey Bruce Friedman, who was portrayed by MISS TESCHMACHER!!! in the movie, where DUHVS course, she showed a lil skin

• Rumored Gorillaz 5 night gig has now become a reality! The plan this go around is to not hide behind a screen, invite all the guest stars on stage, and let it all out. Sure to be a once (or fifthce) in a lifetime opp. So who wants to get all madchester in Manchester November 1-5? [via NME]

• Not even Gomer Pyle could be Sirprized, Sirprized, Sirprized by this

• Catch some zzzzzzzzzz

• The new kids on the block, dorkmaster Jon Cannon and semi-soylicious Kelly Miyahara, are like the Patrick Ramsey and Mark Brunell’s of Jeopardy!‘s Clue Crew. Somewhere Sofia Lidskog (see bottom of post) breathes a sigh of relief. Somewhere I have my hand down my pants thinking about Sofia Lidskog.

• Me loves the music, but I aint schooled enuff to review albums. Good thing then that Ms Mod purrfectly captured the ins and mainly outs of the Fiery Furnaces and Grandma crack pipe fest ’05 side project. Eeeeeeesh. The disc is the antonym of ‘easy listening’

• The Stanley Kubrick: Inside The Mind of a Visionary Filmmaker eggzibit heads to the Australian Centre for the Moving Image in Melbourne, Rooland starting November 24 til the end of January. Then the damn Romans get it from April on. Cato may actually have to wear underwear if he wants to attend the opening gala.

• CUTHBEST DRIVES!

• Mandy Moore chips in seven points, 29 assists, nine kills, and 28 digs

• TWS.org, one of Six Blogs You Should Be Reading, according to someone else who isn’t my brother-in-law or left hand. I also reveal my flavorite site that isn’t mine or NonUSHotties!

• A review of Twin Peak Fest ’05… Waldo the mynah bird’s blood soaked donuts not included [more pic links here]

• Why2k?

• I think I found a way to cure my un-funemployment blues: watch TV for 69 hours and 49 minutes straight

• Remember Cpt 20/Count Gore De Vol? Well if u aint from DC and waz born after 1985, probably not. Our brother from another smothers, Dick ‘The Dizzle’ Dyszel, has returned to the metropolitan hiz-area complete with his bumpin a$$ DJ service, low-priced mustache rides, and other mustache related hotness. Last week he dropped by the WaPo for a lil chat wit fans. Peep the transcript here [last via Johnny Holla Dollar]

• The Soon To Be Relatively Famous Hooters Employee Handbook

• When I eventually get all married and shiz, the only kitchen item I’ll request on my registry is this [via Del Fiddler]

• Shatner takes on ‘Rocket Man’ [via Shady Akers]

• And to make up for CC the IV’s grateful dreadful outfit at whatever the funk Avenue of the Stars is and her claims that my name is Gavin and that we were lovers in our former lives, please viddy well, oh my brothers…

No longer can I say ‘Is it football season yet?’
cause it’s
FOOTBALL SEASON
aka
Joe Gibbs Rd 2, Vol II
aka
16-0
and an XL Super Bowl WIN
in Super Bowl XL

not sponsored in part by
XL Recordings, Capital, or Clothing
or Ciatrick Fason
Speaking of autopilot, I feel some morose remorse for these two guys in my third fantasy fooball draft who let the cumputdders do their slim pickens for em. Peyton and Dante are solid #1 picks, but why on earth would a cumputdder in 2005 think that both of these teams would also need to sign SEVEN additional back-up QBs EACH?!??! I mean, has Kyle Bowler been drafted in any draft? Damn, it’s a bit drafty up in herrrrrrrrrrre.

But before we delve into the real sports season-ed fries, lets drop and pop to the hotness that has been the US Thighs Wide Open. Anyone for Tennis? Wouldn’t MSG tickets be NICE, but for now I’ll settle for the Nick Goings on at Arthur Ashe Can Andy Stadium. Did you see the igass that Agassi displayed last noche? He not only won in dramatic fashion (does anyone ever say ‘comedic fashion’? or citarick fason?), but set a record for being the tennis player who mos resembled Ed Kowalczyk for the 2 million billionth time! Way to go you Steffi Graf-Zeppelin worshiper!! Juss remember Andre 2000, I alone love you, fear is not the end of this!

And whatta bout the loverly Tia Maria Sharapovaria? Besides wearing the same outfit day after day as a sign of solidarity with my unemployment movement, she’s been kicking glass all up in Queens Blvd like she was Vinnie Chase in the rain. And she’ll surely provide some grand PM beatoff material this Friday as she faces off groans her moans on like Ryan Moats vs Princess Fiona in the semis. It couldn’t have let me cum at a better time cause her stock as HRT the IIIrd has taken a worser beating than the one the Skins endured vs the Bears in 1940. How has me cum to this? Cause a certain 20 fags a day/newly minted GQ lady of the year has slowly but thighedly becummed the next lady in waiting…

Lettuce all pray that in 10 yrs time, I’m not bowing my dong to Hayley Westenra, the suppose-id next CC

Back to the grill again…

• GORILLAZ TO TOUR in 2007

• The new tATu jounks Dangerous and Moving is neither dangerous nor moving, but when I close my eyes and make bee leave that the two are actually lesbians and are constatly licking each other, it’s probably the single greatest album to ever be released after Genesis’ Invisible Touch. U’ve seen the vid to ‘All About Us’, now hear another track of borscht bliss: ‘Loves Me Not’ [d-lode]

• Ari Gold’s mum wants HRT the I to be his HRT the I

• Saturn goes gay

• Sorry folks, but Rachael Ray is here to rayign and rayin on yer parade for years to come

• Jack Kerouac was keroWACK

• Robocop loves history

• 2001 eggsplained [via Nacogdoches]

• Micro Compact Home

• NSFW [via Tom Wellington]

&

• The Truth About Mike Sushchefski, In Animated Gif Format [via My Man Marvkus]

I’m off to the gay and family beach (no, not the real OC, although I will be watching The OC). So see you Monday.