The Departed
Martin Scores Easy
Trailer
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The Departed departs from Marty’s recent slate of overbloated spectacles (The Aviator [TWS.org review] & Gangs of Boo York) and returns the master to the part of him where he always excels: the mean streets. One part Mystic River (underbelly of Boston) and one part Heat (two big stars, Damon & DiCaprio, finally facing off in a movie, but only for one scene), The Departed is all parts thumbcredible, while those other two films aforementioned are not partly, but fully overrated. Part of The Departed‘s success has to do with its scrumptious cast (even with hometown boy Matt Damon’s somehow awful Boston accent), the other part is its solid story (can’t go wrong with a remake of the already popular Hong Kong flick Mou Gaan Dou, which I refused to see ahead of time so I could give Marty my un-len-biased opinion). Marty, I love yer ambition, but tis time to let go of the epics and keep on keepin on with these shoot em up pictures dat everyone loves. Of course yer allowed to do whatever you want to do, until death do us part.
Not So New Kid On The Block: yes, that FBI agent was indeedy-do Marky Mark and Donnie’s bro Robert
Lord of The Thighs: Besides Balthazar Getty and The Departed‘s James Badge Dale (aka, that jerk off that got to pretend he waz bangin Cuthbest), no other young cast member from the 1990 version of The Lord of the Flies really went on to do anything. Howevs, Danuel Pipoly (1/3 of the way down the page), who portly played the portly Piggy, has kept busy by remaining single and counting down the days until his 10 year high school reunion
Apt MPupil3: Marty’s go to jingle ‘Gimmie Shelter’ by The Rolling Stones [duh] which was also featured in both Goodfellas AND Casino
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show
The Queen
Have No Frears, Cause Mum’s The Word, Yo!
Trailer
Helen Mirren juss seems like the kinda Dame that’s already won an Oscar, but alas, she hasn’t, and jeremy shockingly has only been nominated twice (Gosford Snoozepark & The Madness of George Bush) in her illustrious career. Well, the hype is all tru about her stunning and career best performance as Queen Elizabeth in the aftermath of Princess Di’s death in director Stephen Frears’ own career bestest work, and if balls go well, she’ll frynally be walking away with a lil golden guy, alongside Forrest Whitaker. And while Dame HM is mos def the show, her spotlight is practically stolen by Michael Sheen’s nuanced and beyond brilliant take on the newly minted at the time Prime Minister Tony Blair. The two play such a fine game of royal and commoner chess that to you I muss say check (this out) mate!
IMDb Sweeney: loves you some more of where this came from? Then watch Frears and Sheen’s first Blair outing, UK TV stizz, The Deal, which also came from the pen of Peter Morgan, who also dizzle dazzled The Last King of Scotland and the upcoming movie known in no circles as Scartalie Porthansson: The Movie
Queen For A Lay: I think it’s safe to say that Dame Mirren is the only actress to have portrayed 5 queens and appeared in her NSFW suit in 6+ flicks (why lord or lord is there no Age of Consent NSFW DVD avails on planet mirth?)
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show
The Science of Sleep
He’s So Dreamy
Trailer
Many directors will throw things in a movie cause theythinks it will look ‘cool’, but only one can truly get away with it in this day in rage: Michel Gondry. With his fabtastic work in music video and few gene wilderly imaginative and playful features, Gondry has earned a license to be eccentric. And for that reason, anything he outputs is kevin duckWORTH a gander, even if they’re a giant incomprehensible mess like The Science of Sleep. Somewhere between a full length version of the Dali infused dream sequence from Hithcock’s Spellbound and his own video for Bjork’s ‘Human Behaviour‘, Gondry takes us on a dizzying journey that I still can’t figure out whether I want first class tickets for or to be the first to jump off the plane. So if you plan on embarking on this one, best to bring a parachute, Justin Case
Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix Fellini’s mindbender 8 1/2, which should not be confused with 8 1/2 Mile [trailer]
Possible Porno Name: The Tight Pants of Sleaze
Takin It In The Cannes: yer days and lays are #ed Virginie Ledoyen
& Queen of French NSFW dressing, Ludivine Sagnier, cause there’s only one femme that I want to wee oui all over, Emma de Caunes [peep her NSFW perkies]
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict):
Jeepers Worth A Peepers
until next thyme, the balcony is clothed…
11. Dec, 2006 
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