Thighs Wide Shut

Borat really loves Cannes
unlike this guy, who hates em

[more (some NSFW) cans action on the Fiddle]
+ more on the Borat movie [Pakula Shaker]

+ more Mora

Twats the bestest word that’s been a part of the English vernacular since the ’04, but hasn’t been uddered much at all on our dirty Christian shores? Chav. So what the goldenfiddlestix is a ‘chav’? ‘cordin to the omniscient Wikipedia, ‘chav’ refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with fashions such as flashy ‘bling’ jewellery and counterfeit designer clothes such as Burberry / Burkley or sportswear, an uneducated, uncultured, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets, bus stops, or other shopping areas, and a culture of antisocial behaviour.

In America, these kinda people would be a crossbreed of white trash and, the still whore-able-lee monikered, wiggers. Spankfully mos of the chavs hail from the old country, which automatically makes them more cooler than William H Macy givin Coolio an HJ with ice cubes, although some Americans have been given the label, such as Britney, Christina, and 50 Cent.

So why on earth am I brining up this whole chav crap? Cause if I could be one man and bang one woman from the Queen’s realm, I’d be Mike Skinner of the Streets and I’d do Jennifer Ellison of the big tits. And both of thems are textbook eggzamples of all things chav

Additional ‘chav’ shazz…

ChavScum.co.uk

ChavWorld.co.uk

Famous chavs

Prince William chavs it up

What’s your chav rating?

Not satisified wit the above def of ‘chav’? Try 350 more at Urban Dic

British buzzwords, from 1904 to 2004

‘Fit But You Know It (Alternate Version)’ by the Streets wit Kano, Tinchy Stryder, Don’eo (of So Solid Crew) and Lady Sovereign [d via More Milky Way]

Slightly speaking of Lady Sovereign, she’s chav-tastic to the bone and kicks major glass and major payne. She’ll be at Coachella, Lolla, and fittingly, but don’t you know it, opening for the Streets this summer roberts. What this lil grimester sound like? Peep her myspace space or rock her ‘Hoodie’ [d] or its Mizz Beats remix [d]

You are now exiting chav-land…

Last week we praised Lily Allen for having the world’s greatestist myspace background, but had no idea of two things: one, she’s Keith Allen‘s daughter, and two, her music also kicks major glass, in a softer Lady Sovereignish kinda way. Think Feist, but not as coma enducing. You can hear some of her sweet trax on the space of my or go with the only ones I could find for yer d-ing pleasure, ‘Smile’ [d] & this FAB 50 minute mix thingie featuring her shiz + random shazzle like Dizzie Rascal, Rod Stewart, and some yodeling stossel [d]

Oh LORD ALMATY!!! The Prez of Kazakhstan’s daughter defends Borat!?!?! + Best of Borat vid

Norman Chad wins $300 bux for takin top prize in the 54th US Bowler Writing Competition, Editorial divish. That’s 240 times Shirley can pay the man

David Zucker’s spoof glossary

Fuck the cows and all that other shit. Here comes the terrapins [Brawny Boy]

MisShapes, TV’s Cheers stizz. Women, can’t live with em, pass the beer nuts [Ms Mod]

Average Homeboy! + more on the homeboy himself [Newbs]

Beavis & B tackle Blur’s ‘Parklife’ [My Man Marvkus]

Blessed be Page 3 and Danni, who be straight outta Coventry [NSFW]

Donald Duck: The Spirit Of 1943

Cinemorgue

davidbowieisverydisappointedinyou.com [P-bitch]

Be honest, which one of ewes was searchin for ‘joan cusack nude pics only‘? [see #20]

And I’ve had mo problems than Artie Bucco tryin find that Wes Anderson Amex ad online, so in the meantime…

We found it. Wes Anderson = everything that is good on this earth

Andy Rooney deconstructs the Girl Scout Cookie

cause ‘girls are pretty good businessmen‘. Andrew, these days, the girls liked to be called ‘businessbitches’

Raconteurs, Glasgow’s ABC 3/21/06, d-lodlicous

Gorillaz to quit by Christmas? Cause who’d dare ruin (C)Hanukkah? Maybe the only splittin’ they doin is like the Bananas

B sure to mark November 3rd down on yer Anne Geddes calendars, cause The Santa Clause 3, Flushed Away, and Borat battle for box office bourne supremacy. Here’s hoping everyone’s flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition

Peace the fork out Buck-O, Lacostly guy, and Richard Fleischer, director of Conan, stuff, and Soylent Green… mmm, soylent green

Nadine Coyle going solo? Who?

Trent Reznor is more gay than Rudy

What planet does Samuel L hail from? I thought it was Haruun Kal, but it lookin mo like the animal planet. First we gets Snakes On a Plane, and next, Farce of the Penguins

Spreaking de deutsche of, guess we can cross Mace Windex off for next Friday [Passout]

Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief

Must Love Jaws

‘Karma In The Life’ Beatles vs Radiohead [d vis PBliss]

The 2006 Tribeca Film Fest’s line-up has been unleashed. Passess are already on sale, with single tix for Amex peeps begin on the 8th. More ticketing details here.

After a qwik look schedule, here be things I’d like to viddy well:
-Michael Winterbottom’s The Road To Guantanamo
-the rise and fall of the NY Cosmos, Once in a Lifetime
–Colour Me Kubrick
-Sydney Pollack’ Sketches of Frank Gehry
–Clarissa directs it all
-Richard E. Grant’s Wah-Wah
-Rosie Perez can‘t jump co-direct?
-Jeff Garlin’s I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With
–Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple
-Bruce McCulloch’s Comeback Season
–Vinny Chase’s short film (no word if Siagon did the score or not)
–something with the hotness that is Catalina Sandino Moreno

How dare someone outbid me on an autographed Jim Larranaga bidness card

every single Jennifer Connelly nude scene known to man + a$$ 2 a$$ [NSFW]

Anyone else miss hot-arsed Chloë, circa 1995?

Not even her NSFW ass of today can make her fappable

Mike Wallace wanted to do Pat Nixon

Muzak to get ya to holla for Lolla:
-‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley [d or Prince mash-up]
-‘Bongo Bong’ by Manu Chao [d]
-‘Oh Yeah’ by The Subways [d]
-‘Mary Ann’ by Manishevitz [d]
-‘Hello Drama’ by What Made Milwaukee Famous [d]

Skeletor ass rapes Britney Spears statue! How PRO-LIFEic [NSFW?]

Who knew that Stephen Stucker was dead. Wait, who’s Stephen Stucker? Did he f@#k Nadine Coyle? Who? And what did Horton hear?

Community Shelter Planning, starring Gene Hackman [PCL Dumps]

A (Not So) Complete History of Band Tattoos

Philippine Basketball Association’s teams [Cheez WizzzNutzzz]

Classic Trailers, hincluding a bunch of ‘cockian ones [VaGinaM]

The Big Labowski

Two More Playboy Cartoonists

Operation McFly

unaired Wonder Showzen pilot

side boobs pressed against other side boobs = Lucy Pinder + 1

Hate the whole ‘ladies first philosophy? Like everything else, blame the Jews [AskY]

Meat Dishes Men Like

A Bluegrass Tribute to Air

Phat Girlz screeningz

Sacred Destinations, for you, me, and comic book characters, regardless of their religious affiliation. Whaaaaaaaaa, The Thing/Benjamin Jacob Grimm was Jewish?

(sorry about all the Jew stuff today, but maybe I’m juss a lil vexed about ABC ditchin the Heston version of The Ten Commandments for the brand spankin new Dougray Scott one)

Made of Brawn-steen (aka The Brickhouse aka the Thighther in Law) placed 8th at the Corned Beef and Cabbage Competition. Next stop, after the toilet, eating his own hand

ABC News hearts up-to date vagina

We hearts Jenny McCarthy’s nekkid sister Amy [NSFW]

and Diana’s penchant for guinea pigs

and unknown Hilton cousin Farrah Aldjufrie too

Get AYDS [My Man Marvkus]

Mountain Dew Fisting [NSFW vis Ef Everytang]

And we gots ourshelfs yet another candidate for the next The Kid, but will this one be able to pass all three of the challenges: 1st, the breath of Gawd. Only the penitent man will pass. 2nd, the word of Gawd, only in the footsteps of Gawd will he proceed. 3rd, the path of Gawd, only in the leap from the lion’s head, eating corn, will he prove his worth. Good luck, and remember, choose wisely

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Unofficial Oscar Tally Hos

Gays – 4
Gayisha – 3
Pimps – 1
Tsotsi – 1
Palestinians – 0
Jews and Fake Jews – 0

ZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

You’d still f%^k her

Look familiar?

Sure does!!! It’s a a screencap from last night’s stage performance of the Crash song ‘In The Deep’!!

YOU GO Gustavo Santaolalla and your ‘The Wings’ [d-lode]!! I may juss have to eat at Hooters tomorrow, or play the Capcom unclassic Legendary Wings!!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Fortunately, this time Jessica Alba did not refer to Paul Newman as Connecticut

I say poo to Facts of Life handyman George Burnett winning gold. Mindy Cohn worked her ass off for years… and all she has is a big ass to show for it!! He grows a beard and everyone throws accolades at em. It’s not fair. Like Blair Warner humping Bonnie Blair on the Warner Brothers lot!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Unanswered Questions:

1) Why isn’t DJ Qualls the DJ for Three 6 Mafia?

2) And if it’s ‘Hard Out Here For A Pimp’ [d-lode], is it hard being DJ Qualls?

I guess snot

3) And can we replace Dolly Parton’s name with Amy Lumet‘s

when telling the joke,
‘Have you seen Dolly Parton’s shoes?
[pause]
Neither has she!‘

4) Stephen Colbert’s video VOs were better than anything Jon Stewart uddered. Might I suggest Borat for next year’s hosting honors? I mean, Senor Spielbergo loves em. SEXY TIME!!!

and lastly

5) Who Flung Poo?

Boo. And zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

And Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Boogzzz Powell/Diner!

Pee Es- Puns rule! If you don’t like em, we’ll have to lock you away in the punitentiary and throw away the key lime pie!

BREAKING NEWS:

Fresh off opening the 48th Annual Grammy Awards alongside Madonna and taking home the Pop Collaboration with Vocals award, GORILLAZ will now receive yet another Stateside honor: the U.S. production of the DEMON DAYS LIVE tribute concerts.

Confirmed for April 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 at Harlem’s famed Apollo Theater, DEMON DAYS LIVE will feature the guest musicians from GORILLAZ’ worldwide multi-million-seller Demon Days recreating ‘Feel Good Inc.’, ‘DARE’ and the album’s other classics live onstage.

The previous UK staging of DEMON DAYS LIVE, which took place November 1st through 5th at the Manchester Opera House, sold out instantly and moved SPIN magazine to comment “the group is reinventing the way that artists stage concerts.”

Confirmed guest performers joining Demon Days producer/Gorillaz collaborator Damon Albarn in bringing each and every track to life will include De La Soul, Ike Turner, Bootie Brown of the Pharcyde, Neneh Cherry, Happy Mondays’ Shaun Ryder, UK rapper Roots Manuva, with others to be announced.

Tickets for DEMON DAYS LIVE will go on sale Friday March 10 at 11 a.m. EST through Ticketmaster.

DEMON DAYS LIVE is not to be confused with the unprecedented live holographic tour the Gorillaz team and animation house Passion Pictures are currently producing for 2007-2008. The live Gorillaz shows will be a unique cross between live performance and a theme park experience, with the band fully present onstage, rendered in 3 eye-popping dimensions. Crucially, the show will evolve over the life of the tour, like any live performance, will feature stellar guests from Demon Days, and will ultimately bring the unique visual identity created by Jamie Hewlett to a live audience.

[via BV & PS]

What it gonna sound like? D-lode the stellarly recorded MP3s from one of their Manchester shows and hear fo yo self!!