Thighs Wide Shut

He did it! Raised 10K (with a lil $10.69 help from yers drooly) and got to got random with flip-hop’s mos flavorite midget MC, Lady Sovereign

[the night’s deetz & pics here]
Spankfully Zach has now replaced Zach Braff as the coolest Zach, even if he did pose with Borat. Please note that Zach de la Roachclip and the members of the Zack Attack (a muss myspace click) were not included in this survey of Zachk coolness

+ ‘Sometimes I Rhyme Slow’ by Nice & Smooth [d]

Borat!
The Movie!
The Trailer!

Now you really have no reason to go see The Omen

+ take a 2nd look at Borat in Cannes

The Omen
The Devil Wears Osh-Kosh
[title raped from Amy’s Robot fan Agent 0019]
Trailers

Faithful? Yes. Good? No. Bad? No. Eh? Yes. Meh? Ever more so. Huh? Fla. Ga? Sna! You get the idea… or if you read this site regularly, you probably don’t get the idea cause I’m more cryptic than the Crypt Keeper joining the Bloods’ rival gang. Anyshoe, the first 1/2 is as tiresome as da Da Vinci Code, but the second 1/2 scarborough fairs a lot better. Why? Less and less of Julia Stiles, who has a scarier face than the kid playing Damien. Seriously, what’s up with her face? It’s more round than Gnarls’ moundish cousin! As for the kid, he’s perfect(ly GAY), and since his career will probably go nowhere AND he’s boviously a fan of remakes (like co-star Liev Schreiber) I suggest he sign up for Problem Child Redux. And how bout my M.I.A. girl Mia F.a.r.r.o.w.? She’s been in a bunch o junk as of late, but she certainly hasn’t lost her edge as a great fargin actress, and bee leaves it or not, her looks as well. She’s pure evil here, and I think she drew inspiration from the hell that the Woodman put her thru. And how bout Hollywurst’s mos minor playa, but major talent Knox Harrington David Thewlis? Dude’s more dependable than yer grandmother takin a dump in her Depends after a night of hard dick sucking and burrito munchin. OK, I’ll stop talkin about the actors (sorry Michael Gambon) and your gran’ma, but what else is there really to talk about when the remake doesn’t make better than the make it’s remaking? I dunno, PROBLEM CHILD?? Ok, so the lil kid who was Junior (Michael Oliver) in Problem Child [trailer] is… wait for it… wait for it… a road crew member for the Samples!!!!!!!!!

Recommended for those who like: to see the Borat teaser trailer cause it aint available on the nets (yet), gravedigging but not the Gravediggaz [d], and Igor Karkaroff

Possible Porno Name: The O-Men & wO-men

Unsatisfied with this? C’mon, u effin kiddin me??? Netflix the original gangster version [(do watch this) trailer] or PROBLEM CHILD!!!!!

Apt MPupil3: ‘Devil Inside’ by INXS [d]

IMDb Sweeney: Harvey Stephens, who played Damien in the OG versh, shows up in 2.0 as Tabloid Reporter #3. Also, I didn’t realize that the nanny in 1.0 is not only Jack Palance’s daughter Holly, but Robin Williams’ super fly wife in the much forgotten but much bestest Best of Times. And none of this woulda been possible with out the words of David Seltzer, who also wrote Lucas AND My Giant!!

Hey, It Beats ‘Shiloh Nouvel’: after being induced for 6 days, a woman gave birth to a 6lb 6oz boy on 6/6/6. And the boy’s name? Take a wyld stallions guess! [Blink Is The New Pog]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

until next time, the balcony is clothed…

Alex, I’ll take Pop Tarts & Ye Olde Boobies for $200

Lily Allen’s ‘Smile’

Shiz is more basic than the movie Basic. Wad up wit dat Sophie Muller? Savin all yer good vid ideas for Garbage, or perhaps for Shakespear’s Sister‘s 4th album that no one’s waiting for, cept maybe Shakespear’s Sister’s mothers? Could someone please pass Lil-Al Gondry‘s phone #, or at least pa$$ dat shit over here. I think if him, myself, Peabs, and Charlie Kaufdrops were to collaborate, the world would go blind from the resulting amazingnessness!!

Paris Hilton’s ‘Stars Are Blind’

First she rapes the vocal chords of Gweni Stefan, and now she shits on the grave of Herb Ritts, who directed Chris Isaak’s totally JOable ‘Wicked Game’ vid. STROKE THAT PALM TREE, BABY!!

can u say breastest music vid a(sh)long side Madonna’s ‘Vogue’?

I’m sorry, what was I saying? I got hypnothighzed by this operation overload of B&W yammy yam yams!! Juss remember kids, beatin yer meat at yer computer is so 1997, AND the bird is the werd, yo!

THIS JUST IN: we found a short clip of Paris Hilton covering Gnarls Barkley’s ‘Crazy’ [d] with a very very special guest star, who awhiles ago lent his pipes to the greatesteist medley of balls thyme [d], with a lil help from myself and Tom Wellington: the greatest living actor. AHH YEAH DAWG!!!

Dude: Starls Barkley!!

No man is an island: and no woman is as fine as SB Cohen’s fiancée Isla Fisher

all the above + Borat and much mo when the pointless MTV Movie Awards airs (taped) this Thursday

Ass promised: Lily Allen‘s cover of the Kaiser Chiefs’ ‘Oh My Gawd’ [d]

Joining Tom Carvel in that peace the fork out pie in the sky: Mr Mister Softee

Edgar Stiles will never go outta style: the EGGSclusive promo to his Life’s A Pizza flick AND a soon to be dad AND husband (wait, are they both preggers?)!!

Battle of the funny commmmmences this fall between the Borat movie and: Jackass: Number Two [For Hires Root Beer]

More irony than reading T-K Stack Money’s Pumping Irony while ironing a box of Total cereal: Jeffery Maier joining the Orioles?

Brothers gonna work it out: the Weinsteins in talks to take on Gorillaz movie. Don’t be sirprized if their muse Gwyny pops up in there somewhere

Decline of Western Civilization Part MIXLIX: Video games push for Olympic recognition [Marwanicur]

Oh, so that’s what that is: Sometimes I’m a bit behind on things. This go around I owe it to the fact that I rarely watch the Grammy’s Lame-y’s or listen to anything by Linkin Park (ok, anything besides ‘The End’ [d]). But I may have changed my tune as my ears have been glued to dat Jay-Z/Linkin Park mash-up ‘Numb/Encore’ [d | WMvid] ever since I fingered out dat dat is the song featured on dem Miami Vice trailers. Jan Hammer [d] who? Btw, I’m totally jazzed for this flick. I think it has mad po-tense-hole, hispecially with CH on board, who’ll also be seen in Noah Baumbach’s 2007 joint

Corky‘s #1 Fan: Mischa Barton’s mum

And cause you probably didn’t click on that Corky link above: Life Goes On‘s Chris Burke has a band, and yes, they’re touring. And yes, I have already marked 9/17 on my calendar. And yes, I’m not joking cause CORKY RULESS!!!

Sarah McLachlan’s music saves lives: see Darryl ‘DMC’ McDaniels‘ for proof. The two even dueted on DMC’s ‘Cats In The Cradle’ remake ‘Just Like Me’ [vid]

Dry your sweat, mate: Mike Skinner, aka the world’s effin greatest artist that’s a year younger than me, signs up for the NY Marathon

Is it football season yet?: No, but it’s almos futbol season!! And if yer an American rooting for some other country, go eat Hedwig’s dick and die die die! You Talibanistical jerknuts!!

[Muse of Hoax]
More shocking than Jeremy Shockey: Methinks I have unraveled the ‘inspiration’ for the American Idol theme song [d]. Listen to it 1st, and then listen to the guitar and crowd cheering at around 1:26 on the Utah Saint‘s ‘Something Good’ [d], featuring Kate Bush. Hmm, guess nothing about that show is original

Page still sexier than Ellen: 3 [NSFW]

The ‘IT’ Boy: Gregory Itzin/President Logan and his EPIC 24 poem (a muss click for ANY 24 fan)

Future yumscrubber: Camilla Belle Jr?

A reason to go all 88mph and shit again: the sorta rebirth of the DeLorean Motor Company! For even more DeLorean love, visit Tamir’s pre-shmear site!

Hold yer horses & hormones: ‘Lesley Ann Warren takes HRT‘

Can’t decide what to stare at more: Christina Ricci‘s boobs or mouse ears

Bruce Wayne waxed: Jill St John?

Insert middle-school Asian kid joke here: The Nerd Watch Museum

Where to fill yer Rated Rookie jones’n: The Baseball Card Blog

Cecil is dope: Who invented tampons? & Is some candy coated with beetle juice? & Why do you always see just one shoe by the side of the road?

Why bother with TV’s summer line-(d)u(m)p when there’s: TV In Japan

King Henry Died Monday Drinking Chocolate Milk: English ‘Johnny’ mnemonics

Yes it does: BluRaySucks.com

LOL name that a PR firm mistakenly thought yers drooly went by when they contacted me: John Stosseled

Spanking of those who stoss-ss-ss-le: Famous People Who Stutter, and where sum of dem found help, like Darth Vader and Xander

Somewhere Darwin’s smiling at this way for the fit ladies to survive: How to Make a Plastic Bag Bra

The Thigh Master’s latest non-endorsements: Lies Wide Shut & the Thigh Master [kindaish NSFW?]

I no that known of you click the links that hide beneath the Photochop Phryday mastercheeses, so: Rate My Poo [NSFW]

STOP THE PEREZES: PARIS HILTON SONG LEAKED (and for a shitty lil pop numba, it’s really not THAT bad, and I even kinda dig the Wendy Carlosish Clockwork Orangeee opening), and…

and who gives a flyin fjord who wins and who loses in women’s tennis, juss as long as the hotties keep sproutin up. Say hello to my new lil Slovakian friend whom I’d love to slowfcukin’in all night shlong, Daniela Hantuchova

+ meat my new hero: a San Franciscan boy has until Friday to raise 7k+ in order to land a date with chavilicious Lady Sov, who recently agreed to take part in this geniusessness of internetsing, but if and only if all the money is raised and spent like so

Lady Sovereign – ‘Cha Ching’ (cheque 1-2 remix) [d]