Thighs Wide Shut

I don’t ever want to leave Lily Allen town. If I stay a bit longer I bet I can be mayor AND comptroller!! You won’t wanna leave too when you d-lode a bunch of her bestness here [go 2 the bottom]. Thighly recommended: ‘LDN’ and ‘Knock Em Out’

Mark your calendars messiers: Get A Life screening + Q&A w/Chris Elliot & Adam Resnick, Thursday, May 25 @ NYC’s Cinema Village. Full deetz 4thcummin

Andre the Giant aint gots no love for love child. Apparently no PEANUTS FOR YOU girl!!

When Mr T and Ice T T-ed off

The somewhat slightly longer Jack White Coke ad, which may or may not have been nipped from this Nippon video thingie [ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ & Sucka Pantz]

Thigh Mizzle’s question for Sash-Co doesn’t make The Hearld, but did get asked

Our mos flavorite Danger Mouse project named after Mike Gminski’s former teammate gets interviewed by Bitchspork

Our mos flavorite competitive eating brother-in-law gets interviewed not once, but twice!

Tara Reid’s nipple, safe to slobber over again [NSFW]

Choose your poison: ‘Jolene’ by Olivia Newton John & Apollo Zero [d] OR ‘Everybody’s Talkin’ by Leonard Nimoy [d] [boths vis Bubby Blister]

Paulie Walnuts is nuts for Netflix

KJV BIBLE signed by President Bush himself, so far, ZERO bids

I think Andy Rooney kinda wants to bone Conan’s Finnish doppelganger

The Warriors OST

Padme touch me

Suck my Wang sucks

There aint enuff Jews to eat a bagel this large. Sadly there aint a lotta Jews period. Imagine if there were more. We’d have 51231774455 channels and everyone would want suck our lox

Wonder if Deb gave Ism a good rate

Wisestest law that was too stoopid to stand: The Metric Conversion Law, from ’75

LD‘s HJ Matz [Ny Mets]

Finestest Poor Man’s Version mt everest

Un-in-tent-shun-knoll hispanic section:

City of Scottsdale not likely to bite into Pink Taco [NOTW]

Muchas videos de la música [Senor Que?]

Although I was a lil shocked that muchas didn’t include the gayest, ‘Sex Over The Phone’ by the Village People, and the wurstest, ‘I Wanna Love You Tender’ by Armi & Danny [OK-rea & Monk from Onk]

Mexican Lobby Card Fiesta

Exiting el baño…

Hot Chicks with Douchebags [De La Roach]

The least d-loded Kiddie Record of the ’06: The Story of Little Black Sambo

Last thing you want to do yourself, in the comfort of yer own home: LASIK Surgery

The Death Star Home Theater, snatchurally wit THX sound system. THC-infused ideas not included [WWWang Computers]

She can’t see [NSFW]

And now a lil something for the ladies [NSFW]

And one for nobody [VERY NSFW]

And if it aint Ellison, tits…

[jay mohr]

*we don’t consider ourselves a gossip site, more like a flazzle John Stossel mustache riding depot of ass raping clowns from outer Kevin Spacey

Dude,

To make a long story short, too late [wav], I went to the toon-less Gorillaz show on Sunday, sold my tickets to Wednesday’s show, so I could take in my Nats beating up on the Mets at Chez Ghetto Shea, in sub-zero April conditions, with the dude from Queensrÿche singing the national anthem and Jim Breüer throwing out the first pitch, so anywayz, the guy who bought my Wednesday tickets thought the tickets were for Thursday, so he shows up last night and BAMMM realizes his error. Tough luck. My heart goes out to you kid. But THEN, I’m sittin in my fat condo overlooking the Hudson, doing my laundry, washing my balls, you know, a typical Thursday night, a lightbulb goes off in my head (and I invented the flux capacitor) , and without further ado, I checked ole reliable (c’s list) for any desperate peeps trying to dump their Thursday night Gorillaz tix at the last minute. I contacted the only person who had left a cell # in their posting, cause it was proably too late to catch someone by email, and after haggling with him for all of 8 seconds, like I was Hacksaw Jim Dugan or something, I got him to sells it to me for 20 bones under its face + BS ticketbastard priced value. Turns out these seats were better than Sunday’s, the cartoons did work, Dennis Hopper did read, and once again, Ike Turner did wear something funky AND the Gorillaz did puts on one of the mos enjoyable 70 minutes anyone could have possib-bllyen ever did see. And you won’ts bee leave me, but I actually preferred the toon-less version on Sunday night. It’s the music, not the look. Someone pass that message along to the Strokes. Re-guard-lezzz, 2nd best Gorillaz show I’ve seen this week by far, and mos def bestest spontaneous moment of me’s in the 00’s. Albarn = albest, ad infinitum. Bless your soul

+ I spotted David Gilmour at the show, and possibly someone who looks like Nick Mason, or was it Richard Wright, or was it George Mason?
+ Music Snob turns his stalkin and smooching (?) towards Damon Albest… Lucky bastage

Now I feel kinda embarrassed that I dubbed tATu’s D&M album the tops o’ der year 0-5, not cause it’s tATu, cause they’re better than the Rolling Stones, but cause Demon Days deserved that honor, but not juss for last year, but of this new century, which is by far the wurstest century I’ve ever lived it. Thanks Republicans!!!

But is all the Gorillaz magic dunzo like dumbo drinkin that courvoisier?

Meanwhile, Albarn coconspirator Alex James has apparently been having a pow-wow with Betty Boo. Can you say ‘Wigwam’ by Wigwam [d, vis JJ Binks]… which juss happens to be the fourth breastest song of the week behind Ghostface + Wu-Tang’s ‘9 Milli Bros’ [d], Gnarls Bizzle ‘s ‘Gone Daddy Gone’, and of course, still at #1, WUBBA-WUBBA, ‘Crazy’, (you can find those ‘d’s two posts below, son!)

And

Cuthbest, officially Canandanada’s Patron of Sexy Hair

and

PINDERRR!!!

We get it, you aren’t returning to Blur, and yer gonna release 153153 more albums before they release their ‘nasty, dirty, filthy rock music’. So Golden Graham, what makes you so great? ‘You’re So Great’, cover by unknown [d]

+ a blag dedicated to nuttin but Blur B-sides, remixez, and live mp3szz

Jen, no one wants to hear or watch you sing, hispecially since yer boobs aren’t predominantly displayed in 98% of yer leggy video

Give Land Minds The Boot, and in the process, get yerself some pre-owned famous footwear

Only #23 for ‘sasha cohen picture everyone is talking about‘? Tau is that poopable when everyone and their wolfmother are still talkin bout these

Smutskaya‘s the limit

The Official Shotgun Rules & The Shotgun Guide [AskY!]

How to mess with Coke Machines [Minnie Soda Vikings]

Pizza + Penis = You Know You’re Gonna Click It AND It’s NSFW So What The Fork Are You Waiting For?

and

[T&C]

Andy Rooney deconstructs the Girl Scout Cookie

Raconteurs, Glasgow’s ABC 3/21/06, d-lodlicous

Gorillaz to quit by Christmas? Cause who’d dare ruin (C)Hanukkah? Maybe the only splittin’ they doin is like the Bananas

B sure to mark November 3rd down on yer Anne Geddes calendars, cause The Santa Clause 3, Flushed Away, and Borat battle for box office bourne supremacy. Here’s hoping everyone’s flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition

Peace the fork out Buck-O, Lacostly guy, and Richard Fleischer, director of Conan, stuff, and Soylent Green… mmm, soylent green

Nadine Coyle going solo? Who?

Trent Reznor is more gay than Rudy

What planet does Samuel L hail from? I thought it was Haruun Kal, but it lookin mo like the animal planet. First we gets Snakes On a Plane, and next, Farce of the Penguins

Spreaking de deutsche of, guess we can cross Mace Windex off for next Friday [Passout]

Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief

Must Love Jaws

‘Karma In The Life’ Beatles vs Radiohead [d vis PBliss]

The 2006 Tribeca Film Fest’s line-up has been unleashed. Passess are already on sale, with single tix for Amex peeps begin on the 8th. More ticketing details here.

After a qwik look schedule, here be things I’d like to viddy well:
-Michael Winterbottom’s The Road To Guantanamo
-the rise and fall of the NY Cosmos, Once in a Lifetime
–Colour Me Kubrick
-Sydney Pollack’ Sketches of Frank Gehry
–Clarissa directs it all
-Richard E. Grant’s Wah-Wah
-Rosie Perez can‘t jump co-direct?
-Jeff Garlin’s I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With
–Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple
-Bruce McCulloch’s Comeback Season
–Vinny Chase’s short film (no word if Siagon did the score or not)
–something with the hotness that is Catalina Sandino Moreno

How dare someone outbid me on an autographed Jim Larranaga bidness card

every single Jennifer Connelly nude scene known to man + a$$ 2 a$$ [NSFW]

Anyone else miss hot-arsed Chloë, circa 1995?

Not even her NSFW ass of today can make her fappable

Mike Wallace wanted to do Pat Nixon

Muzak to get ya to holla for Lolla:
-‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley [d or Prince mash-up]
-‘Bongo Bong’ by Manu Chao [d]
-‘Oh Yeah’ by The Subways [d]
-‘Mary Ann’ by Manishevitz [d]
-‘Hello Drama’ by What Made Milwaukee Famous [d]

Skeletor ass rapes Britney Spears statue! How PRO-LIFEic [NSFW?]

Who knew that Stephen Stucker was dead. Wait, who’s Stephen Stucker? Did he f@#k Nadine Coyle? Who? And what did Horton hear?

Community Shelter Planning, starring Gene Hackman [PCL Dumps]

A (Not So) Complete History of Band Tattoos

Philippine Basketball Association’s teams [Cheez WizzzNutzzz]

Classic Trailers, hincluding a bunch of ‘cockian ones [VaGinaM]

The Big Labowski

Two More Playboy Cartoonists

Operation McFly

unaired Wonder Showzen pilot

Hate the whole ‘ladies first philosophy? Like everything else, blame the Jews [AskY]

Meat Dishes Men Like

A Bluegrass Tribute to Air

Phat Girlz screeningz

Sacred Destinations, for you, me, and comic book characters, regardless of their religious affiliation. Whaaaaaaaaa, The Thing/Benjamin Jacob Grimm was Jewish?

(sorry about all the Jew stuff today, but maybe I’m juss a lil vexed about ABC ditchin the Heston version of The Ten Commandments for the brand spankin new Dougray Scott one)

Made of Brawn-steen (aka The Brickhouse aka the Thighther in Law) placed 8th at the Corned Beef and Cabbage Competition. Next stop, after the toilet, eating his own hand

ABC News hearts up-to date vagina

We hearts Jenny McCarthy’s nekkid sister Amy [NSFW]

and Diana’s penchant for guinea pigs

and unknown Hilton cousin Farrah Aldjufrie too

Get AYDS [My Man Marvkus]

Mountain Dew Fisting [NSFW vis Ef Everytang]

And we gots ourshelfs yet another candidate for the next The Kid, but will this one be able to pass all three of the challenges: 1st, the breath of Gawd. Only the penitent man will pass. 2nd, the word of Gawd, only in the footsteps of Gawd will he proceed. 3rd, the path of Gawd, only in the leap from the lion’s head, eating corn, will he prove his worth. Good luck, and remember, choose wisely

Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

Thigh Master: Ever seen Rossie Harris/lil Joey as a grown man?

A Leprechaun In Alabama?
[B-day Boy My Man Marvkus]

Sasha Cohen to give up nude camel toe figure skating to pursue an acting career???? LOOK OUT Sacha Baron Cohen and Shahar Cohen, AND every other Jewish and non-Jewish Cohen in the bidness!!

CC, HFRT the IV, the new face of Walkers Crisps? WOWie!! I can now save time by sticking my fingers into juss one bag for two great tastes!

Thinks TO had 6 generic raps ready to go before he signed on with the Cowgirls? CHEDDAR!!!

Belates Peace the Fork out to the dude who had the job that many wanted to have the opposite of: dress Jackie O

The latest trailer to utilize Requiem For A Dream‘s ‘Lux Aeterna’ [d-lode]? The latest trailer for da Da Vinci Code… although anyone who’s anyone’s one any knows it was bestest used in the Two Towers full trailer… the defenses have to hold… THEY WILL HOLD!!!!

Gorillaz stain-glass windows… sure to make many stain their sheets. Snot enuff? Try their ‘El Manana’ video on for slize

Got 135 minutes to kill at work or a mockingbird? Stanley Kubrick A Life In Pictures, in 3 YouTube parts [Pakula Shaker Hts Ohio]

Keane drop details on their new album how many scripts in Hollywood are written: on one piece of paper

Jeopardy! contestant search meets the internets

Errol Morris commercials, sadly, none with Morris the Cat

Questions, and not many answers from the geniussesess behind Wonder Showzen

The 2nd best bit (excluding all Frank Layden madness) from Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers: The Basketball Olympics

Dozen Distinctive Destinations

Take The Snooze AND American Dreamzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz passes

Speaking of zzzzzzz and all thangs Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth: How did the letter ‘Z’ become associated with sleeping?

Colleen Camp’s SFW boobs from Clue, times 48

pontiac fiero mounted on boston whaler with 40 hp motr

[VoubleDiking]

We all love a good BRAD PITT matchup, but I’m hoping for a BRAD vs GEORGE (Mason? Town?) finale, which will determine once and for all, who’s name gets top billing in Ocean’s 18. Note to readers: please kill me if there’s a 14.

Pot Tarts, Puff-A-Mint Patties and a Toka-Cola [RityCag]

Northwest Bench from Twin Peaks [Guns n Rosenthal]

CAMILLA SJOBERG, the new NSFW smorgasbord everyone wants to take a bite of?

Laurence Hutton Collection of Life and Death Masks

Proud to be yer #1 intersluething result for ‘Edgar Stiles wallpaper’

The Wonderful World of ’80s Commercials

the $39 Experiment

Dogbushkas

So when’s they coming out with a Jennifer Ellison Swatch crotch watch?