Thighs Wide Shut

Q: What’s the mos pointless thingamajig that they taught us in school?

A: Besides most bits of math after Geometry, I’d have to say that fancy writing script that no one can f%cking read. Who the flaz came up with that ‘Q’ and that ‘Z’? Probs-lee someone who had an obsession with takin a deuce, mcallister!

Virgin Airways America aims to be the next JetBlue, cept instead of entertaining their passengers with 11 hours of sitting on a runway, theys gots a lot mo goodies in sto! No word if lapdances from their fine stewardesses are in the cards

Whatevs.org gets tits long awaited facelift, now with double the amount of ecoutez, regardez and lisez, for her pleasure!

the greatestist February 19th posting ever by CityRag

John Turturro, a real man’s lady

Mischa Barfron wears garbage bags, pumps gas, still a piece of a$$

The Amy Sedaris Craft Challenge

What’s the estimated land value of Central Park in New York? Prices do not include falling Tony Danza, which is priceless

How will stars be arranged on the flag if the U.S. ever has 51 states? What about 52, when there’s a West Carolina and a Texas 2?

British boobs are the breast, and who wouldn’t drink to that? [Brawny Man Stein]

UK Mac ads that live free of Justin Long

touching photos of unusual animal friendships… feel free to tocuh

qwik, run! from camera!

Dead Sodas, most of which reside in the Pepsi graveyard [Paxman]

our unofficially sanctioned restaurant that we’ve never dined at: Pies -n- Thighs

and although I usually abstain from postin the usual crapola on a stick that goes round the webster, I couldn’t resist…

sorry Brits, but they already casted and filmed V for Vendetta

however, I hear the Wachowski bros would like to make a prequel called B For Bruschetta

and wanna go swimmin’ in my Oscar pool??
11 dolla entry fee, pay by paypal (use thighmaster@thighswideshut.org), and if u is payin, please tell me your ENTRY NAME so i wont have to guess

Group Name: Kelly Leak Takes A Leak
Group Password: badnews

best of luck!
i mean
breast of lick!

although she made a lot of men go coming

Peace The Fork Out
to
mos famous
boobs of modern thymes
Vickie Lynn Hogan
aka
Anna Nicole Smith

1967 – 2007

+ we also bid a boo to the triple threat SS, Capt Adam Greer, the man who made people love Lucy, Lucy’s brother whom I’m sure loved her, a trail blazin Trailblazer, la hermana de la princesa, Mr ’57 CGer of the WS, an Oriole haircutter, Mrs Tibbs, Celia Cruz’ trumpeter, Motown’s 1st hire, the Scripps CotB, a pastry cabinet-maker, not that Daniel Stern and Mr Laine who was so unlame that he sang the Rawhide [d] AND Blazing Saddles [d] theme songs!

I’m no expert on television but I have serious doubts that anyone really watches some of those highly touted big network shows that always top the Nielsen ratings. With the interwebs, the Wii, and masturbation back in fashion, who has time to watch this shit? I don’t, and dat’s why I limit what I watch to things that are good. But am I missing something? Do you folks watch any of this poop on a stick? Here’s my take on dem shows w/o ever watching a second of any of dem…

•
Cold Case/Criminal Minds/Numb3rs – are th3s3 thr33 shows the sam3 thing? I know th3 last on3 has som3thing to do with numb3rs AND David Krumholz, but what about the oth3r two? Th3y look about as 3xciting as H3br3w School! If Mandy Patinkin do3sn’t have a mustach3 and isn’t chall3nging a man in black th3n why should I car3?

The other CSIs – besides the one with the whore from China Beach and that dude from Manhunter, I don’t buy for a second that anyone watches the spin-offs. Miami sounds like a fun place, but not when that David Caruso dude is runnin around it spewin one-liners. As for the NY one, I bet they film maybe 1% of every episode in the city. Where do they do the film rest, My Anus? Sorry, I meant YOUR anus!

NCIS – is this a CSI show with dyslexia? Or is this the Presidio sans the ‘talents’ of Sean Connery

Shark – was this the only show with a movie star attached to it that wasn’t cancelled? If they wanna reel me in they better do something gimmicky like Shark: 3-D

Medium – I can’t figure out what’s more painful, listening to Patricia Arquette talk or looking at her mangled teeth that make Toni Collette look like the poster child for Crest toothpaste

•
Bones – I gotta winner for ya, Zooey’s fugly sister and Buffy’s Angel do stuff!! What stuff, I have no idea. Maybe they’re digging for the secret ingredients of Oreo Double Stuf cookies. No BONES about it, if this came on my TV, I’d be forced to change des-chanel!

ER – who the f$ck still watches this show? I never ever did. I hate shows about hospitals. The only one I ever watched was Doogie Howser and that’s only cause he was the forefather of blogging. I do sweat Maura Tierney (sorta the OG Pam Beasley), but sister, tits time to look for some other work. If that doesn’t come thru, I pay a nickle per mustache ride

Ugly Betty – there’s something seriously wrong with shallow America when this succeeds and Chicks With Huge Boobs: The Show doesn’t even get picked up by a network

Any Sitcom That’s Not The Office or 30 Rock – I like My Name Is Earl, but I wouldn’t say that it was funny. The OC is laughable, but it’s not suppose to be. And everything else? What, juss cause George Lopez is a minority that makes his show funny? Hopefully the nets will take a cue from dem NBC besterpieces and create sitcoms that are actually funny. Know how you can usually tell if they will be or not? They ones that work don’t have laff-tracks. Don’t bee leave me, then just ask Andy Millman about his broad comedy When The Whistle Blows. Are YOU having a laugh?

•
and for anyone who cares, the 1st reality show I’ve taken to in a bong arsed thyme is The (White) Rapper Show. Serch it out and let it destroy yo brain cells

Dreamgirls
So Dark The Con of Bill Condon
Trailers & Mo

Oscar Bait? Yepperino to the Mth degree. A Best Picture? Phfff, girls you’d have to Dream On a bit more than Brian Benben to get that kinda recognition outta me! Dreamgirls is mos def sum blockbuster entertainment, but after about an hour of greatness, you’d wish they’d stop dealing with their girl problems in song so the movie could wrap-up in 1/2 the time. Pfffa, you all probably peg me as a musical hating misogynist who only thinks Jews are funny, well, you’d be right about the woman hating and Jew thing (remember, Krammer isn’t Jewish, and I’m trying to forget that Jackie Mason is, and yes, Sarah Silverman is not funny and I hate her). Anywho, I actually love musicals, not only cause I’m an 1/8th gay, but cause my man boobs are larger than most women’sez. Oliver! and The Sound of Music are two of my all time mos flavorite films, right next to Women Must Die…t, Goys Aint Funny, and Jackie Mason Is Really A Goy Who Must Die…t! But modern times have not produce thoroughly modern musicals of bestness. Everyone whooed and haaaed when Chicago was released, but to me that shiz was more generic than CVS brand condoms. Well, D-girls is more tolerable than Richard Gere tapdancin’, but neither are as imaginative or worth multiple viewings like the only mod movie musical even worth noting, Moulin Rouge

Before this review comes to an end, I’d just like to vent on one more topic: Jennifer Hudson. Sure, the girl has got some mad pipes (and ta-tas) on her, and after she belts her big song in the middle of the flick, right before it nosedives into bordemville, everyone in the theater went banananananas, but to say she’s this fine actress and all and shower her with more awards than golden showers Ricky Martin has endured is just beyond my comprehension. When did singing = acting? If that equation was adapted over the past decade then why didn’t her fellow Idolists Justin & Kelly get accolades galore for their fine work in From Curly Pubes To Perky Tits? Their acting was about on par with Jennifer’s, but I guess director Robert Iscove is the monster to Bill Condon‘s god

Unsatisfied with this?: buy Diana Ross & The Supremes greatestists hits

Possible Porno Name: Reamgirls

Apt MPupil3: the REAL Eddie Murphy klassic written and produced by Rick James ‘Party All The Time‘ [d|vid]

IMDb Sweeney: HA! Dreamette Anika Noni Rose co-starred with Justin & Kelly in their shitacular film

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): lambastin aside, still Jeepers Worth A Peepers cause of the fab sets, costumes, and answerin the not so age old question of what would Beyoncé look like without make-up on or with every hairdo that Diana Ross ever had

a few more flicks left to see this week/end and then next week it’s Thighs Wide Movies ’06 shiz, yo!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…