Thighs Wide Shut

The 2006 Bloggies BOO-ies, starring many a boo bazzles + the underground goodness that is YCMIU, and doves course, not us!! Bitter much? M’yes, but not as bitter has dem herbs during Passover. Maybe it has sum tang to do wit being #11 search result for ‘PAINT YOUR TITS.COM’???

Speaking of people who search for things like that, gay bashers who love tits (and Larry David) can finally rejoice: NSFW clips of Anne Hathaway AND Michelle Williams in Gay Cowboys: THE MOVIE, on the internets/webs!!!

Kids In The Hall, like Tony! Toni! Tone!, are doing it again! [via CRAP!]

Apple are the new Nickelback, cept they don’t copy themselves [via Mod Squad]

It so sad that I was juss learning how to m-bate around the time that Willa Holland and Saaya Irie were born

More Holland cheese that isn’t edam or gouda: TV Guide int + Countdown Clock on DakotaCountDown.com??!!? I still can’t bee leave people are counting down to Dakota’s age of ripeness. She’s like everyone’s perfect kid sister, kinda like Lisa Simpson, cept a lot hottier

Sometimes I wish I had the foresight of Rosanne Cash

With Ladytron westward bound and gagged for the end of April, you can book em dano for Coachella

Droopy Dog‘s finally got himself some spank material!

Does the title of your book got twat it takes to be a bestseller? Lulu’s Titlescorer KNOWS ALL! So who wants to publish my memoirs?

I think RANDOM House would be a good fit, eh?

Top 65 Music Videos of 2005 [via Korean Grosser]

Kazakhstanis Against Borat

The one, the only, the IFOCE video montage

Vintage Vantage’s Top Shelf… what, there weren’t any fat people who wore cool threads in the 70s/80s? And me donts thinks $234 clams is too much to pay when Burger Chef memories are on the line!! Yes, BURGER CHEF [beware audio]!!!

Could possib-drew-bly be better than The Man

Go-Go Boots.com’s Photo Gallery

Celebs sing + ads rock!

Bidders beware of fake Cliff Engle sweaters, and fake dog poop. What ‘fake dog poop’?

Mozzy likes it!

I spit you not, but yesterday, a bum on the subway smelled eggzactly like a freshly opened bag of salt and vinegar chips

And to take the stink straight of outta yer mouth from this snapple of KK, HRT the V, givin us the sassy takin a dump face, Strut magazine has blessed us with this slut tazazine!!

Ever sean Cube²: Hypercube, TV’s Invasion, or A Nero Wolfe Mystery with Timothy Hutton or Maury Chaykin? Didn’t sphinx so. Well, lemme me be the first to introduce you to the flyest blonde Saskatchewanian with a mark super DUPER long nose who gets paid to play William Fichtner’s fish of a wife: Kari Matchett (pronounced CAR-EE MATT-CHET). She kinda oddish exotica lookin, not in a Mary Lynn Rajskub kinda way, but more in the vein of Miranda Hotto. Anywho, I hearts her a lots. I want to INVASION her underpants! And no doubt, Sio Bibble agrees!!

Luna-tics [via ONTD]

Which coupling will last les longest: Braff & Moore, Yeoman & Davis, or Rooney & complaining? Tip: never bet against bushy eyebrows

Band interviews jump the shark

Ratu, the new tATu? Or is it Maureen?

Nice try SNL, but Young Chuck Norris is like a lazy Lazy Sunday on Saturday… or any skit involving Horatio Sanz

My mos flavorite spin-off site with only one post pt I:
Skeet On Willa

My mos flavorite spin-off site with only one post pt II:
Riders of Lohan

Helen Slater Supergirl costume = 0 bids [via Honey Rider]

Couple buy the Quicker Picker-Upper Diner, also gots a free DVD copy of Rosie’s directorial film debut, Can’t Stop The Music [via Brawny Man]

Biggest, mos footiest animated gif(t) of balls thyme

If you aint never been to the midwest, then you probably have never saved big money at MeNards, or heard their banjofied theme song [d-lode]

The Curse of the Neckbeard…

YTMNDawg: The Brian Peppers Song

Memories of a Panthers fan, including ‘the game with Travis where everyone was informed that we have herpes together‘

and PenguinMan & His Funny Songs

Hooray for Gay Cowboys and Michael Scott! Boo to neckbeards, housewhores [NSFW], and everything else that isn’t gay or Munich/Squid related! Hispecially the mos blandestist biopic mt everest/FUJI!!!

• Les 1st photos of David Lynch’s latest straight story. Fobviously, not going to be as good as M Dr [NSFW] [other link via Whine n Chez]

• The Whites to turn yellow

• Coxon, forever a cockmuffin

• Bandwagon, like bigmouth, strikes again!

• Peep the trailer to the Lohag/Anna Stern eggstravaganza dubbed Just My Luck. Think it’ll suck or rock like Alan Ruck? I dunno, but I don’t think anyone should ever be touting this in a trailer…

• Cuthbest nude pic, fake, but I knows yer gonna click anywaysz [NSFW via Newbsy]

• DEV2.0 and their ‘Whip It’ vid [WinMe]

• Marissa was freed, but that shouldn’t stop one of yous from making tees of the lamest teen TV moment since ‘Donna Martin Graduates’!! And when you get em made, please send me an XL!

• The REAL When A Stranger Calls trailer [via Skeeter]

• Old, but seriously Apple, what the fork is this all about? STANKBunkONIA!!!

• To hell with Sufjan Stevens and to heaven with Basil Rathbone and Co!

• Chuck Norris Facts & Chuck’s ‘response’ [via Stefan Nopolous & the D-House of Boo]

• Jack Bauer wants his Calorie Mate NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! [via NYMets]

• Lets give a hand… job, for Sophie Howard [NSFW… just dont bother looking at her face]

• The William Shatner DVD Club

• Freaks of Nature, Human Oddities, Prodigies, Anomalies, and Circus & Carnival Sideshow Performers

• I’ll pay you 4 bucks if you drink this

• Girls Don’t Poop

Back To The Future II:
THE TRADING CARDS!!

• ThingsMyBoyfriendSays.com & ThingsMyGirlfriendAndIHaveArguedAbout.com [via Data Dazzler]

• Life Size Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite in LEGOS!! [via UMC]

• Topher’s Breakfast Cereal Character Guide

• These ‘party photos’ are not endorsed in any way by Thigh Master LLC

• Kung-Fu Hustlers

• Dakotyo Fannzilla [vid via Bella Vista Social Studyer]

• And the nose knows

French President Jacques Chirac denies a report that he wanted to be casting director of da Da Vinci Code. Good thing he’s waSNOT, cause although I have no issue with his choice of Sophie Marceau [NSFW] as the French bird who may or may not be the direct descendant of the woman banged the man that was part of the immaculate conception and/or the man who had the immaculate reception, there was no effin no way any of us would ever never ever buy our winged ami Astérix as Harvard professor of Religious Symbology Robert Langdon. Stoopid Frenchies and their mustard. They think cause the made some decent movies in the 50s and 60s that they can tell us how to cast OUR crappy box office fiascos!!! Stick to yer Gerard DipinPOO and stuff and frog legs and that joke in Trading Places where that guys punches the line: “Look at that ‘S’ Car Go!”

• Meg, no matter what you do, Jack won’t take you back [via Ms Mod]

• Why would Señor ever touch Mary Poppins? There aint no aliens or Jews involved!

• The Sopranos Season 6 teaser trailer is about as eggciting as watching Tony Soprano watch TV (aka Season 5)

• Who said the gov-mint wasn’t cool? They juss added Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Toy Story, Hoop Dreams, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Cool Hand Luke, The French Connection, and 19 others to the Library of Congress’ National Film Registry!! Howevski, please don’t confuse 1929’s H20 with 1998’s HBoooO… btw, much belated peace the fudge out to Moustapha Akkad and his daughter, victims or jerkassedness

• A review of the G.I. Joe movie script… sadly, a Shipwreck appearance may have to wait for the sequel: G.I. JOE 2: Brokeback Ocean’s 69

• I guess humping my leg isn’t as memorable as meeting Josh Madden

• Stereogum, king of the ‘Yupsters’?

• Every film going fwd should contain the same plot keywords as La Niña Santa

• Soon to be Super Bowl MVP, Clinton Portis and his many costumes [via Ivan the 20850er]

• Gotta 7’7 friend with a b-day coming up? Bid on Manute Bol’s warmup pants and jersey [via Guns N Rosenthal]

• Pinder is ‘Easy’ and loves soccer + a good slap on der a$$ + actually looks decent when her boobs are covered up!

• It’s CRIMINAL that someone swiped ThighsWideShut in MySpace land [via T Bakes]

• Bestest Cliff Engle sweater that I’m too fat to bid on!!!!

• Can a live person be packed in a shipping crate and mailed?

• Jared Fogel wants to talk dirty to you [via Made of Brawnsteeen]

• Nate, where’s the male camel toe? [via Ceffle]

• The 30 Best Names in College Basketball [via Gorilla Man]

• You don’t have to be a Spanish lingusistical persona to understand what’s goin on here [via Lunar Baby]

• The 100 Most Annoying Things of 2005

• Amazing Alizee [via Seppo]

• And for you unlucky rubber soles sistahs who didn’t receive a HOLIDAUKKAH Greeting Card from 1st Family of Thighs, I wanna show ya what you missed…

Pee es II – Me and a small shady crew are headed to Bloomington, IN this weekend. If you find me like Waldo (or Wally if yer a personage of Britishness) I’ll buy you a cookie or THINGS!!!