Thighs Wide Shut

I don’t ever want to leave Lily Allen town. If I stay a bit longer I bet I can be mayor AND comptroller!! You won’t wanna leave too when you d-lode a bunch of her bestness here [go 2 the bottom]. Thighly recommended: ‘LDN’ and ‘Knock Em Out’

Mark your calendars messiers: Get A Life screening + Q&A w/Chris Elliot & Adam Resnick, Thursday, May 25 @ NYC’s Cinema Village. Full deetz 4thcummin

Andre the Giant aint gots no love for love child. Apparently no PEANUTS FOR YOU girl!!

When Mr T and Ice T T-ed off

The somewhat slightly longer Jack White Coke ad, which may or may not have been nipped from this Nippon video thingie [ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ & Sucka Pantz]

Thigh Mizzle’s question for Sash-Co doesn’t make The Hearld, but did get asked

Our mos flavorite Danger Mouse project named after Mike Gminski’s former teammate gets interviewed by Bitchspork

Our mos flavorite competitive eating brother-in-law gets interviewed not once, but twice!

Tara Reid’s nipple, safe to slobber over again [NSFW]

Choose your poison: ‘Jolene’ by Olivia Newton John & Apollo Zero [d] OR ‘Everybody’s Talkin’ by Leonard Nimoy [d] [boths vis Bubby Blister]

Paulie Walnuts is nuts for Netflix

KJV BIBLE signed by President Bush himself, so far, ZERO bids

I think Andy Rooney kinda wants to bone Conan’s Finnish doppelganger

The Warriors OST

Padme touch me

Suck my Wang sucks

There aint enuff Jews to eat a bagel this large. Sadly there aint a lotta Jews period. Imagine if there were more. We’d have 51231774455 channels and everyone would want suck our lox

Wonder if Deb gave Ism a good rate

Wisestest law that was too stoopid to stand: The Metric Conversion Law, from ’75

LD‘s HJ Matz [Ny Mets]

Finestest Poor Man’s Version mt everest

Un-in-tent-shun-knoll hispanic section:

City of Scottsdale not likely to bite into Pink Taco [NOTW]

Muchas videos de la música [Senor Que?]

Although I was a lil shocked that muchas didn’t include the gayest, ‘Sex Over The Phone’ by the Village People, and the wurstest, ‘I Wanna Love You Tender’ by Armi & Danny [OK-rea & Monk from Onk]

Mexican Lobby Card Fiesta

Exiting el baño…

Hot Chicks with Douchebags [De La Roach]

The least d-loded Kiddie Record of the ’06: The Story of Little Black Sambo

Last thing you want to do yourself, in the comfort of yer own home: LASIK Surgery

The Death Star Home Theater, snatchurally wit THX sound system. THC-infused ideas not included [WWWang Computers]

She can’t see [NSFW]

And now a lil something for the ladies [NSFW]

And one for nobody [VERY NSFW]

And if it aint Ellison, tits…

[jay mohr]

*we don’t consider ourselves a gossip site, more like a flazzle John Stossel mustache riding depot of ass raping clowns from outer Kevin Spacey

The 2006 NFL schedule has been unleashed!

And since everyone loves del Skins, and messiah-at-large, Daniel Jewmoney Snyder

Sep 11 – Minnesota, 7:00pm WIN
Sep 17 – @Dallas, 8:15pm WIN
Sep 24 – @Houston, 1:00pm WIN
Oct 1 – Jacksonville, 4:15pm WIN
Oct 8 – @N.Y. Giants, 1:00pm WIN
Oct 15 – Tennessee, 1:00pm WIN
Oct 22 – @Indianapolis, 4:15pm WIN
Week 8 – BYE WIN
Nov 5 – Dallas, 1:00pm WIN
Nov 12 – @Philadelphia, 1:00pm WIN
Nov 19 – @Tampa Bay, 1:00pm WIN
Nov 26 – Carolina, 1:00pm WIN
Dec 3 – Atlanta, 1:00pm WIN
Dec 10 – Philadelphia, 1:00pm WIN
Dec 17 – @New Orleans, 1:00pm WIN
Dec 24 – @St. Louis, 1:00pm WIN
Dec 30 – N.Y. Giants, 8:00pm WIN

17 and OH, inculding a huge upset over BYE
You heard it here furst!!!
(or more like 11-5… if Mark Brunell can last more than 2 games)

and btw, Antwaaaan is…

for Bar Mitzvahs, weddings, and mall openings

GO NATS, until it’s August!

and Andy Rooney on Katie Couric [via General Scarecroffs]

Andy Rooney deconstructs the Girl Scout Cookie

Raconteurs, Glasgow’s ABC 3/21/06, d-lodlicous

Gorillaz to quit by Christmas? Cause who’d dare ruin (C)Hanukkah? Maybe the only splittin’ they doin is like the Bananas

B sure to mark November 3rd down on yer Anne Geddes calendars, cause The Santa Clause 3, Flushed Away, and Borat battle for box office bourne supremacy. Here’s hoping everyone’s flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition

Peace the fork out Buck-O, Lacostly guy, and Richard Fleischer, director of Conan, stuff, and Soylent Green… mmm, soylent green

Nadine Coyle going solo? Who?

Trent Reznor is more gay than Rudy

What planet does Samuel L hail from? I thought it was Haruun Kal, but it lookin mo like the animal planet. First we gets Snakes On a Plane, and next, Farce of the Penguins

Spreaking de deutsche of, guess we can cross Mace Windex off for next Friday [Passout]

Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief

Must Love Jaws

‘Karma In The Life’ Beatles vs Radiohead [d vis PBliss]

The 2006 Tribeca Film Fest’s line-up has been unleashed. Passess are already on sale, with single tix for Amex peeps begin on the 8th. More ticketing details here.

After a qwik look schedule, here be things I’d like to viddy well:
-Michael Winterbottom’s The Road To Guantanamo
-the rise and fall of the NY Cosmos, Once in a Lifetime
–Colour Me Kubrick
-Sydney Pollack’ Sketches of Frank Gehry
–Clarissa directs it all
-Richard E. Grant’s Wah-Wah
-Rosie Perez can‘t jump co-direct?
-Jeff Garlin’s I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With
–Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple
-Bruce McCulloch’s Comeback Season
–Vinny Chase’s short film (no word if Siagon did the score or not)
–something with the hotness that is Catalina Sandino Moreno

How dare someone outbid me on an autographed Jim Larranaga bidness card

every single Jennifer Connelly nude scene known to man + a$$ 2 a$$ [NSFW]

Anyone else miss hot-arsed Chloë, circa 1995?

Not even her NSFW ass of today can make her fappable

Mike Wallace wanted to do Pat Nixon

Muzak to get ya to holla for Lolla:
-‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley [d or Prince mash-up]
-‘Bongo Bong’ by Manu Chao [d]
-‘Oh Yeah’ by The Subways [d]
-‘Mary Ann’ by Manishevitz [d]
-‘Hello Drama’ by What Made Milwaukee Famous [d]

Skeletor ass rapes Britney Spears statue! How PRO-LIFEic [NSFW?]

Who knew that Stephen Stucker was dead. Wait, who’s Stephen Stucker? Did he f@#k Nadine Coyle? Who? And what did Horton hear?

Community Shelter Planning, starring Gene Hackman [PCL Dumps]

A (Not So) Complete History of Band Tattoos

Philippine Basketball Association’s teams [Cheez WizzzNutzzz]

Classic Trailers, hincluding a bunch of ‘cockian ones [VaGinaM]

The Big Labowski

Two More Playboy Cartoonists

Operation McFly

unaired Wonder Showzen pilot

Hate the whole ‘ladies first philosophy? Like everything else, blame the Jews [AskY]

Meat Dishes Men Like

A Bluegrass Tribute to Air

Phat Girlz screeningz

Sacred Destinations, for you, me, and comic book characters, regardless of their religious affiliation. Whaaaaaaaaa, The Thing/Benjamin Jacob Grimm was Jewish?

(sorry about all the Jew stuff today, but maybe I’m juss a lil vexed about ABC ditchin the Heston version of The Ten Commandments for the brand spankin new Dougray Scott one)

Made of Brawn-steen (aka The Brickhouse aka the Thighther in Law) placed 8th at the Corned Beef and Cabbage Competition. Next stop, after the toilet, eating his own hand

ABC News hearts up-to date vagina

We hearts Jenny McCarthy’s nekkid sister Amy [NSFW]

and Diana’s penchant for guinea pigs

and unknown Hilton cousin Farrah Aldjufrie too

Get AYDS [My Man Marvkus]

Mountain Dew Fisting [NSFW vis Ef Everytang]

And we gots ourshelfs yet another candidate for the next The Kid, but will this one be able to pass all three of the challenges: 1st, the breath of Gawd. Only the penitent man will pass. 2nd, the word of Gawd, only in the footsteps of Gawd will he proceed. 3rd, the path of Gawd, only in the leap from the lion’s head, eating corn, will he prove his worth. Good luck, and remember, choose wisely

Blessed be you Daniel Snyder, the new King of the Jews, and your King of the Jews money that you shoot out of your hands, like Spiderman, and mcgrab anyone you want for your fantasy squad/my Redskins. May the gadget plays be with us… and TWS.org as well, which ranks 2nd in ‘gadget play’ intersleuthing

Poopied be you Twerps, who blow worser than a 36 minute Andy Warhol movie. Is it football season yet?

Bye bye Boom Boom, for without he, there would be no (non-musical) Hanson brothers, + a mucho belated parking of the life of shaftman Gordon Parks

Jon Stewart, the next Andy Rooney? Dan Rather not or so?

Quite amazed that only 30ish seconds were dedicated to characters watching movies and/or television on last night’s season premmy of The Sopranos, and cause of it, I’ve got opto-mizzum for whats to come… although going fwd, I hope we see less of Maradona‘s cocksmoking doppleganger. As for that new show that followed it… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz fest to the mth degree!!! Sorry, but not even Jeanne Trippletits [NSFW] can save it, or even if they had this girl with three boobies [NSFW]. All-dough they do get + 1 gold stars for having Nap Dyna‘s Deb working at a place called Deb’s

Yous a male and have a bunch of brothers? Yer most likely gay, and therefore will probably have a great shot at creating an insanely popular blog

Czech accountant, Jana Tylova, becomethes the first ever Countess Soduku at the WSPC. CZECH out JT with the rest of her country’s squad…

How do u take your NSFW d’Abo? Maryam or Olivia?

Speaking of… He May Be A Demented, Twisted, Compulsively Masturbating Shitbag, But He’s Our Demented, Twisted, Compulsively Masturbating Shitbag

Top Ten Worst SNL Cast Members of All Time [MogillaMask]

If you only look at one pictorial review of The Hills Have Eyes, make it this one

Ugly Duke girls try to dispel ugly Duke girl myth [Gulf of Sonkin]

Where video games go when they die [Lief Ericsson’s Posse]

Whose Boobs (Strikes Back) Part 2

Something for the lizadies: lots of wet men, by way of Rammstein’s latest video [NSFW]

[WTFOMGZ!]

Past Champions from the World Livestock Auctioneer C’ships

Juicy Fruit ads will never be dullski with Mr Z de la Roachclip’s dang right copy

Fity more of these and we may juss achieve peace in the Middle East: a 12 foot plate of hummus [Lil Red Honey Rider’s Hood]

Fity bottles of these and I may actually get laid: Whiff, the poop odor eliminator

‘Forever Young’ – Alphaville [d-lode]

On The Menu Today: Horse Penis And Testicles With A Chilli Dip [L-ism]

‘God came down from Heaven and made people quote Fletch‘

How To Make A Duct Tape Wallet

paintmeblue’s photos

CILF (it’s like MILF, but with corn!) [BVSC]

How do you says I want to de-core your apple in Russian? [NSFW]

Hoth to host the the Winter Olympics in 2014? …so that’s what all those probe droids were really doing, scouting for giant slalom and super-g locales! [1st site soundy vis World Wide Wangsta]

And if there really is a Gawd, then HE’ll never let our mos flavorite Druish America Princess, Sasha Cohen, and her nude naked camel toe, crossbreed with any of the following (bruce) suitors

[via Baroness SC]

Bubble
Ocean’s 3
View Trailer

I was a bit weary of the thing that was Bubble, considering the last trip down no-budget lane for Steven Nederbergh resulted in the Cop & a 1/2 poop & a 1/2 fest known as Full Frontal, + it’s the first movie mt EVERest to be released simultaneously in theaters, on DVD, and cable (I watched it on HDNet), which could be beginning of the end of FUN in theaters as we know it!! But kids, this is, CANS DOWN, not only the finest movie of this young year (hispecially if yer a Chinaman), but Nederbergh’s Soderbergh’s best of his career!! Dr YEPPERS!!!! But peas take what I say with a grain of Willie Gault, considering I think every single thang he’s done is either highly overrated, overrated, or overrated, yet enjoyable (see: Erin Boobonovich). But seriously peepoles, this lil gem of a film filled with more non-actors than 41 years of Days of Our Lives is the kind of movie Nerdie should be making each time out, not My Celebrity Pals Zzzzzz: The Movie XIXVLMCXXI!! If I were Gawd, in which I am, I’d force Gus van Sant and Nederbergh to swap styles. Gus Gus would only make big budget fiascos (think bestness like his To Die For) and Nerdy Boy would only make lil artsy fartsy thangs like this!! Come to spunk of it, Bubble is a Gus van Sant movie, cept you don’t wanna slit your wrists after watching it waking up after the credits. KUDOS SODERLOSER!!!! You win me!! And so does the Guided by Bestness soundtrack, and a runtime of 73 minutes!! And after methinking about it for awhile, this whole release on every format at the same idear aint the wurstest idear I’ve heard that are idears!! That’s reserved for the naming of Planters’ testically snack!!! I mean, mos people live in shitty cities (read: anywhere outside of NYC, Rockville MD, and Huber Heights OH, America’s largest community of all brick homes) and don’t get a chance to see REAL movies when they’re released, or at ALL, and with this bidness model, people will and can and will wheaton dot net, and at the same time as cool people like myself, Mayor Bloomberg, Andy Rooney, and Joe Torreee!!! Now Mr Blogger Come Lately&alloverhimself living in the middle of nowhere can be the next Ebert or Mr Roper!!! How-eva, the same b-model shouldn’t apply to Michael Bayishtypesque films, unless we’re talkin’ Ocean’s 13, which shouldn’t been seen in theaters, but in the bottom of trashcans across America.

Possible Porno Name: Bubble Bath Boobies [NSFWness not to be confused with Bubble Bobble]

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix One Hour Photo, but NOT Death To Smoochy!

Further Fun: Visit the KFC where STAR Debbie Doebereiner once worked for 24 years and was discovered in the drive-thru window by the casting director. Editor’s snot: I even called to make sure that that was indeed the KFC she ate her weight/worked at!

Why We Fight
Military Industrial Not So Complex
View Trailer

Am I having déjà vu, or have I been beating off too long to Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View, cause I’ve seen this movie before!! I think it was called, I watched CNN, read a newspaper, and aint haven’t been living in a deep hairy cave that smells like tunafish since 9/11. DAT’s RIGHT YO! Eggspcting some sorta revelation about how our gov-mint is pulling the wool over our thighs?? Well you aint gonna get it cause you already know that the bozos in power loves fake wars and guns and hate Jews and are about as trussworthy as a g-mint headed by ‘Zeus’ Tiny Lister!! Fahrenheit 9/11 may have been the biggest piece of shit/propaganda since any of Leni Riefenstahl‘s Nazi joints, but at least it was entertaining!! Why We Fight lacks focus, discipline [aud], and anything remote-lee groundbreaking!! The archival footage and the usual talking heads do juss fine, but then we get this side crap about a father of 9/11 victim and some dumb kid who joins the Army cause he’s dumb, and both go more nowhere than Nowhere Man driving round a cul-de-sac in a no outlet court!! Since we can’t put an end to this endless don ONslaught of comic book movies, I think we the people of the United States of NOOOOOOOO [d-lode] muss declare a jihad on left-wing documentaries that say nothing new and only preach to their choirs!!! And where the fork are all the right-winger docs? I guess its hard to get em into theaters when Jews control the media, eh?

Possible Porno Name: Why We Fist, starring Bill Frist

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix the far lake/mother superior Fog of War

Further Fun: Viddy Frank Capra’s Why We Fight propaganda series
[1 – Prelude to War]
[2 – The Nazi Strike]
[3 – Divide and Conquer]
[4 – The Battle of Britain]
[5 – The Battle of Russia Part I | Part II]
[6 – The Battle of China]
[7 – War Comes to America]

BONE-US BUBBLE BURSTER BABY BUGGY BUMPER!

Huzzah to Misty Dawn Wilkins
for yesterday you were a nobody like Dominique Wilkins
then Nederbergh plucked you
and now you are a somebody
with a nice lil body
although you had the body when you were nobody
mr boddy?
peabody
peabs’ body [evs]?
huh?
lemme do the misty mountain hop on yer grand tetons
or play Misty for me, Misty
or be my Mister
or I’ll be Mr Mister Master
kinda like Maj. Major Major Major from Catch-22 – Turk 182 = Threepenis opera

huh-zzah?