Thighs Wide Shut

• BOO. I now have ZERO radio stations to listen to in the NYC area.

• Lohag wonders why the tabloids care so much about her. And I have to side with my former woman when she sprays, ‘I don’t know why I’m so interesting’. Add skinny, blonde, and gross to that list babe! [via Tom Wellington the I]

• Hollywood marriage I really hope works out: Rachel Weisz & Darren Aronfsky.

• Hollywood marriage I really hope doesn’t work out: Brett Ratner & X-3

• Word has it that the next gen Nintendo, called Revolution, will allow users to download ALL 221 games Nintendo published with the old school NES, SNES and N64 game systems. Here’s the complete list. [via the always kosher Dr Falada]

• Even Liam Gallagher loves ‘Feel Good Inc’

• You Darnerien McCants tell me that this is possibly true: Bjork almost was one of Charlie’s Angels???

• Winnie Coops grows up, but she gots miles to go before she reaches Julie Condraland. Related: Justin’s thumbcredible Kevin Arnold’s Lizadies

• Tara Reid is a ‘skankbot‘

• Cameron Diaz looks whorrible without make-up sez director Danny Boyle. Most women looks whorrible without make-up sez Thigh Master.

• Charlotte Church On Lads And Fags

• B Jaxx to replace Kylie at Glasto

• To Box, Or Not To Box? I eggspect better from you Rooney!

• The Woodward & Bernstein Watergate Papers

• Free screenings abound for the next Vince Vaughn shitcomedy, Wedding Crashers [via Melly Mel]

• Thighspotted wit my own eyes: Hank Azaria wearing a pink ‘Yo! MTV Raps’ tee near Columbus Circle AND Orlando from Strangers w/Candy avec baby round Columbia U.

• A Taiwanese restaurant serves up food in toilets to looks like things you leave in toilets. Did some one say YUM? If you did, you should be hunted down and beaten with 20 lbs of asparagus. Peep a pic of this madness!! [via Made of Brawnstein/A Dude]

• Probably my all time flavorite poster: The Posse

• Who knows if these have been doctored or not, but popular songs played in reverse to reveal secret messages are always fun! [via Guns n’ Rosenthal]

• Mini Organs

• Guess Which Movie

• Thinks they sell a Tie-Fighter desk at Staples? [via Seltzer w/an ‘H’]

• Dress Steve Jobs [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Buffo, the World’s Strongest Clown [via 1,2,3, look @ Mr. Richie Lee]

• Cuthbert wants Justin Timberlake to sing at her wedding. First off, I didn’t agree to this. Second off, apparently she’s NOT getting married to me. And jerk off, is what I will do right now, regardless if she’s going to marry Trace Ayalabushicala or not. But to be purrrrfectly honest, I’m considering making a move in the House of Thighs. Has Cuthy passed her primer number? What do you all think? Is it Mandy or Mischa’s go? Seppo the Great spanks that Melissa Theuriau, some French news chick who looks one part Posh Spice (the good parts) and one part Virginie Ledoyen, would be spunkfert for the part. I do love NonUsHotties(.8k.com) and French Fries, so this could be a NICE fit.

Peep these lovely galleries for even more frog hotness

• Although not as magnificent as Twin Peaks was after season one (& sadly often compared to), Desperate H-wives wrapped up round 1 in about as high fashion and class as it started with. And to tell the truth, the hotnessies left for us to mull over during our summer vacay’s are far more interesting than the ones the OC dropped on us last week. Don’t spank me wrong, I’d can’t wait to see Mischa bend over for the soap in jail and becoming the Andy Dufresne for a whole new generation, but that juss doesn’t compare to Zack/Dana/Pothead’s looneybinness, RFK’s second meeting with death, and the unsolved reasoning behind Carlos being all ‘crotch-mouthed’ (genius term dreamt up by Michelle on Tvgasm). Soon I may replace ‘is it football season yet?’ with ‘is it Marcia Cross season yet? [last semi-NSFW]

• Spice Girls To Reform?!?!?!?!!!! I mean, this isn’t as big as Gang of Four (whomever the fork they are) getting back together, but this begs the question, when will Our Gang reunite?

• Kate Boosworth could have been Katie Holmes?!?!?

• Stream the new Stripes & watch their new video

• Yabba dabba later

• Antonio Banderas to play Dali. Interesting choice, but maybe he would’ve been a better choice to play van Dyke.

• Gavrilo Princip woulda had such an easier time assassinating Franz Ferdinand had he know about dem peanuts. But it’ll take a lot more than an allergic reaction to Arachis hypogaea to keep the Archdukes from Live Aid, now called Live 8.

• Is this guy the second choicen one?

• Motley Crue vs Duran²

• Time Magazine, you know, the authority on all things film, have unleashed their list of the All-Time Top 100 Movies. They sloboviously cant be trusted if A Clockwork Orange, Cloak & Dagger AND Escape From The Planets of the Apes were all omitted.

A now for a bunch of blog related blog stuff…

• I don’t really know what all this fazzle with Blogebrity is, but apparently I’m only good enuff to be a B-List Blogebrity. Are you forking kidding me? I mean, this alone is worthy of A-Listedness! At least they don’t know my real identity. And until the day I get elevated to A-List status, Blogebrity will be a B-List Cewebrity.

• Nike iD enlists the help of the blogerati to design shoes/whore out their products. So who’s kicks have the most kick? And how am I too choose between Stereo’s, Pradashoppe’s, Aeki’s, Melody’s, Coolfie’s, & Leafblower’s? And out of all dem beautiful peeps, which one eats the most boxes of Kix? And when will Adidas let me design their shoes? Is it cause I want to make the first sneaker made from corn?

• Only the combo of me, Trey Atwood, and my man boobs could make Pink go red!

• GoldenFiddle.com, don’t call it a come back. Cause it’s a be back.

• TWS, yer 5th 4th result when searching for all things ‘Pam Mueller’

• And BritPoppa apparently discovers the Who’s Quadrophenia font.

Back to yer regularly scheduled crap on a stick…

• Tom Cruise to direct Steve Spielberg in a movie about a Russian immigrant?

• Every time I read about her, I juss can’t get the image of Penelope Ann Miller out of my head.

• Mr Cliff Engle lives, but not of 80s NFL sweater fame. The search continues for the real man behind the cloth of the gawds.

• Rooney babble ons about ashtrays, matches, and cigarette holders. And apparently, if you smoke, yer more likely to be an idiot.

• Why are soap operas called “soap operas”?

• Twin Bobbleheads

• Speakers on &: Nooooooooooooooooooo! Which comes a close 2nd to YTMND in my heart. [via Leader of the Pak Man]

• Be the only earthling to own 6 Freezer Freakies Beanies

• I take it all back, there is one sport in the summertime that I actually like to watch: Women moaning in tight clothing whilst smacking balls. Hispecially womenez who are in a hurry, that be curvy, and that make the BlogFather’s pants all filled with slurry.

[via The Superfish]

• I loves it when there be mad press goings on for things I really love. Last month it was a sea of Cuthbestedness for House of Wax Dat A$$, and now it’s the Gorillaz turn! Not only did we learn that their new tour will once again feature the same impersonal silhouette display they rocked back in the ’02 from B-board, but even the NY Times dropped some scoopage (+ a great pic of Mr Albarn on a bike!) like the Dreamworks feature film is not going to happen and that Danger Mouse will be on board for the next Blur album.

• Speaking of, details of Graham’s next crackers revealed! Hey Coxy, save sum of dem idears for yer former bandmates.

• Can yous bee leave someone ponyed up 7.4 mills to get Destiny’s Child to play their son’s Bar Mitzvah? If yer daddy had a fat bank roll who would you choose to make you Bar/Bat Mitzvah the mos rockinest Jewfest of all? For me, it would have to be the keepers of the keytars, Air. Although I bet it wouldn’t cost to much too get the Fiery Furnaces in general.

• 2B purrrfectlee honest, Andy Rooney is berry umcredible & unrelievable. I mean, I’ve always wanted to hear him say ‘itÂ’s, like, cool, man.’

• New Radiohead Album Out Early 2006?

• I don’t even know who you are anymore.

• Even if Natalie was a bald cancer-stricken-neo-Nazi-lesbian, I’d and you’d still bone her six ways from Saturday.

• First PS3 photo?

• Ladytron & Madness to tour Engerland (not together) this summer, but when the fork are they States bound?

• The Wendy’s missing digit mystery has finally been fingered out.

• R2-D2 hates on C3-PO

• Anybody know this Star Wars character’s name?

• WHAT?!?!?! The only good thing that could possib-lee come out of this is another round of McDonald’s Dick Tracy Crimestopper (scratch-off) Game, which I now will be on the look out for on eBay.

• Speaking of… Nintendo Game + Bad Movie = Pure Entertainment

• Liam Gallagher to star opposite Begbie?

• Trent is The New Messiah was chosen as the NY Post’s 10th entry on their weekly Hot List. I guess the Post doesn’t realize that he’s gay.

• How long can I stay tuned for their next move?

• Anyone looking to buy yer beloved Thigh Mizzle a gift and have $200 to spare? Look no further!!

• Come play with us Danny, for ever and ever and EVER!

• May is National Bike Month! Somebody call Eric Thomann!!

• Classic Car Commercials

• Anyone else going to the Kasabian show at Bowery tonight? I’m flying solo and need someone to rock out with. Look for me sans sunglasses & corn.

• Forgot to mention this last week, but Jeopardy! honey/my future wife, Pam Mueller, won her Elite 18 match against a bunch of social butterflies in the Tournament of Champions. This week she will compete in the Semi-Finals, and get one step closer to takin on dorkmaster Ken Jennings in the final round. My TiVo® pause button, Jergens® & Kleenex® are all ready 2 gogh!

• And a belated 29th burthday wish goes out to UK uber-cutie pie Martine McCutcheon [NSFW]. Boy I sure would like to McTouchen her mar’hiney.

• Wees got a New Public Enemy #1 of Thighland: Cuthbert’s Dad, for banning our lovely lass from ever stripping! The dude easily replaced Alba’s dad.

• And if that’s the case, is she the REAL Her Royal Thighness?

• Listen to Katie Holmes’eses dad blab about Tom! By the way he sounds, you’d think he was dating TC. [via Megbot]

• Andy Rooney dogs on the TB Devil Rays. Is there a greater American than him?

• CLAIRE DANES LIVES!!!

• Yummy Catalina Sandino Moreno to star in movie about things that are yummy.

• Pictures of Narnia

• I can dig on dis.

• Will Conan replace his sword with a guitar that shoots bullets?

• Sodersnooze times 6. Gag me with some poon.

• Hopefully the Mould isn’t mouldy.

• Without the sunglasses and corn, this is what I look like. Also, I have the the personality of Seth Cohen and the heart of Ryan Atwood. I may juss be the perfect man.

• Damn you all to hell Chewbacca. You are such a whore. Why can’t you be more like R2-D2, who loves boobies!

• Mr & Mrs DataWhat? point out even more similarnessness between Starship Troopers and Firefly (the thing that came before the Serenity flick). Apparently, when they filmed the TV pilot, and were in dire need of military-e lookin uniforms for the bad-guys, Fox simply wiped the dust off sum of dem ones the Starship Troopers rocked, and presto, problem solved! Bitched @ Swirth indeed! By the gay, every movie or TV show would be that much better if they utilized Casper Van’s bum [NSFW]. Related: even more copy cats.

• Home of the WOPR Part II? More like a WOPR with cheese!

• Anyone else fell like humping rabbits?

• When two becomes 1

• The Airfare Blog. Look for the pull-down menu fo YO city. NYers click here. [via Itzr Richie Richard]

• I’ve joined MySpace. Feel free to bother me.

• That is so 11th grade.

• So, who wants to drive me to Gizmos & Gadgets?

• PontiFFahrvergnügen. I don’t speak German, but whatever that means, can’t be funny.

• …and now a random fact about Vin Diesel: [keep refreshin via Gid]

• Rtm86

• Pink is the New Blog [via Gorilla Mask]

and three gems from Zach de la Roachclip…

• The Llama Song

• Hippo eats dwarf?

and

• There’s nuttin I enjoy more than Passover in Rockport, MD. Ahhhhh, the downin’ of me mumsy’s Matzoh ball soup that’s more mushy than dat stuff that lines my testicle sach, the searchin’ for Gary Coleman’s cousin, Afikomen, and of COURSE, the watchin’ of the GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME STARRING YUL BRYNNER, CHARLTON HESTON, VINCENT PRICE, EDWARD G ROBINSON, and ANNE BAXTER (‘Oh Moses‘): THE TEN FORKING COMMANDMENTS. But WD$^YG@#@$WTFork!@!~#!!N$?~%R>!~?WHAT? You mean to tell me that it aint on tat all this year?!?!@##!? It usually airs on Palm/Easter Sunday cause it’s close to it’s inter-faith cousin Passover (not this year, spank u very much lunar calendar), but the brainiacs/people over at ABC, who I guess want to keep their jobs, decided to give it the Gas Face this year in lieu of my old flavorite show, and now my MOSTEST HATESTEST SHOW EVER: Desperate Housewives. C’mon, I don’t care if only 10 people wanna watch dem Commandments, you HAVE to air it. It’s now almost more of a tradition than Passover itself. Luckily I had another epic out from Netflix that was equal in runtime and awesomenessness: Ben-Hur. I mean, a guy’s gotta see Charlton’s chest one way or the other, and Planet of the Apes wasn’t an option. Correction: They actually did air it, on a Saturday no less, but either way that was jus plain uneggceptable!

• Oh yeah, if yer in DC, you’s should mos def czech out the National Gallery of Art’s Toulouse-Lautrec eggzibition! I mean, anywho who banged hookers like it was everybody’s bidness is worth devoting 30 minutes to!

• Tits official: the most washed-up band of the moment is HOOTIE & THE BLOWFISH!! Why, cause they be scheduled to play my hometown’s annual Memorial Day weekend festivez. Last year’s recipient of this award went to Gin Blossoms & Live! Next year, all my money is on The Strokes!

• Related: Loggins & Messina to tour for the 1st time in 30 years! Will their last stop be next Memorial Day ’06 in MD?

• Blur eager to get back to work! And I’m as eager as me eating beaver to hear the results!

• First Sam, now John peacing the fork out? Not a great week for Mills. Watch yer back Judge Lane!

• George Lucas has no creativity left: Willow TV series?

• Ei8ht?

• Kate Moss To Join Pete Doherty’s Babyshambles??

• Elton to tie the penis this X-Mas?

• Amy Sedaris’ Bust

• Jarvis’ pa musta been one huge Cockermuffin

• Peep trailer to Jodie’s latest, Flightplan

• ONE TIME ONLY: Andy Rooney w/out a tie on! [watch the video]

• Two things I love: Charlotte Church and cleavage [SFW]

• Jason Mulgrew, Internet Quasi-Celebrity/Fascist/fan of SomeBlogs, got some link love via the NY Daily News. What am I, microwaved gefilte fish?

• PA cousins cross Mason-Dixon line into MD so they can wed legally + other fun! [via My Man Mavrkus]

• Don’t bee leave every headline u peep. I aint retiring… yet.

• Phew, we finally found a date for Liz Phair’s ‘X-Ray Man‘.

• Exploding Toads Baffle Experts

• Nazi monkeys

• The Jewish Rahzel/Marley [via Brawny Man]

• Everybody please welcome the 49ers into my family of Cliff Engle sweaters!

• And in the world of HRT the II, we’ve been spending quite a bit time apart from each other these daze. I’m in the midst of figuring out what the 7 herbs and spices in Kentucky Fired Chicken are and she’s been going around pro-whoring her new flick (pics below), House of Wax Dat A$$ (Letterman appearance May 2nd). Well I guess she hasn’t been doing much other dan dat, like updating her long dormant Friendster profile. Howevski, she’s been em-bare-tushing me all around town, wearing a rock on her finger that I didn’t even give her. The only piece of jew-ry I bestowed upon herness is this. Hopefully all will be well when we reunite at the Tribeca Film Fest screening/creaming this cuming Satur-lay. [via Ultrahotness/Jus Jared/Yep Yuppie/Tr3nt Lotz]