Thighs Wide Shut

• BOO. I now have ZERO radio stations to listen to in the NYC area.

• Lohag wonders why the tabloids care so much about her. And I have to side with my former woman when she sprays, ‘I don’t know why I’m so interesting’. Add skinny, blonde, and gross to that list babe! [via Tom Wellington the I]

• Hollywood marriage I really hope works out: Rachel Weisz & Darren Aronfsky.

• Hollywood marriage I really hope doesn’t work out: Brett Ratner & X-3

• Word has it that the next gen Nintendo, called Revolution, will allow users to download ALL 221 games Nintendo published with the old school NES, SNES and N64 game systems. Here’s the complete list. [via the always kosher Dr Falada]

• Even Liam Gallagher loves ‘Feel Good Inc’

• You Darnerien McCants tell me that this is possibly true: Bjork almost was one of Charlie’s Angels???

• Winnie Coops grows up, but she gots miles to go before she reaches Julie Condraland. Related: Justin’s thumbcredible Kevin Arnold’s Lizadies

• Tara Reid is a ‘skankbot‘

• Cameron Diaz looks whorrible without make-up sez director Danny Boyle. Most women looks whorrible without make-up sez Thigh Master.

• Charlotte Church On Lads And Fags

• B Jaxx to replace Kylie at Glasto

• To Box, Or Not To Box? I eggspect better from you Rooney!

• The Woodward & Bernstein Watergate Papers

• Free screenings abound for the next Vince Vaughn shitcomedy, Wedding Crashers [via Melly Mel]

• Thighspotted wit my own eyes: Hank Azaria wearing a pink ‘Yo! MTV Raps’ tee near Columbus Circle AND Orlando from Strangers w/Candy avec baby round Columbia U.

• A Taiwanese restaurant serves up food in toilets to looks like things you leave in toilets. Did some one say YUM? If you did, you should be hunted down and beaten with 20 lbs of asparagus. Peep a pic of this madness!! [via Made of Brawnstein/A Dude]

• Probably my all time flavorite poster: The Posse

• Who knows if these have been doctored or not, but popular songs played in reverse to reveal secret messages are always fun! [via Guns n’ Rosenthal]

• Mini Organs

• Guess Which Movie

• Thinks they sell a Tie-Fighter desk at Staples? [via Seltzer w/an ‘H’]

• Dress Steve Jobs [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Buffo, the World’s Strongest Clown [via 1,2,3, look @ Mr. Richie Lee]

• Cuthbert wants Justin Timberlake to sing at her wedding. First off, I didn’t agree to this. Second off, apparently she’s NOT getting married to me. And jerk off, is what I will do right now, regardless if she’s going to marry Trace Ayalabushicala or not. But to be purrrrfectly honest, I’m considering making a move in the House of Thighs. Has Cuthy passed her primer number? What do you all think? Is it Mandy or Mischa’s go? Seppo the Great spanks that Melissa Theuriau, some French news chick who looks one part Posh Spice (the good parts) and one part Virginie Ledoyen, would be spunkfert for the part. I do love NonUsHotties(.8k.com) and French Fries, so this could be a NICE fit.

Peep these lovely galleries for even more frog hotness

While I could show you some hot pictures of me sweating my balls off at my boy and girl El Hofbergo & Natanay’s fantabulo wedding in Raleigh, NC this past weekend, I’d rather talk about something a lil closer to my heart. Or more like, closer to my heart-attack. I give to you…

Confessions of a Fried Chicken Junkie
Final Battle

What’s In A Name?: One was not originally named in honor of a spinach addicted sailorman who spawned a killer Nintendo game (although it is the current mascot), but in fact for Popeye Doyle, of The French Connection fame. The other’s is a salute to the ditty ‘Mr. Bojangles’, as popularized by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. Juss say em both out loud and figure out which one is cooler than William H Macy. Advantage – The gritty Detective, not the Shitty Gritty Crap Band brand.

Who’s On First? : Po’s officially came into being in ’72 in the Big Easy. Bo’s brung up the rear five years later in ’77, when Star Wars was released and yers drooly was born, in Charlotte, North Carolina. Sure, The Colonel ignited the fried chicken franchising craze back in ’52, but the world had to wait 20 more years before actually getting something that was tres tasty. Advantage – to the one a bit older and way more southern, Po’s.

Who Is Your Daddy And What Does He Do?: Po’s Gran Moff is Al Copeland, a famed Naw Arleans restaurateur who actually has a website of his own. Bo’s brainchildren were Jack Faulk and Richard Thomas. Both have boring names and neither have web sites on the internets. Popeyes’ first franchise partner was Russell Jones. That was also Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s real name. Advantage – The Popeyes Clan & the 36 Clogged Arteries

Font & Color Scheming: Both use tacky colors that blind the eyes, like any Sean Connery movie of this decade, and both have a footloose and fancy free arrangement of letters. But Bo’s overdoes it a bit too much for me with their decorative star and apostrophe. I’m all for simplicity and similar point sizes between the letters. Advantage – the one who needs no introduction, and apparently an apostrophe!

Web Sights For Sore Thighs: Take a look fo yo selves at hot-arsed Bojangles.com and Popeyes.com and decide for yourself. Me, I go for the one that offers coupons for yo area and a lil something for the kiddies as well. Advantage – Popeyes, cause they also aint associated directly with NASCAR.

Locations, Locations, Locations: While both cover a large chunk of the country known as Jesusland, Popeyes dominates the rest of the country, from Idaho to Hawaii, to the rest of the globe (what’re they Jewish?), from Bahrain to even Bosnia! Sure, Bo’s got some international spots, but is Honduras even considered a country anymo? Advantage – In ANY language, it’s gotta be Po’s. Where else you goin-to-hurtz-your-stomach-a in Herzegovina?

Catchphrase That Pays: Love That Chicken from Popeyes vs. Gotta Wanna Needa Getta Hava Bojangles. Advantage – Who can remember that 2nd one, when yer too busy loving that chicken from Popeyes?

Food Glorious Food Coma: I’ll give Bojangles two gold stars, where gold stars are due. One of dem for serving breakfast and one for having biscuit sandwiches (I recommend the Chicken Filet & Country Ham biscuits). BUTTTTTT, all other gold stars and buckeye decals for good performance are reserved for the one and only Popeyes. Their fried chicken is mos spicier, mos crisper, and mos deffier mos eisley eggsalader than Bo’s. NO CONTEST is what I plead. Sides? Can’t touch red beans and rice! And the biscuits? I could probably eat a baker’s dozen without even blinking. Could you all say the same thing about 13 vaginas? Didn’t spank so. Plus, no one makes my stomach more upset that Popeyes, and to me, that’s a sign of greatness. Advantage – the answer here is more predictable than the ending of Guess Who?!

Overall: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. This is a toughy, but I guess I gotta go with the one that went 8 for 8 in this Final Battle of Fast Food Fried Chicken War. What do you all think? I value your opinion about as much as I love watching Rosie O’Donnell shave her ass. But please, don’t even bother commenting about KFC or Church’s. You’ll just be embarrassing youself in front of zillions. And although Popeyes is the true and only Lord of the Universe, this does not mean it is the greatest fried chicken on planet Earth. Yer best bets are always greasy one-off dives that don’t have a url, like the one Rachael Ray recommended to me in Memphis, Gus’s. Some say finger-banging good! And don’t be eggspectin’ a White Castle vs. Krystal thingie any thyme soon cause the now defunct Little Tavern Hamburgers of MoCo was king of mini-crappy hamburgers.

[via The Superfish]

• I loves it when there be mad press goings on for things I really love. Last month it was a sea of Cuthbestedness for House of Wax Dat A$$, and now it’s the Gorillaz turn! Not only did we learn that their new tour will once again feature the same impersonal silhouette display they rocked back in the ’02 from B-board, but even the NY Times dropped some scoopage (+ a great pic of Mr Albarn on a bike!) like the Dreamworks feature film is not going to happen and that Danger Mouse will be on board for the next Blur album.

• Speaking of, details of Graham’s next crackers revealed! Hey Coxy, save sum of dem idears for yer former bandmates.

• Can yous bee leave someone ponyed up 7.4 mills to get Destiny’s Child to play their son’s Bar Mitzvah? If yer daddy had a fat bank roll who would you choose to make you Bar/Bat Mitzvah the mos rockinest Jewfest of all? For me, it would have to be the keepers of the keytars, Air. Although I bet it wouldn’t cost to much too get the Fiery Furnaces in general.

• 2B purrrfectlee honest, Andy Rooney is berry umcredible & unrelievable. I mean, I’ve always wanted to hear him say ‘itÂ’s, like, cool, man.’

• New Radiohead Album Out Early 2006?

• I don’t even know who you are anymore.

• Even if Natalie was a bald cancer-stricken-neo-Nazi-lesbian, I’d and you’d still bone her six ways from Saturday.

• First PS3 photo?

• Ladytron & Madness to tour Engerland (not together) this summer, but when the fork are they States bound?

• The Wendy’s missing digit mystery has finally been fingered out.

• R2-D2 hates on C3-PO

• Anybody know this Star Wars character’s name?

• WHAT?!?!?! The only good thing that could possib-lee come out of this is another round of McDonald’s Dick Tracy Crimestopper (scratch-off) Game, which I now will be on the look out for on eBay.

• Speaking of… Nintendo Game + Bad Movie = Pure Entertainment

• Liam Gallagher to star opposite Begbie?

• Trent is The New Messiah was chosen as the NY Post’s 10th entry on their weekly Hot List. I guess the Post doesn’t realize that he’s gay.

• How long can I stay tuned for their next move?

• Anyone looking to buy yer beloved Thigh Mizzle a gift and have $200 to spare? Look no further!!

• Come play with us Danny, for ever and ever and EVER!

• May is National Bike Month! Somebody call Eric Thomann!!

• Classic Car Commercials

• Anyone else going to the Kasabian show at Bowery tonight? I’m flying solo and need someone to rock out with. Look for me sans sunglasses & corn.

• Forgot to mention this last week, but Jeopardy! honey/my future wife, Pam Mueller, won her Elite 18 match against a bunch of social butterflies in the Tournament of Champions. This week she will compete in the Semi-Finals, and get one step closer to takin on dorkmaster Ken Jennings in the final round. My TiVo® pause button, Jergens® & Kleenex® are all ready 2 gogh!

• And a belated 29th burthday wish goes out to UK uber-cutie pie Martine McCutcheon [NSFW]. Boy I sure would like to McTouchen her mar’hiney.

• Who said people in Des Moines don’t have des taste? Why lookie who won their des Moose Madness shabangalang for chrysler out loud!?!? Her Royal Hotness spelt doom for des Heidi Klum! Mos Des! Not even this alien photoshopping of her face can make her des nasty! [via Thigh Slave/Tr3nt]

• Download the new Stripes’ single ‘Blue Orchid‘ [via Scenestars]

• Getty’s gotz many a pics of Brandon ‘Mouth’ Routh as Superman.

• Matzo and Metal: A Very Classic Passover [via Posh & Becker]

• Chess’ version of the Malice @ The Palace.

• The two tours I need to see before me die.

• Non-albino to play albino in da Da Vinci Code?

• The premade unused prequel to The Exorcist will finally get a release. So I guess that will be two Exorcist prequels that no one will see.

• And speaking of releases… why re this?

• If yer husband got three Oscar noms for your co-stars, but zilcherino for you, wouldn’t you divorce him too? OH my yes!

• Gawd, I wish I was a crack-smoking rockstar.

• Burt Prelutsky (whoever the fork that is) hates on Andy Rooney, by sounding like Andy Rooney.

• Apparently Mr Bean’s pockets aren’t very deep anymo.

• Gruesome twosome: Maria Bartiromo & Joey Ramone? [see 5th item down]

• I thought I told your granny to stop acting like a jackass in public.

• Nintendo theme songs dunn up acapella Scott Skiles styles!! Zelda’s best, game AND song! [via Juwanamaker]

• And if I ran Hollyweird, I’d see to it that every movie includes a scene of a woman soaking her breasts with lemons. Bless you Louis Malle, for getting Susan Sarandon to do juss that in yer Atlantic City. And even at age 28,9321,3, I’d still wanna watch SS turn her yummy-yummy-yam-yams into lemonade stands!

You can now viddy a preview to the new 24 PlayStation game
Username: preview
Password: C3%qt24

50 Loathsome New Yorkers

Justin Guarini, pre-Side Show Bob stizz

Me love this dude’s default avatar.

The Single’s Man Guide To TV Dinners [via MetaPhilter]

Trost In Lanslation: This Chinese Menu [semi-NSFW via MonkeyPhilter]