Thighs Wide Shut

[for you newbies or douche-Bs
click each pic for even mo fun]

Earl Woods is out of the woods and the game of life

Martin Freeman Is Rembrandt, NOT THE TOOTHPASTE

Jennifer Ellison’s boobs are opening a restaurant

Bob Ross Video game developer TALKS (in words)!

The next dames & knights of the realm: Summer, Seth, Julie, and Sandy

5 days lates, but still loves me the Norman Chad NFL Draft recap

Clowns Without Borders

[Guns n Rosenthal]
Currently Thighlicious
Streets – ‘Hotel Expressionism [d]
Lily Allen – ‘Nan You Are a Window Shopper’ [d]
Ghostface feat-in Ne-Yo – ‘Back Like That’ [d]
Gnarls Barkley – ‘Transformer’ [d]

GO CINCO DE MAYO!!

Pee Es – And I don’t care what our friends from across the pond think or what you think, cause Mischa Barton is probably the mos beautiful girl in the world… hispecially when donin’ a a schoolgirl outfit or when slurping my jimmy jazzum [wish both were NSFW]

PS2 – I bee leave that this is the 1st ever review of a Lily Allen show, from last nite’s shazzle at YOYO

Alright, first thing is f$%hing last [audio]

or I guess effin first!!!

Peace The
WTFork Out
CHRIS PENN

1962 – 2006
Who woulda thunk that an interview with the Brothers Nelson (Matthew & Gunnar) woulda been 7teen thymes more fascinating than watching It’s All Right Now: Rick Nelson, a doc about their father Rick rockin out at a Louisiana county fair, which was co-directed by the Hackman? NOT ME for one! That’s why seeing was bee-leaving lass noche at the s’wonderful Museum of TV & Radio Nelson love fest!! They’re my new mos favorite children of a rockstar!!! Take that Chastity Bono!! And the Bros Nelson did papa proud by playing three of his songs, ‘Travelin’ Man’, ‘Hello Mary Lou’, and ‘Garden Party’!!! Alas, there was no love for ‘(Can’t Live Without Your) Love And Affection’ or pink spandex, but then again, that was probably a good thing

After ages of being treated like a black man, like Principal Blackman, the Strangers Avec Dulce flick will FRYNALLY be released in June [via AmyS.com]

Who the spork even knew that Steven Nederbergh was married to Jules Asner in the 1st place? Or that Wes Bentley was alive? Or that the WB and UPN were channels? Unless of course you’re P-rican and already had 2 for the price of -1

Delicious DC dump hole Ben’s Chili Bowl avoids the 2nd Ave Deli chop, and live(r)s [via Brawny Man]

Free passes to see Final Destination 3… put feel free to pass on it

Play Dark Tower onlines!! It was tHE single Gr8tits board game of balls time that was kinda like a video game, but not as les ghetto as those Nintendo Game & Watch thingies. I actually own a tower cause my friend Thighsbart owed me a lot of money and never had any to give, so we gots all guild like, like wees were living in Bartertown with MasterBlaster and Tina with those hair ear thingies!!

Howdy Doody’s Do’s and Don’ts [MF Temple of DOOM!]

Spaloo [via WoMannes]

And since I’m the Thigh Master, and since I love to eat fries, and since you love me to master thighs, and you love me eating since fries, hispecially Andy Capp’s HOT FRIES, and der BeethovenFries, AND CORN, while not listening to Korn, I’ve decided to bend my cock like Beckham and kkick KK the HRT the V outta the kkastle!! DATS RIGHT Y’ALL! For NO reason tat all!! Not even for her non-eggsisting TATs!!! Or the fact she got a tat on her p’nanny that sez Thigh Master & Rory O’Shea weres here!! Or the fact that she dumps so sassily!!! Or that she is going to star in 3 pirate movies with Orlando Snooze that don’t involve butt pirating, or the Pittsburgh Pirates, or Rollie Finger’s stache, or a mustache ride from the Pringles guy, or an ode to Mindy Cohn!! BAGELS and Shmears!!! So give it up for no reason at all to the girl I juss spotted dick on MRP…

NADINE ELIZABETH
LOUISE COYLE
aka
Her Royal Thighness
The VI Warshawski
who?

of
Girls Aloud
huh?
I DON’T KNOW EITHER!!!
but like Skinner said
1nce Bitten, 4eva smitten
and since
Martine McClutcheonmycock
hasn’t done ANYTHING
since Love Actually
I had to go with
Siress Arthur Love Her
Cans In My Doily Coyle!!
(no relation to Air Coryell)
I give her 2 weeks tops!! Or she’ll have to lose her top, or box set collection of 1985’s Topps’ Traded Series. Not happy walters with this choice? Then photoshop my effin corn head already, in HISTORY!!!! (the submissions have been so fab that we’re extending the contest another weak!!)

Good News Mares!
– KIM BAUER/CUTHBEST TO RETURN TO 24!!

Bad News Bears!
– KIM BAUER/CUTHBEST TO RETURN TO 24!!

Bad News Bears!
– The end of the 2nd AVE FRIGGIN DELI????
Good News Mares!
– The beginning of the 2nd Ave Deli on 8th Ave???

Bad News Bears!
– Silky smoothe Lou Rawls outted his fork peace
Good News Mares!
– We will continue to use his name on this dot org as something that rhymes with ‘y’alls‘

Bad News Bears!
– Andy Rooney portrayer found dead
Good News Mares!
– The REAL Andy Rooney will NEVER DIE!!! …and isn’t afraid to post angry letters that take shots at his scraggly eyebrows

Good News Mares!
– Jon Stewart and NOT Shitty Crystal is hosting the Oscars!!!
Bad News Bears!
– Mediocre movies will win gold, like Walk The Line

Good News Mares!
– Hustle & Flow 2???
Bad News Bears!
– Starring Mischa Barton?????

Good News Mares!
– da Da Vinci Code is FRYNALLY paperback bound
Bad News Bears!
– the ending STILL BLOWS, almost as much as Tom Hanks’ hairpiece!!

Good News Mares!
– The SS Sex Boat will be burned as the Vikings go ashore next season

Bad News Bears!
– Their mustached owner hired a new Captain, with a stache that makes him more likely to molest children than serve drinks

Good News Mares!
– HRT the V will never pull a Kate Moss
Bad News Bears!
– Or HAVE BOOBS!!

Good News Mares!
– Sam Mendes admits he’s a hack!
Bad News Bears!
– I still can’t get back the 5 hours I spent watching Boohead and Road To Snoozeriation

Good News Mares!
– Noel Gallagher Takes Back Blur ‘AIDS’ Comment
Bad News Bears!
– AT&T may get chlamydia for using Oasis’ ‘All Around The World’ in their new ad campaign

Good News Mares!
– HAL-9000 & R2-D2 will be inducted into the Robot Hall of Fame
Bad News Bears!
– R.O.B. and D.A.R.Y.L. will have to wait another year

Good News Mares!
– Besides ‘Other’, Pam Mueller is everyone’s mos flavorite Jeopardy! Ultimate Tournament of Champions participant
Bad News Bears!
– She has yet to become mother of my children, and since we are the #2 search result for her name that probably guarantees she’s been to this site and aint too interested in becoming the mother of my children

Good News Mares!
– More Ali G NBA promos!
Bad News Bears!
– The NBA still eggsists!!!

Good News Mares!
– The Giants fans now know what it feels like to get James Thrashed/witness back alley abortions at G-Men Stadium
Bad News Bears!
– We’ll have to wait til Augusto for some mo of that highly special/thighly entertaining Jeremy Shockey STOOPIDITY

Good News Mares!
– Dan Snyder and his endless deep Jew pockets
Bad News Bears!
Bad News FOR THE Bears! (and everyone else’s eyes)
– A rematch of week one’s borefest

brace yerself for this one…

If I don’t get 78 comments per posting from here on out, I’m quitting. While you suck on that you dick teasers and maltesers, here’s some final fantasy notes, non-8-bit stizz shizz whizz flizz kizz

• QB – Ryan Fitzpatrick vs WAS, cause the Skins will be up by 10 going into the 4th, then go 3 and out, 8 times over, while Fitzy becomes the next Enola Gay, droppin mad bombs near the end of battle
• RB – DeShaun Foster vs ATL, cause his teammate He Hate Me will be too busy watching She Hate Me
• WR – Tim Dwight vs NYJ, cause sometimes even white guys are good at football
• TE – Zach Hilton vs TB, cause him and Guy Ritchie need to rope in some mo viewers for their all male version of The Simple Life
• K – TBD at SF, cause anyone brave enuff to replace the prolific/injured Neil Rackers deserves a cabinet post in the Clinton/Cuthbest admin
• D – Texans at BAL, cause yer #1 result whenith searchin for ‘ravens quarterbacks‘ is RavensSuck.com

and now, sumtang for the liz-adies…

Until we eat meat again, stay informed [d-lode]

The greatest sorority known to man, Catherine Omega-Mu-Zeta-Jones-Douglas-MacArthur, and I hath so much in common. We both are T-Mobile whores, we both can do this with our a$$es, and we both love fellow Welshie and current Her Royal Thighness the BREASTEST, Charly Church. Zeta-Tomata hearts her so much that she’s eager to enlist her in her directorial debut of Dylan Thomas’ Under Milk Wood, which was first brought to screen back in 72. Des problem is that she’s so dang worried that leaving for LA LA land will hurt her relationship with current beau and rugby hunk Gavin Henson. Did I mention that I changed my named to Gavin and no one could touch me at Sega Genesis’ Rugby World Cup 95? I say go for it CC the IV!! Hollywurst needs more large breastest Welsh beauties. Just stay away from Michael Douglas, and Louis Farrakhan, who’s speaking at you.

• Faux-gayers t.A.T.u. will be faux-gaying it up at the UK Club G-A-Y this Saturdgay. That’s more gay that sipping Earl Gay Tea with yer pinky sticking out.

• Although she’s now #2321183thrdieth in my heart, Showerpoopa troopa has regained the #1 ranking in tennis. TALK ABOUT REBOUNDIN’!!

• In balls related news: “I love baseballs, do you love the baseballs?“

• In more Borat related news: the following bestness was released in stores yesterday. Gobble gizzile it up peeps… although I’m going the cheap route and waiting for it to match the price I set using Half.com‘s blesseded Wish List

• Back to more hairy balls situation news: Patrick Ramsey should start auctioning off his pubes on eBay cause Brunell will be named Comeback Player of the Year after the Skins go 16-0.

• In one last ball related things: I don’t know jack scalia about Tim McGraw, but his Monday Night Football halftime highlight recap country rhyme-e-shiz was the biggest lode of crap I’ve seen since this

• Andy Rooney may hates a lot of things, but the ‘browmiester surely hearts New Orleans

• SNL needs to stop adding ‘new faces‘ and needs to starts adding ‘new writers’. Or at least send Horatio Sanz packing… on Horatio Hornblower’s first ship outttttttta here

• Is it deja vu or deja boo that the day I lament briefly about Can’t Buy Me Lover Amanda Peterson (but more so about Ami DoleHOTfRUITenz) that someone goes and wonders the same dang thing? I dunno, but in Ami Dolenzerzz related stizz, I want to invent a machine that turns me into Jerry Trimble

• Lynch poo-poos any new Twin Peaks woo-whoness

• I knew Steven Loserbergh was well on his way to killing cinema (ever see Full Frontal? good, so DON’T), but this whole releasing a movie in theaters, DVD, and TV on the SAME DAY is wurstest call since Neville Chamberlain was elected Prime Minister. Peace in our time my a$$!!

• Kubie giving Jack the nod as Napoleon woulda been DYNO-MITE!

• I love Supergrass’ new ditty St Petersburg [video]. I also love that Gaz Combes and Jack Black look sorta similar with beards. And oh, I LOVE mustaches!!

• Pete Tong spankfully returns with a 2-Disc Essential Selection set soon. Trackilisting here

• One of the mos whocares editions of Then & Now

• Jeopardy! contestant searches are headed for LA (DUHVS), NYC, Tampa, Seattle, and Vancouver. Signs up here

• Clear yer calendars cause the Harlem Globetrotters are invading East Rutherford in February. A wise man once wrote, ‘When life hands you Meadowlark Lemon, make Meadowlark Lemonade‘

• Rachel McAdams High School Yearbook Photo… I bet her snap was probably the 6th mos beatoffedable one from that yearbook

• Are Renton, Sick Boy, Spud, Tommy, and Begbie’s ashes really disrupting train service?

• A.C. Slater DOES Rule [via Steve Bartman Hater #6]

• Thighs Wide Open? [sorta SFW]

• Here lies the very first TWS.org Katrina-related link, and it’s amusing, not sad [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Troy’s Mixtape of Love [via Richie Richardson Loves Rice]

• And me have done some serious thinking as of late. Although I am a self-appointed ruler for life, I doubt that I’ll be able to be a Thigh Master for your kids’ kids, so I’ve decided to take on a Padawan. Sio Bibble knows that this could mean only one thing: INVASION!!